How Should I Feel About Dating Someone New?

[MelissaCrystal]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to hear your honest thoughts about bringing someone new into your life. I care about people a lot, and I never want to drag anyone down, so the fact that I've been wanting to let someone in is really making me feel guilty and quite scared about what he really thinks. No offense to any of us here, but I can't help but ask myself, why would someone want to get closer to me when I'm ill with something like this?

People are always worrying about me when they see a horrible bruise, or if I hurt myself picking up a small book (this is the EDS stuff), and also when I'm not feeling well, they tend to freak out a bit. It's sweet, because yes, when my heart is flipping out it's scary! Buuuut...it happens so often! Sooner or later they'll get tired of thinking of me as so fragile and hurt-prone, and just all around flaky and troublesome. And then when I get sick after exerting myself after doing something intimate...or the fact I have trouble spending the night because in the morning I'm deathly ill...every morning I have morning sickness. I've already embarrassed myself so much because of this stuff---and sure, they just pity me and show care, but what are they really thinking? (I'm talking about one guy in all of these examples...someone new..)

I try to hide that I'm sick, I say, "don't worry, I'm strong ;p" a lot to make them feel better. I show confidence, etc. But I can't help but think I shouldn't drag them into my life because in a way, I'm asking them to sign up to be a care-taker of a sort at least in some fraction of a way. He already seems to be sad when I tell him something like, "Can you believe that I pulled a muscle in my back just now by coughing?" I was trying to make fun of my problems and be cute, but ehh...he just worries every time and looks sad. Wasn't my intention to make him feel that way. I'm always joking about other stuff, why can't I make fun of how silly my problems are? Every time he looks worried I laugh and say don't worry, I'm fine! I try so hard to seem like this isn't a big deal, but he still seems to be kind of wary of my problem.

I might lose this one. I really really don't want to, but I think it's happening. I'll move on, but I'm not sure I'll know how to make this not happen again. I know us not working out isn't just because of the POTS, but us having awkwardness about my injuries and occasional crashes IS. I wish I could somehow get around that.

What do you guys tell yourself to justify bringing someone new in? I'd like to think I'm worth it in other ways, but are we supposed to be completely independent? I won't give up on trying to be self-sufficient but sometimes it's hard in a relationship to do fun things or go out without involving the other person in the way you feel at the time. Sometimes I have trouble, it's hard to keep it to myself!

Do I just need to find the right person who knows how to treat/deal with a sickly person? Or do I need to somehow master a way of acting or controlling the way they see me? Maybe it's both...

Just wanted to hear your thoughts or if you could relate! I've been pretty down lately, mostly out of loneliness. Trying not to relapse/get stressed over it though, so I've been posting here and it's helping =) I'm glad we're all so similar. I've read a couple threads similar to this topic in the past but I can't think of the right key words to bring em up in the search, so I thought I'd bring it up again.

[Tachy Phlegming]

1. Awkward isn't a reason to stop going out. Nor is worry. If someone loves you and is worried about you, the idea that he should abandon you so that he will stop worrying doesn't make sense.

2. No matter what kind of stud you are dating, the fundamental thing for both of you to remember is that everyone can get a disease. Leaving you because of your illness is not going to protect this person forever from the evils in the world. Tell him he'll get used to the complaints. And make sure he knows that you complain because everyone with the condition would complain similarly. On the other hand, you shouldn't feel guilty.

3. If you can't go out or do certain things he wants to do, you can't ... that's ok. If you ever want to do something that he doesn't want to do or can't do, he will not be pressured to do it.

4. If it doesn't work out, other people with an illness are too preoccupied with their own illnesses to worry about yours ...

[Kitsakatsa]

I've given up on dating.....completely.....for infinity!

There is one thing I do know though- I had the unfortunate opportunity of interviewing a candidate who seemed to be a perfect girl. Long blonde hair, skinny, bouncy, whatever. You know what we girls always think that they guys want. Well, after 10 minutes of talking to her, I was ready to rip my head off. The perky sound was giving me hate seizures and her personality reminded me of the fake Giorgio that came out in the 80s. She may have even had it on. She was also quick to tell me that everything thinks she's perfect. I took this to mean 1. She's a twit, 2. She has no major medical problems.

