You Know You Have Dysautonomia When...

[persephone]

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE DYSAUTONOMIA WHEN

1. Your parents tell you to drink before you drive.

2. You get mistaken for Casper the Ghost.

3. You carry salt packets in your purse.

4. You hear a truck backing up and think it's your pump beeping.

5. You have tried every flavor of Gatorade

6. You tell people you have autonomic failure and they recommend a good transmission repairman.

7. Physics is your least favorite subject because you hate gravity.

8. Your doctors send you Christmas and birthday cards.

9. You make Jell-O shots with Pedialite.

10. On a date, your heart races even if the other person's ugly.

11. The IV team says they like a challenge?until they meet you.

12. You are very patriotic and can turn various shades of red, white and blue.

13. You can read your own echo's and EKG?s.

14. Your latest embroidery project is a wall hanging proclaiming "God Bless Zofran".

15. Medical students ask to borrow your notes.

16. You use your insurance card more than your visa card.

17. You are blood doping and taking speed or narcotics...legally.

18. You've been home from the hospital for two weeks and are still measuring pee.

19. You're thankful for steroids because finally there won't be leftovers after Thanksgiving.

20. You tell people you have pots, and they say, "let's light one up and party!"

(from DYNA) Thought this would appeal to all!

[dizzygirl]

hahaha! persephone that is too funny!!

i got a few to add as well....

you know you have pots when....

~the admitting staff at your local hospital recognizes the sound of your powerchair.. and knows it you before they see you..

~the fact that the admittting staff can recognize you just by your face.. and ask you how your pots is doing?

~when you friend or family has to sign your name for you b/c you forgot how to spell it..

~when the IV team nurses draw straws to see who is going to try starting a line on you..

[persephone]

hehe- that is just quality. I reckon everyone should post some extra stuff to the list yours are fab tho!

[Sophia3]

Persephone

This is great and much needed laugh therapy!

Thanks for sharing.

Sophia

p.s. Dizzy G, Loved your additions, too.

[labas_2u@shaw.ca]

LOVE IT!!!!

[marnian]

This is great! I laughed and laughed. Particularly about the Zofran...I was so happy to get a letter from my insurance company approving Zofran for the year, my boyfriend thought I had won the lottery. He didn't seem to truly appreciate that it WAS the lottery as far as I was concerned.

My additions:

You've used the phrase "Today was great - I only fainted twice!" without sarcasm.

You put your stockings on before you get out of bed in the morning.

You've met enough specialists to start your own hospital. But even at that hospital they wouldn't know what to do for you.

[Dawg Tired]

...... When you are taken to the local high school to demonstrate what a drunk looks like walking around.

The people at church is used to the lady in the back pew laying down through most of the sermon.....

You carry 2 bottles of water to bed with you at night......

You salt your potato chips.....

This is funny!!!!!

Thanks, Persephone!!

[Guest dionna]

this is the most awesome post yet! let me think of some and i will get back to you all.

dionna

[Guest dionna]

You pee more than any pregnant woman.

You know the quickest and shortest route without hills, slopes, or stairs from any point a to any point b.

You can?t stand Wal-Mart for more than an hour tops and you can?t even recall why you went in the first place.

You take more naps than your cat.

Your best tan comes at winter time- the only time you get to leave the couch.

You walk in the room and someone yells, TIMBER!

Everyone has to ask if you would like crackers with your salt.

You can be spotted at anytime sitting on a random floor with your head between your knees, holding your chest.

? the time there is a crowd around starring at you, terrified, thinking ?oh my goodness, is he/she dead??

You thank God when you see an ambulance and it isn?t for you, again!

You have to wear sunglasses inside on a cloudy day cause your pupils are huge.

A good day means you didn't bust your head open or dislocate anything.

A bad day means you should've just stayed in bed like you did the day before.

Everyone thinks you are drunk or high, but the truth is you don't even need to waste the money... you feel the same effects anyway.

Everyone at the hospital stops to ask you if are okay or if you are still passing out, even if you don't know who they are, cause chances are you were passed out when they saw you.

When the paramedics are called about a fainting victim, they ask if it was you again.

The paramedics invite you to their Christmas party at the station.

I will think of more later. I really enjoy this topic! Again Awesome! VERY CLEVER!!!

dionna

[helen.t]

Great. this gave me a good laugh reading them all. here is another for the collection. You know when you have Dysautonomia when the medical team hear the rumbling of the wheelbarrow with your medical notes on it.

[willows]

When your consultant cant find a pulse and so proclaims you dead whilst talking to you!

When you local shop on finding a walking stick assumes its always yours.

When the sight of a fat dripping, gristle laden, greasy, slimy ,half mouldy soggy burger makes your mouth water and face sweat .

When you go to hold your husbands hand , but yours is so wet you slid up his arm to grab hold of his armpit hair

When 'bursting to go to the loo' actually means what it says.

When the saying 'climbing up the hill to bedfordshire' feels like your doing a 50 mile hike to get up the stairs.

When you cant remember what season it is because you have been stuck in the house for so long .

Willows...............troll feet and all.

[kmpower]

...when you wear waist high compression stockings outdoors and it's 110 degrees!

