My Mother Is In Hospital Due To A Bike Accident Last Night And I Felt And Feel So Useless

[carinara]

Just when i sat in the bath tub last evening in the middle of having a shower somebody rang the doorbell like crazy. My partner opened the door and i heard my Dad saying something in a very hectic voice and then he left again straight away. The next thing that happened was that my partner came into the bathroom telling me, that apparently my mum fell off her bicycle straight on her face and head and that an ambulance just picked her up.

As i was sitting there my HR shot up and all the other symptoms kicked in. I was so scared and shocked and totally helpless. There was a part of me, who watched the whole scenario and reminded me to try to stay calm in order to make the right decisions now, but pure panick just took over. I told my partner, that we shouldnt have let my Dad (he is 75) drive the 8 miles to the hospital on his own and so my partner wanted to get ready to drive and catch him somewhere on the road. I didnt feel up to getting out of the tub because of my flaring symptoms and so i rang my sister straight away and told her about what happened and also asked her, if she and her boyfriend can drive to the hospital straight away. They were on their way a few minutes later and my partner stayed at home with me and my daughter. I feel so bad about being selfish because i arranged that my sister (she lives half a mile away from me) drove to the hospital and my partner stayed home with me instead. It took me quiet a while before i made it into my bedroom and put my compression stockings on. I tried to stay calm but it was very difficult because the scariest thoughts about my mum came into my mind and adrenaline just kept shooting out of every corner of my body. I am the oldest child in our family. Before i had POTS i was allways the one who took over responsibilities in them sort of situations. Like when my Dad had major heart surgeries or my grandmother was dying. I was the one who talked to the doctors and went to the hospital straight away to be with them. Now iam not able to. I stayed in bed, praying and waiting for my sister to call me. My sister and my dad kept me in the picture about everything that happened. They told me that my mum was going to have a CT of the brain now, and that they have put her to sleep and so on. It was only after they told me that the brain scan came back ok, that she didnt break anything and that her memory is coming back, that i calmed down a bit and so my symptoms were getting better. I found out that they have to keep her in intensive care for the next 24 hours and that her face looks totally blue, bloody and swollen and that she hit her head bad. I felt so useless because i didnt think i could make it to the hospital to see her because even the thought about how she might look makes me feels sick and weak. After another 30 minutes i told my partner that i would like to drive to the hospital and just sit in the car and wait for my family to come out. Thats what we did... We sat in the parked car and my partner went to see my mum but i couldnt. I was so scared that the walking i had to do plus the emotional stress when i see her in intensive care would make my symptoms totally flare. I know my body well by now and i was so scared that i might end up staying in the hospital as well because of me having severe problems (i cant see blood lately either) and at the same time upsetting my family even more with me being sick there. So i waited in the car for almost 3 hours. When my dad and my sister turned up i jumped into their car and we drove home together. I didnt sleep at all last night...

My sister decided to take monday off to support my Dad and spend time with my mother and i decided straight away that i wouldnt go to work either and go with my sister and Dad instead. She just picked me up at 8 in the morning and now here iam again sitting in the carpark whilest my sister and Dad spend time with my mother. They all understand why i dont want to come into the hospital room but iam not sure if i understand anymore. I sit here in the car at the moment and feel as if i take an easy way out. Iam so scared to walk into my mums hospital room seeing her hurt. I know how these sorts of situations can trigger an episode and i dont want to be the center of attention then. My sister just told me that my mum is ok, her face looks really bad but otherwise everything is under controll. I dont know what to do. I put so much pressure on myself by telling me iam a selfish cow if i dont go in and then i dont like the thought of making my mum even sader by getting an episode or crying my eyes out if i go in now. There is also another patient next to her who cant hardly breath. Any advice on how i should handle this situation? Should i go and see her no matter what? Or should i wait until she comes home again (which they said it could be in 2 days). Thanks a lot, carinara

[miranda]

Hi I am sorry to hear about your mum, it must of been a shock for all of you.

But I am amazed how alike we are, I am absolutely the same , I can not take any stress at all.

Once when my son was rushed to hospital with appendix I fainted nearly in the room when all the doctors were checking my son. I also fainted when my daughter had her ears pierced.

But I think what might be a good idea is to get your sister or dad to take a photo of your mums face.

so you can look at it whilst lying down, fluid up salted up and all prepared.

It does sound crazy the way we are but we are ill too, so dont be so hard on yourself.

Let me know how you and your mum get on.

take care.

[lieze]

I'm so sorry that happened.

