marni4u

I too went through a marriage with this illness. I went through a divorce but, now I have met someone and am engaged to be married. I also felt my x-husband was not very supportive. After taking the time to go through some counseling, I realized (in my case) I was actually not being very fair to the X with my constant demands and was probably just too wrapped up in me and my illness and just basically looked for any excuse not to appreaciate anything he did or tried to do for me. I guess I became my own worse enemy. I expected the X to give me constant attention 24/7, ignoring the fact the he might need some time to something for himself or something he enjoyed rather than to cater to me 24/7. If he left the hospital to get some dinner or take care of a chore, that made me angry. In my mind his needs didn't matter, only mine. I would accuse him of abandoning me. I enjoyed complaining to everyone that would listen "he just doesn't care". This guy went to every doctor's appt. with me, sat in hospitals with me, ran me all over the place. Still, I resented any time he took to have a meal or just take a break and spend a little "normal" time with friends. I learned all this through counseling. I will not let this happen with my new relationship. I have learned that I will have to give my future husband credit for what he does, some time for himself, some time to do some normal/fun things with his friends so he gets a break. Tammy--I think you are on to something and are on the right path. I wish I would have thought of that the first time around. Sandyshell--You still seem to harbor a lot of hostility towards your X. I sounded a lot like you before I went to counseling. Please don't take this wrong, but maybe before you get married again you should consider some counseling to better understand and cope with what you expect from your future husband so you don't find yourself feeling the same way and having it cause problems in your new life. This is a difficult illness to deal with but with understanding it can be dealt with and we all can get through it, enjoy life and have good positive relationships with some effort on our parts.

Rama, Good point and I do appreciate your input. It just seems that any traveling takes a toll on me in some way shape or form. I do like your attitude! Ana, Thank you for your good wishes! I know I have time to figure out what is best for me--I just want to make an informed decision. I guess I just worry alot. I would like to be able to enjoy our wedding trip and not be miserable---really don't want to start out a marriage that way. I know a ship, in it's own way, would be relaxing. On the other hand, middle of the ocean, lots of people in close quarters could open up a can of worms for disease exposure (noro virus for one thing). On the other side of the coin I guess a land type honeymoon would make healthcare more closely available but you still run the risk of being exposed to some unwanted disease in a hotel. We potsys have to be so carefull about everything we do -- it kinda of takes the fun out of things sometimes--having to dissect everything.

I just recently got engaged (Christmas) and although we haven't set a wedding date yet, we are trying to figure out, taking my illness into consideration, what the best options would be for a little honeymoon trip. My fiance suggested the possibility of a cruise. Although it sounds lovely and relaxing, I'm a little concerned with being in the middle of the ocean and having one of my miserable POTS flares with limited medical services available. Would we be better off planning a "land" vacation or, should we just throw caution to the wind and go for a cruise? I know either way a flight will be involved so it's just the "being in the middle of the ocean and medical services that have me being leary. Anyone here been there and cruised? Am I over-thinking this? It will probably be a year from now when this takes place. Help please--looking for suggestions and opinions. Thanks guys and a Happy New Year to all of you. Marni

It could be a change in your diet. Maybe you're just not eating the same as you were before your virus. I've lost about 10 lbs. the last few months but I'm attributing that to my divorce, clipping coupons to save on groceries, being depressed and just trying to save money on groceries and only buy what's really necessary. I have to cut back somewhere so it's groceries. It's hard not knowing if you're going to have enough money to pay your bills every month and I worry about that so that doesn't help. And the depression comes from seeing that my x-husband has just easily gone on with his life while I barely get by. So, if you're not eating the way you usually eat and if you have some depression, that might be a reason for your weight loss.

I've been working full-time and continue to do so although, not by choice. I have no other way to support myself so it's either work or be homeless. I do have difficult days but somehow I manage to get through them.

