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Anyone Adopted A Child Since Having Autonomic Dysfunction?


DSM3KIDZ
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When I was healthy my husband and I planned on having 4 or 5 children. We have 3 now and they are such a joy. My pregnancies were good except for first 3 months so I always figured once I get this illness under control we would have more children I'm only 29 and who knows what could happen in the next few years.

My husband and family decided for "my health" I shouldn't subject my body to anymore pregnancies. I got sick when my son was 7months so who knows if that has anything to do with it. So I didn't have much choice in the matter since it's not my body but I do know my husband felt bad and angry this illness disrupted our family plans. But he still got a vasectomy.

So now their is talk about adoption in the future, I am completely interested but wonder if any of you have adopted once dx with a chronic illness?

I told my husband if I get my health back he'll be making an appointment for a very expensive reversal. He wasn't too happy to hear that while he lay with an ice pack on his package :)

Actually I feel maybe this is all part of the plan for my life. I am a wonderful mom who could give a child a loving family and happy life.

So if anyone has any experience with this or any stories of anyone with a chronic illness who adopted I'd be interested to hear them. I'm in no position to adopt now but theirs no harm in hoping.

Dayna

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I'd be interested in hearing too--I really want to be a mom, but my health just isn't good enough to safely put my body through a pregnancy. We've talked about adoption, but I have so many worries because I have days /weeks when I struggle just to take care of myself, let alone a child. I don't want to be selfish and bring a child into out home because I want it more than I can actually take care of it...

Nina

Ps... in addition to adoption, there is also the possiblity of surrogacy--your eggs, your husband's sperm, and someone else to be the incubator :) I have friends who are doing this-- they lost 3 babies already and she just can't seem to carry a pregnancy past 26 weeks.

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This is an interesting topic.

I was wondering how much health information is considered when adoption agency makes decisions. I assume it may be dift. if it were a private adoption or perhaps international. Just wondering about that.

I know that the agency always wants to know about the health of the birth mother, etc. So I am wondering how much info they get on the adoptive parents.

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We also wanted more children. We only have one. Our son was born very early, as I was not able to carry full term. Our son spent a long time in the nicu. He got RSV 2 times, and was so sick we thought the childrens hospital was our second home. Then late when we was 3 years old the found a mass on his left lung. It ended up being a baseball size mass. We where very lucky that the test came back and it was not cancer.

Due to the fact I could not carry full term, We where told that we sould hav no more children. My husband also had a surgey to take care of no more children. We thought about adoption. My husband was adopted. So to him he would love to.

Right now I am worried as one we are in the middle of SSDI, and I can not take care of myself sometimes, let alone my son now. I would love to have another child, but at the same time I am worried that due to my health we would not have a chance. At least thought th agency my husband came thought and we would want to use them. My husband was adopeted though "holt" he was part of operation baby drop in Vietnam during the war.

If my health ever turns around and we know things are going to stay ok, and I can return to work. I would love to adopyet a child, but until that time I really don't think its right for us, Plus with me not working right now I don't think we could afford all the fee to adopted.

I would really like to know if the would allow somone with a chonic illness adopted a child. This is a good topic!

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Thanks for the replies. I am in no position to adopt anytime soon, I was just thinking and hoping the future will be brighter and I'll be healthy enough. I will start doing some research on it and let everyone know what I come up with.

A few months ago when I talked to someone at Bethany Adoption they said you would need letters from your doctors saying you could care for a child. I just wonder what affect it would have on the birth parents decision. Like it was mentioned, maybe it would be a benefit!

Nina- I like the idea of surragacy but I think that's more expensive than adoption.

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We have a member, Merrill, who probably doesn't check in much at all here anymore because she adopted a daughter from China in the last year. You might try sending her a PM or e-mail. She was functional but still feeling pretty crappy when this all went down.

Amy

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I don't have children but my fiance and I have thoroughly discussed the topic and how it relates to my health. We both agree it isn't such a great idea to put my body through a pregnancy. We've decided that when the time comes we will go the surrogacy route as Nina mentioned - my egg, his sperm, and a surrogate mother. However, we had looked into the adoption aspect and perhaps it varies state by state and depends on where you want to adopt from but in the state of FL they do inquire about the health, especially of the mother. Although I think if this is the route you wanted to take and you were capable of it, you could probably provide enough documentation to prove that you are able to care for a child's needs. I would suggest googling to see the law's within your state or if you plan on adopting outside of the country, do a search on that.

One more thing..

Someone else mentioned the expense of surrogacy vs. adoption. Surrogacy is probably more expensive especially since you are going to have another person's medical bills, attorney fees, etc. However, some states have passed laws putting a cap on how much surrogacy can cost. For instance, here in Florida it is $12,000. If it is something you are interested in, I recommend checking your individal state laws.

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We are considering adoption as well.

Considering how un-seriously POTS is taken by most of the medical community, it would be surprising if it were made an issue for prospective adoptive parents, but I imagine this could vary from state to state and country to country (if adopting internationally). I think age is made more of a factor, than chronic conditions, based on what little I know!

Yes--one of our members, Merrill, adopted a little girl from China earlier this year. Merrill sent me her blog (if I can get her permission, I would provide the URL). As far as I know, her condition, POTS, was not ever made an issue. The adoption process was the typical lengthy process, but went smoothly. Merrill has not been active on this board for ages, but I'll send her an e-mail...

Foster parenting is yet another option/opportunity to share your life with a child. Hard, but there is a HUGE need nearly everywhere.

Katherine

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I too have often thought if dysautonomia would paly a part into "me" being aloud to adopt a child.. be it in the USA or internationally.. I have thought more about adopting internationally....like a brother and sister or something like that along them lines...so the children would have a blood relation to relate to growing up.. and as they got older... somebody who looks like they do..

But I have not looked into anything yet b/c i dont want to get told nope sorry you cant adopt a child b/c of health isssues.. granted i think it is important to consirder but it should not be the deciding factor...

I know that right now or anytime soon that i could not handle caring for a child. especially being a single parent.. But I would hope that in the future that I'd be able to at least have that option.

good luck to all of you who pursue this route!

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We adopted a boy Jesse. He was in 3rd grade at the time, he is now going to be a junior in high school.

We did foster care for years and did respite care for Jesse on and off. He was a special needs child (ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder). He is a very caring young man and has always understood my illness. My husband and older son are a very big part of his life. He has done very well, is now off medication, is a cross country runner, on the B honor role. I won't say it was easy-we went to ALOT of counseling appointments.

Do I ever reget it? Never.

Your doctor does have to fill out a physical form and on there it asks if the doctor feels that you will live long enough to raise the child.

I don't think I could have adopted a baby, but there are so many children in the foster care system looking to become part of a family. There are websites in each state with available children. You can call their social worker and have them spend a weekend with you.

Dawn

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