What Do You Tell Other People When They Ask How Are You?

[Angela]

The reason I am asking this is I work and people (most) who don't get my condition constantly ask with no ill intention "how are you". I want to say I feel like **** and want to go home and lay down but I am sick of being negative and a downer, and don't want to be viewed as such.

Anybody have any good ways to avoid replying with the truth that I feel horrible without lying and without being a debbie downer? I don't want people to think I feel peachy keen either.......! Just something funny or neutral.

Thanks.

[futurehope]

"how are you?" fine

If for whatever reason, it is not in my best interest to continue the discussion, I answer "fine". Believe me, most people are not that interested in hearing about my daily struggles. They have their own. It might not be their health, but they have their own problems.

[puppylove]

Usually "okay". I used to say good even when I wasn't just to end the conversation, but then they really did think I was good.

[leydengs]

I always just say "I'm fine", I have no idea what else to say.

[troythe8th]

I also just respond with the ol Im fine.

Mostly im tired of people asking as well as explaining. I never feel well and there just isnt much sense as you say being the debbie downer all the time.

I know people have to get as tired of hearing about as i am of telling it. Im sick we all know that and im happy to deal with it quietly in my own way.

If i need to express myself about anything i confide in my wife.

[Birdlady]

"Hanging in there, you?"

[bellgirl]

If someone, like a good friend asks, I tell them honestly what is going on with me. If they are just making conversation, I just say I'm doing better, because I'm a lot better than I was last year...even though I now have Invisalign for loose teeth . My treatment is helping with meds, supplements and exercise, so it really is the truth. Even my hair stylist told me that my hair is so much healthier. It's the supplements....they are helping immensely

[NMPotsie]

Like Kimbell, I say "doing better" if it's someone who knew me when I was really, really sick with pots. Otherwise, I just say "okay." Some people will ask "why just okay?" and then I'll expand a bit, but others will say "great" and I know they just want to move on. There are days at work when I feel like something the dog dragged in, and I will say "terrible...I'm sick" because I don't have the energy to give them what they want. Mostly, though, people are distracted by their own problems so I don't burden them with mine as well. I will tell my bosses when I'm feeling ill because it often means they will let me go home, but only when I'm really, really bad.

Additionally, my coworkers often find me lying on the floor of my office (or in severe cases, theirs) so I can't help but enter into a discussion about it. The worse part of this is the ones who go home and look up other stuff I might have because they think if I'm taking meds and I'm not better then it's because the drs. don't know what's wrong. It's sweet of them to care, but I've been diagnosed with Wolf-Parkinson-White (or whatever that heart thing is) more times than I care to mention.

[AllAboutPeace]

I just say "I'm doing ok" or "pretty well the same", then I quickly change the subject ("what's going on with you?") because it's really just depressing for both of us. We really are conditioned as a society to say something positive in response to "how are you?", so it feels unnatural to respond with anything but that. The worse I feel, though, the more likely I am to 'lighten' the conversation with humor. My closest friends and family know my humor trick and they always follow with more questions.

Instead of asking how I am, my in laws have gotten to the point where they say "so you're feeling stronger/better"/ "getting better all the time"/ "you look better than I've seen you look for a long time". I know they don't want a response and that is what they need to believe I guess, so I just let it go.

[E Soskis]

Understanding that "how are you" is a standard form of greeting and people don't particularly care how I am really doing....I just say "I'm fine" or "doin' good" - the expected response is "you look good". So....my true epitath should be, "she looked good"!

[Tuesday]

I usually say, "I'm hanging in there." It lets them know that I'm not fine, and I'm not lying, but I don't expect them to sit and listen to my whole sob story. It fulfills the social obligation of asking how you are, and is light hearted enough that they can move on without feeling guilty about not engaging you further.

