Episode Of House Really Hit Home

[erikainorlando]

I sat I at home last nite and saw "House" for the first time. Several things really stood out to me and I just wanted to post.

The man had terrible pain..and couldn't get a diagnosis. He was a family man with a wife and young child. For three years he endured chronic pain and no one could diagnosis him or moreover offer any help. He showed up at "House" because he couldn't take it anymore and decided to try to commit suicide.

Some of the doctors thought he was crazy and depressed. Thought he was in pain to get attention; trying to commit suicide because he was selfish. House finally says "He is not in pain because he is depressed....he is depressed because he is in pain...all the time". The other doctors said "well...no one can find anything wrong with him so what does that tell you?". House says "it tells me they are idiots". Boy I could have used a Dr. House last year!!!

So it goes on and they can't find the answer and the guy keeps begging to kill himself. At one point his young son says "please let him die...he is not himself anymore (he basically is just the sickness and wants to die)". Well, that one kind of got me being the mother of two kids living at home and try as I might I still get irritable frequently when I can't function and somenoe needs a ride or has a questin and I don't even feel like I can talk let alone drive...

The whole thing got me as a matter of fact. I remember last February, before I was diagnosed (altho they put me on toprol as my hr was soo high)...but I could barely function...trying to work...crawling in the door...yelling at my kids...my skin hurt...no one knew what was wrong and many didn't believe anything was wrong!! One nite, I felt soooo sick and thought I didn't want to live anymore if I had to live like this. I looked over and saw my son sleeping next to me and thought I had to hold on.

I have been holding on ever since...just wondered if any of you related as well. And..in the episode they did find the answer...go figure!!

Erika

[Janey]

Yes, I can completely relate to this 100%. Especially the "he is depressed BECAUSE of the pain." That's exactly what happened to me, and especially during the time before my diagnosis when nobody believed that there was anything wrong with me and I was so depressed because I was hurting so much! Now that there's a 'name' for it, I feel more justified and that I don't need to be as depressed anymore. What was the conclusion of the episode? Did they cure him?

Janey

[lissy]

Well my eyes are full of tears because I have told about 15 doctors"MY depression has nothing to do with my illness and actually I was depressed before I got sick and NOW I"M REALLY DEPRESSED BECAUSE I ALWAYS HAVE TO PROVE SOMETHING IS WRONG and they put in in my medical records that I was VERY FRUSTRATED and on edge with finding out my medical problem. LOL I have also told doctors what would you do if I was one of your family members ???? not look for the answers....it leaves them speechless.

Let me first say I am not suicidal so

no-one worry I have had many days where I think: GOD I can't do this anymore , so Erika I know exactly what your saying. Still after having this almost 2 years I think about that at least every other day I'd do anything to have ME back and I always think about those around us in the world that destroy their bodies with drugs and all that , and it makes me see if I ever do get better I will have to BEST life and it will be so much more fulfilling because now I have new eyes. And with this new eyes I guess God had to take something away but I'd rather be able to see life is this different light to teach anyone including my kids what the real meaning of life is.

Now you got me crying I try to hold back my true feelings alot because its a harsh reality but its life.

Lissy

[Maisie87]

Erika,

I watched that episode too!!! It definitely hit home with me, too. Not like it did you though, I'm not a parent. I can only imagine how that episode would penetrate you like it did.

I've also thought to myself, if I knew my life would be like this forever.. what's the point. They are fleeting thoughts, but still present in my worst moments.

I think the young son said that because he heard his father actually wish to die outloud.

I'm 22 now, but from the perspective of a child who's had an ill parent for several years, not a bone in my body ever wished my Mom wasn't around. She was still my Mom- I still needed her and wanted her there, no matter how ill.

Though your kids may show frusteration, it's at your illness not you. They know you are the same person and soul as you were before your illness.

Sorry if this is too much.. I just know how it feels to have a sick parent. My Mom always felt like a burden- I hated it. She was ill, .. and her guilt, though understandable, served no purpose.

I hope this helps in any way..

Maisie

[lifesaver]

That episode hit home in so many ways. I too had depression--well controlled--before I got sick. The pain and wanting to die sent me to the psych ward. I was afraid of driving off the road on the way home. That doctor had just told me it was anxiety causing my problems.

From January 2007 until July 2009 I got no definitive answers and was told by several doctors all this was in my head. I am still in the diagnostic process. Funny how it took just a few doctors who LISTENED to start the tests that the medical history indicate are necessary. The tilt table was positive. My history indicated I have Trigeminal Neuralgia. My MRI of my neck shows Degenerative Disc Disease, the NCV shows problems with the nerves in my left leg and a cranial nerve. My blood tests are all normal. Three psychiatrists told me none of this is in my head.

