Poohbear Posted October 10, 2005 Report Share Posted October 10, 2005 Hey everybody!It's with a heavy heart that I write tonight. My Grandfather has been rapidly declining in health for a couple of weeks and especially since Thursday he has gotten much worse. He's 86 and basically his body is shutting down. He has fibrosis in the lungs, narrowed esophagus, ulcers in his stomach (most likely from medication he was on), heart failure, a blood clot in one leg, kidneys are failing, his gout is acting up and he has slight jaundice. He nearly died Thursday night but pulled out of that. They called all the family to come. I'm not able to go because I don't have the means or ability to travel that far which breaks my heart that I can't be there to say goodbye. He called all of his kids in at 4:30am this morning and everybody was there except my Dad. My Dad was able to get into town this afternoon so as of this afternoon all of my Grandfather's kids are with him and some of the grandchildren and great grandchildren. He is surrounded by his family, he is comfortable, he is aware and understands everything around him. He says he loves everybody and he is at peace. He is proud of his kids, loves his wife and has had a good life and says he can't ask for anything more. My Aunt said she kissed him goodnight tonight and told him she loved him and that she would see him first thing in the morning and he told her "I'm gonna die tonight". I suspect he can feel it and he said he was trying to hold on until my Dad could get there. My Grandfather told them all he didn't think he was going to be able to make it until my Dad got there but he was able to do that. They said his blood pressure dropped several times today and they nearly lost him. They said at last check his bp was 40/20. He refused his medication tonight.So, I'm really sad. I'm upset that I can't be there. At the same time I think "Wow! What a gift we all have...that he is able to say goodbye to everyone, his kids are at his bedside and he is able to communicate clearly with them and HE is at PEACE" I wish I felt the same Peace he seems to feel. Maybe I will in time but right now I'm grieving. It's a little odd though. He's not dead yet but I'm already crying like he is. In this case we all know it's just a matter of hours or a few days at best.I'm a very sensitive person anyway; I always have been. It feels like my heart needs to let the tears out and yet it seems my "potsy" body just can't take the physical stress. I don't know how to go through the grieving process without getting sicker (at least temporarily) and I'm afraid everyone (Doctors in particular) and go "Yep, it's just stress." and accuse me of not handling things well.Any tips?Thanks you guys for listening to the lengthy post!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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