Please keep me in your thougths

[PattiL]

Paige,

Please take care of yourself. I'm sure your family wants what is best for you and they love you deeply. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. Most of us have gone through these feelings at some time or another. Please get some type of help to make yourself feel better. Talking to the right therapist is definitely a step in the right direction. Please, please take care of yourself. You are going through a difficult time right now, things will look better.

I will be thinking about you and am sending lots of prayers your way.

TAKE CARE () () () () HUGS

Patti

[dawn]

Paige,

Don't feel like a failure. I have thought about admitting myself many, many times.

My doctor, family and friends have all discouraged me. I am going back to see a psychologist who treats people with chronic illness, I saw her last year, didn't seem to help much.

I totally understand. I feel like a burden everyday. Even made my husband quit his job because I was afraid of being alone. He has to start working again and all I have to do is think about it and I am in a panic.

I have tried the SSRI's, prayer, healing ministry, psychotherapy. I feel like I'm in a pit and can't crawl out. I have to force myself to get up and not sleep all day. People ask "what brings you pleasure?" It's sad but I can't think of anything. Don't feel alone.

Feel free to email me if you want to vent.

Dawn

[Guest Julia59]

Paige,

I will be thinking of you---and praying for you to recover from your depression soon. You are taking a big step in the right direction, and that takes a lot of courage.

You will be OK---I know you will. I fully understand how you can get to this place your in right now---but remember this will be only temporary. With your supportive family, and the help from an understanding therapist will bring you out of this.

Don't feel as if you failed----you can still get the therapy as an out patient.

Julie :0)

[AJVDK]

Paige,

Hang in there! Do you have anyone to talk to. I know I meet once a week with a therapist at times when I am down. It the best thing I have ever done. It took a while to find the one I liked but I have been with here for 3 1/2 years and it somtimes seems to be my life line. Hope things are getting better for you!

Amy

[mom4cem]

You are not a failure. I don't think I could even get as far as you got. I see a therapist sometimes more often then I taper off depending on how I am doing, what I am dealing with. I don't know what you have been through or going through personally, but maybe it is just the need to find the right person to help you on the outside. I've switched therapists at one point because of insurance reasons and I had to go back to my original one even though I have to pay out of pocket. I just did not get the understanding, not even the right kind of vibe from the second one like I did with my original therapist. It certainly is tough to go through, I go through depression and anxiety spurts.

Lots of supporting hugs out to (((you))).

[purplefocus]

Thank you for all the encouragement. I am going thru another stint of insomnia. I believe I feel a little better mentally right now than I have in awhile. I am listening to all of your advice and I agree with the cousenling but right now out patient counseling is just too expensive for our tight budget and it's obvious that going in is not a decision I am gonna make right now. I know my husband doesn't think so and he would work OT to make sure but I don't want to feel that burden right now. I am trying to focus very hard on my children and husband and when those negative feelings start coming down on me I try to push them away. It's like I need a punching bag.............know what I mean? I've tried reading and watching movies but the concentration for it is not there. I have a horrible exhusband......maybe I can take these negative feelings out on him, nice thought but just kidding. See I am feeling better. You guys giving me all your encouraging words and understanding what i'm going thru has helped me so much. I am still not over this but I am so much better than I was two days ago. THANK YA'LL SOOOO MUCH!!!!

[DancingLight]

Paige,

I am glad to hear you are feeling a tad bit better today...

I just wanted to echo Carmen's post about seeking outpatient help.

I don't know where you live or what resources are available...but there are organizations that have counselors who only charge a minimal fee based on your budget, etc. I was able to get counseling covered by Medical Assistance through our local Mental Health and Mental Retardation branch.

You are NOT A FAILURE. You are not weak. (Say thesea affrmations to yourself when you feel like a failure!).

I worry b/c while you may feel tad bit better today, that you haven't dealt with the tremendous amount of loss, sadness, pain and guilt that you have been feeling and that will continue to eat away at you.

I cannot speak highly enough about counseling/therapy and it's usefulness for me during my illness...

And although I did not make it as far in my training as Carmen did...I very much wanted to go into healthcare and possible clinical psych. Still, just like Carmen, it was very hard for me to realized that I WAS THE ONE who needed the help...

I got it and I am stronger for it...

