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Really Annoyed!


Rachel Cox
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Hi, I know many of you will have discussed this before, so please bear with me, I need to vent!

I went to my daughter's parent teacher interview yesterday. it was a massive challenge to even get out the door yesterday, it was a bad day following a really bad night. but i did get out the door.

when I got to the pre-school, with my two children in tow (you know the marathon, just getting out of the car had me spent) I was greeted by the centre supervisor who said

"Hi Rachel, how are you? -no, wait, I asked you that yesterday and regretted it!"

she then motioned me into the interview room to discuss my daughters progress.

I know I am sensitive to people's dismissal of how I am feeling, but I felt really aggrieved yesterday. I am a teacher myself and I thought that comment was so insensitive and unprofessional. I was on the back foot immediately. I want to address the issue with her or the centre but I also don't want to make things awkward. I don't like making waves.

It's just that I think them not 'getting it' is a real problem. Not getting it means they don't understand my kids either.

They said that my daughter is over-sensitive and cries a lot. Small wonder, we've had some really tough times at home lately, not the least of which was my sudden admission to hospital, subsequent operation and my daily struggles with ...everything. They think she needs to 'harden up'. I just wanted to cry. How many times have I been told that myself? She's only four for crying out loud.

Anyhooooooooo. I am grateful for this forum, your thoughts would be so appreciated.

Rachel

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Wow, I agree, that was pretty rude. I was a preschool teacher and can't imagine saying that to a parent or anyone else for that matter. That would have hurt my feelings, too. Hopefully she realized that after she said it and will act more professional in the future. You and your family are obviously going through a lot right now, so it is no surprise that your daughter is having a hard time. Her teacher needs to be more patient with her. I don't know that I have any real advice, because I am not one who likes confrontation either. But I am sorry that you are having to deal with someone who is not very understanding of your situation. Hang in there and vent to us anytime. :blink:

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You are not venting, what happened to today was simply horrid. Some people find themselves in the wrong line of work, and it seems that this centre is adept at finding folks who would be better suited for our penile system instead of our pre-schools. If you can change your daughter to another school, I would encourage you to do so rather than continue to beat your head against the wall with this group.

My kids are all in the teens and older now, but when they were little I was fortunate to have found a place that honored my values. I was their first nursing mother back in 1988 who insisted on no bottles or cribs for my youngest. I gave them a sling and explained how I wanted my little one to be nurtured. My first born was "high need" ... not "overly sensitive" ... and I knew enough even as a young mother that providing her with a safe and supportive environment would serve to provide her with a foundation that would allow her to grow up confident strong and self-sufficient. (Did I mention she studied in Italy last year for college -- Its good to know in hindsight that I made the right choices!)

A lady friend of mine told me just this week that her 6th grader was not ready to handle the week long 6th grade camp and though she made arrangements to accompany him (through the dissapproving eyes of the staff) he still was not enjoying the experience and they opted to return home after two days. "It was the best decision he made. I am so glad I didn't force him to go through with that. When he's ready he will know." She said to me .... and she's right. She's raised two other amazing and autonomous kids who have each gone away to college and are strong self-confident young adults.

Too often we look at the "one size all" parenting paradigm and try to push our child into a model that simply doesn't work for his or her developing needs. I applaud parents who are willing to stand up and say enough is enough and not be afraid to blaze a new trail that works for their unique circumstances.

If you are unable to find a new centre for your little one, don't worry. You will still be able to provide the time and attention she needs afterschool to undue any of the insensitive gestures or experiences she may have during her pre-school session. It is not an easy lesson to learn at that age, but one that your own intuitive parenting will be able to help her through.

Big hug to the both of you. You did well.

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Thank you, both of you! It did my heart such good to write it down. My husband thinks we should write a letter to the pre-school to explain POTS (not that I haven't tried...) and explain how that comment was received.

I really like the pre-school, and until yesterday, would have told you that the supervisor was a sweet heart. I feel bad knowing that they (she) thinks I am just a complainer who takes up her time. It's disappointing.

but onward and upward. I think a letter is a good idea, I will try to not be too emotive, obviously my feelings aren't welcome! Nonethless, I think my point of view is valid feedback for them. If they don't listen we may have to look elsewhere for our son. Our little girl is starting school soon. It's so sad when a place doesn't live up to its founding philosophies. We chose the centre after weeks of visiting pre-schools around the city, researching early childcare and carefully deliberating. One of the things that appealed to me was the community focus and how they talk about valuing the individual. They cost so much more than the others but I thought we were getting a really professional, seriously caring environment. Now I feel quite disillusioned. I think I will need to resolve this.

do you guys think a letter is appropriate?

Rach

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She was out of line acting that way. When she said, "Oh wait, I asked you that yesterday and regretted it"-----I would have said, "WAIT---but you haven't read my whole story in this book I brought you". I usually try to come up with something that will throw them off----basically letting them know I know their being rude, but I may as well have a little fun with it.

