I'm Kinda Sad

[Brwneyedchica]

I first got sick with POTS when I was 15 and thus I didn't finish highschool. I did however go through the local college and get my GED before my "class" in highschool had graduated. One of my friends signed me up for a myspace account, where you talk to old friends. It's nice to talk to people I used to go to school with but on the other hand It makes me feel kinda sad. I've always been the type of person with lists of things to accomplish and all of the people I went to school with have bachelors degrees or are in grad school. I struggled through college for several years and only had nursing clinicals to get through but was too ill to continue and faced the probability that I would be too ill to work as a nurse on my feet for long hours. I honestly feel embarrassed to even say that I received my GED and I just feel like a big loser because I really have no accomplishments(unless you count getting out of bed everyday and putting one foot in front of another).... I'm not even able to work right now. I hope that I can do something to feel better about myself in the future when I am feeling more up to it. But right now i'm just sick and struggling. I don't mean to be such a downer but I think that some of you will understand how I feel because my family and friends just don't.

[Guest malosp]

I first got sick with POTS when I was 15 and thus I didn't finish highschool. I did however go through the local college and get my GED before my "class" in highschool had graduated. One of my friends signed me up for a myspace account, where you talk to old friends. It's nice to talk to people I used to go to school with but on the other hand It makes me feel kinda sad. I've always been the type of person with lists of things to accomplish and all of the people I went to school with have bachelors degrees or are in grad school. I struggled through college for several years and only had nursing clinicals to get through but was too ill to continue and faced the probability that I would be too ill to work as a nurse on my feet for long hours. I honestly feel embarrassed to even say that I received my GED and I just feel like a big loser because I really have no accomplishments(unless you count getting out of bed everyday and putting one foot in front of another).... I'm not even able to work right now. I hope that I can do something to feel better about myself in the future when I am feeling more up to it. But right now i'm just sick and struggling. I don't mean to be such a downer but I think that some of you will understand how I feel because my family and friends just don't.

Hey, hang in there. You are young and have so much of life ahead. Time heals and who knows what your life may be like in another year or two. I didn't go back to college till I was 29 and had a kid who was 4 or 5. I finished both my bachelors and my masters.

It is never too late.

I have been there...down...the last 8 months. But I have decided that I do have "time". And you have even more time because you are so young.

So hang in there.

[dizzygirl]

my dear living with pots and still getting out of bed everyday IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT!! Living with pots it is not for sissy's let me tell ya.. you are strong b/c of it.. even it you dont think you are..

as far as your GED.. you know what I get how you feel.. but honestly there are people in this world who if they got sick with pots or something else that they might have just given up and not even tried to get an GED or complete high school.. and that fact that you got and that you attempted college... that is a big STEP and accomplishment... college is not easy by any stretch of the imagineation... and it takes alot of work and consentration and dedication to get thru it.. now if you had to stop going b/c of pots..

then you had too.. but do not beat yourself up over just having GED or not being able to finish college.. b/c it takes more guts to try and fale or try and realize that you have to step back.. then it does to sit there and say I cant do this.. or why should I even bother... b/c alot of people do just give up..

and by the sounds of things.. you have not given up you have hit a road block an obsticle and you just need to find your way around it.. and I'm certain that you will..

SO my dear you are not a looser.. please do not think that way...

I too was sick at 15. and for toher reason aside from just pots.. I was not able to finish high school.. But I consider to myself that I worked just as hard if not harder to get my GED.. b/c that test is no cake walk,, and you really have to be prepared for it.. i was hooked up with a tutor who cam e to my home and worked with my everysingle day.. until I was prepared.. and that was the best thing for me.. b/c realistically I couldn not have complete high school; had I had to go sit in a clas room for 6-7 hours a day.. and then deal with stairs and gym class.. they ddint dx me with pots till iwas 20.. so i would have had to do regardless..

i count it as an unseen blessing at the time.. that i didnt appreciate fully at the time..

maybe you can set your self a small goal everyday to make yourself feel better about your self and your life as a whole.. I know I just told a feloow memeber here that this is what I do for myself..

i set a small goal for my self everyday.. and everyday those goals are different and will depend on how I feel in the AM and how the day progresses..

if I am feeling really bad.. then I make the goal Ok I'm going to brish my teeth today.. even if it takes me a while to do.. and I'm going to at least changes my underwear and put on some deorodrant.. and smell good stuff... if I'm feeling better then I make different goals..