I am tired physically and emotionally. I am not lazy. I do what I can, as much as I can. I feel like a burden. I lost a job because of this and am not working. I literally cannot do the physical aspects, even of a desk job right now. I am 55. I want to work, it is a part of my life, my identity. Who would hire me in my current state of health? I don't want to die, but this is not living. How does one find meaning and feel useful to others when it is so hard just to get in the shower or walk any distance without having to recover for half a day or more?

It is more than horrible that so many of us have been through these experiences. I think it is the most damaging part of medicine. To be ill and be brushed off as an emotional or mentally ill person or as someone who is making it up. The Hippocratic Oath, first do no harm is violated by those doctors every time they do not listen and make invalid assumptions.

Becky

[janiedelite]

I came down with POTS in 10/06. When the burning skin pain started June of 2008, it was so constant and severe that I thought I would go crazy from the pain. I started seeing a mental health therapist to talk about my pain because my husband was overwhelmed and I needed someone to share with, and also in order to validate to the physicians I was seeing that my emotional distress was as a result of my pain. Thankfully, I only had one doctor among the dozen or so that I saw actually say that my problems were mental, not physical. Also, my primary care doctor believed me and worked tirelessly with me to find answers. However, not knowing what was causing this pain only made me even more desperate. Daily I wondered how on earth I could live through this pain, but I made it my mission to get answers and that gave me purpose (like your son gives you purpose).

One of my links to sanity was researching my symptoms online. I'd pretty much diagnosed myself prior to ever getting to Mayo, thanks to help from this forum. By researching, I felt that at least something was being done about my mystery illness.

I still have this constant pain, but knowing the mechanisms that are behind it has helped me mentally, and has helped me come up with tangible ways to alleviate the pain (like spraying water on my burning skin). I might have to live with this pain forever, but I'll still never give up on finding a more effective treatment if not a cure.

I love watching House, and have watched every season! I know the episode you saw on Friday. It was so easy to relate to the patient in that episode.

[gertie]

I was told for years it was "all in my mind" & things have not changed a lot for me.

[JAQUIROUIN]

wow, that was I lived with my diagnosis. Do ypu know wish is the name o that season of "House"

Thanks!

[MamaTrain]

I almost have to laugh because I sat and watched 3 seasons of House this past summer to see if I could figure out what was wrong with me! It is the worst feeling when people tell you what you know isnt true! It took my GP 4 months to realize it was NOT anxiety and that something was really wrong with me!

KC

[firewatcher]

I am not a big TV watcher and had never heard of House until my endo said that the other docs called him "House." I am a regular watcher now.

I also watched that whole episode thinking: "that was me."

My biggest objection to the show is the "magical/psychic" click that happens for them to find the answer. It doesn't show doctor's researching or going back through texts and journals or even calling researchers from other fields. Doctors DON'T learn everything from medical school! Many of the docs now are so specialized that they gloss over anything not pertaining to their field. If you have a 50-60 year old doctor, he probably calls POTS, Mitral Valve Prolapse Syndrome or does believe it is a psycho-somatic disorder because that was what they learned in med school and it isn't in their line of expertise.

The doctors in the newest fields, like Sleep Medicine, are considered quacks and their findings are taken with skepticism. I had one doctor tell me that I didn't have a sleep disorder, that some people would always need medication to fall asleep, that perhaps I should get a hot tub to help me relax. I had a young cardiologist tell me that I couldn't have POTS since I didn't have a drop in blood pressure when standing...

I really wonder sometimes how the hardworking, brilliant, understanding doctors and researchers we rely on for our treatment are treated by their peers.

[Maxine]

This post made me think of my mom. Sure I have tons of pain-----pain as I type this, but nothing compared to what my mother went through.

She loved watching House----she really could have used his help. It's really sad how she was treated by the medical profession, and her illness was obvious.--------CANCER. Those doctors all had their brains removed apparently, because they didn't see her cancer had spread everywhere in her body until 48 hours before she died. They put her though so much..............It's much more then any of you will ever know........more then I will ever know.

She loved Hugh Laurie:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0491402/bio

Maxine :0)

[Maxine]

Firewatcher--------------the Brilliant and caring doctors are treated terribly by their peers--------I've seen it. It's truly very sad.

These men and woman have a lot more courage then the ignorant, apathetic, and arrogant doctors----and ONE DAY---what goes around will come around for them. What you do comes back to you.

Maxine :0)

[KristinL]

Hello Erika

I too have felt like I did not want to go on if I had to live with POTS another day. But I have a teenage son who I would not hurt in any way.

