purplefocus Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Hi everyone, I know I haven't been on here in a while but I have been reading some of the stuff off and on. It just hasn't been good for me lately. Please keep me in your thougths and prayers. I am being admitted in the next hours or so for severe depression. I am terrified because I do not know what will happen. Hopefully they can help me so I can put all these scary thougths behind me. The feeling of worthlessness (because of the disabling of dyautonomia) is not something I can go on living with. I hope everyone is doing ok. Paige (purplefocus) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige, I hope you're able to find a place within yourself that boosts your spirit and helps you feel worthy of your place in this world. Perhaps the hospital staff will be able to coach you along in that process.nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbdeezy Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 keep your chin up and I am glad you are getting help. I know what you mean. If it went for my daughter and hubby i think it be best if i were gone. But no one would love her like I can,...... so living with this is worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faithinspires Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 My heart goes out to you! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers Paige! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4cem Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige,Hang in there. It is a positive thing you getting help. It may take some time but I am sure you will see things differently soon. You are in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taylortotmom Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 My thoughts are with you- you have taken a very courageous step in the right direction. Good luck.Carmen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJVDK Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Hang in there you are in my thoughts, I hope the doctor are able to hope! Good luck, and hope you are feel better soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingLight Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige,I certainly noticed that you hadn't been around for a while...and I am grateful that you let us know what is going on with you.Thank you for posting. I hope that this will be the beginning of you healing journey...You are taking such a courageous step to seek the help that you need.Please let us know how you are doing if you are able (as I always say...we've got a lot of worriers around here, and when people are missing for a while, we wonder if this are okay.)I have had times when this illness seems so unbearable. The emotional toll is overwhelming...Please know you are not alone in your struggle and that I am sending you healing thoughts....Emily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia3 Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 PaigeI am glad you have the wisdom to seek the help you need. Not easy for most people. I hope you feel better soon or find some tools to help you cope until things turn around.Keep us updatedSophia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Lake Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige,Hang in there and I will be sending warm thoughts your way. We are all here for you.Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futurehope Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige,Good thoughts to you.And I want you to realize that my mother had to be admitted to the hospital at one time for depression that we all feel was brought on by the beta blockers she had been taking. BB's depress me as well.I'm sure they will treat you very well at the hospital and they will come up with a plan to get you feeling better soon.You did the right thing. God's grace to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michiganjan Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Yes, get help. It is possible to beat it. It is temporary. You will feel better, but probably have to go through a process to get there. There is no substitute for living through. I had years of psychotherapy. It really helped. I did not have the therapy because of POTS, but the results of the therapy has certainly helped me live with POTS so much better.You absolutely MUST focus on what you can do rather than what you can't. You are in my thoughts.Hugs,Michigan Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melly4 Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Piage, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that the hospital staff will be able to help you through this dark time. You are not "worthless", even though being disabled can make you feel that way. Please hang in there and know that everyone here is cheering for you to pull through.Hugs,Melly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ernie Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Hi Paige,I thinkk you are doing the right thing. Thanks for keeping us posted.I will be praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplefocus Posted October 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am leaving in about 5 minutes.to be admitted. I have a lot of reservations and extremely scared. I just don't want to be a zombie but I know that I'm not safe like I am now. All the kind words mean so much to me. Those that mentioned your family. I have a very supportive family but I just feel like I am too much of a burden. When I get out I will come back on and let everyone know how i'm doing. Hopefully it will all be positive........and also I got my dysautonomia bracelet and I plan on wearing it. Paige (purplefocus) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corina Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Hi Paige,I've been missing you around for some time. I'm so very sorry to hear about your depression. Do know that we will all think of you and we very much want you to get better!!! I'm wearing my bracelet also, and will think of you when I look at