I understand and am just now getting in touch to how stress sets us off.

I am going off to little things like a mower delivery, repairman coming to the house and then at work last night a woman falling. I could hardly help to get her up I had to go take a part of my Xanax.

And then I started to help walk a feeble man and my anxiety was there. I was so afraid he would fall or get lightheaded and not be able to continue and it's his wife who wants to walk him. Here I am with two elderly hanging on hoping that nothing happens knowing I can't say no. We made it but I always think of the worst.

I almost think to tolerate that setting you would need to be sedated.

I guess the other thing about the story with the mower delivery guy was he was crippled I didn't mention that but just seeing his crippled leg got me emotionally feeling we are connected and suffering. And it just maximizes everything. Weird but it does. I am going to see if I can get on an anti D and if it won't help protect me from these situations a bit put a buffer on.

Do not blame yourself. A lot of us are noticing this connection and you can't control it. I have tried and it doesn't work. My body just goes out of control and I get very symptomatic.

[MomtoGiuliana]

So sorry to hear about your mom's accident. So thankful she is ok.

I understand the reaction to stress. Most of the time I am well, but I cannot handle severe stress w/o POTS symptoms flaring up. Don't blame yourself. I think being prepared for her condition helps. Hearing a description of her status from family, photo (as suggested) may help too. The more I can be prepared for something, the better I am likely to be, I know.

It sounds like your mom is doing fine--and hopefully after seeing her you will feel better.

Katherine

[sue1234]

Cari--so glad your Mom didn't suffer any serious brain injury. Sounds like a horrific fall!

I am the same as you. I can't handle ANY kind of stressful situation, good or bad. For instance, my daughter was on the homecoming court and I didn't go to watch it--the stress(good, happy) of the situation would have been too much for me.

Which brings up a point I've made a thread on before. I may start a new thread on that again. We always look at POTS as the body's overreaction to orthostatic stress. BUT, I can get that same reaction sitting, if I am stressed emotionally. And I was not like this before POTS. I used to react to situations I guess like a normal person with some anxiety and concern, but had no problem feeling like I was going to faint!

[potsgirl]

Wishing you and your family all the support that I have to give, and hoping that she (and you) have a very quick recovery. Don't beat yourself up for what you can and can't do....You're doing the best you can. Here's positive thoughts and healing wishes your way!

Cheers,

Jana

[lieze]

You know even before POTS I couldn't handle stress.

When the kids got hurt we had two incidents a broken arm and a burn on a foot where we had to take our kids to ER.

I got paralyzed. I went but I froze. I had to have my husband hold the children. I had it in my head that if I did my arms would give out and I would drop them or that I would shake uncontrollably.

I've never handled stress well especially the closer to your heart it gets.

[miranda]

sue , i can get it standing or sitting , think NMH does that. i cant handle hairdressers , always gets me there so now cut my own hair and wish i could have it done proper.

[blueskies]

Hi Carinara,

Like you I'm the eldest child and the one that always took charge. This has had to change. Last year my dad went into hospital for a 'straightforward' prostate operation. He ended up spending 4 weeks in there and came perilously close to death. The crisis happened when one of my youngest sisters and my mother were visiting him.

I was having a pots flare during this whole time and knew I'd be useless trying to get to the hospital etc. I stayed in touch with his nurses by phone, checked in with my mother and my sister almost daily to see how he was doing and was able to ring and talk to him a number of times.

A week before he finally came home I was able to manage a short visit to see him.

The thing is, stop beating yourself up. The oldest children in families often do the hard yards. I did years of it. But finally I've handed over those reins. I learned that my younger sisters were quite capable of being there for my father and helping my mother get to and from the hospital. That it was no longer my job to 'save the day.'

blue:)

[corina]

carinara, i'm vey sorry this happened, hope your mom will be better and leaving the hospital soon.

reading your post made me think of a few options to "help". have you ever used a wheelchair so that you can be seated (less possible to faint). hospitals usually have wheelchairs available so someone could roll you to your mom's bed and you could just sit there and hold her hand. i mention this because it could make you feel better to be able to be there for her and your family, as well as for yourself being with your mom instead of waiting in the car (and do i KNOW how THAT makes you feel).

as my body was overreacting severely in the past (since pots that is) i started using seroxat to stop (or at least minimalize) the overreacting. for me that really worked. it's not that i would want you to go see your doc about it, but it might be a possibility if the overreacting is really severe so you could just think about it. i always want to try find solutions for what i can't do especially when not being able to help leaves me feeling so sad (and mad and frustrated).

