straw that broke the camel's back

[persephone]

Well, I had my letter about my scholarship today. Instead of being awarded enough to be able to go, I've been offered less than a quarter of what I have to prove I can pay. I really hoped I was going to get it. Such strong grades and references! I'm so dissapointed!

After the week I've had with my grandfather being so ill too...I just reached the end of my tether today. Started crying, and five hours later I still couldn't stop. It wasn't just the scholarship I was crying about though, it was EVERYTHING. i've pushed ahead relentlessly, refused to give in and through all the dark times the one thing that's kept me going is my place at Oxford. In spite of everything, i've kept thinking "It's ok, I've got Oxford." Now I don't really have it at all. so what's the alternative? What future do I have? Every thing is SO uncertain.

Ended up going to the GP, after my mum rang her and told her I was really distressed. She's started me on a new SSRI which might also help the POTS- it's called Citalopram.

I hope it will help my mood too- I've just been in a state of absolute shock for the last 6 months I think, after what POTS has done to me, and the way I've been treated by different medics. I've carried it around, and pushed so hard to achieve and to carry on inspite of everything. But every time I do anything I have to push and fight and I am just SO tired of it. I've had to work five times as hard as all my healthy friends at University to get as far as they have. and to get my offer from Oxford but be unable to get funding is just the pits. Haven't I been through enough?!

I don't feel like graduating next week. I feel like disappearing.

I'm worried now that if depression is mentioned in my medical notes, people will jump on the bandwagon and try to say that's the cause of my physical condition. I know it makes me worse but it certainly isn't the cause of all that's happened.

Anyone else tried the Citalopram and found it helpful?

anyone got any advice on how other than robbing a bank, I can find the missing ?13,000 for my course at Oxford?

It's one thing after another, I can't take much more

[Ernie]

Hi,

I am sorry that you did not get the scholarship. I understand how disappointed you feel after everything you went through lately.

Could your parents co-sign a loan for you?

Ernie

[MightyMouse]

Try to take a deep breath and think this through. I am currently in graduate school...and I have more student loans than I want to disclose. However, I wouldn't trade this path for anything.

Your door to your future is not closed until YOU shut it. There's always a way.

Nina

[Sue]

I agree with Nina, don't shut the door!!! You've hit rock bottom, now just climb back up I know easier said then done, but we've all been there. Climb a little at a time and know were here backing you up.

Take care

Sue

[steph37822]

oops

[DSM3KIDZ]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the scholarship. When it rains it pours. I agree with everyone else that you can't give up. If this is what is keeping you going there's got to be a way to achieve your goals. As with anybody with disabilities your fight will have to be harder than the average but your success will be that much greater.

Good luck to you

dayna

[dizzygirl]

Hi, I am so sorry that you didnt get the scholarship that you needed. I know that things have been very rough for you lately, I'm sorry!

I hope that things look up for you soon.

Here is a big hug for you!!

[Dawg Tired]

I, too, am SO sorry about your scholarship. Like some of the rest here - I've had the struggle for education.

I also can fully appreciate the fear you have of getting stuck with the diagnosis of depression on your medical chart; it literally took me MONTHS at the front end of this stuff to convince my doctor that I wasn't just depressed. He was so bad at "demanding" I was depressed he actually had me in tears of frustration - then he would look at me smugly and walk out.

Does the UK have any student loan programs that you qualify for? At least for your first semester you might look into that. When you show yourself to be the bright and shining star we know you are then perhaps scholarships will come your way. In the meantime we are thinking about you and praying for you.

"Endeavor to persevere!"

[Poohbear]

I don't really have more to offer in terms of advice than others have already suggested but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you've been so let down and disappointed.

Hang on to your dreams and keep working to reach them!! Try to view this as a setback and not a "this will never happen". It may take longer for you to reach your goal since you have to secure additional funding but you can make it happen!!

[yogini]

Congrats on getting into Oxford. That is an impressive accomplishment! I'm very sorry you didn't get the scholarship, but I am sure that you can find a way to finance your education.