it!Corina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poohbear Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige, I'm sorry I missed posting before you left! You are in my thoughts and I hope you are able to get the help you need. Hang on, sometimes things get worse before they get better but that doesn't mean they won't get better.I know the pain of feeling like you are worthless but I also know that you are NOT worthless. You may feel that way because you haven't found your passion in life that you can be excited about in the midst of being sick. It's not easy but I have faith that you will find things to look forward to. Hey, if nothing else you can look forward to coming back here and seeing how much we miss you and want to support you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige,Sorry to have missed ya. Good luck and your in my thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnA Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Paige, Sorry to have missed you. I understand your struggles...been there before. I do not post much anymore, but felt touched by your post. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. God created you, which makes you worth while! People have missed you on this forum...your words, feelings are worthwhile. Hopefully you will be feeling worthwhile by the time you read this. Warm fuzzy thoughts Dawn Anich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplefocus Posted October 7, 2005 Author Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 BIG FAT FAILURE...............Guys I couldn't do it. I begged my husband not to take me and to let me try to work it out on my on. I was just toooooo scaredto be admitted. Now I feel like such a failure. I was so close. Thank you for all the wonderful support, maybe tomorrow will look different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poohbear Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Do you have a therapist or social worker to talk to to get their advice, support and insight as well?What's your biggest fear about going to the hospital for this? Do you know the Dr that would be in charge of your care? I'm worried about you and wondering if you can find a way to address your fears. You know? Like if you made a plan for each fear then maybe you won't feel trapped. You aren't a failure at all. It is a very scary thing to be admitted and not know how you will be treated. Be gentle with youself and give yourself permission to try again if you feel you can't handle this on your own and with your family ok?(((((HUGS)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aprilmarie52 Posted October 8, 2005 Report Share Posted October 8, 2005 Paige, I hope that you feel better soon. I agree that even if you dont admit yourself, you should talk to someone about the feelings that you are having. We miss you and love you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evie Posted October 8, 2005 Report Share Posted October 8, 2005 Hi Paige, Wishing you all the best in working out whats right for you xox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taylortotmom Posted October 8, 2005 Report Share Posted October 8, 2005 Nope- not a failure. You're having a rough time. I can understand backing out of the inpatient- it's scary. You don't know what will happen or what "labels" you'll get. You've probably been misunderstood and already "labeled" just throught the course of this illness, right? Paige.... I am very sick BUT I was once a therapist. Even as a therapist I had to deal with the "fear" of those labels myself because for so long no one knew what was wrong with me. I thought I was crazy- I really did. But.... I'm not and you're not. You are sick with a brutal, cruel illness that zaps life and what you thought life was going to be right out of your hands. Depression is not only understandable -it is expected. My recommendation to you would be to really look into what services are available in your area. Inpatient may be your best option but there might be other options that work well. For example, even though psychiatrists are the only mental health professionals that can "sign-off" on prescriptions many Master Level therapists work under the supervision of a psychiatrist. This means, your therapist would be able to give you a lot more time than an MD but would still have access to get you the meds you may need. Don't dismiss Licensed Master level Social workers either. They too spend alot more face to face time with their clients than psychiatrists and psychologists and are much cheaper and more accessible. Support groups- another feasible option. Doesn't have to be about chronic illness but that would be great. The point is- help comes in a lot of different forms and you don't necessarily have to go into a hospital for treament. What you do have to do is be honest. If you are a risk to yourself or others- you get admitted now- period. If you don't do it on your own- your husband must. If there is even a tinge of doubt- go-now-period. If you feel like you are not going to harm yourself or others and feel like you are overwhelmed and need help- then, the above mentioned advice is for you. Either way- don't dismiss your feelings. Depression is serious business but unlike dysautonomia it is understood and HIGHLY treatable. Get help- you will be glad you did- I promise. Please post tomorrow and let us know how you are feeling. Carmen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted October 8, 2005 Report Share Posted October 8, 2005 Paige, try not to be so hard on yourself. Just keep reaching for your supports as others here have suggested---including a soc worker, psychologist, etc... Don't isolate yourself. There are so many people willing to help. You might want to look for a therapist that specializes in treating chronically ill patients; they tend to know the type of issues we deal with daily and have realistic suggestions.Take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, and remember that we care about you.Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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