[ellepee]

These are very entertaining- it's nice to know others are experiencing the same things- my friends also yell timber when I walk into a room and poke me to see if I fall over. (I know, not very nice of them)

I only have a couple to add:

-If you get pulled over you beg for the breathalizer instead of the field sobriety test.

-Your family has stopped drinking lemonade as you always seem to be collecting your urine and need to store it in the fridge.

[AJVDK]

Here are a few.....

When your hands and feet are usesd as ice packs.

When your are buying compression stocking in ever color you can find.

When the doctors just start asking you what meds you want to try next..... as they have given up trying.

[Dizzy Dame]

I love it!

...when the 911 dispatcher says "did you faint again?".

...when the IV nurse thinks you've done heroine because you can find your veins better than she can.

...when the grocery store starts only carrying the flavors of Gatorade you usually buy.

...when your "baseline" vitals are technically considered a state of shock in medical textbooks.

...when the grocery store clerk honestly asks "where's the team?" when you make your gatorade run.

[Dawg Tired]

....When your doctor of 10 years finds your blood pressure right away but the nurse can't even get a beat.

....You select furniture for 1) round corners and 2) arms of couch are high enough for you to get a good elevation with your feet.

.... The anesthesiologist sees your name on the surgery schedule and asks you to arrive early for a central line.

[MomtoGiuliana]

...when you have your own, personal salt shaker at work

...when you accessorize with water bottles

...when your grandmother can beat you up a flight of stairs

...when you can recite your blood pressure and heart rate measurements for the past week, but can't remember the names of your new neighbors

...when the largest file in your personal office is your medical file

[becky]

ha ha ha, i laughed so much at this and so did my boyfriend, especially the salt sachets bit!

i have one,

on a night out your friends dance around you on the floor rather than their handbags!

macdonalds think you are a kleptomaniac cos everytime you visit their salt packets go missing

people think you are doing tequilla shots in the day but you are really liking salt off your hand and downing water!!

you get asked by numerous doctors/medical students where you studied medicine!!

this is such a funny topic, i always laugh about my pots it's one of the few things that keeps me going, my very dark sense of humour!

[noajid]

hahaha very funny

[dizzygirl]

love the new add ons! so very funny! and so true! too..

[minimay]

I laughed so hard I actually started to cry.... It's funny ...but I'm not laughing when my heart rate is so high I can't function....My husband looked at me like I was nuts.....Only a POTS person can understand.

Good day to all!

So sorry what happened to Steve Irwin....God Bless His Family!!!

[willows]

What about items guys?????

I have a lot of trouble with walking sticks ;

You try to wave yours it in the air to attract your hubby's attention and it slips from your hand , falls on your head and knocks you out cold.

Sticking it in the sand on the beach only to find it sinks in two feet with you sliding sideways as well shouting help at the top of your voice for hubby , who attached to his stick is trying to run hot footed across the beach to save you , mmmmmm bit sandy this one dear.

You stand talking to a friend ( rocking from foot to foot so as not to pass out ) with your stick under your arm attached to a cord round your wrist , only to have a unknown person catch their coat in the handle and come unceramoniously flying back onto you with a look of 'what the ***** ' on his face ,

You go to the normal ladies loo as the disabled is in use, sit down then going to get up your stick slides on the wet floor and goes out under the door!

sitting there calling out 'hello , hello anyone there ? I need my stick or I cant get of the loo' having been sitting for 20 mins you then have to call your husband on the mobile to come in , climb over the loo door to get you off the loo . embarrassing or what.

You can use your stick , if you hang onto the shopping trolley to assist to to get things down from higher shelves , dont try flour ( very , very messy and your likely to cough and sneeze a lot along with half the shop )dont try tins ( ouch, bang ) and dont try bottles of fizzy drink ( splat , bang ............whizzzzzzzzzzz all over the floor , your feet and other surprised customers )

IN all the walking stick is a wonderful device .Willows covered in flour , wet footed with lumps on her head and the imprint of the toilet seat on her bottom

I to will remember Steve's family in my thoughts today .

[kmpower]

...when you are accused of faking illness by people who will never know how hard you try to fake acting normal.

[willows]

What people will say when they dont know what pots is;

I have pots........china or earthenware dear?

My pots makes me fall down...........well try carrying two at time next time dear.

I cant see properly with pots..............then take them off your head dear!

Pots is so painful..............well put a rubber ring on it next time you use it.

There's no cure for pots.............. have you tried GLAZING them dear!

Oh , dear pots has effected this one's brain I think .............dont answer that with 'what brain' ..............Willows

[shannon]

What a great idea!!!

You know have dysautonomia when....

When the highlight of your day is keeping food down

When your friends are so tired of hearing about you being sick that you just pretend to be healthy

When just the sight of your favorite food makes you sick

When a sit down shower feels like a 30 mile hike

When you get jealous of friends who can complain of having the flu for three days (and you have nobody to complain to of being sick EVERY day)

When the insurance company calls you out of the blue

When your parents/doctors tell you to be less involved in school and extra activities

When you feel so misunderstood that you come onto DINET for support even when you have a terrible migraine or can barely even sit up to type

When you know more about your illness than most doctors seem to