willows

I've just woken up having slept from 1 am until 5 pm and I'm so tired still I feel unsteady on my feet and keep dropping things and nearly falling over, its not as if I didn't sleep last night either I was laying on the bed tired out at 6 pm last night ( watching TV ) then went to sleep at 11 pm until 8 am this morning . Since the last big 'wave ' hit me in 2001...........after I came home from a holiday abroad, I've been getting tireder and tidier every year, sometime I can sleep all day ( 24 hours total). I sometimes think I'm sleeping my life away , but as the doctor has said your body knows when it needs it . May be I'm turning into a squirrel or a bear and keep wanting to go into hibernation, trouble is its the wrong tome of the year ............... Willows.

Happy Birthday Tearose....................hope you have a wonderful day . And may your wishes continue to come true, today , tomorrow and always. Willows

ooooow! never thought of a vitamin deficiency at all, clever you! I do have terrible problems with food, what with the throat contracting making me feel like I'm being strangled at times ( yuck) And the bowel and stomach contractions that have me hanging on to anything available ( people, radiators, door frames ) It does make sense that I'm 'not up to par' with all I should be, I've just remembered that I was low in iron some weeks ago, so I suppose I will have to go back to the local 'vampire' ( our bloods lady , as we call her) and get another test done. At this rate I'll have no blood left in me soon ,as I've just had a test for cholesterol ( I'm to high )Thanks ever so .........willows

Last night a envelope was posted through our door ( sometime around 2 am) In this was a piece of paper with the typed words on; From a friend...................please replace the camera, plus ?500 + in cash. We do not know who this was from as not all the village know of the burglary, we feel it more than likely to be from one of my hubby's old mountaineering pals or from one of the many photographers he has been exchanging photo's with on the net ( some of them know our address now) My hubby didn't quite know what to do or say...........he still cant believe how someone could be so generous to him, so thoughtful and kind to do this . You see we couldnt claim on our insurance policy for the camera, as we had not included this item ( total costing over ?1000) in the individual section, and as we are both retired and on our pensions, although I write for a living, at present I ( we ) have no extra money floating about for this replacement cost at this time, and more than likely for sometime to come. The police have now discovered more and more 'walk ins' in the area ............... the police say that the way this group act is to make out that people are 'posting leaflets through your door ' if caught , they claim they are just 'looking for you'............clever or what ! Willows.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has had any permanent changes in the colour or texture of their finger or toe nails over the past say two-three years since the illness started. The reason I ask is that starting with both my big toes and both my thumbs first, then spreading to the other digits my nails are going quite 'carrot 'coloured which is quite noticeable. No I'm not eating tons of carrots or drinking carrot juice No I dont smoke, never have ............ and it would be of a job holding a cigarette with your toes at my age anyhow I haven't used fake tan or vanish my nails at all, and I dont have an infection in my nails . I do take a large amount of drugs each day , but these do not seem to be the culprit either....... Unless my hubby is getting up in the night and sticking my hands and feet in cups of coffee while I'm asleep to stain them I'm completely lost for ideas . Any suggestion gratefully received. Willows.

Thank you everyone for your support on this I've just heard that over the past few weeks a number of other houses in our village have been broken into and had items taken, I live in a part of the country which is very pretty , but also this village is called 'millionaires row' because of the cost of the houses...............crazy isn't it. ( we inherited ours by the way !) Apparently these 'people' come into the garden making out they are leaflet delivering and thats why we dont take any notice of there coming and goings. My hubby is still so angry and upset over the loss of his camera, I know it may sound silly to some of you, as you have said ' we are all OK and thats the main thing' BUT...................this is a man who was an ice climber and mountaineer, who has climbed every mountain in the UK, a outdoor man who loves all things 'wild and windy' the sea, the mountains and the moors around us. As he has lost the ability over the past year or so to walk, climb, run and even pootle about for any length of time becuase of his joints and the terrible lack of energy, he has spent many hours trying to find something to do as a hobby. A couple of months ago this macro photography came into his head..................he bought his camera, lenses and loads of other bits and hasn't looked back since, he drives me mad sometimes with the 'whats this dear'................eye of an ant or 'here, come and look at this one'.......leg of a spider So in losing his camera and the ability to keep himself doing something he loves , he's slipped back into the 'down in the mouth mode' and 'cant sit still for 5 minutes' or rest mode. Hopefully we should be able to get another one next month if we are very careful. Willows.