I do but it can be difficult at times. There are days where I'd just like to stay in bed and not show up but, being on my own makes that impossible. I have missed 3 days this week because of coming down with the flu and will be out the remainder of the week since I'm still feeling like crap and still running a temp. marni

Just want to wish you all a nice Thanksgiving. The last month has been somewhat difficult for me. I was trying to work extra hours and I did myself in. I've been in bed with the flu the last 3 days and running a high temp (103) at one point. Prior to that I caught a bad cold and I think that just played havoc with my immune system so I got slammed with the flu. Pushing lots of fluids so that's helping somewhat. No solids for me -- can't tolerate that at this point. I had to cancel my plans to spend Thanksgiving with my parents so no turkey for me this year so you guys eat enough for me please!!! Some chicken broth and crackers will be all I can handle. Hope you all manage to have a nice Thanksgiving and eat lots of turkey and have a pleasant day with your families. Marni

Okay, so the move went fine--I'm pretty much settled and glad that's over. Parents were a big help--I hated to see them leave. It's a strange feeling being in a new place by myself, sometimes very sad and depressing but there's not much I can do about that. I got new migraine meds--just started that--topomax--the dosage will change in a week. So time will tell if it works--I hope so. Now, about the dumb luck. I was at the grocery store a few nights ago to get some things and as I'm walking around and look down one of the aisles I see my X with some woman on his arm!!!! She looked familiar to me from what I could see of her and I do believe she is a co-worker--I think I remember her from a company gathering. Can you believe this? The ink isn't even dry on the papers!! Could there have been something going on for months that I wasn't aware of? I felt so horrible--it was like a slap in the face. My only saving grace was they didn't see me and I got out of there immediately--didn't even bother to finish my shopping. I was mortified and still am. Will things ever start looking up?

OMG! You poor thing! Haven't had the time or energy to check forum so this was my first in a few days and I was reading the posts and came across yours. How horrible for you. Are you doing any better? Didn't this home health care person use surgical gloves when she was at your home? Could you possibly have contacted the scabies somewhere else, like in a dr.'s office or, I think I remember in one of your posts you were at the ER for a bad migraine and was taken there by emergency squad? Could it have happened there? Anyway, hope you are doing better.

Hope you're feeling better--take care of yourself

I also, clicked on this link only to find the transcript was from 2008. Am I missing something? Or, did I do something wrong? Then, I started thinking maybe the transcript won't be available online until later in the week?

Just wanted to let you all know everything went as planned on Monday. Can't believe it was over in 5 minutes. I guess dissolutions go quicker than a divorce.. 3 years over in 5 minutes--makes your head spin. Been nursing a bad migraine and just a blah feeling since then--guess all the stress just caved me in. It's a little better today so hopefully I'll be able to get thru the rest of the week. I took a vacation day Friday since I'll be moving over the weekend to my new little place. Thank God my parents will be coming down to help and, the company will do me good I think. Maybe help get me out of this depressed state I'm in right now or, at least help it. Once I get settled in the new place I want to start looking for a new Doc. I should have done this 2 months ago but, with everything else on my plate I just had to put it on hold. I really need to either get my migraine meds adjusted or try something different cause it's really not working that great. Any suggestions? Also, thank you all for such wonderful support during this difficult time for me. Words just cannot express my gratitude. You just can't imagine what it has meant to me. marni

Some medications you might be taking may interact with coQ10: medications for diabetes, ACE inhibitors, beta blockers, diuretics, statin drugs, anticoagulants. So, best check with your Doc before you try. Hope this helps a little.

I can relate. I had in-laws who made similar comments, which in turn, made my husband think the same way. Now, my marriage is ending with the dissolution being final on monday. I had a new doctor imply I had munchausen syndrome and send me to a shrink, even tho I brought all my medical records to him. Some people just don't get it and never will. All you can do for your own piece of mind is ignore the non-believers.

