Weight Gain Mean Comment/really Really Depressed

[nikigrl8883]

ok this is off the usual heath related topic but it is related to having pots so ill just say it.....i havent done much of anything the past 7 months due to pots so ive gained about 14 lbs...before i wieghed 110 now i wiegh like 125 and i hung out with a guy i dated lastnight who thought i was god gift to women before when i dated him....he called me all the time and etc...well he was naggin me to hang out lastnight so i did and today he wasnt calling like usual so i saw him online while he is at work and mentioned that was acting differnt,,, then jokingly i said "what im not hot anymore" and you wouldnt belive what he said to me........he said your still hot but u are too thick now i liked u when u were really skinny... i liked how u looked before...my jaw dropped open...that he said that to me...now he doesnt want to be with me and the funny thing is im now a size 3-4 before i was a size 0....so its not like i went up to an 8 or somthing but i have been paranoid about my wieght gain lately as it was....not knowing if it had somthing to with the pills either....so i have been sobbing for the past hour...its not like im already not at my lowest point

[becky]

what a creep, real friends don't say things like that.

i'm really sorry that you had to go through that, it's really horrid when people do that and you know that you have so much other stuff going on than to worry about putting on a few pounds.

believe me, 14 pounds is nothing, i've put on like three times that but i know that people who comment on that are low because i am a lovely nice person and they can't say anything else nastyabout me!

so, your friend sounds like an ex friend, and you are a lovely person if he can't see that under a couple of pounds, he's not wrth it.

huge hugs and happy thoughts

becksx x x

[DSM3KIDZ]

I've just been feeling really down about my weight also. I got sick in 8/04 when my son was 7months and I still never lost the baby weight and added some extra to it. I weigh about 10lbs more than you and I have a real petite frame so it's alot of extra cushion for me.

As if we don't have enough to worry about.

Sorry and I feel your pain

Dayna

[Rachel]

Dear Niki,

I'm so sorry! That was a mean and terrible comment for that guy to make. It gives you a picture of his true character. If all he is after is the outside then he's not a true friend.

A size 3/4 is tiny! I'd be thrilled just to be an 8 again! Try not to worry about the weight gain. Hang out with some friends who like you for you - whether you are a size 0 or a size 3. Work on your inner character, put a smile on your face, and know that you are beautiful.

Rachel

[singledadof3girls]

Ok, im going to take a chance on this one, being a guy I might get seriously flamed for this, but..... At 125 lbs, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, for every guy who would say a comment like that, there are 10 who would look at you and think WOW!!!! Dont let his mean words stick in your mind, human nature makes people say bad things about others to make ourselves feel better.

[Guest sonotech]

Nikigrl,

I agree with what everyone else has said! He must be a very superficial person, and that is not the kind of person you need. "Looks" can ALWAYS changed but what's on the "inside" is forever. What if the person he marries gets in a disfiguring car accident? Would he leave her? Probably.

HE has the "issues", NOT YOU!

I think a good quote is one that my EP Cardiologist said the first time I saw him...... He was putting me on meds for POTS and I said "will these meds cause weight gain?" and HE said......"would you rather gain weight and FEEL better or be skinny and feel like crap?"

I think that says it all right there. We have alot more to worry about right now than how much we weigh...we just want to have a "somewhat normal" life again!!

[taylortotmom]

I think the guy did you a favor by allowing you to see his true colors. Congratulations on losing him- sounds like you came out ahead.

Carmen

[Jacquie802]

Hey!

I am right with you on the putting weight on. I used to weigh 123lbs. now I am around 150lbs..I look so much more healthy though....I am 5 8" but I still have those days wehre I would like to lose some weight...

As for the guy you are so much better off without him. Atleast you saw his true colors before wasting anymore time with him!

Jacquie

[JaneEyre9]

Guys like that must have no idea how much their words sting. I had the same thing happen to me in high school when i gained weight on steroids for mono. It was not easy to get over because i'd always valued this guy's opinion of me. Now I can look back and see he was just insecure and superficial to say such a thing. He still is interested even after all these years. I'm not though! ;-) Haha. Hang in there...you are great just as you are.