Point is, 10 to 1 I would have traded her for a POTS patient even with all their problems. I would rather spend any amount of time with someone who is inwardly strong, grounded, logical, realistic, tested and smart. In fact, I hired an OI girl once to rescue her from her standing job and even with all the leaving work early and sick calls it was nothing because she had all of the above qualities.

So, I can't figure men out usually, but when I think of the type of person that, at least, I would at least tolerate in the workplace- POTS is not the most tragic scenario. Maybe then there are men who think that maybe POTS isn't the worst trait and who don't mind fetching McDonalds fries for us and hauling in the groceries....

Here's hoping,

Kitsa

[tinkerbella]

Real love can't be stopped... It starts with an attraction and it can't be stopped... I believe that honesty is the best policy right up front. I don't fake it anymore. I am who I am and I'm still full of love and fun, though I have my limits now. I have learned though past relationsships that I will not be codependent for anyone ever, ever again. This time around in life I'm taking care of me. I've learned that I want unconditonal love. I tell everyone right up front becasue they are going to see it happen and I don't want them calling 911 because of what will be happening to me.

The only hard part is being in a wheel chair or walking with a crutch/cane you can become a victim to some wirdos out there. Please be careful, and walk with your keys between your fingers. They see a pretty face and say they want to help you. Stay away from them in areas alone. There is safety in numbers. Most stores have workers who will help you to your car which is safer than a stranger trying to hit on you as soon as you hit the car.

Meeting new people when you are disabled is difficult especially if you are mostly house boound. Many dating sites are bogas and send fake emails back to you. Church would be a good place, but I want to go to sleep and lay down. I do have a few people interested but I need to meet someone that we really are right for each other. This is the time of life that I'm looking for someone to enjoy what is to be and come grow old with me for the best is yet to come if it is true unconditional love. I pray that he is out there and must like my dog and family and grand babies...

I hope and pray we all find someone to spend the rest of our lives with because it's so lonely living alone...

I could have stayed in dysfunction and been with someone, but I'm a much better person for having the courage to be me again.

I was tired of taking care of someone else when I needed care, worring about someone else and walking on eggshells all the time.

I've got to be me and I've got to find him. I know he's out there some where.

bellamia~

[kayjay]

Ok- I'm giving my two cents but it might be worth a lot less.

Everybody has crap (can I say that?). We have a deal in our house. My husband has to deal with my health problems and I have to deal with the crazies in his family. Not JOKING here. you never Know what you are getting into or what the future holds ...but you are worthy of love and worth loving!

About 10 years into our marriage my father in law pleaded guilty to secuities fraud- but has so much money I doubt he will ever "do time". After my husband's mother died he moved in with her cleaning lady and although they are very well to do (really grossly rich)--- she gave my little girl carbon paper and a box of Cherrios (beautifully wrapped mind you) for her 3rd birthday. AGAIN I am not making this up.

My point is that at least who ever dates you knows upfront what they are getting. I was very surpised after marrying my husband.

Life is full of suprises- LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES - I spit out the cherry ones!

Don't let YOU define YOU by your illness. YOU are YOU- and now that I am lecturing... Don't settle... marriage is hard for anyone -Cinderella does not get prince charming -I did get the wicked stepmother, the evil step sisters and A REALLY GOOD MAN.

Hope this makes sense- I don't want you to devalue yourself. I know that I am a great wife and mother not because of what I can (mostly can't) do but I love, support, encourage my family. My husband knows that I have his back... I will always tell him the truth, I will always be his best friend... I just will never make the bed... it's too hard!

[futurehope]

Hi,

My opinion is that "feeling comfortable" around someone you are with is extremely important as well as being respected and loved.

Your post made me think you are not comfortable, nor are you being yourself because you feel you must do and say things in order to make your friend comfortable. By definition, that cannot last.

First off, try to be accepting and comfortable with yourself, meaning accepting of your limitations. This is important.

Then....

Be yourself. That is the only way to be. It would not be fair to be one way at the beginning of a relationship, and then turn into who you really are.

I don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but my niece was a thalidimide baby, born in Thailand, adopted by my sister-in-law. My niece basically has no arms or legs, just portions of each. She has a loving wonderful husband whom she met in high school, and she just had her first baby with him. Love is blind.

In order for someone to love you, and not just who they think you are, you must be totally comfortable and accepting of yourself. It may be possible that you still have to become more comfortable with who you are and your capabilities before allowing someone to get close to you. I don't really know you. This is just my opinion.