[misstraci]

I say fine thanks even though that is lying through my teeth. I figure, if I always say, not well, I will sound like a debbie downer and also, people ask a lot of questions or everytime they see you, continually ask about it, which sometimes is nice and showing concern but sometimes its get to where they ask and say things like "still not feeling better" and then I'm just angry and want to say "yeah i can't flippin believe it either" yada yada yada

[chipper]

I say OK most of the time, but sometimes " ruff ". Keeping it simple always.

[imapumpkin]

I say "fine" a lot because I don't want to go into my life story about being chronically ill... but another one I use all the time is "tired." No one really thinks it's a weird answer and it's an honest one. There are millions of reasons people can be tired so well-meaning coworkers or acquaintances don't usually ask why. If they're close friends I'll be honest and tell them if I'm feeling awful.

[Kellysavedbygrace]

Like a few earlier mentioned, it depends. If it is someone who I don't know well it is usually, "ok.". If it is someone who is close to me I tell them "hanging in there on most days" and "terrible- with you I just want to be real and honest.". If I'm having a good day (not often). I let everyone know, "im doing great today.".

I agree with what E said, most people ask as a part of the standard greeting so each person expresses a bit of their unique personality in their response. Before I got sick my answer to this was always, "doin great.". So anyone who knows me will recognize I'm not Myself. If they care enough to ask more I will tell them what is going on but I always try to share at least one way I am blessed even with this condition - like, spending more time at home with my family and being at home when they get back from school.

[SpinnyC]

My standards are- fine, ok or alright. I used to say "good" just as an automatic response, but I found more and more that the word (even as an automatic response) felt really wrong. And a lot of the time people believed me that I actually felt good.

If it's someone genuinely asking how I am feeling, and not just a social nicety, I'll say I have good times and bad times.

The one that really confuses me is when doctors ask "how are you" as they walk into the exam room. I never know if it's just the social nicety version of the question or if they are actually asking for a symptom status. Never know how to answer that one!

[AllAboutPeace]

The one that really confuses me is when doctors ask "how are you" as they walk into the exam room. I never know if it's just the social nicety version of the question or if they are actually asking for a symptom status. Never know how to answer that one!

SpinnyC - I know !! I never know how to answer that one either. The last time I said "good" (thinking it was a nicety version) even though I meant "less like death" and I thought my doc was going to get whiplash - he turned his head around so fast.

[SpinnyC]

AllAboutPeace LOL that's too funny! I do have one doc that comes in and only says "so how have you been feeling" I always like that- no mysteries there.

Same thing with the knocking on the door before coming into the exam room. I mean its not like you aren't just sitting there waiting for them!

[puppylove]

Lol that happens all the time! They will walk in and right away say how are you and I would always just say good or whatever. Then my mom would be like um... no you're not.

[brethor9]

and why do they ask you why you are there to see them after you explained it all when you made the appointment??? I feel like saying go ask your assistant or read the darn chart lol!

[micheller]

I just said 'I'm alive' to someone who is close. Otherwise I'm fine. My reply to the nurse or doctor is always' I've been better'.

[AllAboutPeace]

and why do they ask you why you are there to see them after you explained it all when you made the appointment??? I feel like saying go ask your assistant or read the darn chart lol!

My doc asked me this while reading exactly that on my chart!! I know it was there because the nurse came in, opened the file and said "oh, you are here for ___", then he came in, read it and asked me anyway. Maybe they are assessing how we say it??

This is unrelated, but if I could function I would soo love to be a patient advocate and have the freedom work within the medical system as needed.

[Zap]

I think that I end up deciding that I *should* feel good most of the time. This means I probably need a translator:

great => wow, for once I feel decent - might conquer the world today, try to make up for 20 bad days

good => crummy normal, pain you are used to, things that shouldn't be acceptable

okay => worse

bad => be careful if you don't want to be eaten alive

If you say anything other than good, usually it ends up with a bit of awkward silence or occasionally a little sympathy. I'm not looking for sympathy though, just to feel better!