hope this helps a bit, take care

corina

[tinkerbella]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom at this time. When things like this happen I try to say, "there is nothing to fear but fear it's self." It brings me down a notch. Do as much as your body will let you do as mom's understand us more than anyone else out there. I do a lot of self talk or have had to being alone. Give your body everything it needs to make it through a day if you are going to spend some time with your mom. These as precious days for the both of you, as mothers need there daughters and visaversa. I pray you have the strength to get to be there for both of you. Being ill doesn't mean not being there, it means being there in a different way. Sending cards daily with hand written notes, sending pics. maybe skype her, take little steps, if you can't be there all at once. I wish you the very best.

xxx's

Bellamia~*

[yogini]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I think you were there for your mom in the best way you could be. Waiting in the parking lot for 3 hrs in a potsy state is a big sacrifice. I am sure your mom and family know how much you care and want to be there but just can't. Don't be so hard on yourself!

[giftcreations123]

I hope your mom recovers fast!

Mu husband was in the hospital this week and I had to drive and do so much.

Likle you, I am also the oldest and used to help out and take charge.

I find this horrible...it stresses me out even more that we cant function enough to visit someone.

what are we supposed to do?

be well..

[carinara]

Thank you all so very much for your support, it really helped me a lot to get through this past week. My mum is still in hospital but out of intensive care now. She is doing ok under the circumstances. We are all so thankfull that she was so very lucky. Her guardian angel must have been right beside her when the accident happened.

My father and sister visited my mom in the hospital every day. I always drove with them and waited in the car for their return. It was very hot the past week so we always parked in the shade and i took some cool pads, a water sprayer and a ventilator with me. I talked to my mum on the phone and my sister took a few pictures of her. I so much wanted to be a part of supporting my mum and my dad and i figured that waiting in the carpark of the hospital was being my little part in all of this and it made me feel a little better. I was shocked when i saw the pictures of my mums face and i couldnt see myself visiting her without getting really sick due to the emotional impact. After a few days i noticed that i got more nervous every time i thought of my mum and even though i did wait in the car i felt sader every day because i havent managed to go and see her personally. I analysed the situation over and over again and asked myself if i was selfish by not seeing her. I was so scared that i might get so sick seeing my mum in the warm and sticky hospital room that i get an episode in front of her and scare her. I didnt want that. On the other site i felt sader every day because i sat in the car for hours but didnt manage to actually go inside and give her a hug. I noticed that my father and sister felt more reliefed every day after seeing her and i felt more and more frustrated about my part in this situation. By Friday i was a nervous wrack so i said to myself that i have the weekend now to really try to go and see her without worrying about going to work on top of all this. I asked my partner if he would join me. My plan was to go to the hospital without anybody knowing and then take it from there. If it takes me 3 hours to go and see her then so be it. And if i wouldnt manage it on friday then i still got saturday to try. Yesterday (Friday) we drove to the hospital and we found a parking spot close to the entrance. I was very nervous and hectic and all of a sudden my plan on taking it slow didnt work anymore. I stopped thinking, i just got out of the car, walked very hectic towards the elevator and into my mums room, sat down, huged her and cried my eyes out. Everybody in this room probably thought that i was crazy or something. After a minute or so i felt better again. The room was quiet cool and my mum looked a lot better then on the photos. We stayed about 30 minutes before we left. Today i also visited her, but it didnt go so well because it was too hot and the hospital smell was too intense, we only stayed for about 10 minutes. But iam so relieved that i managed to see her and that i saw with my own eyes that she is still alive and that she is recovering. Thank you all again for your help and support, it means so much to me.

[Noreen]

Wonderful that you were able to go and hug your mom. Very courageous of you but well thought out 'just in case' so you are to be commended for that also.

Super news that she is on the mend. Hopefully you will rest easier now knowing in your heart she is getting better.

{{hugs}}

noreen

[Guest humanb4monitor]

(((cari)))

See-you are brave. IF it wasn't for the temp in there and the smell, I bet you would stay a long time. Few things can keep me from the side of someone I love. It meant so much for your both. Rest on the knowledge that YOU GAVE HER STRENGTH when your spirit knew you could go in there.

Next time---just breathe deep and slow the whole time and maybe you will even find smiles in you both. WE are all with you and your mum. remeber WHY you are tehre. the surrounding are THOUGHT. They are IMAGE in your eyes and mind.

YOUR 2 HEARTS are beating as one.

And reading your written word is a joy for us boring Americams!