[delphicdragon]

I think you just have to be you. You can't keep up a facade forever (believe me, I've tried). I've been with my boyfriend about 7 months and he accepts me for who I am and what my limitations are. Believe me, he's scared as I've had a LOT of medical stuff crop up in the recent weeks and he's starting to understand the medical stuff I go through on a daily basis, but that's a normal reaction when someone cares about you. It takes very special people to understand us, and sadly those people are few and far between. I never pictured us together, but it's working so I won't knock it.

The concept of a chronic illness is something few people understand UNLESS they've experienced it. You can't let your pride get in the way (but I know that I do - missed out on going to the Big E because I refused to be pushed in a wheelchair) I say, lay it out on the table. He'll figure it out anyway, and full disclosure works better. I'd rather my significant other KNEW what was going on then guessed about it. Guesses tend to be wrong and scary.

I'd talk with this guy and see what he thinks and what he wants out of this. Be blunt. You don't get anywhere by hiding your feelings. We're all entitled to happiness. If nothing else, remember that.

Sara

[Elfie]

I definitely don't have all the answers. This young man is being faced with a unexpected situation. The girl he was interested in has a type of baggage that comes with her that will affect your everyday lives together. However, I think most of the awkwardness is coming from you, and how you are dealing with the situation. He sees all of these things happening, but I don't think you have truly sat down and explained to him what is going on. That makes him confused. He doesn't truly see the whole picture and know what is happening, and why it is happening and that can lead to awkwardness on his reactions. He doesn't know what is appropriate for him to do or how things work. That is awkward for him. And you yourself are probably feeling and acting awkwardly because you are afraid to paint him the big picture or inconvenience him because you feel that it isn't right.

I think, since you guys are already spending time together and he is concerned about you and you are worrying about things like intimacy and spending the night, you are probably at the stage in your relationship where you should sit him down and tell it how it is. Paint the picture of your life in a matter of fact way. Tell him not to feel guilty if he decides he doesn't want to continue the relationship. If he is still down, tell him what he can do to make it possible for you guys to enjoy certain things together. Tell him if he wants you to stay over that he will have to deal with the barf bucket beside the bed! If you are at a stage in your relationship where it is horribly uncomfortable for you to talk about making sex more adaptable to you, or ask him to spare his trashcan for morning sickness, I am not sure you are ready to be having sex with him, because that is the reality of intimacy for you.

As far as your own personal hangups go, it is hard to drag someone into something that doesn't seem like an equal relationship. Sure, if you guys end up together in the long run, he might have to do the vacuuming. However, I am pretty sure you will find some things that you are better at than him, like paying the bills and balancing the checkbook. There will be lots of things you can add to the running of a household, and lots of things you can teach him. Also, as another person noted, you will probably find things about him that you will have to deal with. As long as it isn't jeopardizing your health (mental or Pots-wise) then those things can be your trade off.

[Michelle Sawicki]

Here's my two cents for what it is worth (which is about two cents...LOL!)

I really think you just need to be yourself...pullled muslces and crappy mornings and everything. I mean, you really can't live your entire life *pretending* to be one way when you are really another, and YOU would probably actually get really tired of that after a while. That said, if it were me personally, I wouldn't complain about the symptoms too much because that could get wearisome to another after a while. And I would avoid the whole morning situation with someone until they really got to know you. But I couldn't imagine being in an intimate relationship with someone and not just being able to be honest when I didn't feel well.

I would also tell anyone new that POTS and EDS are not contagious. I've heard of situations where people thought they were and were afraid to kiss the person, etc.

Did you ever see the movie Juno? There is a line in there when her father says something like "You'll know you've met the right person when they think the sun shines out of your *butt*" (and I'm changing that word to be forum appropriate). We might not always feel the greatest, but everybody has their downside...everybody. It's the person who can look past your illness and still think you're the greatest that is the right person for you.

Michelle

[pat57]

Your question,"How Should I Feel About Dating Someone New?" is not correct somehow.

Feelings are neither right or wrong they are feelings. How do you feel? I'm pretty sure you want to feel different.

Anytime we have discomfort "we" want to feel different. So I think your asking how can I feel different. It appears to me that you feel less then.

I think we all feel that pretty often but it passes very quickly. Your in this position and its nagging at you.

What I try to do is stay in the moment, it is VERY TRUE, we cannot bear past disappointments, present challenges and future worries, its just too much.

