Adjusting To Being Alone During The Week

[MightyMouse]

A few folks have PM'd asking about me, especially in the wake of dealing with the stress of having my stepdad still in the hospital recovering from his liver-resection due to a recurrence of melanoma & with Teri having a new job and being away all week. I hope you'll forgive me for posting instead of individual replies, but I'm pretty tapped out. I've been more symptomatic that usual, with my hr staying in the high 90's to 100's even while I'm still/sitting.

I am just okay. I wish I lived closer than a 2 hour drive to get to the hospital. I would like to see Pat more than I am able, but I've been very tired with the heat. I can't do the drive alone. Teri and I went on Sunday, and I did fine while there, but I got a killer migraine and an early arrival of my period while we were driving home from NYC on Sunday--I had to pull over on the turnpike (no jokes about the NJ tpk!) and have Teri take the wheel or I was going to throw up. I spent the rest of the day and Monday medicated and with my migra-cap (ice cap) on. I managed to get all the bracelets ordered in the past 2 weeks out on Monday--but don't remember doing them.

I've not yet fully shaken the headache...I have more of the "afterache"... those who have migraines will know what I mean; it's a duller, less intense headache that can flare into the real deal migraine if I'm not careful.

I'm struggling with being at home alone all week. I realize more and more each day how much I relied on Teri --and now I'm getting way behind on things like clothes washing, dishes, food shopping. I'm going to have to give in tomorrow and go to the grocery store--even though I can get home delivery, I need to give at least 24 hours notice ahead--and I'm all out of toilet paper now so much for my big fancy plan of ordering groceries for delivery every Friday! Ugh.

I'm also not eating as well as I should, again, because I'm home alone (Teri, I hope you're not lurking, 'cause I know you'd be so mad). If it's not microwaveable or edible right out of the package, I'm not eating it. I'm just too tired, nauseated and headachey. I'm sure the preservatives don't help me at all, but not eating is even worse.

Without Teri here, I find myself in a really crummy mood--the laughing together every day has way more value than I imagined. Other than a few business trips a year, we've rarely been apart--so learning to keep myself even-keeled by myself is quite a task. I'm hoping I find it easier over the next few weeks/months, and I can find a healthier routine both mentally and physically.

So, that's my update. Thanks to those who've asked--I appreciate the concerns, and all the nice thoughts folks have sent my way and Pat's way.

[morgan617]

Sorry it's so hard for you Nina. Dave works 6 days a week, Sunday is the only day I have with him and then I hate to ask him to do much, as it's the only day he has.

It does get very lonely and then you discover how much you depend on them, not just for helping, but just being there emotionally.

Stress is always a great thing too, on top of everything else. It's very hard to pace when you only have yourself to depend on.

I hope it gets better for you. Are you still planning on Croatia? I couldn't imagine a trip across town, let alone across the world. Eat right, pace yourself, and give yourself a break here and there.....or I'll tell Teri, morgan

[goldicedance]

Nina, You have your hands full with your health, your stepfather, and the absence of Terri. Your description of your meals made me smile. On the brighter side, just think--you don't have to brush your teeth at night. (Just joking). Actually, in the novel "The Women's Room" (I think that was the title), one of the women mentions that as a plus when her significant other is away.

Is Terri's away schedule a long-term consequence of his changing jobs?

Hope your migraine is better. Migraines are so no fun!

Lois

[MightyMouse]

You two are funny... no tattling on me, or I'm TOAST!

Croatia has been postponed Life has a funny way of working out though, because I've now got time to spend with my stepdad this Summer. I couldn't have dealt with the stress of being halfway around the world and worrying about his health. Heaven forbid he had a crisis while I was away, I'd have been a nutcase (well, a bigger one than I am already).

Yes, the traveling is part of the new job and will always be a part of it. Usually, it's supposed to be 3 weeks away, then one home, but because of being a newbie, there's more travel to special trainings and pairing along with more senior staff for experience with things one can't learn in a class. I think the Summer wont be as hard for me because I can go visit friends and family, but currently, I'm still working, so I'm home by myself.

We're going to have to get used to being better communicators on the phone again--Teri and I spent our first few years apart because I lived in PA, and Teri was active duty in the Navy. I think we'll need to re-learn how to do all the little things that kept us close, like leaving notes in luggage, under pillow, in the fridge

Nina

[mom4cem]

I'm lucky enough that my hubby is around by the early evening. He goes by 5:00 a.m. When he does go on nights working or weekends, I worry about the "what if's" because he is not there. I've been spoiled!!! He is very helpful and with having the three kids who need to be taken care of and brought everywhere for every sport I really rely on him. Have not figured out how to split myself three ways yet So I can understand a bit.

I wish your stepdad a positive outcome to this recurrence and surgery. Keep up your strength!!! Eat!!!! Have a panera bread around? Love that place.

[corina]

nina,

i am very sorry that you're facing such a difficult time especially now that teri has this new job. it must be so hard on both of you. maybe you can send her a very special card that makes both of lyou augh? it's just an idea to help, i know how hard it is to be alone without your "mate".

hold on,

corina

[Guest tearose]

It will be hard at first, but maybe this is a valuable way for you to concentrate on some things you wanted to do for yourself too. Now you can work on a project that makes a big mess for three weeks!!!

When my love was away for a time, I would hand write an entry in a journal of what I was feeling and thinking. This was in the olden days, before blogs. I never showed it, just needed to get out my thoughts and sit with them awhile. I learned a lot about myself during this time!

