No Sex Drive...anyone Else Have This Problem?

[Lauren78]

Hey guys. I am feeling frustrated and wanted to vent and see if this is a common thing. It just seems as though I have no sex drive...I mean, none...zip, zero, zilch. It is so frustrating for me, because I used to thoroughly enjoy sex with my fiance'...who is the sweetest man in the world with a heart of gold, and lucky me a body to make one drool too! I am turned on mentally/emotionally...but physically I get nothing. And it's not just with him (not I DO NOT mean other people)...I mean with myself...you know, taking matter into my own, uh, hands. No response all the way around. I am only 29 and am discouraged. Is this due to POTS? Is this a possible side effect of the sertraline? It hasn't dampened our sex life, because we still have a very active one with lots of love between us...except I don't, um, you know. And sometimes it takes me a looooong time to get into it. What gives? Does anyone else have this problem with their husbands, wifes, or life partners? Any suggestions on what you have done to help this, if you have? Just feeling discouraged and sad...I would like to be able to enjoy sex again. Anyone else deal with this?

[DancingLight]

Lauren,

You are not alone. And this is not a topic to be embarrassed about....although easier said than done!

Still, I highly recommend you do a search on sex drive, sex, the big O, etc. etc. i can't remember topic headings this late at night, but I KNOW you will find comfort in the previous posts. Type in a search in posts for orgasm or sex or sex drive or such and you will get a sense of the topics that relate to what you want to read.

Hope this helps.

Emily

[LindaJoy]

Hi, Lauren,

Please don't be embarrassed about your question. In fact, I've wondered about this same thing myself. I know that anti-depressants can cause a lack of "O," and I've personally experienced that. It's not a "in your head" thing, either, with those meds--some people just can't have an "O" while on them. With Zoloft, I was fine, but most of the other anti-anxiety, anti-depressant meds I tried, I was dead in the water. It was awful, and frightening. I'm not sure I lost my drive due to the med, but not being able to "O" made me reluctant to even approach sex with my husband. And, like you, I used to have a really strong drive.

Here, a few months ago, I had an "O" that scared both me and my husband so badly, that we didn't have sex again for months. It was as if all of the life went out of me with it, and I got very pale, shaky and just felt weird. It was like my nervous system malfunctioned big-time. The "O" felt weird, too. It didn't even feel good. It felt and looked more like a seizure. I asked my neurologist about it. He never addressed it. I'm better now, but we still don't have sex very often. I just can't handle it. We both want to, but I think we're scared to. I just get too sick afterwards. Anyone else?

Hang in there, Lauren. You know how we all go in peaks and valleys with our symptoms. Hopefully this is just a valley for you, in that particular area. And, it may all be related to your med. If so, maybe you could try a different one that may not affect your drive.

Hugs,

Lindajoy

[pat57]

yep,next to the last item, hope they can change that med for you!

Sertraline may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:

* upset stomach

* diarrhea

* constipation

* vomiting

* dry mouth

* gas or bloating

* loss of appetite

* weight changes

* drowsiness

* dizziness

* excessive tiredness

* headache

* pain, burning, or tingling in the hands or feet

* excitement

* nervousness

* shaking hands that you cannot control

* difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep

* sore throat

* changes in sex drive or ability

* excessive sweating

[Mrs. Burschman]

Lauren,

Paxil causes the same thing with me, though I've noticed that it's dose-dependent. If I can take smaller doses, it affects me less. Getting off is NOT an option for me! (I do not wish to spend a week in the hospital again!)

[pat57]

Linda,

physical exhaustion can cause shaking similar to a shiver.

A person can convulse too if the bp is low.

Blood sugar problems can cause convulsions or seizures.

[MightyMouse]

Lauren, it's fine to discuss this type of stuff here--this is a huge issue for many adults with autonomic problems. I think it's compounded by the fact that it's hard to get in the mood for anything amorous when you're feeling tired, and sick at the same time. Add to that medication side effects and it's a bit of a miracle that any of us here have any sex life, let alone have created children!

There are times when I feel like I've been neutered because it's been so darned long since I've had any true drive--I think I was in my early 20's? that's 20 years ago now...

Nina

[Ernie]

Hi,

I am on 5 meds that are suppose to kill the sex drive and I still have a high sex drive.

Everyone in my family that has POTS has an extremelly high sex drive. So the meds does not seem to affect it very much.

[pastordari]

Lucky for you Ernie!

Not true for me. I'm not interested, no drive, no thoughts, no nothing . . . and it takes a LONG tome for anything to get going whom ever I'm with (me or someone else).

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

[dizzygirl]

nope not alone on tis one...I have like no sex drive at all either...been like this for the past several yrs. while ti can very well be meds.. the ans system does control sex drive too.. so i think it s probably a combo...