One day at a time, what will be, will be.

good luck

[erikainorlando]

I needed to read this post!! I have recently borken up with someone and I really feel very old and defective and scared as I keep getting wierd things. I can't fake it!! I have to even tell my friends when we go to dinner etc as I sometimes get so sick I can't talk...I say..."you talk for a while".

I think acceptance cures a lot. We are not defective and we are loveable and we have a lot to give..even if we can't make it to the beach...or sometimes even to dinner. I know for myself that I need to love and accept myself for where I am...I am not good at apologizing for being ioll anymore...it just makes me feel too bad..I am trying to now say I have a condition..and somedays are better than others and love always finds a way.............

Thanks for posting.

Erika

[MelissaCrystal]

You guys are so wise and wonderful and I'm so glad I asked about your experience! I definitely see now that I need to do more work on myself, and how I see myself. I'm 23 so I still feel like I haven't accepted myself, Dysautonomia aside, so it may be difficult but I'm actually relieved to see that it probably isn't really him. It's definitely me. Which is a good thing! I have control over me---or at least if I work on it, I will. I have a lot of self-consciousness because I don't want to make people uncomfortable, and I don't want to drag others down in any way. It's difficult to get over that. But I do see now little ways I can change this.

All your encouragement really helps. Yes, people who have it so worse are able to find true love---and it's probably because they have a healthy attitude about themselves. I don't. So I need to work on that, for sure. I'd love to be happy someday, and I'd love to make someone happy someday =) So this is worth it. I will work on it, I'm actually really optimistic right now. I had a productive day, and I read all your guys' posts and I'm really seeing myself now. Thank you! I can do this. I know I can---you guys can, so I can.

[Janey]

I can totally understand how you feel on this one and I do have some thoughts on it.

The main issue seems to be the question of how to not get into a carer-patient relationship so soon or at all. I actually think there are some men (and women) out there who really like the idea of being a carer, and actually seek out people to look after because they need to be needed. There are others who resent it (like my partner!) and those well-adjusted people who manage to care when its needed and withdraw when its not.

In that respect it really depends on his personality and how he deals with suffering in himself and others. Do you think it's too early to judge that? Do you think you can keep things fun and healthy (at least in his eyes) until you've been together a bit longer and can see how his character would suit your lifestyle?

I can also understand your fear about feeling that he'll initially be really caring, and then after a while he'll find it annoying and cumbersome to have someone who is always getting ill. I have some male friends who have romanticized my illness; they feel they want to protect me and I think they actually feel like there is something "special" about me because I get ill with Dysautonomia. But I know that if they experienced the daily reality of living with me and Dys, they would very quickly become quite bitter. Because it's not glamorous - it's day in day out chronic illness, trips cancelled, meals uneaten, incontinence, vomiting, every night spend inside lying down, non-existent sex-life and trips to the hospital.

In my own experience, my partner and I have gone too far into my illness together over the past two years and it has made him resentful. I've found I have to take a huge step back and "be my best for him" again just to balance out the relationship. That means taking the time to close to door to the bathroom when I'm sick and be ill by myself rather than leaving it open and including him in it by simply allowing him to hear it. I've also started trying to have dinner ready for him when he gets home from work and not be laid out, pallid on the sofa. It's working so far.

I'd say it's a balancing act from the moment you start out together to your dying days together, more so than in other relationships where one partner isn't ill.

Janey

[MelissaCrystal]

I lost my last long term boyfriend because he felt like he was always taking care of me in every way. He felt like the relationship was always "for me". I spoiled him emotionally and physically but he began to see me as simply needy, even when it was genuine. When we talk about it, and he actually steps back and looked at us, he really didn't believe I was needy---in fact he always used to say I was the strongest person he's met. And he also saw that I actually loved him and it wasn't just me latching onto my caretaker. But for some reason, he just couldn't stomach our dynamic. Even though his feelings weren't completely logical, he still just wasn't into us anymore. I think because his mom was a really needy person, really messed up lady... abused him emotionally. He never got over that and so anything similar to it really turns him off.