Most colleges here have a financial aid office which not only helps with scholarships, but also with various other ways to finance your education. Maybe there are other scholarships, loans or grants that you could qualify for, or you could get paid as a research assistant. In the US, many top schools don't offer merit-based scholarships at all. We have govt-subsidized loans with low interest rates. You can pay them back over 30 years, which makes it a lot easier. It is an investment, almost like buying a house! I am hoping you have similar resources in the UK.

If it makes you feel better, many of my friends have student loans of more than US $100,000. They are finding ways to pay them off over time.

Best wishes. Remember that bumps like this along the road will happen from time to time, but you can overcome them. They will make you stonger and make your accomplishments all the more sweet.

-Rita

[Guest Julia59]

Persephone,

Keep trying----you will find a way to make this possible.

I keep telling this to my son. He wasn't ready for college---still wanted to play. now he has student loans for classes he barely attended. Basically he is paying 10K for all this. Now he has matured and want's to go back, but he's afraid he will never get the loans or funding he needs.

My husband won't sign another fafsa form as his name is already of a couple for my son---and if my son does not pay his loans timely---it will show on our credit report. Right now he is paying, but at times we had to help. My husband has 30K out there for his own student loans------ My classes were paid for through my old employer. I was lucky to receive nearly a 4.0 in the classes I took. The funding was based on the grade received. A=100%--B=80% and so on.

Unfortunately I had to quit due to my illness---I couldn't work full time and go to school---no way.

I went through the BVR---Bureau of vocational rehab for my medical coding certificates. I was not working---and was able to handle the program.

With all your hard work I know this must feel terrible----like everything is crumbling down on you at once. Where there is a will---there is a way. I know you will find a way to make this happen. Your far to intelligent----so don't let this go to waste. Get on the computer and try to figure out ways to find the funding Loans, grants, scholarships--ect.)------you can do it---I know you can.

Please hang in there---and please don't let one more person make you think you health issues are psychological. Just ignore this kind of bullroar-----you and I, and all the rest know how real this is.

Wishing you the best outcome to all of this. You will be in my thoughts-----please keep us posted.

Take care,

Julie :0)

[persephone]

Thanks guys. Your suggestions are all really sweet, but sadly not really so relevant to British funding.

I owe ?12,700 in loans from my first degree; undergrad students can take out government loans which are paid back at low interest rates.

For postgraduate studies, there is no such option. you either get a scholarship from the university itself, a research council (I'm still waiting to hear from the British Academy but hold out VERY little hope) or you get rich.

There's a carerr development loan of up to ?8,000 which would still leave me ?7,000 short, but it only covres vocational subjects, of which English Lit is not one. So there really is no other alternative. My parents paid for me all the way through school, helped me all the way through college, and I just can't bear to let them try and make sacrifices for me again. Enough's enough.

What really upsets me is that I explained on the application I've been too ill to work so I can't even work to save in order to fund myself. I *had* to gte a scholarship or I wouldn't be able to go. Yet I still didn't get lucky.

I think I'm just not meant to go. That's how it feels anyway. There's just too much going on right now for me to think aobut the future. I'm just thinking about graduation.

I got my hair done today- it's black, post box red, and PURPLE. I look like Sharon Osbourne! And my mum is red and chestnut- We're going to look AWESOMES!!

[MightyMouse]

Pers, you might think about coming to the US for school; we've got more $$$ for grad school than you can imagine. I'm at Temple University, but of course, you'd have your pick of 50 states and many, many universities. If you've achieved good grades, you'll not have a problem. You have an advantage over other international students: you're first language is English.

Nina

[Kitsakatsa]

I'm so sorry to hear about your plight. What a hard time this must be for you. I owe the US govt nearly 80,000 USD in student loans that I have to figure out how to pay, I know that loans may not be an option for you, but I can relate to your financial struggles. Too bad there is not some really rich Queen with POTS and money to start a foundation of some sort. Of anyone that deserves a break- its you! I am happy to hear about your hair though. I think it was thoroughly the right thing to do under the circumstances. I have wanted to do the same thing for a number of years. Good things happen to good people. You will get through, although it may not be clear right now... (kiss on cheek) Kit