It doesnt matter how small-goofy or trivial these goals my seem to an outsider.. somebody who doesnt get it.. it onyl matters that you acooml;ished what you set out to do for that day.. and that you feel good about doing it.. and as you progress and hopefully get better. your daily goals will change and become bigger.. and more exciting!!

O often say that pots is kinda like ging thru AA.. you've gotta take life second by seconds minute by minute some days.. and if that is how you can get thru a day.. then that is how you get thru the day..

BABY STEPS!!.. when god closes one door he opens another door.. even if it sint what you thought it would be!!

hang in there dear.. and rememebr take baby steps!! make your goals realistic to how you are feeling on that particuklar day!!

HUGS

Linda

[mom4cem]

No accomplishments? Everything you have done has been an accomplishment. I don't define accomplishments by what type of job someone has etc. If you keep going every day, doing the best you can, giving it whatever your all is at the time, that is a daily accomplishment. It brings you one step ahead.

What about online courses to work at your own pace?

Don't give up

[Jenn202]

I agree with mom4cem - In this country especially we define success by "what we do for a living"

What you accomplish in terms of "degrees" are nothing but a piece of paper...

It has NO merit to real life and what you have to face every day.....

YOU are an accomplishment on its own..... just by never giving up and living every day to the best of your ability....

and the future can do funny things... you never know what great things can happen

I think Online courses are great if you are interested...take something that really appeals to you and that you love.

I know how hard it is.... I didnt get sick until I was in my 20's.... I still have health issues BUT I am better ,and I ended up gettng married, and now at 34 am finishing my degree....

Dont put pressure on yourself and remember that you have accomplished and learned more than anyone sitting in a classroom for the last 12 plus years of their life.... you are living the real thing and suceeding....

Take Care

[Ernie]

Hi,

I have 2 bachelor degrees and one master degree and I cannot work. My phylosophy is that my value is not based on my instruction or my job but on who I am deep inside.

[AJVDK]

Hang in there! I dropped out of college when I got sick. ( At the time I didn't know it was POTS) I even quit work 3 months ago as I can no longer work. I miss my job alot, but I have learned things happen for a reason. I have found a hole new life. Some days I still have a hard time with it, but I am coming with the terms to not second guess things, I am living my life at my pace.

I wish you the best, never forget you are who you are deep down and thats all that matters, you don't new a paper on the wall to tell you who you are!

Amy

[bttrflyamby1981]

Hang in there,

I usually don't tell people this, but I didn't finish High School either. But in my case, I don't have a GED.

Have yet to even try..........

My reasons? Too scared, no confidence, money issues, lack of support.....you name it.

I don't feel this defines who I am. Not to say I don't want more out of life, but right now, this is working for me. When my kids are both in school, I plan to get my GED and go back to school.

I know how your feeling, but you should be proud of yourself. Getting your GED is a big accomplishment!

Amber

[Guest Julia59]

Don't feel ashamed about getting your GED. There is nothing wrong with that. You have accomplished more then I have as far as your college education. I'm 46 years old, and I have a lot of regrets, but I don't regret the GED. I do regret dropping out of high school. I wasn't sick then---maybe mild symptoms as I always recall having a fast heart rate, and never really able to run.

I dropped out because in the 70s---from 1974-1978---they didn't have help for people with ADHD (I didn't get any support or help at home either). We were mainstreamed into regular class, as we have normal-to above normal IQs, but unfortunately in a room full of 32 students it was nearly impossible to retain anything. Back in those days we called the "smart people" (SOCIALS). I wasn't accepted in that group, so I hung out with the "freaks". Those were the kids that did drugs, smoked, and drank. Not a good group to be in---needless to say I was high a good part of my high school years until I dropped out. To this day they still don't work well with kids who have ADHD-----they just want to drug them---and some of the drugs are now being considered dangerous to some of them.

I didn't know what I was capable of "educationally" until after I received my GED, and went to take college classes after passing the entrance test for a private catholic college. I worked my way up in a company as a commercial collection specialist to an office manager---and this helped me gain confidence to try college classes. They paid for it too---- My first class I received an A! By the time I got to my fourth class I crashed with POTS. Working full time and school were out of the question, so I had to drop school. After neck surgery I had a brief remission from the severity of my POTs symptoms and was able to take a medical coding program that lasted a year---I made it through that. I though it was fairly easy, but the coding was pretty intense.