Thank you Tearose and jacqui802 for your replies. Tearose, if you know what it is called and could find it for me , to give give me a lead that would be great. For the time being hubby came up with a quick , cheap answer! He placed a piece of cut wood that fits exactly in the runner behind the sliding door so that the door opens just 9-10 inches before it stops . We think that whoever took the camera had been watching us from hills in front and at the side of us ( with binoculars) I dont make any bones about having to rest every afternoon in bed and hubby is walking with sticks , we have disabled stickers on our car parked just in front of our house , so we are easy pray for some sad , sick individuals....................becuase thats what they are. If they prey on the house of disabled people who are known in the community and often seen walking with sticks or in a wheelchair then they have a problem, I just hope and pray its not someone we know here in the village. I'm finding that I'm so tired at the minute, I didn't sleep last night, along with hubby and son.............we all kept listening for sounds. So now have a banging headache and slight dizzy woozy feelings , hot and right side if face and ear going crazy. Why us, we just live quiet lives not harming anyone , pottering about here and there and making the most of whats left of our lives together. I'm hurt, angry, upset, and frightened now that 'they' having taken something so easily may come back and try again. Willows.

Still in shock from last night when an unknown person walked into our house and stole from us. I was upstairs on the bed watching TV , as this was almost the end of my rest period, and the end of a good film . My 15 year old son was in the conservatory on his play station at the back of the house with the door shut , as its double glazed he heard nothing. And my husband had come upstairs to talk to myself and go to the loo. Our lounge is at the very front of the house with two large sliding patio doors that open onto the decking and the garden , as the weather was so nice and warm he had left one of the doors wide open, in the middle of the floor was his precious camera which he had been taking the batteries out of to recharge them . It was a digital one which he has been using to do his micro photography with, he's devastated now. The police think that this person must have been watching our house and just decided that this was the time to 'go for it' in the time span of 5.35pm to 5.55pm ( when hubby was upstairs) this person walked up our garden , over the decking, into the house and took the camera without being heard or see. So..............now that the weather is getting better in the UK please make sure that if you leave a room with a door or window open onto the garden that you make this secure , not just for your possessions but for your piece of mind as well. It takes just 3 minutes for someone to get in, out and away most times. We can in time replace the camera , but the feeling that someone was in the house when we were there will always stay now. Willows.

Hello IaIaIisa.............. Its just as bad in the UK, I had to fight to get recognised for 64 Weeks solid. At first they said NO.....there isn't such a thing Then they gave me just the lowest rate for care and mobility. My 'angel G.P' who stands by me for everything, wrote to them and complained about there behavior towards myself and there lack of understanding over this condition. Next I heard I'd got the next level up 'middle rate' but..............no back payouts ( it was up to a year by then) Then I appealed again and asked for a consultant from them to come to my house and **** me . The consultant turned up on one of my 'is she alive or dead days' poor man, he took one look at me , grey, sweating, freezing cold, low pulse rate , and all the other nastiest and wanted to call an ambulance! Hubby told him not to panic when he couldnt find my pulse and had to show him were to find it So....... out come of this was I was awarded full care and mobility BACK DATED 64 Weeks ............. the consultant was appalled that I hadent been awarded it straight away, and went back to the DHSS office to make sure that my condition and others who have the same will now be taken seriously. So you keep going ,fight on girl you will get there in the end. Willows

Hello all, U.K. houses dont tend to have air conditioning unless your very rich. I discovered these 'cooling headache pads' which are an absolute must in hot weather , especially if I have to go out. I keep a pack in the car as well. I take a couple with me and when I cannot take it anymore ( about 2 seconds of going into the sun) I place one at the back of my neck or I cut one in half and put half on each wrist. It does work well and I can keep cool for quite a while. Once they get warm, take them off and flap them about a bit until they are cool again and then re-apply. They are not made from anything with drugs in them ( just some sort of menthol I think) so they will not react with drugs and I use mine over and over again. Clothes wise I tend to wear; a big brimmed hat and sunglasses, for me sunglasses are a must because of my eye problems. I wear a vest ( no bra ) but put a chiffon loose long sleeved shirt over this, its very cooling when the wind catches it as it makes the chiffon billow out and is cooling on the skin, it also helps with protecting the arms from the sun, on the bottom half a full length full skirts that also float around me. Rather a 'romantic' look but does the job. Willows.

WOW..........Thedizzies , just read your post . I to have these days of 'flu ' like symptoms, you feel like its flu or you have done a rather huge work out , pain in joints and you ache all over like crazy, I just have to go to bed and stay there until it goes or I end up falling down somewhere through sheer exhaustion. I also get this really horrible sensation when just my clothes or the bedlinen touching my skin drives me mad, almost like the skin in this area has now become horrendously over sensitive, its really rather horrid. I get one lot of pain like this that runs down my right side of my face into my ear, eye, noes, teeth, jaw and neck ...........just touching it is like being hit by something hard on the side of the face. I have pain at night 100 times worse than daytime especially down my legs, my hips are so painful I cant sleep. I do have some RA ( hands, wrists, knees, hips) but not all the pain can be attributed to this. Yep....dizzygirl I'm the same after years of all sorts of consultants 'pocking and prodding me ' they still cannot find out what it is ..............I've been tested for everything from M.E. to them contemplating sending me to a vet for hard pad ! ( just joking) mind you my vet recons that they could do no worse job at times then my consultant, at least I can get to see them when I need to . I dont take beta-blockers so it cannot be attributed to these. Willows.