So you're right, it depends on the person. This new guy seems to just feel sorry for me a lot. When I have a smile on my face, laughing about how silly it is that I hurt myself again, he just has to look all sad and worried no matter if I reassure him (he doesn't trust me, thinks I lie to seem like I'll be okay). If I get up too fast and have to hold onto something, he rushes over and says frantically, "are you okay?!?!!" I get SO annoyed, because these are things that never go away, so he's going to just have to calm down! lol I think it's cute, but I've been starting to show my annoyance. I keep telling him, "you know, when I tell you about these things, I don't do it so that you can feel sorry for me...I don't really like that reaction ;p I actually like laughing about it because life is ridiculous sometimes!" But that didn't exactly help.

[Elfie]

I had a similar problem with my last boyfriend. When we first met he was having a difficult time and was undergoing a big transition. The first six months of our relationship wasn't equal, but it was fun. For the first year of our relationship, I was going to school full-time and working part-time and was undiagnosed but started having very serious symptoms. During the second six months I helped him financially, I did his laundry, I fed him, I gave him a temporary place to live when he was between places, and I called around town about two times a month to find his lost cell phone, wallet, or keys. During this time he slacked off and lied to me, which basically put me in a position with my apartment mate of the time that left me practically homeless for several weeks. He was supportive of a couple of rough nights and one hospital run.

I agreed to forgive him for his lapse of judgment and we agreed that he would pay me back for some of the money he had borrowed since he was starting a well paying job. Well, he stuck with the job but spent his extra cash on toys. I forgave him and was still waiting for him to pay me back. I spent the next seven or eight months cooking two meals a day for him and doing housework, even when I burned myself because I was trying to cook dizzy. He thought we were even because he pretreated his clothes for stains and threw mine in the washer with his once a week (although I still had to fold them) and that he cleaned the bathroom twice. For about two months I was extremely sick with both pots and a chest infection and wasn't able to cook. He believes the fact that he made soup or sandwiches or McDonald's about four times a week equals all the complete meals I cooked him EVER.

I also taught him how to run a household, how to manage his finances, and sat down with him several nights a week to guide him through his books for his certification tests. He has become a much better reader since we started dating because when he is away we communicate by e-mail and IM, where he has to read and spell and increase his vocabulary. He recently took an equivalency test and went from a third-grade reading level to that of an average adult.

However, during our entire relationship he insisted on having sex, no matter how violently ill it made me or whatever other solutions I came up with so he could enjoy intimacy. Whenever I told him that I did not want to do it, he would pester me constantly and try to force himself on me, as well as tell me that he thinks he is going to cheat. I still have no desire to have sex. He still calls me up and asks to get back together, but wants it to go back to the point in the relation ship where "he had no responsibilities."

Sorry about that, I guess that the comparison lies in the fact that he feels that he was doing so much work, even though I definitely put a lot into our relationship. He was only happy in our relationship when he was being doted on and got everything he wanted, no matter the cost to me. When I was unable to do everything and he started to have to pitch in and got a taste of what it was like to be me in our relationship, he could no longer treat me the way a girlfriend should be treated. He stopped taking me out or ever loving on me and would become violent and hysterical when I was upset about the disrespect he was showing me. He still can't get his head around it. He insists on calling me or showing up at my place and bothering me for hours, no matter what I say, but it is still all about him. I had to move out of our place because of the stress and the conditions were making me violently ill. It has really thrown my life for a loop and I may have to give up on school this semester and the next one to be able to recover from the pots spell I got from the stress and living conditions.

Sorry for going off, it was just some parts of your description of your ex struck me as very similar.

[Janey]

All these posts have really made me think. Especially someone who said "Anyone could get a disease." It's so true, and I remind my partner of it constantly. He is nearly 20 years older than me, and I make it clear to him that it will likely be HIM who is dying first, HIM who will get ill and ME who will be taking care of HIM. At some point in everybody's life, unless they are eternally blessed, they get some sort of illness, condition or disease. it's just that we've got it now and we're not in the usual age group that gets chronic conditions like this. We're experiencing what it may be like to be elderly people with really chronic problems, but it's happening early on. I had an acupuncturist who once said "you are blessed by getting ill early in life." And I said "why the **** do you say that?" And he said "Because from now on, you will always take care of yourself. Health will always be a priority for you. You've been given an early warning - not many people are blessed enough to receive that."

For all my partner's faults, he also does have a saying which I think is definitely true about relationships.

"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, you will just find the same s*** and a different person."

So for all those people whose partner's have left them because of their illness, they haven't got away with dealing with what they essentially couldn't handle - it'll just come back to them in another form!

