How Did I End Up Here?

[AJVDK]

OK do you ever get down, when you find out what others your age are doing. A friend of mine hooked me up with myspace two weeks ago, I started looking up some of my old friends, you know where you can go to you high school and see all your old friends....... Ok my class is doing really good, there 3-4 laywers, 6-7 doctors, ect. I am feeling like a looser here. As I am typing this up, I am hooked to o2, and IV pole, as I am having a bad day. I guess I should feel good I can still get to the computer on bad days!

Anyways do you ever feel like this???

[nikigrl8883]

TOTALLY all the time i feel like everyone around me is having fun and making somthing of themselves gettting engaged having kids and im stuck in this rut i cant get out of im 23 and i live at home with my dad and stepmom i had a bf but he left me even before i was sick out of nowhere i use to go out with friends to clubs and just have fun doing things i worked full time and was in college now i cant do a darn thing and yes i feel down on myslef alot ... some day i try to go somewhere like out to eat but i start getting hot flashes and feel like fainting lightheaded dizzy to the point i stay home 90 percent of the time not fun at all...these are the years i should be finding my life partner starting my career and moving out i can 100 percent hear where your coming from and its lousy... good luck

[scarfgirl]

The people I've met in life that are often considered the most "successful" were also the most miserable. I don't know any lawyers (except mine of course) but the doctors I know are slaves to their incomes, constantly having to worker harder and harder to afford their lifestyle and always stressed out and unhappy. You can't measure sucess by what job you have or how much money is in your bank account. Don't diminish yourself by comparing yourself to "normals". Looks inside yourself and what you've had to go through. Do you feel like you're doing the best you can with what you got? If so, then you're a success.

Having said that, yes I constantly feel like a failure. I was watching a TV show and one of the minor characters was a college professor. All of a sudden I couldn't stop thinking about what my life would have been like if I had been a professor (the career I was working toward before I got sick), instead of lying around all day playing World of Warcraft. I started getting really depressed and panicking at the contrast between what I wanted out of life and what I had. Coping is bitter and difficult sometimes, but take comfort in the fact that life rarely turns out right for anyone.

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men

Gang aft a-gley,

An lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,

For promised joy.

Still thou are blest, compared wi' me!

The present only toucheth thee;

But, Och! I backward cast my e'e

On prospects drear!

An' forward, tho' I canna see,

I guess an' fear!

[Radha]

yes i feel like this so so often, more so in the beginning, but after so many years, you develop a certain acceptance and resign yourself to the life you have now or you will just lose your mind! there are no end to the what if's, of course we would rather be doing so many wonderful things than being in bed but it isnt our fault and we didnt do anything to deserve any of this, and for our peace of mind, the best thing we can do is just accept what is instead of wondering and wishing things were different, maybe i am sounding too negative, but this is how i have survived without totally sinking into the deep depths of depression and despair, hope i helped alittle!

radha

[jenwclark]

I feel that way, too.

Like KeXia, I have worked hard to have a broader idea of "success", and when I'm on my own or with my close friends, that carries me through. But when I find out an old friend has kids or is involved in some exciting career, it still hits me pretty hard.

Maybe someday I'll have a solid enough sense of my own self-worth that it won't bother me.

spike

[DSM3KIDZ]

Your not alone in this one. I have 3 small kids and constantly have to be compared to the super moms which is really hard but when the day ends I feel my kids get 100% of me because I'm always here for them ....literally. While it seems alot of my peers are searching for material success and putting their kids on the back burner. Through this illness I have learned what is really important and for me that's GOD and my family everything else isn't that important. It did take me along time to get to the place of contentment that I'm at and I think suggestions through this group about being the best mom I can be made a huge difference in my life (thanks all).

Still I do have bad days, days I want to have another child and just live carefree again. How blessed I would feel if that would be possible. But I am so very very thankful that I had gotten married and had 3 wonderful kids at a young age 21 before I got sick otherwise it would be alot harder to deal with this illness and my heart breaks for those of you that are longing for a family. I can't even imagine what your going through.

When I was struggling more last year about my idea of success some told me "Compare and Despair" that is so true everytime I compare myself to someone else I feel sad and let down so I try not to hurt myself by doing that.

I hope things get better for you and I hope they get better for all of us.

Dayna

[bttrflyamby1981]

It's very easy to want to compare. I have as well.

Sorry if I repeat anything that has already been said...I just kinda skimmed through.

Sometimes titles don't mean a thing. Just remind yourself what YOU accomplish. That's what matters most. We are all so different. Not just because of illness but also what we have gone through with everyday life.

Just because others can physically do things doesn't mean there hearts are into it.

Don't cheat yourself. Like the saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side.

Amber

[Guest dionna]

the marine corps could have possibly given me an admin job that wouldn't matter if i was deployale or not but i was always being left out. i couldn't do all the things that the marines were doing. instead of getting to paticipate, "i was sitting on the bench". i htink psychologically that was the hardest thing next to everyone saying that it was all in my head. but because it hurt so bad to just be a spectator i decided to sign the papers and be released back to the civilian world. so yes, i do understand what you mean.

dionna

[Guest tearose]

Yes I too am amazed at what some "others" are up to while I shuffle around pushing dust bunnies and trying to eek out somekind of daily activity!

I think from my many years of this dysautonomia and all the challenges it has brought, I have tried NOT to ask myself "how did I end up here?". I instead try to say to my sad little feeble body..." okay honey,since I am here, what would I like to do while I am here?"...I think having an attitude of "I refuse to let this take any more of me" has helped me not compare myself to others. Nobody can make me feel me inferior unless I allow myself to think that!

We must remember that we all have gifts and even from our sofa, IV pole or bed...we should not compare ourselves to others.

Today, in this moment...I am able to type posts on this forum...this is a big thing for me.

...hope I remember to count more of my abilities today...I think I needed this reminder today.

tearose

[Dizzy Dame]

I do want to second Tea Rose and say that illness does not mean that one can't have a productive life. It just means that one may need to reformulate things a bit. There are many things that we can do from home to feel like we're making a contribution. Start a website or blog. Pick up drawing or painting. Write a book.

Frida Callo was and still is a world famous artist and she was bedridden for much of her life because of a spinal injury. Emily Dickinson spent the majority of her life shut in her house and she became one of America's most influential poets. Christy Brown had cerebral palsy and couldn't move anything but his left foot and he still became a famous artist. Christopher Reeve was paralyzed from the neck down and he still made huge contributions to stem-cell research awareness before he passed away.

My point is that a person is only as limited as they allow themselves to be. We may not be physically able to be supermom, or run a triathalon, but that doesn't mean that we can't be successful, happy people.