I hope that you will continue to explore options for counseling. In the long run, this may help you keep from ever having to be an inpatient...which is something you don't want (from your posts...)

Sorry if I sound pushy, that is NOT my intention. I feel very passionate about the toll that chronic illness takes on all of us...ourselves and those who love us, and it is very NORMAL to get depressed and to need help!

Hang in there Paige, YOU ARE WORTH it...

Emily

[Sophia3]

To the others who recommend counseling for you RIGHT NOW, I second that vote.

This message board may be support but is NO REPLACEMENT for face to face guidance and counseling, which is where you are.

Focusing on the husband and kids is just a distraction as you suppress the real things bothering you.

Sometimes we think we can't afford something but if our LIFE is at stake, you can't afford NOT to do something. There are many ways to find a therapist and I hope you can and will.

Mental illness problems can strike without warning and a thought for a few seconds can change some lives forever. I have a couple of friends and an in-law who lost depressed loved ones to suicide because THEY didn't want to burden people with their own problems.

Not that I am saying you are thinking of doing anything so drastic but I don't believe in playing around with the complexities of mental illness...... especially since you were willing to check yourself IN TO A HOSPITAL then changed your mind. I worry about what changed your mind but I also greatly understand fear of the unknown.

More importantly YOU are NOT A BURDEN and you are worth whatever it takes to get better. Most hospitals and clinics will set up a payment plan to cover out of pocket expenses. Sometimes expensive meds just aren't the answer as much as face to face counseling. The fear of possibly dealing with whatever may be really bothering is a crucial thought as well.

I do not know you but I know enough about mental illness problems that they are like ANY SERIOUS ILLNESS and can be life threatening in one way or another.

Please be kind to yourself and think about picking up that telephone and seeing somebody ASAP.

Please keep us posted and forgive me if I sound harsh.

Peace

[briarrose]

Paige

I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling so great but I'm glad that you're reaching out for help. I wish that I had the right words to say to make you feel better because you're not worthless and Dysautonomia is a very hard illness to deal with at times. Just know that we're here for you and if you ever need to talk please feel free to send me a PM.

take care

Steph

[Poohbear]

Please look into some services. You are not a failure at all. You have a lot to cope with and it sounds like you could use some help.

As was mentioned above, call your local mental health center because they will offer a fee based on income; depending on your situation they may even offer it for free. Also, many times the mental health systems will have a psychiatrist on staff if you need that service as well (again, for the same reduced fees).

Another potential source is if your husband or you have access through an employer to an employee assistance line. I forget what these are called but it's usually a organization (I think when I was employed theirs was with a company called lifeworks) and it's free and they may be able to help you or find help for you.

Check your employee benefits plans.

Keep doing the best you can, as I know you are now, and don't be afraid to seek help.

[Dizzy Dame]

Hi purple,

I don't really have anything to add, everyone here has said everything I would say. I just want to let you know that you're in my thoughts, and that it will get better.

Take care,

Lauren

[calypso]

Paige,

Do you have anyone close to you with whom you feel comfortable talking, like family or close friends? I always feel much better when I am not isolated and surround myself with people I love and who love me. I also try to get out and enjoy nature. It is a simple yet powerful reminder of our place in the world and helps me put things in perspective.

I am sure your children would be helpful, too. A hug, sharing a story, making cookies, trying a new hobby -- these are all things that make me share my children's happiness.

My sister to whom I am closest suffers from severe clinical depression. She is a family doctor. I sometimes feel like I can't help her and that she's not helping herself, but at the same time I know that the illness certainly waxes and wanes. She takes an antidepressant (Wellbutrin). She seems to have improved by getting herself financially stable, avoiding friends and boyfriends who are negative influences on her, and staying busy.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

Amy

[ChiariMSwithPOTS]

My thoughts are with you. Take good care. Hospital=Heal.

[purplefocus]

HI Everyone,

I have had a good day today and I hope that I am heading up out of this depression. Thanks again for all your kind words and advice. I am really listening, just very hardheaded. I'm a nurse (haven't worked in over 2 years) and you know how we are! If I get to that dangerous feeling again I will go to the hospital myself, I dont' want to take a gamble, but hopefully it will never happen. I know I have a wonderful husband and 2 precious sons plus I am pretty cool for a girl (my sons comment). You all are great.

Paige