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I'm leaning on you


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Today we drove to Toledo (must have gone right by Julie's!) to meet out daughter and her husband for Father Day lunch at a hOme Town Buffet. I startede having big palpations during dinner. I have had a pain in the middle of my chest for last 2 weeks and my whole gastro-intestional system is upset. My house is messy. I do not want to clean it up. I do not want to clean or cook. I think a messy house is depressing but just don't want to touch it because I feel so bad physically. Last night the mess must have bothered Jeff because he cleaned up the kitchen. Made mee feel bad I didn't do it. When we got home from Toledo this afternoon we both took a nap and I heard a mower running in our yard. Got up to look and my neighbor was cutting our grass. I went out and told her she didn't know what she was doing in that she obviously doesn't realize how big the yard is as she was uising her power mower you walk behind. She looked all in and she agreed that I was right she didn't have a clue until she got started. I told her if she felt she had to mow, I would get her the keys to Jeff's big mower but she said she would not use it. The man across the street already offered his son who does mowing to cut it whenever Jeff can't or doesn't want to. So I have half a back yard mowed. Jeff thinks he is going to finish it. But I think I will have to call in Andrew.

Don't know why I am writing about such a silly thing. I feel very alone. Jeff doesn't feel good. He did eat some lunch at the restaurant and manage to keep it down--probably a result of the gastro doc stretching the esophogus when he did the scope. But he is just full of discomfort and aches around his belly. Will see the oncologist tomorrow afternoon for the first time to map out a treatment plan.

My whole system is screaming out I just can't do this! I did go to the grocery store alone last night and get some things and managed it but today I am just not much functional. Chest pain too bad to do anything. Should make dinner but don't want to eat.

so I am leaning on everyone very hard righ tnow.

Michigan Jan

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Hi Jan,

I think that you are in a state of shock which is normal after getting such a bad news. Probably you are walking around hoping that you will wake up from the nightmare and things will go back to normal.

You need time and rest to get through the crisis. It's important that your neighbours and family help you and Jeff.

Don't worry about the house being in a mess. You have other priorities for the time being.

Maybe you could get help from volunteer organisation for house cleaning and other house chores.

I am thinking of you both and pray that it will go for the best.

Love

Ernie

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Jan,

I agree with the others.......accept help from all that offers. I am so sorry that you all are having to go thru this. Being positive will help both of you tremendously. I am glad you had the time with your family today......to me being with family always finds a laugh somehow. I am praying for both of ya and will have others praying. Jan, can you call your doctor to see if maybe a little change in your medicine right now might help you, maybe stop some of the chest pain. You can do this.......somehow the strength will come to you and we will be here for whatever we can do. I will make sure there is alot of prayers going on while ya are at the oncologist tomorrow.

purplefocus

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I don't think I could say anything better than what has been said. You have very caring neighbors, let them help and anyone else who offers. You don't have to put up a front for them. It's o.k. to feel beaten, that's normal. I like the idea of calling your dr. and maybe having an adjustment or add something to your medication. It just might be able to help you function a bit more clearly.

Hugs to you (((())) and your family. Wish I lived near you so I could help, but like everyone else, with you in spirit.

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Jan, you may lean on us as long as you need... we're here. Warm, quiet hugs. Nina

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Guest tearose

Jan, focus on only what is important...don't even think about other things unless you need a distraction. We are all pulling for you and Jeff!

take care, tearose

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jan,

please continue to check in with us and lean on us...i cannot even begin to imagine your pain, stress, sadness...

of course you are paralyzed and don't want to eat or clean or do anything! you are feeling like the carpet was pulled out from under you...

one moment at a time is all you can do...

i'm on board with your requests through morgan...

emily

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Guest Julia59

Jan it must be so hard to have so much going on in your mind at once----you are already showing strength by just going out and functioning. One day at a time----that's all you can do.

If at all possible---can you hire someone to help you with your house chores? My sister in law get's help because she has two little active boys and works outside of the house. I was surprized it wasn't that expensive.

Remember------we are here to help you get through this.

Big hugs to both of you----You are both still in my prayers.

Don't be to shy to get the help you need.

Julie :0)

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Jan,

You and Jeff are in my thoughts so much and I continue to pray for both of you and your families.

Try not to beat yourself up about the housework and yardwork. I don't know how you or Jeff either one is but for myself sometimes I don't feel like doing housework and sometimes I do housework because it gets my mind off other things and gives me something to keep busy.

Get as much rest as you can and please ask others for help and let them help you!!

You and Jeff will get through this...just try to keep the lines of communication open between you and compromise with each other as much as you can; if both of you can do this it will help you both.

My thoughts are with you!

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Jan,

Just another thought to add to all the many kindhearted ones offered already. After you talk to your doctor about maybe getting you a stronger dose of meds so you don't get the palpitations as often, (which you don't need to deal with right now), can you call your church (since your trust in prayer I figure that you probably belong to one) and speak to someone there and tell them you would welcome any help the parishoners can offer? I know that in a lot of churches, regardless of denomination, there is a committee that takes care of organizing meals, cleaning, whatever is necessary, for people that need assistance. Jeff will benefit from it too, so think of it that way if you hesitate to bother anyone by asking for help.

God bless you, I am praying for your strength and health as well as your husband's healing and peace.

