OK, It's time to be honest

[d4g7]

Hi guys,

If you have read my posts, you will know that I am battling with POTS, Flares, Anxiety, and Fluid Intake.

MODERATORS: This is related to POTS, and also previous medical conditions.

I posted a message on here about being detained by the police for DUI, I feel bad for not telling the entire truth to you guys, and I hope you won't judge me to severly for it.

Firstly, I had spent the whole weekend with many engagements with the pipe band, so stopped taking an Florinef, Mestinon, or Sodium Chloride, as they all give me awful side effects.

I played great on both the Saturday and the Sunday, and had a couple of drinks with the band after the performace as is customary for a good performance.

I than had dinner with a friend and met up with another friend whom I hadn't seen in a long time. I had no intention of driving - I won't even drive after one drink as I know how alcohol impears (sp?) me. However stuck to the guidelines of 1 standard drink per hour. This wasn't because I wanted to drive, but because I was walking/strolling home, I didn't want a hangover for band practice the next morning.

As I play the pipes, and had them with me, I left them with a manager behind the bar, and when I went to leave I thought I'd go and get the case out of my car along with my full water bottle - It was after midnight and I was dressed in full scots uniform - something I am proud to wear, but unfortunately, something everyone wants to know what you are wearing under it. On my way to the car, a group of 5 really drunk young guys came up to me with all the comments "what's under yer kilt laddie" etc, and tried to rip my kilt off me (this was in a dark carpark). About 11 years ago a similar situation happened and I was stabbed 3 times, fortunately they were only flesh wounds, and only required cleaning and stitching, although I still bare the scars to this day. After being 'assulted' in the way I was, I guess my brain took over and told me I was in danger (I actually pissed myself). The only place close was my car (which when I got to had had the front drivers side panel kicked in, which wasn't there in the morning) - and the only thing I could think of to do that was bending the law a little, was to drive to the next carpark (about 40 seconds drive), so I could continue on foot home (by the way, my home would have only taken another minute or so to get to by car, but I knew I shouldn't drive under the influence). But I had to protect myself, by whatever means possible (having POTS, there is no way I could have fought of 5 guys that were much more stronger than I).

I parked my car in the next carpark, and as I was locking my car, the police pulled up, and breathylised me (I was 3 times over the limit), although that is not an excuse, I didn't actually consider that low blood volume would play a part in this.

I am 6' tall, and look fairly muscular - although I have no strength, and to be honest have never ever been in a fight - I wouldn't know how to fight.

I was charged with driving over the limit and the rest of the story continues as per my previous posts, in that, I have to plead guilty, or pay over $3000.00 for it to go to trial, none of which is recoverable.

My Neurologist is prepared to state that I have a fairly severe case of POTS, and my Psychologist has no doubts as to whether I was attacked and is preparing a summary for the magistrate. I have also had to get tranquilisers from my GP for severe anxiety attacks, even in between my attacks my heart rate is over 120 bpm. So you can imagine what it is like during and attack.

I've got photos of the damage done to my clothing, and also to my car. But I am still so, so so scared. I'm sorry I lied to you guys, but it is hard for someone who is over 6' tall and almost 100 kgs to admit I can't defend myself.

I am not a frequent drinker and especially with adjusting my meds to try and get comfortable without the side effects, I cannot guage when I am over the limit. Everyone who was with me decided to drive home, however, I knew I couldn't, so decided to take a nice quiet walk home.

Oh God, I wish I hadn't woken up that day.... I wish I didn't lie to you guys, but it's hard for me to face.

By the way, I have never even had a parking ticket let alone a speeding ticket, or anything else - I have never had the need in my 28 years of life to speak to a police officer (and after my experience, I know why they are called pigs). I just wonder what would have happened should I have been a 22 year old female???

Once again I am so sorry for being untrue. I hope you can appreciate the position I am in, and forgive me.

All the best,

Daniel

[d4g7]

Okay, it's nearly 2am here, some please forgive me for being untrue to you.

I'm suffering here.....

[Laura]

Hey Daniel,

It's OK. Please don't make things worse for yourself by beating yourself up! You've been through, and are going through an awful experience and I'm sure you don't need to be feeling guilty on top of that. It certainly took alot of courage to post on what happened to you and it sure wouldn't be an easy thing to talk about in the first place. Have a nice cup of tea and go snuggle into bed!! You are under enough stress and don't need to wear yourself out over this! I am sure we can all understand your position!! laura

[d4g7]

Thanks Laura,

To be honest, I am freaking out right now. Mainly the fact that I don't feel safe in my own house...(strange??)

