firewatcher Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 It is a beautiful day in the South, bluebirds are nesting, the sun is shining and it is in the low (F) 70's. I had a good night's sleep, still woke up tired, but better than most days...so I attempt to get out into my weed infested, neglected yard (before the Homeowner's Association complains again .) Five minutes into my attempt, I'm hot, dizzy and breathing hard/heart thumping so I have to stop. This is depressing. My yard was my outlet, my own, my therapy, my solace...I can't do it anymore. I used to build stone walls, I have several unfinished ones in my yard now. I have an unfinished pond. I had such visions for my yard, and now I just can't do it! I was hoping that with medication that I would have enough symptom control to do the things I did before, but my body still goes nuts when I try to "push" it to do anything! I was so looking forward to Spring and gardening again and now I feel like even that is over! This stinks! I would jump up and down and scream "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!" but then I'd have to take a nap to recover from it. Feeling very frustrated and unhappy...and tachycardic...and tired...and my head hurts again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
all4family Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Great big understanding ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!!!I went to take my son on a bike ride today, and I was even riding on my scooter, but I was falling asleep riding, and just wanted to lay down! It really stinks to not do the things our hearts really want to do!!!!!!I hope you can get out and garden soon!!!!HugsSuzy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rymac Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 It's rainy and dreary here. If you want a laugh check this out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carinara Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 I can totally relate. I loved my garden and gardening, i love planting and watching my flowers grow. But since 2 years i had to cut them activities down a lot. Standing and bending over is just no good anymore. Today was a very nice day over here and i got some flowers yesterday and decided to plant them. I always sit on the ground whilest i do something in the garden. I put all the things around me so i dont have to get up in between. It wasnt hot outside, so i could tolerate sitting there for a while and it was great. Before i got sick, i had so many flowers in my garden that it took me ages to water them in the summer. But now the heat makes it impossible for me to water them. Thats why i only have a few flowers in during summer now. I can understand how frustrating that is, but on the other hand, i remember the times were i was bedridden and couldnt get up at all, thats why i still apreciate and am thankfull for what i have got now.I hope that you will get better soon, and please try to enjoy what you can do.All the best carinara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broken_Shell Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 I hear you! I have been hoping to feel good enough to attempt to start some "Spring Cleaning" for the last couple of months. I know that once I get started, I will have to clean in like 5 to 10 minute intervals and it will take me several weeks, but all I want to do is get a start. My birthday is coming up in April, and it would make me happy to start my next year of life with a clean house! We must somehow stay patient and believe that somehow, someday we will get these things done!HUGS, HUGS, & MORE HUGS~ Broken_Shell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firewatcher Posted March 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Thank you. I guess I have not truly accepted what this has done to my life yet. I keep thinking: "I've had this all my life, so I can return to the way it was before..." I don't know what has changed, but something has. I am beginning to hate the phrase "in no acute distress." It may not be acute, but it is disabling and severely impacts my quality of life. Just because I'm not bleeding out of every orifice or turning orange with purple spots the doctors are willing to wait until something "goes" and they can give it a name.sigh... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommyhoney Posted March 22, 2009 Report Share Posted March 22, 2009 Thank you. I guess I have not truly accepted what this has done to my life yet. I keep thinking: "I've had this all my life, so I can return to the way it was before..." I don't know what has changed, but something has. I am beginning to hate the phrase "in no acute distress." It may not be acute, but it is disabling and severely impacts my quality of life. Just because I'm not bleeding out of every orifice or turning orange with purple spots the doctors are willing to wait until something "goes" and they can give it a name.sigh...I'm very sorry for your bad feelings, I know it's so had to accept these things, over & over. I hope you can find some peace today, and maybe even be able to give it another try. It is awful we all have these stupid limitations. Take careTommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajw4790 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hi,I wish it had gone better for you! Maybe as frustrating as it is you may have to take even smaller baby steps to be able to get outside and do that kind of strenous work. Between the up and down and valsalva manuever making things worse when you do things like pull stubborn weeds or