Karen

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My sincerest thanks to everyone. Jan, you and Jeff just hang on to each other and who gives a rip about a few dust bunnies anyway. Accept the help that is offered, as people these days don't offer unless they really want to. The responses to your request have been overwhelming. Please know that you are in every one's thought s and prayers right now and always. morgan

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Jan,

I continue to think of you and Jeff often. I know it is hard to accept help from others but right now it would be good if you could just let them help you. It may be hard but it really makes people feel better if they can help you in times of need. It gives them sense of need. Right now you need to focus on you and Jeff and nothing else. Please know we are here for you and keep us updated. I will continue to keep you both in my prayers (as you asked). Take things one day at a time-sometimes that means one hour at a time.

Many hugs and good thoughts sent to you, hang in there.

Danelle

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Keep on leaning. I'm sure it doesn't feel that way & I don't at all want to minimize how tough things are...I can't imagine...but it actually sounds like you're doing pretty darn well in light of everything. I'm impressed that you're getting anything done, i.e the store, a trip out, etc.

I'm in a Women's Bible study on Tuesday evenings (currently my one bit of a social life!)...would it be okay if I asked them to pray for you & Jeff?

Keep on hangin in there. And leaning on whatever & whoever you can.

love & prayers & hugs & sunshine,

melissa

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I am continually keeping you and Jeff in my thoughts and prayers. Don't push yourself to do things that you don't have to. Keep your faith. Take a relaxing bath. Talk to a pastor. Light some candles. Read an inspirational book about healing. Do whatever it takes to find some peace and hope in the midst of these troubles.

Sending great big hugs your way,

Gena

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thank you for your support everyone. It means a lot right now. Sunfish, We will be praying for Jeff specifically on Wednesday night at 8 p.m. - 9 Eastern Time. Anyone who joins in then is appreciated, but I appreciate prayers any time.

Today we went to the oncologist. He looked at the CT scans with us. The cancer has not grown across the esphogus but down into the stomach and the raw area has been bleeding and Jeff is a bit anemic. He has several areas in his liver and the lymph nodes are most likely affected. His stomach looks very small. Part of it is taken up with the tumor that has grown down there and the rest of it is squished by the neighboring lymph nodes. We were told that surgery and radiation is not an option and the only treatment is chemo which he can start either Friday or Monday.

We go to a cancer hospital on Wed for a second opinion. There we will see a team of oncologist, surgeon, and radiologist and see what approach they would take. Then he can choose.

I yelled at the oncologist for saying that there is no cure. I actually sat right there in the corner and said to the Doc "I am very angry at you for telling my husband that there is no possible cure for this." I think it is cruel to take away a person's hope and you should not do that to a person. You don't know what has been in my husband's mind. He came in here thinking he was going to be treated and get well and you just took that from him and you should not have done that." The Doctor said this isn't about you . . . your husband should know the truth. I said he could know the truth and get his questions answered but you can't just tell a person it is impossible to get well. What is the point of treating them?

Then the doc and my husband talked a bit and then the doc said I think I need to bring down the hostility level in here. I said "I am not hostile. I am pi--ed as He-- at you."

After the appointment, we all walked out in the hall. I said to the doctor, "Many people are afraid of doctors, they think if they complain or speak their mind their quality of care will suffer. I want you to know I am not afraid of doctors. I was raised by two of them and after we get our second opinion we may indeed come back here for treatment but I am still mad at you for this."

Can you imagine it? How many people yell at the oncologist on their first appointment like that. I think it really suprised him. My husband was rolling his eyes at me when I was telling the Doc how I felt.

I could have cried looking at those scans and seeing that stomach. It was terrible.

The oncologist also said this was fast growing, however he said that the fast growing ones respond the best to chemo.

Friends came over tonight WE actually enjoyed the visit. Amazing. My chest has stopped hurting for now. Maybe I let all that pain fly at the oncologist.

Michigan Jan

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Jan -

I'm so sorry that you had a rotten doctor encounter today, but glad that you were able to assert yourself. I agree that even within the context of a diagnosis with "no cure" by the books, there are other ways of communicating the reality while being more positive & hopeful. Go you.

I'm also super-glad that you were able to have a good evening with your friends. Keep on keepin on.

hugs & prayers,

melissa

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Dear Jan,

I'm so sorry to read that your husband has this to overcome and send blessings and well wishes to both of you. I agree a person needs hope to get through anything especially something as terrible as what he must face at this time. (and you as well)

Good luck with your second opinion and treatment plan whichever your decision takes you.

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Jan, I will send good thoughts your way that the chemo will make the cancer back off. Hugs, Nina

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Guest Julia59

Jan,

I'm praying the chemo works for your husband. I'm glad you stood up to the Oncologist. He should have more compassion, and should have approached this differently. The reason you were there was to get treatment to help him get better----and to hear something like that, well I guess it would have made me mad too.

You keep hanging in there. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers each day.

Julie :0)

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Jan,

I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of support here for you and Jeff.

Cancer is a heinous disease and it has taken so much from me in my 34 years - my father (at age 46, from Hodgkin's Disease, a form of lymphoma), my grandfather (leukemia), my grandmother (lung cancer), and at least a half dozen other friends and relatives. Some of you know I am a runner, and I started running marathons to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society back in 2001 to mark the 10-year anniversary of my dad's death. I haven't let up since, though my 'run-in' (pun intended) with autonomic dysfunction made training daunting and frightening for a while - but, thank goodness, never impossible. I am blessed to be relatively symptom-free right now, and I'm once again training for a half marathon and raising funds for cancer research and patient services.

Jan, I will run with Jeff in my heart this weekend. He will be my 'honored teammate" when I gather with my group from the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society this weekend. And, of course, you will both remain in my prayers.

RunnerGirl

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