I can't sleep, but deeply appreciate you kind comments.

Be well,

Daniel

[Jacquie802]

I'm not sure where you are from but in Massachusetts the same thing would have happened to me, 21 year old female. I don't drink due to my blood pressure, heart condition, and POTS. Actually for my 21st birthday I sat being the only sober one. My doctor told me that alcohol dilates your veins, making your bp even lower, so I decide to stay away from all that alcohol....seems like it only gets people into trouble!!! Anyhow good luck with court and such, take care.

[JaneEyre9]

Daniel,

We are not here to judge you...just to offer support for a tough illness and the situations that come along with it.

From personal experience, I know that i feel sickest when i am anxious about a situation. Try to take some deep breaths and focus your attention on something else for a while. Some herb tea might help, like Laura said. The worst thing you can do for your health is to worry. Mental focus has a big effect on your physical well being.

Kristen

[mom4cem]

You did what you felt you had to do, not because you wanted to drive home knowing you had too much to drink but fearing for you safety, not wanting a confrontation. It's being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Can't win the lottery but this, yes can happen. Don't worry yourself sick over this incident. Go in armed with what happened, explain, use any proof you have from your physicians and explain, explain away. Did anyone in the bar know that you were just going to retrieve your bag and would be walking home? Anyone who can attest to that fact?

Good luck, and please try to keep yourself from getting to full of anxiety over this.

[Guest Finrussak]

Daniel

The fact that you wanted to share the whole truth and that you feel so badly about the incident proves that you are a GOOD person with a conscious!!! No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes...big and small. Please know that you were under extraordinary circumstances...your history, health, state of mind etc. Hopefully your legal counsel will explain to the judge (magistrates?) and a fair outcome will happen.

Friends dont judge other friends....those of us here that consider others' friends wont judge you either!!!

Its a shame, though, that with everything you are going through you had to beg the moderators to not edit or remove this post!!!

QUOTE:

[MODERATORS: This is related to POTS, and also previous medical conditions]

All of life's events are affected by the presence of dysautonomic sx and in turn sx affect life's events, not always positively. If we can discuss " what we are thankful for", certainly there is room for us to function as a true supportive network without fear of censorship!

Good Luck and hang in...I wish with sincerity that it all works out for you!!!

Finette

[persephone]

Daniel don't be daft- no one is judging you or cross with you! THat's a terrible thing to have happen. I am SO sorry that people can be so cruel like this. Have a big hug, and know that as a Scottish lady I think there is nothing sexier than a man in a KILT! And also one who doesn't use his fists to handle a difficult situation- I think you sound lovely!

[lizzy]

well there, you are only human. NOBODY is perfect. no need to kick yourself ,just learn from yearsterday and today.

[d4g7]

Thank you so much everyone who replied.

I have been dying about not being entirely true. It's hard to tell someone you were assulted. And it's not supposed to happen here - this is supposed to be a nice quiet beach side town.

I come from a long line of pipers (as they say it takes 7 years and 7 generations to be any good at it). When I was young and saw my grandfather and his friends in their full uniform, I had nothing but the highest respect for them.

I cannot see why some people feel the need to violate people in this way - albeit, it may seem funny to them, but for me, I was terrified - like I said I've only been in a similar position once before, and I was harmed then - so I guess my brain told me that the same thing was going to happen (once bitten, twice shy).

Anyway, I don't know what else I could have done. I had to protect myself. I have a good lawyer, but never having been in trouble before, I don't really know what is happening, although she did mention that after she gets the police to re-word their charge report (as they have exageratted some things, and failed to mention other important things), she said I have enough evidence to prove I was protecting myself, and that the threat to me was real - she has even considered that once all the correct info comes in, of writing to the magistrate and asking him to dismiss the case.

It's just knowing that I have this hanging over my head, and at this stage it looks like it won't be finalised until early in the New Year.

I will have to try and put it out of my mind.

Anyway, I have a concert to play at tomorrow in an Ampitheatre - opening the 'Opera at the Ampitheatre'. So, that will keep me busy tomorrow.

Thanks once again to all who replied.

