My Sister Told Me This Is My Karma...

[erikainorlando]

Hi.

Just wanted some support. My sister and her 4 year old were to come to visit at the end of the summer. My sister is borderline personality and kind of volitile under the best of circumstances. I really thought of this and decided that I did not want to have her stay and add anymore to the mix at my house. I am a single mom of a teenage daughter and 11 year old son. My kids are great...but I am really challanged with energy even for them.

She had left me a message with a bit of a tone and I responded with quick email that I thought visitors would be a bit much for me. She sent me an email saying that I have always been sick...broken bones, Guillain Barre syndrom (I was paralyzed for 6 months), and now this...and it is my karma..like I deserve to be ill.

Now, although that was very hurtful. She sent another email (she is kind of off and keeps sending emails...and emails..in succession when she is angry). The next email said she at least works and is not faking illnesses to get out of working and get everyone's attention.

My head is spinning. As I write this I know my sister is a nut job. But...I am really hurt. I also have nerve damage in my legs from Guillain Barre that would indicate me never walking unassisted but before POTS I was playing tennis (although not well ). I am not a complainer.

I guess it just hit a nerve as with POTS I know that to see me breifly on one of my good days..you would not understand that I can't get around for more than a few hours without a "sick' spell...where I feel like I am dying and have to lay down. Or that I have to plan when I can taked a shower and dry my hair. Or that I can't go to the bank and the grocery store on the same outing..........and that I have at least 4 episode of diahrea a day and tht is nothing compared to those "sick" spells after standing or minimal activity.

I just needed to vent that. I like all of you try so hard to be normal but I am not. Maybe I will be one day but I am not there yet. I can't imagine someone thinking I would fake POTS of all things.. But I was sure that if I put it in a post you all would probably have had family members that were less than suportvie.

Thanks for listening guys.....

Erika

[mjan]

Your sister needs to be carefu....what goes around..comes around=KARMA!!

Yes in your head you know she's a nut job.. (and probably jealous of not getting the attention). But in your heart that stinks..its hurts plain and simple.

WE love you..lots my dear Erika!!!!

Sending you healing vibes with the wonderulness that is YOU!!!

Thanks for being here for Us...may THAT goodness and good will come back to YOU=KARMA!!!

Warmly..with hugs..

Jan

[sandymbme]

Wouldn't it be great if our heads could have veto power over our hearts. It is so easy for people who understand little or nothing about our situations to cause insult to injury with their thoughtless words. So many people in my life fail to consider how horribly defeating it is for me to be forced to admit I can not do something, hurtful words on top of that is almost more than one can bear! I would be willing to bet there is not a single member of this forum who can't relate! Hang in there, and bravo to you for recognizing and following what is best for your health!

[Kitsakatsa]

Everyone has a backpack that they must bear. In our backpacks are many items. Some items are very heavy now, but will be helpful later (like water). Some of us have others to help carry our backpack down our paths, but others also have those who hang on their backpack and make it heavier. As if hanging on your backpack will somehow validate the objects that she has herself placed in her own backpack.

I will help carry as many backpacks for others as I can, I will not allow anyone to place stuff in, or hang on my backpack. I would set limitations with this sister. You do not need this and she is using your burdens against you. Somehow in her ill mind, belittling your burdens makes her feel superior to you and she is validated. I would not allow this to continue. I would see her for a set amount of time at a park or whatever and then lunch the next day, etc. I would not let her in to judge you and your backpack. You simply have to ability to limit her power.

Having this backpack of my own has made me more compassionate towards others, but it also has lead me to have the ability of discernment. We share a condition and so I know the same is true for you. You sound compassionate to her, but let's pull out the BS meter and take a measurement. If she is truly not well mentally, you should limit the influence that she has over you and your family. It would not be easy, but she has full reign over you right now and your email doesn't exactly sound happy.

I wish you the best of strength.

Kits

[Kitsakatsa]

By the way, if you were going to fake something it wouldn't be two major illnesses that the average doctor/resident/person, whatever, has never heard of!

Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it!

Kits

[bjt22]

You're right in your initial assessment...your sister is a bit of a nutjob. I know this is not the place to indulge in political discussion, but right now, there are thousands and hundreds of thousands of people that are being reached by the "but it's different when it's me" arguments. You can't argue with these people. They will never see any one else's circumstances as being equivalent to what's going on in their own lives. They are always "special".

I know family is family, but there comes a point when family relationships are detrimental instead of positive. As emotionally and mentally functioning adults, we need to understand when this happens and not let ourselves be made part of some larger dysfunction.

[erikainorlando]

You guys are so great. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Kits...you really did make me laugh. Yes...why on earth would we fake something I didn't even know it was possible to get!!!

But it is the insult to injury thing...like "wow...I am really not asking for any special treatment...I just am trying to survive the best as I can..so please just don't give me a hard time for being ill". And I guess for those that do give me greif for being ill...well, they don't get to come stay with me.

Erika

[marni4u]

I can sympathize with you. I have very little support from my family (including the hubby) and no support whatsoever from the in-laws--they are the worse with the comments. If they could walk in my shoes for one day, maybe they would understand.

BTW, I did have my first appt. with the "shrink" on monday--One of his questions was "how do I feel about being there"? My comment was "how would you feel if you were in my shoes and someone was questioning the possibility of YOU having munchausens"?

[MightyMouse]

Well, you could always reply with something like "well, I may be sick, but at least I'm not crazy". (I'm being sarcastic, of course).

try to let it go--hard as that may seem. I've had family say too many hurtful things to list here, the most hurtful of which has been my dad telling all my relatives that I'm making all my health issues up for attention.

Most human beings make judgements about others all the time--the more judgemental the more likely it is that the person has their own major issues. Do whatever makes you feel better about yourself and your life. You can always delete her emails without reading them. If it makes you feel better, you can even tell her that you're deleting them unread.

Nina

[Janey]

Hi erika,

I'm so sorry your sister said that, it is totally unfeeling. For people who have never been properly ill in their lives, it is so hard to understand what being chronically ill is like. They will never understand until it happens to them.

If it's any help, my mother is also the same. She goes as far to say the reason I have this is because I've "been a bad person," or I "take too much prescription medication," or because she thinks I "eat badly." It's ironic really, because the reason I'm ill is from Ehlers Danlos syndrome which I have, in fact, inherited from her! It's just that she hasn't had any secondary conditions from it!

janey

[futurehope]

This sister is a potential liability to your health. Look at how upset your are from this encounter. Continue this relationship with caution. You cannot be responsible for her mental health in addition to being responsible to your own family.

I'm sorry her problems are becoming your problems. Don't let her in to your private sphere. Not good. Be cordial but distant. You cannot afford more problems.

[erikainorlando]

I just got to read the rest of the repilies until now bu tI really apprecitate them.

Nina - I can't imagine your dad saying that...boy..what makes people tick sometimes?? And I am going to just delete those emails...before reading...

Marni4u - I am so sorry you have to go thru that. Maybe you can give the psychiatrist this web site?

Honestly...there was a time before I was diagnosed when I even started wuastioning myself...like "do I really feel this bad....or am I just somaticizing (my psychologcal background here)...some life difficulty".

I don't know who created this forum but thank you so much. Support heals.

[MightyMouse]

My psychologist didn't believe me either--told me I was simply depressed. Then she sent me to a psychiatrist, the one who trained her....and he said, "no, she's physically ill"--it was such a vindication.