Janey

[rymac]

I've been sitting here reading everyone's comment's and Melissa's situation. As a guy dealing with this illness here are some of my thoughts. First I'm encouraged to read there are so many kind, caring, and giving women out there. I have not been in a relationship for a very long time and I'm hopeful that I could still possibly meet someone worth while. I just need to keep looking. As far as dealing with a chronic illness I think you have to know what you want and need to be happy. If you catch yourself feeling awkward because of your illness you need to find out what is the best way for you to deal with it. No one else knows the answer to that but you. Sometimes that just takes time to figure out. I've been dealing with my illness for a while and I feel like I'm getting more at ease at just being myself. Which can be hard if you are not feeling well and have anxiety issues. I have made friends with some very nice ladies on this site and they have been a great source of support. If you are reading this and you know who you are I thank you. Sometimes there is no better bond with people than those who are experiencing some of the same things. Maybe I should be grateful to get a wake up call about my health at an early age. I read somewhere "a relationship should enhance your life not make your life." I know it's easier to say than do. Those moments when you are at your loneliest it's always easy to think "I wish I had someone to share my life with." I think most of us have experienced this, but you push on and the feeling passes. I hope anyone who is lonely and dealing with this illness can at least find this forum.

I know I'm one of the only guys on this site and I don't post much because I'm busy with school.

Take care

bluesman

[Stace915]

Melissa,

I completely understand how you feel, I was in a long relationship when I got "sick" and was diagnosed. I was living with my now ex, and it was just too much for him to handle. In the beginning he was great, went to all my doctors appointments and tests and then it was like he just couldn't deal with it. Things endly very badly, and the last time we spoke was when I was in the hospital for a week and he never showed up and called me while I was there... that is a whole other story for another day!!!

But anyways, I was single for a while after that, and then I started dating a little and I remember going out with one guy who was really into snowboarding. The whole time I was out with him all I would think was, what is he going to do when he finds out I can't go snowboarding with him, and I wondered do I tell him now in which case I was sure he would be done with me or do I let it go for a while... Well I let it go for a little while, and I remember we were out to dinner and he ordered a drink and I just said I had some weird medical stuff and I wasn't supposed to drink. We didn't date for very long but I just felt like everything he liked to do where things I liked to do, but couldn't... go running, snowboarding, go to the gym, go out drinking etc. etc... Yes there were other things he liked to do but honestly every weekend he was out doing one of these things that I couldn't do!! I felt like I would just be burden and a reason that he could never do anything he loved to, because it was either see me or go do those things.. I couldn't do them with him. It ended pretty quickly and I started to feel like you do, that I was nothing but a burden on people.

I met my current boyfriend not long after that, he was a friend of a friend. I didn't know how to tell him about POTs and explain it all and I figured once I told him, he would run for the hills. We are going on 3 years now, and living together. I told him pretty early on that I had this chronic illness, I actually wrote him a letter that explained everything (to the best of my ability) and then had him read it while I was there...and said ok, ask me whatever you want to about it! From that point on as we started to spend more time together he started to see more of me being sick. It got to the point that if we spent a whole day and night together, he knew I really couldn't function without a nap, and learning little parts of it slowly. Now he has seen all of it, my "good" days and my weeks where I can not get out of bed. Believe me there have been many times that I wish he never had to see me like that, like when he had to pick me up out of the bathtub, I felt like he was responsible for his gf that looked like a 28 year old but acted like an 80 year old!!!

I still to this day get really upset when he has to do things like that, I have told him many times that it is NOT fair that he has to take care of a sick person, and that he should leave and be with someone healthy and normal. Of course I do not want him to leave, but I feel like such a burden sometimes and like he deserves to be with someone that he doesn't have to play nurse for.... whenever I say stuff like that he usually tells me to be quiet and that he doesn't care and he just wants me to feel better.

I guess what I was trying to say in my long tangent of rambling, is that yes it will be harder to meet someone because of the illness but it is not impossible and I think that feeling like a burden is also pretty normal but don't cover up who you are for someone else, just try to ease them into it. I hope some of that made sense!!

[BelieverEM]

I'm so glad someone started this discussion. I'm single, and it's something I think about often: will I every find someone who will want me, with all my issues, knowing what he's getting into? You've reminded me to try and remember that I have more to bring to a person/ relationship than my illness and limitations, and that everyone has SOME kind of shortcoming. Mine is just more visible than most.