So sorry to read of your long journey. I hope you find help and support from the forum. The people here are wonderful and very informative. Marni

Just wanted to update everyone on what's been going on. My dissolution is supposed to be final on monday--if all goes well. It's been a rollercoaster the last 2 months. My salvation has been my job (can't take the chance of loosing that). Spent the last month looking for an apartment since I have to be out of here by October 1. My parents were nice enough to give me the funds for the down payment and 1st months rent to get me on my feet. I have vowed to pay them back a little at a time the best I can. I hated to take anything from them but, I had no choice. So, next weekend will be moving day for me and I'm now busy packing up the few things I have. My parents had some extra furniture they weren't using so they will bring that up on moving day and help get me set up. Of course, my X has been a real jerk thru this whole thing--absolutely no help at all--but what else is new or expected. I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year ---I'm sure it will be pretty hard during that time but, there's always next year and all I can do is hope that the new year will be better. I've had my good days and my bad days health wise during all this but I've managed to not miss work---there were days where I had to drag myself out of bed and then to work but I didn't want to take any chances with my job. I need my job and my health insurance right now. So that's it all summed up in a nut shell--wish me luck--I know I'll need it.

So sorry for you. I understand your pain and can relate. I'm going thru a divorce right now myself so I understand how stressful this is for you. Just try to take one day at a time and keep yourself healthy. Try not to let the stress wear you down. Marni

So very sorry for your loss. You must be devasted. Find comfort in knowing your kitty is at peace.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and opinions on this subject. You all had some interesting thoughts. Someone has asked my age, I'm 33. It's hard to discuss something like this with parents because I feel they can/would be biased. I don't feel I would change my mind about children in the future and, as someone stated, if I would there is adoption. This isn't something that I just decided because of the break-up of my marriage; I have always felt this way. If you all have anymore thoughts, please feel free to let me hear them. Or, even thoughts on procedures, quickest recovery, etc. etc. that would help also. You guys are great. Thanks, Marni

As you all know, I'm in the process of divorce which has been **** to say the least. So, since my marriage will be ending, I have been considering permanent "birth control". I have always felt I did not want to have children but never considered doing anything about it since I was married and my husband felt he would probably like to have children down the road. Now that my marriage is ending and his opinion will be of no consideration, I am seriously considering this option. My only concern is that in the future, if I should meet someone and they don't necessarily feel the same way as I do, would this hinder future relationships (which at this time is the farthest thing from my mind but, I'm the type that always likes to think ahead)? Has anyone here made this permanent decision and can they offer any advice? One of the reasons I've been thinking about this is my birth control meds seem to be aggravating my migraines and I am going off them. So, I'm thinking, while I'm still working and have medical coverage now might be the time to go the permanent route. I sincerely hope my feelings regarding being child-free do not offend anyone here. I just need some input. Thanks guys, Marni

Well, I met with an attorney the beginning of the week and it doesn't look too promising for me, to say the least. 3 years of marriage doesn't warrant any support/maintenance and we don't have really any "marital assets" to speak of. A good part of the "stuff" in our place he brought into the marriage, I brought very little. Needless to say, not too happy. The other day I felt like taking a hammer to his stuff but, I didn't--figured I'd get into deep doggie dodo for that--Then I was at the kitchen sink rinsing out a cup and thought--might as well throw my wedding rings down the disposal--of course, I came to my senses and didn't--after all--I could always sell them if needed right? LOL Maybe I need anger management ! On the brighter side, I'm back at work so that helps---Now I just have to make sure I don't run myself down with all this stress so I stay at work. Anyway, I just wanted to give you all a little update since you've all been so supportive and helpful.

Thank you all again for some insight. And, yes Catlady--I do work--I plan on going back this week--have been out for about 2 weeks now. I really need to get back in so I can afford an attorney. I have an appt with one tomorrow afternoon -- I want to find out where I stand. Have so many questions--Like, where do I stand with medical bills --am I going to get stuck with them or will husband have to help pay them off (the existing ones during the marriage). Anyone here that's gone thru this can you maybe shed some light? I want to have a list of good questions for the attorney and I'm trying to compile it so I have it in front of me--anyone have any suggestions? That sure would help because sometimes it's hard to think straight and smart when you're going thru something like this and, since attorney's charge by the hour, I want to be smart and not waste precious time. I can use all the help I can get.

So sorry to hear of your situation. I'm going thru similar situation right now. It is very scary and depressing. You are in my thoughts.

maybe the illness is just the excuse for the marriage coming apart ---not the root cause.