I missed out on a lot-----but I am especially proud of my GED. One of my college classes was composition----I was basically working with very little, as I did not really retain much from high school, so this class was a challange---but I still received a B+. I still have a 3.8 at Lourdes--the private college, and a 4.0 at the state community college--Owens State Community College----so that is something to go with should I have the opportunity to go back some day---it's never too late. My husband went to Owens and was able to transfer all his credits to Heidleburg--(private) where he received his bachelors in Accounting. A lot of students go there to get thier associates degree and transfer credits..........with the high cost of tuition---it's a good deal.

I do know how you feel to a degree-----there is a lot of prejudice out there, and it is very sad. There are people out there that wear their educations on their sleeves----and unfortunately those are the folks that seem the most ignorant, and think people who don't have the same level of education are beneath them.

Be proud of your accomplishments----especially your GED.

Julie :0)

[san90x0x0]

Hi,

This is kind of a sore topic for me. I completely do understand where you are coming from although I think that you should give yourself much MORE credit for going through all this because trust me, you are a TROOPER! My POTS symptoms started since I was around 17 and right now I'm taking a semester off from college at age 19 because this illness has screwed me up so much..not only healthwise, but as a student! I worked my butt off at highschool and now attend a very prestigeous college but look where I am! At home and can barely even go out! When I was less sick during my first year at college, I was so excited to start my life. I worked hard and became part of the fire department, did some theatre work, wanted to take my music ability to the next level, and most of all, become an outstanding student because my goal was to become a doctor (since I was very little!). But POTS hit me...and I had to leave everything behind, started to get horrible grades, people started calling me lazy and unmotivated, it was horrible. Yeah...the school thing I could kinda handle cause i know there is more important things in life than grades, etc. but I felt that I failed as a human being! I too go on myspace and I look at my friends whose lives are continuing...they are taking all these classes and having fun in college while im sitting here missing everything watching my dream of being a doctor slowlly fading away. I want to do so much things..but it breaks my heart that it won't happen. I get sad too...especially these days..too much guilt!! But I'm going to hang in there because I just can't accept being helpless! and I hope you do too!! Because honestly, I think that there is still a lot of time to finish school, get degrees and stuff. I think it is just especially hard right now because eveyone around us at this stage is either in school getting degrees or jumpstarting a new career! Taking on this illness is much much more difficult to endure and i commend you for even being able to work hard to get a GED and thinking about doing much more! I'm still young so I don't know a lot, but I'm hoping later in life, i finally realize that I've gained somethin invaluable by suffering from POTS than those who haven't, although I don't know what that might be right now. I just want to let you know that I can understand what you are going through!

[joiedevivre516]

Hey, everyone.

I completely understand what you're saying - I missed my last semester of high school due to POTS (I wasn't even diagnosed then), and I somehow made it through this first year of college, although I'm finishing the spring semester at home. I hope to go back in the fall, but who knows.

Everything you've done, including getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other, is an accomplishment. I have a cousin who has no health problems, dropped out of school, got his GED, and is now living a very free-spirited life in Puerto Rico, and my whole family is still very proud of him. You should be even MORE proud of yourself because of everything you've overcome to do what you have! I'm sure you could someday go to college, or maybe get an online degree. Please, please don't get down on yourself for POTS - there's a song that I love that says "the only measure of your words and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you're gone," and I honestly believe that. Be proud of yourself for who you are and what you have inside, POTS and all.

Kate

[Kitsakatsa]

You've got time. Everything that is there now, will be there still.

You will come back fighting and a much stronger person than before the illness.

I didn't graduate with my BA until 28, now I have 2 Master's Degrees.

Things will all work out for you in time, but you have to give it time.

You must be quite dynamic and goal-oriented to be concerned about it.

Maybe check into some "Independent Study" classes with some Universities?

You don't even have to live in the same state to take these classes.

I took some from the University of Utah that were excellent.

You have 9 month + a 3 month extension if you need it .

You can work towards a goal and take the worry out of your mind.

They are also eligible for federal financial aid.

I took half of my general ed credits this way because I worked graves in an ER and was way too sleepy to take classes the traditional way.

It might be something worth considering!