I was diagnosed after a virus at the end of 2006. I progressively got better and even graduated this year in May with my master's degree and started back to work. I honestly could not have been happier. Thinking I had overcome such odds and now I was doing the work that I love so much.

Then at the end of August I had a complete relapse...

I did not know I could have a relapse with my POTS...I thought I would progressively get better and stay better. Oh now I know differently!

I started to look for support online and that is when I found this forum. This is the first time I have posted any comments or shared any of my story but believe me I read all the posts. I am so grateful to all of you for being here and sharing your stories. I believe this forum has helped me to find hope again.

So thank you all!

Kristin

[author]

I love house. So many times when I have watched it I hear them mention a med I am on. Thank you for your honesty about not wanting to live, I feel more people feel that way , but just haven't said anything. I understand how you feel when people don't believe you. My parents and older brother disowned me because I coudln't get out of bed without passing out. Said it was all in my head, even though I was an active child, a lifeguard, hiker, biker etc... why would I want to lay flat all the time. Hang in there and now I do understand what you are going through and I care. Hope your day today is going to be good.

I sat I at home last nite and saw "House" for the first time. Several things really stood out to me and I just wanted to post.

The man had terrible pain..and couldn't get a diagnosis. He was a family man with a wife and young child. For three years he endured chronic pain and no one could diagnosis him or moreover offer any help. He showed up at "House" because he couldn't take it anymore and decided to try to commit suicide.

Some of the doctors thought he was crazy and depressed. Thought he was in pain to get attention; trying to commit suicide because he was selfish. House finally says "He is not in pain because he is depressed....he is depressed because he is in pain...all the time". The other doctors said "well...no one can find anything wrong with him so what does that tell you?". House says "it tells me they are idiots". Boy I could have used a Dr. House last year!!!

So it goes on and they can't find the answer and the guy keeps begging to kill himself. At one point his young son says "please let him die...he is not himself anymore (he basically is just the sickness and wants to die)". Well, that one kind of got me being the mother of two kids living at home and try as I might I still get irritable frequently when I can't function and somenoe needs a ride or has a questin and I don't even feel like I can talk let alone drive...

The whole thing got me as a matter of fact. I remember last February, before I was diagnosed (altho they put me on toprol as my hr was soo high)...but I could barely function...trying to work...crawling in the door...yelling at my kids...my skin hurt...no one knew what was wrong and many didn't believe anything was wrong!! One nite, I felt soooo sick and thought I didn't want to live anymore if I had to live like this. I looked over and saw my son sleeping next to me and thought I had to hold on.

I have been holding on ever since...just wondered if any of you related as well. And..in the episode they did find the answer...go figure!!

Erika

[mvdula]

Erika,

You are not alone - and I am intears reading your post. I am a mother of 4 - my youngest was a little over 1 year when I was diagnosed and life basically fell apart. I am thankful that I have a loving husband and we have made it thus far.....in sickness & health. But many times I wanted a real Dr House (we love the show). My diagnosis took a few months, thanks to a very kind and humble cardiologist who sent me to Toledo to Dr Grubb. My condition has improved (partly management and partly higher thresholds for certain activities- I think), but it is still depressing - and worrisome. There were many times (and occassionally still are) where I don't think I can take it anymore. I kept going bc I love my husband and kids...but many times have felt guilty bc of a short fuse due to symptoms or anxiety about symptoms. It is a very cruel illness. Glad to be able to share with all of you - this board has kept me going during the beginning/worst of my symptoms. I think only those with chronic illness can fuly understand that the feelings/anxiety/guilt, etc that accompany the symptoms are almost harder to deal with than the illness itself.

[brownsea]

what a relief to read this post.

in may of this year i was present four times in a&e (er) and each time i was hydrated and sent home. i couldnt take no more and begged my mother to help me die. i hated saying these words out loud but i couldnt take no more. i had suffered for two years with pretty unpleasant symptoms. my weight had dropped to 96 pounds and i am 5'8''. i had nothing left to fight with.

docs in those two years wouldnt listen, after two or three tests, they wouldnt do anymore. i didnt know what to do. i was in a wheelchair and didnt know what was wrong with me. i still went back to my gp and she wouldnt do anything.

the last time i went to a&e on my birthday, my parents asked to go private. and i stayed in a room for three weeks, on a drip for one week. the neurologist knew within a day of my admission what was wrong. why oh why couldnt i have been sent to a neurologist by my gp?

i understand these posts, im still in a wheelchair, and a bed most of the day, but im taking meds. and at least on a good day im able to go out for a while.

thanks everyone for writing these posts.

emma.

xxx