[Lauren78]

Gosh...thank you so much everyone for your response. It is SO good to know this is normal and that I am not alone in this. Although it's a shame any of us have to deal with it huh?! Except you Ernie. Sounds like I have both the dysautonomia and drug side effects working against me. Nina, I laughed out loud when you said it feels like you've been neutered! God, I know that feeling. It is a miracle any of us have a sex life!! Thanks again for the encouragement and support...nice to know I am not alone. Now if only there was some miracle pill we could all take to get that "O" so great feeling back!

[Tanzanite]

You may like to check your DHEA levels with a saliva test. Mine were low and when I took DHEA my sex drive improved enormously. Also check other hormones such as testosterone, oestrogen etc.

[JenniferInOhio]

Right there with ya. I'm not on meds so that isn't the reason. Right around ovulation (about 2 days) I *might* be in the mood. Otherwise, forget it.

[mom4cem]

I have the same problem also. I take lexapro. It was dampened b/4 the lexapro but moreso since. I also have the 2 day window open around ovulation when I have an easier time with the O otherwise, wow, my husband would keel over in exhaustion b/4 the O would happen for me.

[pat57]

oh mom4cem,

lol, but its a good cardio workout for him!

[pat57]

Ok now I'm getting curious. After my divorce, (prior to my 2nd marriage) I started to have O my sleep.

I has on Paxil for a brief time, and I had them everyday that I took a nap. And I took a nap on weekdays when my daughter was in school. When I got off the paxil- it went back to normal, which is 2 or 3 times a month.

I can have an O in under a minute. I find the urge annoying and inconvenient. Its not like a man is EVER there when ya need him. And worse then that my

relationship with my husband is the pits.

Anyway- no one has them in their sleep? Yes it wakes me up- and I know.

[Tanzanite]

I also get them in my sleep but they're not due to any meds, apparently it can be quite common. It usually wakes me and I know about it.

I always get the big O very quickly, it can be a few seconds to up to 30 secs *blush*

Guess we're just 'kind of' lucky lol

[pat57]

oh good, I was starting to wonder if I was a freak.

And your right- we are lucky.

I can do it in my sleep!

[Tanzanite]

I think the in your sleep thing becomes more common when you reach 30 and over, I've only started getting it more regularly the last few years.

I think a lot of women would be very envious of our 'problems'

[pat57]

LOL, I'm over 30 alright.

50!

[morgan617]

Sex? Sex Drive...no idea what you all are talking about ....

[Sunfish]

morgan, i am SO right with you. i suppose it's a matter of laughing to keep from crying, but i honestly can't even speak to having a lessened sex drive b/c i genuinely don't think i've ever had one? i probably sound nuts, or asexual, or a host of other descriptors, but it's the truth. i can find people attractive, have dated a bit in past years (quite distant past now), theoretically would love to be in place health-wise where dating/ serious relationship/ marriage would be an option, etc. but don't think i've ever really had a sex drive. so heck...maybe i do have one & i just don't know what it is in the first place? who knows. i don't think it has anything to do with meds for me though. i've been on different ones at different times over the years and this issue has never really changed at all. i suppose that b/c i'm not in a relationship it's low on my list of concerns these days, or rather not really on my radar screen, but i can imagine that for those in a relationship it could be really tough.

melissa

[Sophia3]

Once you 'taste chocolate' you know, and the craving is always there there....though it waxes and wanes with illness and or hormones..and I have had mine checked many times over the years.

I also noticed issues with lack of having one..

Many years ago, I could "get there" as soon as I wanted and had total control. As the ANS problems got worse in the last 17 years, that has gone away and only happens rarely...orgasm being a trigger of the ANS !!

So I just kinda got into the Tantric deal of 'enjoying the journey', so to speak. But I could enjoy the almost there for THIRTY MINUTES!! And not have to move much which triggers symptoms (Lying on your side can help a lot!)

In some ways, this is 'almost better' than the release of the O but not exactly. But a guy I used to see a few years when he visited from across the country LOVED IT.

NOW, if I could only get OUT ENOUGH to meet somebody new to test drive things today.

Oh, I have the close -but -no- cigar deal in my sleep once or so a month. Sometimes my cats wake me up for a snack at a MOST INCONVENIENT moment.

[mattsmum]

Sex drive? Like Nina, think I left mine behind in my 20's

Only thing sex is good for now is a cure for Insomnia.

[MightyMouse]

Uhm... hmm... based on Sophia's analogy, I retract my previous statement. I wonder now if I ever had a true sex drive?

When I was young, I think it might have been a curiosity about what all the fuss was about... and once that was out of the way, I was pretty much done. No waxing or waning... just... nothing, which I am pretty certain related to my persistent state of exhaustion. The exhaustion crept in on my life in my early teens; after I used to run cross country races, I would sleep on the school bus home, then eat dinner and go straight to bed...or skip dinner and go straight to bed. My parents NEVER had to tell me not to stay up late--I didn't. I was usually asleep before my younger siblings.

I'm not saying that I've not had sex since that time of my life, or that I haven't had the "o", but more that if I didn't have a partner, I pretty much wouldn't bother even trying because I'm so tired all of the time and given the choice, I'd rather sleep.

Nina