I can't believe she's carrying on about your daughter like this--------------FOUR! Why does she want a four year old to "harden up"!? Sounds like a real cold fish----that woman!......... :lol:

I don't have patience for idiots like that. Your being kind.

I guess hearing so many stories about people like this, and all my own struggles have made me "harden up".

Now I find it kind of easy to deal with ding dongs like this-----------I just give it back, but only so they get it, and no one else notices.

I'm not one to play games like this, but if someone wants to mess with me like this, I do whatever I need to do to keep my dignity.

Maxine :0)

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Oh that was so unprofessional, and clearly shows this person has quite strong views on being a tough cookie!

The evaluation of your daughter as being 'over- sensitive' by crying a lot is not a proper observation. Not sure if it is the same in the US as it is in the UK but all pre school leaders have to link all observations to 'area's of learning' and give positive action plans in areas that a child is struggling in.

If you had a kid in a pre school here it would be the teacher's/leaders duty to listen to how a parent is doing as this is a clear link to a child's behavioral and emotional needs!! Core that would be funny this supervisor being obliged to sit and take notes on your situation, not sure she could coup with this in reality!!

Please please write to the supervisor, briefly out line your condition and explain how in fact your daughter is a tough little cookie as she still comes into pre-school, even with all that is going on at home. Then I suggest you ask the supervisor what action plan she has in place to help you daughter over come her 'over-sensitivity'!! The fact that the supervisor has bought this up leaves her open to having to talk with you to find ways to help your daughter over come this!

Ha ha this supervisor will have to ask you how you are each day and she will have to listen and take it on board!!!

Anna

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Rachel,

I think a professional letter detailing what happened between you and the supervisor is the most succinct way to deal with the matter. I don't think I'd go into detail about your illness - that really shouldn't matter - except to let them know briefly how it effects you and your family. A copy to the teacher involved and the administrator of the place should do the trick. You should expect an apology from both of them.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this, especially on a bad day! You and your family are living in a very difficult world, so of course your children will need extra patience and love.

Let us know if you write the letter and your results, please.

Best,

Jana

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Rachel,

Her response to you was totally uncalled for.

I am a former elementary teacher, principal and university instructor. I have lots of experience dealing with other teachers, parents, administrators... well, you get it. Under NO circumstances was her response appropriate, either about talking with you OR about your child.

Step 1: Go to the person who spoke like that to you and tell them calmly how what they said made you feel. They need to first hear it from you. If you don't get satisfaction, then...

Step 2: Go to the building principal, and let him/her know what happened, and that you have gone back and spoken to the person responsible. Explain again how it made you feel, and how inappropriate it was. Have a conversation with the principal. HOPEFULLY, he or she will be compassionate and things will go well. If they do NOT go well...

Step 3: Go to the superintendent. Repeat Step 2.

Here's why you need to start the whole thing with Step 1: You always want to be on a good rapport with the child's teacher. Always. Never go above the teachers head without first speaking with the teacher. That sets you up for a struggle for the rest of the year with that particular teacher, and more importantly, teachers talk to each other. The next year's teacher will hear the story, and on and on.

BUT, if Step 1 does not work to your satisfaction, then by all means go to the next step up the ladder.

Let me know if you need help!

Caron

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Rachel,

Her response to you was totally uncalled for.

I am a former elementary teacher, principal and university instructor. I have lots of experience dealing with other teachers, parents, administrators... well, you get it. Under NO circumstances was her response appropriate, either about talking with you OR about your child.

Step 1: Go to the person who spoke like that to you and tell them calmly how what they said made you feel. They need to first hear it from you. If you don't get satisfaction, then...

Step 2: Go to the building principal, and let him/her know what happened, and that you have gone back and spoken to the person responsible. Explain again how it made you feel, and how inappropriate it was. Have a conversation with the principal. HOPEFULLY, he or she will be compassionate and things will go well. If they do NOT go well...

Step 3: Go to the superintendent. Repeat Step 2.

Here's why you need to start the whole thing with Step 1: You always want to be on a good rapport with the child's teacher. Always. Never go above the teachers head without first speaking with the teacher. That sets you up for a struggle for the rest of the year with that particular teacher, and more importantly, teachers talk to each other. The next year's teacher will hear the story, and on and on.

BUT, if Step 1 does not work to your satisfaction, then by all means go to the next step up the ladder.

Let me know if you need help!

Caron

I could be mistaken but it appears that the supervisor of the centre (principal?) is the ONE who was so rude. I think dealing with her directly (even in a letter) is a great idea. And, then (if a sincere apology isn't forthcoming) moving on to her supervisor or board of directors, or whomever is next in the chain of command. Very unprofessional- Sorry Giraffe :-(

Julie

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