Daniel

[becky]

Hi Daniel,

I agree with everyoe else that you sound like a good person with a conscience (sp?) for you to post what really happened to you, and i agree with pers nothing better than a man in akilt who doesn't have to resort to violence to solve things. Good luck in court, i know it can be scary, i was in court a couple of weeks ago in a disability case and even though i wasn't on trial or anything i was terrified!!

If the judge has any sense they'll throw the case out, or at least take into consideration all that you went through.

we are all thinking of you.

good luck, chill out (well, try)

big hugs

becks x x x

[Guest Mary from OH]

Daniel,

You may have suffered from a "PTSD" (post-traumatic stress disorder) type event. This type of "attack" situation happened to you on two ocassions. You acted in the best manner in which you could. You should never be ashamed of what others did wrong to you. It is THEM whom should be ashamed!! My daughter is an Irish Dancer and would love to dance to your music anytime!! Hold your head high and work with your lawyer to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and let justice prevail!! Try to get everything in the statements corrected before the trial and get as much evidence collected as you can. Good luck to you and don't dwell on the situation. Do what you can to help yourself and let it go...

Perhaps it would be helpful in going to talk with a professional, like a Psychologist or Social Worker about the trauma you have been through and how to move on from here. I think you need that closure. My best to you and please let us know how you make out!! Pour your heart and soul into your music in the meantime!!

[Evie]

Hi Daniel,

Dont stress or feel bad for not telling us the whole story. Its the internet, you tell us whatever you feel comfortable with. Im really sorry about your bad experiences with people acting violent towards you, if you have a clean record and paper work to prove you were trying to keep yourself safe im pretty sure no magistrate would charge you for protecting yourself. Good luck with the case and let us know how it goes

[d4g7]

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

This problem is on my mind every minute of every day, and now I find out that the court date is the 19th December (Christmas Week).

I have been churning this over in my head over and over again, and to be honest, I don't know what else I could have done.

I'm still shocked that my alcohol level was so high - as I was drinking to the guidelines of one standard drink per hour, not because I wanted to drive, but because I didn't want to feel ill in the morning for band practice.

Now, looking back in my diary, I had seen my doctor only the week before, as I had awful diarrea (sp?), and vomiting, and he was concerned that I was dehydrated, and noted that my BP was very low. During that week the symptoms persisted, and I even had several faints, so am guessing my blood volume was low - which may account for the reading being high.

I am seeing a psychologist about this, as the whole event has made me feel completely unsafe, even in my own house. If I wake up at night, I seem to be paralyised with fear - thinking that there is someone in the room, and also keep having nightmares of the 'lead' guy that was trying to rip my kilt of laughing at me.

The lawyer isn't sure what the outcome would be - she has never seen a case like this - with someone who has never broken the law at all, who has a chronic illness, who has evidence of being assulted and also the fact my car was damaged, and also the fact that I could face such a severe lose of licence and fine for protecting myself, and only driving for less than 1 minute.

I have a mountain of evidence to back up my story, and also all of my medical records showing that I had been ill, and had stopped taking all the medications that increase blood volume.

I've got the report from my GP showing that I am suffering the physical effects of severe anxiety, and fear. And I have a report from my psychologist stating that in his opinion and the fact that the only time before that I had been attacked, I was injured - I have the scars to prove it! He believes my actions were justified, and the fact that I only moved the car to another carpark shows I still had the law in mind, and was only trying to protect myself.

Now, I am at a point were I feel like somethings going to harm me all the time - I am told this is normal, and will pass with time. And to be frank, I don't care about my licence anymore, I just want to get back to feeling relatively normal. I don't want to be scared in my own house.

I pray that the legal system can see sense.

[Evie]

At least the court date is soon rather than later so hopefully you will get some closure to that aspect of your life. Violent crimes make people feel so vulerenable, as does illness, so you are having to deal with a double whammy there. I hope the psychologist is able to help and support you. Im really sorry that you have to go through this. We are here for you if you ever need to get your thoughts out!

[Guest Belinda]

I have suffered from PTSD, because I was assaulted daily by my ex. I understand what you feel to some extent.

I couldn't sleep, take a shower with door closed , do anything for fear. And this lasted quite a while afterwards.

Being assaulted can make your body flight or fight come out in many situations.

I hope that you find relief soon. And don't feel ashamed. You based your actions because of prior

history. Good Luck! Belinda