[becky]

hiya,

i know exactly how you feel and i agree with everyone on here, you are doing great getting out of bed every day!

i sometimes feel so left behind when i see people from school and they have their degrees and their good jobs, and you all know, invisible disability everyone looks at me like i'm just lazy and i can't be bothered to get a job, if only they knew the struggle i have getting up in the morning, i find it so difficult to wake up and i have to have naps and i'm feeling the best i have in years!!!

Don't worry about education and jobs though, you are still young and you sound very determined so i'm sure you'll work as hard as your body will allow to get what you want (ask persepherone, she is my biggest inspiration!) last year i went back to a training school and took three months to do an i.t qualification i was so proud of myself and then i had another dip and got sick again, but when i feel down i look at my certificate,you should do that with your high school certificate.

Good luck with everything you take on.

love and hugs

becks x x x

[JaneEyre9]

Your post and these responses have really hit home with me. I say these same things to my family and friends...that i feel like life is passing me by and that i feel like i'll never be able to have a job or do what other people my age are doing.

But whenever I say these things, I'm always reminded that POTS is an education in itself. Struggling through the lessons are not easy, and we are all learning very important life lessons...

such as setting priorities--using up our limited energy on the things that mean the most,

or appreciating the little things in life that healthy people might take for granted,

or gaining determination and working ten times harder than other people to accomplish our goals...

these are a handful of lessons we are all learning daily. So keep putting one foot in front of another, and I'll take my own advice too. You're talking to one girl who has been very concerned about her own future recently.

PS- Looking at MySpace accounts can be depressing when you compare yourself to those old classmates...remember..they are trying to make their lives look wonderful and perfect, but they are struggling with their own hidden problems. Everyone is fighting to look accomplished and happy...especially on those sites.

[Evie]

Hun you are accomplished as a human being as from this experience you would have learnt so much! however i realise this does not always seem relevent to the outside world. I had to leave high school too, and i use to be kind of ashamed of it as it felt like all my friends were off doing exciting things and i was struggeling to just get outside the house. I guess you cant compare yourself to 'normal' people and in truth the fact that you managed to get your GED is a HUGE accomplishment!

Like others have said those sorts of sites only state the kind of lives that people want you to know about, they dont mention the amount of debt or jobs people got fired from etc. Your true friends will respect your accomplishments and know how hard you worked for them and there is always us here who are completely proud of your achievements and in no way will ever try to diminish them! I think we all struggle with this concept of 'lack of achievement' from time to time. You have brough up a great point. I personally hate that i have to lie or embellish on my resume as i have 0 work experience and the volunteer stuff i was able to do was before i got sick. I was applying for exchange and actually lost my first preference as the interview kept comming back to my health and as a result my lack of 'independence and life experience'. I cried after the interview. So here i am being all oh its not so bad but in reality i realise how hurtfull and depressing it can seem. You are not alone xo

Ps: by some twist of fate i actually am really happy i missed my first preference now.

[UnicornIsis]

I know how you feel too. I'm feeling a bit the same right now myself.

I was in my second year of college when I got sick. I was able to finish up the semester at home, all except for one class. I've taken three or four community college classes since then, one a semester except the last one when I took one online class plus the regular. All of my classes were either online or only one night a week so I was able to do them when I was feeling very good. But even the last semester when it was the online one AND the one night a week on campus one it was almost too much for me. It really wore me out and I was sooo glad when summer came and I had a break.

I'm married now and my husband is in the Navy and the base he's stationed at is several states away from my family so I'm all alone down here and nothing to do. I know if I'm able to finish my degree it will take a very long time. I've felt kinda discouraged lately.

And yes like everyone else said it IS an accomplishment just to get out of bed in the morning for us. But I know what you mean about looking at people you grew up with and they've done so much more, all the things you thought you would have done by now or at least started.

Maybe we'll both do something together. I've decided recently that my next accomplishment will be taking a GREAT vacation. I want to go to Europe. And I figure if I ever get healthy enough to do it that will be an accomplishment.

I know this doesn't HELP much, but I DO know how you feel, exactly how you feel.

UnicornIsis

[goldicedance]

Hey, Girl...Be proud of yourself. We certainly are!

Getting a GED is quite an accomplishment. I once worked as a temp in the state government in the GED department. The GED is a really difficult test. I think it is more difficult than getting a high school diploma. I knew of an elderly gentleman who had a successful clothing manufacturing business but did not have a high school diploma. He worked really hard, took night courses, and eventually passed (i.e., it was not a go on the first try).

Everyone marches to a different drummer for different reasons.

Hold your head up high!

Lois