I think you will find your relationship will strengthen and the "quality" will be concentrated and more intense when you are together. I believe in my case, we both became more independent and more intwined after a similar experience and I have no regrets. When two people love each other that much, you work at an appropriate adaptation and grow and thrive!

You can do ichats inbetween time!

Maybe you can come to New York for our August 6th get together?

with hugs and love, tearose

[MightyMouse]

I'm going to buy Teri a very small, very portable webcam so we can "see" each other every day I already have an Apple iSight, but it's really too big to be carting it around, so I'll keep that one at home and the smaller one can be for T.

I've been trying to think about what kinds of things I'll be doing when I'm home by myself--I've been so tired that I've not been able to come up with good ideas. Mostly I've been thinking of redecorating stuff, like painting a chest of drawers we have in the garage, cleaning out the closets, etc. None of these are too fun, so I need to be in a better mood and better rested and my creativity may come out.

Nina

[Jacquie802]

Hi Nina,

Sorry I didn't get a chance to send you a message, etc. but you have been in my thoughts! I'm wondering if you could get some help while Teri is away, like an Aide that prepares meals and such...?

I HATE staying alone, that is one of my biggest fears. Even if I am feeling half ways decent the fear sets in. I was never like this before I got sick. I think like some others have said, I think too much about the "what ifs..."

Anyhow, I hope things get better for you and your family right now, esp. Pat. Take care and don't forget to eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacquie

[Sophia3]

Nina,

I hope things get easier for you. It's always TOUGH to adapt to change and having to do more for oneself.

The mental worry of your step dad doesn't help. Hope you get into the new routine soon and feel better.

Watch this heat and humidity. It was 75 and MUGGY last night at 3AM. Supposed to get a break soon.

I hope it breaks soon!! Please, please

[DancingLight]

Hi Nina!

I've missed soooo much on the board. So sorry!

I just wanted to chime in and let you know you are ALWAYS in my thoughts.

You know, I honestly don't know how you have ANY free time left to even think about given all you do for DINET on top of everything else!

I am so sorry about what you are going through with your stepdad (I've only caught bits and pieces on line) and also missed the deal with Teri getting a different/new job. That would be sooooo hard to be apart like that. It is such a comfort to be with each other. I like the webcam idea a lot. I heard a report on NPR about people doing that (it was a father and his daughter who had moved away to live with her mother after a divorce) and they found that they could almost do anything as if they were in person together...play a game, anything. It was neat. They could be goofy (and laugh like you two do a lot) and also be serious. I know how strong you and Teri are as a couple and I know you will find ways to keep connected, but it still sounds so hard and it will be a lot of work.

Well, I'm off to bed. I do hope your headache does NOT turn into another migraine (you need that like a hole in the head, right? How do you say that in yiddish?)

Goodnight and many good thoughts your way ALWAYS...

Love, Em

[Babettegall]

Nina,

There isn't anything that I can say, that hasn't already been said. I hope that things fall into place for you, and you find that the time you spend alone isn't as stressful as it could be.

I liked your idea of a webcam to keep both you and T in touch on a daily basis. How can seeing each other daily be anything but great, when you are apart? Let me know how it works out for you, okay?

After reading your post, it sure made me realize just how lucky I am to have my teenage daughters at home to help me and keep me company. My husband leaves this Sunday for a business trip to MN for several days, and the "what if's" will really get me down if it weren't for the girls.

If you need a shoulder, I'm here!

Take care of yourself.......I'll be checking back to see how you're doing

[bttrflyamby1981]

Being alone.........................awww I'm sorry. The bright side is it will bring you closer together.

My husband left for less then a week on a job, and it was so empty without him there! It made me love him more though, so it was worth it. My heart goes out to you. And your family!

Do you like to read? I love to pass time by reading! Or maybe watch a movie? Scrapbooking is great too....trying to help, good luck in keeping stocked up with toilet paper!

Take care, Amber

[nadine]

I also worry about being home alone, when I used to cherish the time. Like Babs, my 21 year old daughter is at home and a great help-but she also needs time away with friends, needs to work and school. I hate the added stress of babysitting me, that both daughter and husband have, so I like them to get away. However, whenever they are away- they worry. I am fortunate to have great extended friends and family. I just received a card in the mail from a dear friend who said " I think we are do for a ladies night, chick flick and a big bucket of ice cream, call me and I will set it all up." They are wonderful and I hope you have many friends who will do the same. I am sure you do.

I also have a very poor diet when alone, as I can do little- friends all chipped in and purchased premade home cooked meals that I can just micro or warm up, no prep and they are wonderful meals.

I highly recommend this as a gift idea. We have a few places that make these meals for purchase.

The internet, computer games , movies and reading(when able) also really help me.

[DancingLight]

P.S. Nina, I don't think ANYONE will be upset that you posted one post instead of trying to email or PM each person individually!!!! No Jewish guilt, k?

[michiganjan]

Nina,

If you will email me your snail mail address, I will snail mail you a roll of TP or two.

Just hold everything until it gets there. You can do that, right?

Just take care of yourself. I missed Jeff last night as he had to stay in the hospital. He is home today on the couch, feeling bad from the procedure he had yesterday. Even though he needs to stay on the couch, he is HERE, and I am not lonely.

The mere physical presence of a loved one can be very comforting.

[MightyMouse]

Uh, yes, my guts are slow enough that I could "hold everything" until then

Meanwhile, Teri's flight is delayed b/c the plane never got to her airport--it's still on the ground at LaGaurdia, 2 hours away b/c of the storms.

nina