pick up anything semi-heavy. Does not sound fun! I know in retrospect have come to realize that this is why so many activities such as this were always not apealing to me. I too am frustrated that the weather is nice and I don't have any energy etc. I felt bad this morning a laid down for a nap, which ended up being- well not a nap! I slept all day, woke up once or twice, super groggy- falling all over the place, and bad pain in my abdomen that made it hard to move. I just wanted to go grocery shopping! Urrgghhh!!!! Hopefully you will be able to give it another try soon! Take small baby steps and work your way up. Try to modify what you would normally do to conserve energy and avoid a lot of position changes etc. Keep hydrated and take a lot of breaks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firewatcher Posted March 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Thanks for the support! I honestly didn't think that I was trying to do "too much." Just pull a few weeds and move two plants (we are not talking oak trees here.) They never got moved and the weeds are still there. When we built this house, we specifically bought this lot for it's yard potential. It is hard to think that it may not come to fruition. Giving up on dreams is hard and I am particularly stubborn! It is even harder to call my grandmother and find that she has "been in the yard" all day and is tired......I was tired when I woke up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gertie Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think I know how you feel. Not only do I have Dys I also have arthritis but I am so ashamed of how my yard looks I got the rake Sat & started trying to clean it up . After a few min I was so exhausted I barely made it inside to shower. I can barely walk 2 days later. The only advice I can give is try not to let it get u down. When I get where I can move again I'll probably try it again. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turtlefairy5 Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I'm sorry that you weren't able to do something you really wanted to do. It is a horrible catch-22 that you actually have the motivation to do something to make you feel better - emotionally, spiritually, etc. - but find that you cannot do it. You get all your stuff together, you put your gardening clothes on, you envision what it's going to be like, look forward to it, and then......splat!, you're struck down. It is hugely depressing, disappointing, maddening. It is such a simple thing to do, something others take for granted. Yet another thing that you can't do that others look at you and can't believe, think you're weak, lazy, more mentally ill than physically ill, trying to get attention, etc., because "but-you-don't-look/act-sick," right? If they only knew. If they could only wear your gardening shoes for a few seconds. It's not like you're trying to run a marathon, you're just trying to do one tiny thing.This may sound stupid, but if you can't garden, ****, I say take a chair outside, put in the middle of your yard, and appreciate the weeds! Think of them as the underdogs of the gardening world. They never get any love. Amber Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjan Posted March 26, 2009 Report Share Posted March 26, 2009 I'm sorry that you weren't able to do something you really wanted to do. It is a horrible catch-22 that you actually have the motivation to do something to make you feel better - emotionally, spiritually, etc. - but find that you cannot do it. You get all your stuff together, you put your gardening clothes on, you envision what it's going to be like, look forward to it, and then......splat!, you're struck down. It is hugely depressing, disappointing, maddening. It is such a simple thing to do, something others take for granted. Yet another thing that you can't do that others look at you and can't believe, think you're weak, lazy, more mentally ill than physically ill, trying to get attention, etc., because "but-you-don't-look/act-sick," right? If they only knew. If they could only wear your gardening shoes for a few seconds. It's not like you're trying to run a marathon, you're just trying to do one tiny thing.This may sound stupid, but if you can't garden, ****, I say take a chair outside, put in the middle of your yard, and appreciate the weeds! Think of them as the underdogs of the gardening world. They never get any love. AmberYes AMBER I love what you said.. even WEEDS need love !!! One weed at a time.. one moment is all we can affored at times eh?But I do hear all of your frustruations.. activities that are so precious and fulfilling.. so YESS write poems.. writer HERE.. SCREAM HOLLER..but let the world know you HATE this disease !!Whew.. then go take care of yourselves...at least we have each other.Warmly, Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morgan617 Posted March 26, 2009 Report Share Posted March 26, 2009 I was the same way, couldn't wait to get my hands in the earth and work and then just enjoy it all. Last year my daughter in law planted for me while I watched. Although I appreciated it so much, it was so sad that I didn't do it. We are moving in April and I suppose she will plant for me again at the new place. I am working on appredciating the fact that someone cares enough to do it for me, because I love flowers and summer more than anything. But there will always be a part of me that is so sad about this.Sending hugs and total understanding your way sweetie! morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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