Ignorant People

[cbahagrl1234]

I am soo upset and figured that the best way to express myself would be to share this with someone who can relate to me! I was walking into work at Walmart Pharmacy and was not feeling well today, so I decided to use my handicap tag and park a bit closer today. Well, this women comes over to me and says "This is a handicap parking space." I reply saying that "This is a handicap tag." The tag was not blue, but red because it is temporary and my doctor re-evaluates me every 6 months. The women still did not believe me and went to the customer service desk and then went to find a manager. I supposedly "did not look like I needed a handicap tag." I WAS SO UPSET! WHAT NERVE DOES THIS WOMEN HAVE TO JUDGE ME AND WHY WOULD I NEED TO OFFER HER AN EXPLANATION. The handicap tag is issued in my name and it is valid... SOME PEOPLE NEED TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!!! I felt angry and then upset. The only people I knew who would understand me would be others who deal with POTS etc on a regular basis... Any words of advice? or support

[MightyMouse]

Try not to let it get to you...

maybe next time you can ask the person if they could work harder on developing their x-ray vision to be able to see your heart condition? That ought to put them in their place.

[turtlefairy5]

When people are that off-balance, I think it is best to ignore them. Walk away, taking deep breaths as you go.

Also, it always helps me if I mutter under my breath, "Idiot."

Yes, "idiot" does nicely in this case.

Amber

[firewatcher]

I hope and pray that you never get that again, or that you recover so quickly that you never have to encounter such stupidity again. But if you do try this:

"Madam, I would give a great deal to never have to use this tag at all, but it is the lack of compassion and understanding of people like you who make my unseen suffering so much worse. Thank whatever God you hold dear that you do not experience what I do today!" And then walk, limp or stagger off as best you can. None of us would ever choose to live like this.

I support you, do as best you can.

Jennifer

[taylortotmom]

I agree with the others and I'm sure that was unnerving. One thing I do is to say very sweetly, "Well, believe it or not I'm a heart patient." You don't have to explain anything to anyone but I have found that people usually become extremely apologetic once they realize appearances can be very deceiving.

Carmen

[Pat]

I am soo upset and figured that the best way to express myself would be to share this with someone who can relate to me! I was walking into work at Walmart Pharmacy and was not feeling well today, so I decided to use my handicap tag and park a bit closer today. Well, this women comes over to me and says "This is a handicap parking space." I reply saying that "This is a handicap tag." The tag was not blue, but red because it is temporary and my doctor re-evaluates me every 6 months. The women still did not believe me and went to the customer service desk and then went to find a manager. I supposedly "did not look like I needed a handicap tag." I WAS SO UPSET! WHAT NERVE DOES THIS WOMEN HAVE TO JUDGE ME AND WHY WOULD I NEED TO OFFER HER AN EXPLANATION. The handicap tag is issued in my name and it is valid... SOME PEOPLE NEED TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!!! I felt angry and then upset. The only people I knew who would understand me would be others who deal with POTS etc on a regular basis... Any words of advice? or support

It is hard when you have a condition that doesn't really show. People always think I am better because I look ok that day. Just remember they ususally mean well.

[willows]

I get the same in the UK and quite honestly it all boils down to one of two things ............either ignorance of the right to have and use a disabled parking badge or what is more worrying is that its envy

And I'm not joking about people envying people like you or I .

I've parked up before and put up my blue badge ( thats when I'm well enough to drive let alone walk around anywhere) and I've been stopped by a number of woman asking me why at such a young age and looking perfectly well I should be using a disabled badge and whats worse is they ask me ' is that your badge ' !!!!!

I just walk away and leave them standing there, I used to try and explain that 'POTS' is very rare and that some days ( very few now) I can look almost normal ( except for the walking sticks and wrist braces) and other days I cannot stand up , let alone get out of bed .

But struggling trying to 'put my case over' and 'prove myself innocent' of any uncalled for charges they seem to put on me 9 times out of 10 would set of a nice bout of either the sweats, feeling dizzy, blurred vision and feeling sick or just that ' something isn't right feeling' before a wave of the lot hits you .....................which would leave me stranded in town or at a shop unable to get back home because I will not drive if I'm unwell.

So having learnt the hard way ........................any woman and 99% of the time its other woman who like to make these strange uncalled for and unfounded accusations at me , well I just smile at them and walk away , head in the air, breathing steadily and ignore them completely and if they raise there voices in an attempt to make me stop and talk to them ....................I just carry on as if I'm deaf or hard of hearing .

In the end its them who look the fool when they stand alone either talking to themselves or shouting at you as you walk away .

One suggestion is to have a word with any local traffic wardens in the area you work or live in , I have taken time to explain to them my problems and the fact that if I'm ill I never drive etc, and quite honestly it is the best thing I've done since getting a blue badge .

Willows...............who's well known with all the local traffic wardens in her city , no .......not becuase I'm always being told off , but because they know I'm disabled and if someone 'has a go at me for any reason ' these nice men and woman tell the public in no uncertain terms that I am disabled and leave me alone !