[nadine]

Too many thoughts on this one - but really it has all been said. This individual is not worth the time.

Considering the average women is a size 14 these days- I am sure that many of us can never imagine seeing those lovely single size numbers again!! Sorry, but the size 14 would be wonderful at this point for me. The weight gain is extremely depressing for me. I am not making light of your concern-but really I think your weight is just fine-

.

[persephone]

what a tosser.good riddance

[Guest dionna]

are you serious? i am a size 0 now but i can't wait to get back to a 3! i had such great curves at a size 3 adn was hit on all the time. i am upset for you. i think your weight is a beautiful weight. i want to gain 20 lbs. i only weigh about 90 again. i am sad about that. there is no way you are "too thick". i am so sorry for that. he isn't worth a rusty penny!

dionna

[bttrflyamby1981]

I'm sorry your struggling with your self image. It's easy to do when your used to being a certain size then you gain even 10 pounds. On top of that useless guy making a comment like that to you!!! I know it hurts and I'm sorry for that.

This may not help but different people like different things. Some men like women to be soooo skinny their nothing but bones. Others like women to have meat on their bones. And then you have those who can go either way. Maybe this loser just likes really skinny women.....it was messed up of him to say what he did. But maybe if you look at it like this and not take it personally? I know hard to do.

I'm sure you look great...even better then before. I understand how your feeling. (((hugs)))

I used to weigh 115 now I weigh 155. I'm 30-35 pounds overweight for my height. This Thanksgiving someone mistook me for being pregnant.

Amber

[lthomas521]

Comments like that are an attempt to dominate you. Don't let him have that power.

I guy I used to go out with before I met my husband told me that I could easily have my nose reshaped surgically. (There is nothing wrong with my nose, by the way.) "Or I could just find a fellow who likes my nose," I told him. That shut him up!

Several years ago, when I weighed about 125 pounds, I spent some time in Puerto Rico. One of the local guys explained to me that I was really too skinny to be considered attractive in Puerto Rico. He said, "We like women who are built like women." Both my husband and I thought it was very funny.

So why does your acquaintance dislike women who are built like women?

[jhjd]

Comments like that are an attempt to dominate you. Don't let him have that power.

Amen! There's an old marketing ploy that says you can make a woman buy anything if you make her feel insecure enough. This is the same trick he's trying to pull- he thinks that now he can get YOU to chase HIM after all these years by making you feel not good enough for him. It's a load of CRAP.

The thing with weight is that it's just a number. Everybody's body shape, bone density, tissue density, musclature, etc., is SO different- when I was in PERFECT shape in high school (Running up to 9 miles a day, pretty much no body fat), I still NEVER weighed less then 155/160 at 5'9. And, unless my hip bones are magically moved closer togather and I get a breast reduction, I will never be smaller then a size 8. AND THAT'S FINE! What matters is to be at a healthy enough weight so that your body can function how it's meant to, which it doesn't do at either extreme of the weight chart.

[futurehope]

I suspect your self-esteem and depression were present BEFORE the encounter with this person.

You stated:

today he wasnt calling like usual so i saw him online while he is at work and mentioned that was acting differnt,,, then jokingly i said "what im not hot anymore"

If you were more confident feeling, you would not have been looking for him online. Also, if you were more confident, you would not be looking for him to give you a reason for his rejection by asking, "what im not hot anymore?"

Instead of wasting time commenting on a person who doesn't even hear us (the guy you were with), I lovingly suggest that you get some counseling and help in dealing with your changed life and image. I want you to feel good enough about yourself and I want you to get help in adjusting to your health situation.

Once you feel better, you will not say things like "what I'm not hot anymore?" You will know you are hot and you will ignore people who are rejecting you. You will not give somebody power over you by taking their words to heart.

I hope you do not get upset by what I am suggesting. I want you to feel better about yourself. Hugs.

[becky]

in response to Amby, someone asked me when my baby was due a couple of months ago - i culdn't stop laughing! i was hurt and upset but this person was a complete stranger to me and only asked because i was with my heavily pregnant cousin so they probably just thought cos i'm fat and with a pregnant person i was pregnant!!

becks x x x (wearing a corset in future!)