[Ernie]

Hi,

I would sew that lady in smal court for emotional damage!

[cbahagrl1234]

Thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement!!! Those words have truly made my day! Unfortunately, today is not a good day for me and I feel completely achy and out of it and my boyfriend does not understand

[Guest tearose]

You went through a terrible experience, you are going to feel the aftershocks until you can release it. I think you were dumped on and you did not deserve someone's horrible behavior. Don't empower them anymore. When we hold onto a hurt it only ends up hurting ourself. Just feel pity for the small minded rude people who have nothing else to do with their life than chase after others looking for problems.

I hope you will be feeling more like yourself soon!

best regards,

tearose

[tsampa]

I am soo upset and figured that the best way to express myself would be to share this with someone who can relate to me! I was walking into work at Walmart Pharmacy and was not feeling well today, so I decided to use my handicap tag and park a bit closer today. Well, this women comes over to me and says "This is a handicap parking space." I reply saying that "This is a handicap tag." The tag was not blue, but red because it is temporary and my doctor re-evaluates me every 6 months. The women still did not believe me and went to the customer service desk and then went to find a manager. I supposedly "did not look like I needed a handicap tag." I WAS SO UPSET! WHAT NERVE DOES THIS WOMEN HAVE TO JUDGE ME AND WHY WOULD I NEED TO OFFER HER AN EXPLANATION. The handicap tag is issued in my name and it is valid... SOME PEOPLE NEED TO MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS!!! I felt angry and then upset. The only people I knew who would understand me would be others who deal with POTS etc on a regular basis... Any words of advice? or support

I know it is an illness that the people don't understand. their could not understand if their have no problem themselves.

Me I think with those people I will not d?pence energy for us.

[flop]

A short retort like "sorry I can't stop, I collapse if I stand up for too long" usually does the trick.

I've also used "I can limp if you like but it won't make my heart problem any better".

Usually I just walk away and ignore them - they can call the police if they want, they will find a perfectly valid disabled badge with my photograph and details on the back - then who looks stupid??

Sorry you had to deal with such a horrible experience, I hope you manage to forget about it quickly.

Flop

PS - I remember reading that somewhere in France the sign near the disabled parking spaces read "When you take my parking space please also take my disability".

I get more annoyed at people without disabled badges pinching all the blue badge parking spaces. I need the extra width to open the car door wide so I can get out of the car without falling and dislocating something.

[MelissaCrystal]

Wow, that would have made me unbearably angry. I would've definitely went off on her. Grr! I probably would've yelled, "Well sorry you can't see my HEART CONDITION that can cause me to pretty much DIE ON THE SPOT if I stand or walk for too long you little," and then I'd use a lot of cuss words. The die on the spot part is a bit of an exaggeration, but maybe not if your blood pressure drops too low.

But I wouldn't advise that reaction. I'm just really mad for you right now. I'm sorry that you had to put up with that. Just learn a response that makes you feel good to say and that causes the most regret and embarrassment to the target---that's my advice.

[Bella127]

Isn't it horrible when people judge like that?? I can definitely relate to your story, and I'm sure this kind of thing happens to all of us POTSies at one time or another.

A few years ago, I had parked in handicap parking when I was going into a store with a friend. It was a rainy day, and my symptoms get so much worse when the weather is like that. When I came back to my car, I found a nasty note from the old woman who had been glaring me down (she was parked across from me before I went into the store). It said something like, "You stole this from a handicapped person! How dare you!" etc., etc. How I WISH that she was still sitting in her car when I found that note!!

I probably have too big of a mouth to just walk away if someone were to say something like that to me, but then again we know how symptoms flare when we get worked up/emotional about things. But I think it is definitely worth saying something, because otherwise these people walk away thinking they did some tremendous "service" to society by ridiculing someone who "doesn't need a handicap tag". Something like, "that's funny, I bet you didn't think that there are things wrong with some people that you can't SEE? I have a heart condition where I am so tired I feel as though I'm running in place all the time, and at this moment, my heart is working three times harder than yours to stand."

I mean, how ridiculous-- can you "see" diabetes, heart defects, cancer, etc.? It's hard to believe that people can still act this way, but sadly, we are all too used to it.

I hope your symptoms are doing okay and didn't flare up too much after this experience. It does help to have something to say ready for when (or if) this happens again. Although, who knows if we would remember anyway... (darn brain fog)

I like flops' comeback - "I can limp if you like, but it doesn't make my heart problem any better." - PERFECT!!

My friends always say if I had crutches, etc., no one would ever say a word - so true.

Chrissy

[ladyt]

hi..

I think people like that is all over the world.. They think of them self as good people, that detect fraud, but they're not.. They are full of predejuce and ready formed ideas about what handicaped people should look like....

And they lack real empathy. And i think some are (like some of u mentioned) jealous of the tag. yes it is nice to have the tag, but i rather be healthy.

And the best thing to do is ignore them. Or embarrass them if one have a sharp tongue.