[persephone]

I think Futurehope's suggestion is a good one. I used to take comments from people very personally, and the comment that guy made to you would be just the kind of thing to ruin my week, let alone my day. After 4 months of cognitive therapy, I am a much more rational thinker and I have to say that now if someone said that to me, I'd laugh in their face!

I'll give you an example. Here at college there's a girl I used to be friends with who was in my classes. We used to go out together sometimes to bars for a drink and a giggle. After the summer holiday, she has literally blanked me every time I see her, and won't even speak to me. I have done nothing to offend her. Before, I'd have been desperately upset that she dislikes me. But now I just think "I've tried to talk to her- if she doesn't want to talk to me, or even tell me what the problem is, then the problem is hers, not mine."

I do think that's the way you should view that guy who called you 'thick'- tell him to go watch Shallow Hal with Jack Black in it. And as an aside, over here in the UK, thick means stupid, so it might be worth telling him that one of you is indeed thick, but it's him, not you!

[Maxine]

First---I'm really disgusted that this guy would think a size 3 is too think-----

It might even be to thin----depending on how tall you are. If your 5ft--0 then it's OK.

I have always been pretty thin most of my life until I hit 40, then I went up to a size 10 @ 5ft. 4in.

Still a decent size, but I felt fat because of what today's society has put in our minds. Now we have woman destroying their health to be "thin" or at least what society deems thin.

When I crashed really hard with POTS after I turned 41 I lost a lot of weight, and shot down to a size 6. With my bone structure I was too thin. I also had muscle wasting---it was pretty scary. Here's the sick part----although the Docs didn't really know what was wrong with me---they showed concern because of my low weight which was-----(123 pounds). Well after seeing Dr. Grubb and being officially diagnosed with POTS I was put on drugs to stabilize my POTS. I gained all my weight back---plus another 20 pounds. Now there is a nurse practioner who classifies me as "OBESE" at a size 12. When I gained my weight, I also got a thicker neck which makes me look bigger then I am. I became self conscience of my neck, and still am. Of course some docs show less concern based on my weight----but in reality I have been much sicker due to the other complications from EDS, and severe upper spine/cranial instability.

Now I have lost 15 pounds, but I could care less if I get down to a size 6 again. And I will certainly never do this for my husband--and he knows that if her ever called me "too thick" he would be locked out of the house.

Any man that would base his feelings for you on your size-----"especially thinking a size 3 is "too thick" is not mentally well. I would run as fast as you can away from this guy-----------and then grab a nice piece of chocolate and celebrate.

The main thing to do is eat right---lot of vegetables, fruits, protein----and try to keep refined carbs to a minimum.

And remember if you can't find your behind---your too thin. I actually had a cardologist who was happy I gained some weight. I was only 110 pounds when I first went to see him years ago (80s)---and he diagnosed MVP-- he thought I was too thin.

There are woman out there who will throw up their food to look good for their partner----or to feel acceptable in society--------that's just really sad.

Maxine :0)

[thejohnsongang]

Whooooooo!!! did that guy open a can of worms. We all know "us" women have and always will be senstitive about our weight weather we weigh in at 100 lbs. or 300 lbs. There are men of all tastes out there. If you can look in the mirror and be happy with yourself, then who cares what others think. I was a very overwight child and did the diet yo-yo for many years in my teens. I found someone, got married and due to cancer he died 11 months later. Talk about issues at a young age. Anyway during his illness, I lost over 100 lbs, and was finally skinny. I learned that when your thin, people look at you more of a sex object than an equal. I have gained my weight back, got remarried to a wonderful man and have even gained a few more pounds since getting POTS. My husband is one who actually likes a fuller figure and I am finally happy with myself and can look in the mirror and believe it, and I wear a size 18.....

To make a long story short...if your happy and comfortable with your weight and the doctors don't think it's a health risk, then don't let shallow people bother you. Enjoy your life, take your meds and let life go on. There will be a man out there looking for someone like you that will knock your socks off, and he WON'T care what size jeans you wear, he'll love you for the way you are.

Tell that creap to take a hike...you deserve better in your life.

Nolie