Oh..... Tearose...................how clever you are I am a comedy writer for a living and I write stuff just like you have suggested , cool or what?, you know what they say 'great minds think a like ' or 'it takes a mad person to find another' I write about what its like to be disabled ' but with a twist', yep.......crazy twist. I have always had this very strange, comic over the top sense of humour. Some of my consultants wonder if its not the condition thats making me 'weird' but I think its more likely that as you say I will not give in to pain, how ever much I sick, contract, am in pain, passing out , falling down or I'm just plain 'stuck on my back like a tortoise legs kicking' I can always see a funny side to life. If I didn't after 35 years of pain ( and the rest) well I'd be glue on the back of an envelope by now ,if I was a horse that is I also think that its not fair for children to see you 'suffering ' all the time especially as we still dont know if I will pass it on to them yet. So I try and make people laugh when I tell them what I've done.......................like the time I feel into the hole my hubby had just dig by the front door ( again just went down) He was just about to tip a barrow load of wet concrete into it , I feel in, he tipped the concrete over my head. The ambulance men ( when they came to get me ) couldnt stop laughing either ( hubby and I with tears streaming down our faces) even when I came home in plaster ( broken ankle ) I was still laughing .........................mind you didn't laugh so much that night ................... Nor the following 10 weeks of trying to walk again but life's what you make it , and I intend to laugh my way through the rest of my life if I can. Willows.

Thanks Tearose and others for your replies. Sorry I haven't been back to you before but unfortunately I decided to give the stair and hall carpet an 'eye to eye' inspection. ....................yes, fell headfirst down the stairs! One minute I was standing holding a mug just about to step very carefully onto the first step , then.............gone! Managed to slightly stop my fall by catching my left elbow against the wall and bending the wrist back Worst of it all was that I suffered an angina attack just afterwards, then another in the night ,then yet another this morning Now feeling stiff as a board, bruised, battered very tired and like I've been run over by a herd of seven footed, furry headed , over weight ostriches on there way to a January sale ......................in others words.................... Willows, down, very down ( all the way top to bottom) but not , never out !!!!

Doesn't it feel good to actually know what you have ! Its a strange feeling , even though you have something thats unwanted and a horrid condition, your so happy to be able to tell people you know what it is and not feel like a fool or a hypocondreact anymore! So pleased for you ......if you know what I mean. Willows

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Yesterday I went to collect my son from his college as I needed to do some shopping , my son is my second carer he has the wonderful job of pushing the trolley around the shop, whilst I shuffle behind , he collects the items, bags and lifts them into the car and then into the house in fact he's my 'little gem'. So drove to college and parked in small side road with just one single line down both sides , this side road is next to the big college coach park. Sitting near the top of the road with my blue badges up I noticed a large coach pull up on the opposite side of the road to me .........and park. So I moved down a bit as not to stop traffic. Next minute another coach parked behind him, this time I noticed that the driver looked at me and laughed. So muggins here moved down the road a bit more. Now at this point I need to tell you that the road is only about 40 yards long from junction t junction , and as you know ( well hope so ) you cannot park within 15 yards of a junction. So I'm now getting worried as the junction is looming at me and after the end of this road there is no where else for me to go! As I watched another coach pulled up , a third one and parked behind the other two...........so the three coaches had now taken up the whole of the other side of the road from junction to junction ( against the law) and I was now blocking the road..........................this is bullying by the coach drivers and totally illegal as they are not allowed to park there, but should have parked in the coach park. How do I know this ? well I spoke to the police a few hours later. I did manage to get my son but not until I'd panicked so much I nearly had an angina attack and not until the coach drivers had all had a jolly good laugh out of there windows at me. SO.................moral of this story ! If after the school holidays you happen to see a small silver car near a college and a load of police cars and coach drivers having a huge argument .............its me . As I've been told by the police if when I go to pick my son up again the same happens ,I lock my car as soon as the first coach arrives, walk away and call the police.............. as a disabled driver I will not be ; put down, cut up, called names or bullied anymore ..........I hope. Willows.

Hi, Lucycharm42. Just read this while having a search for other helpful advice on the site. I used to sweat 24/7 from head to toe, even my long ( boob length ) hair would be saturated . I see from reading other posts that most people with this condition DONT sweat, well I pour like a boxer , if a dog barks ....I rain, if I see or smell food /drink ....I rain, laying down is like laying in a 1 inch paddling pool all the time, so sleeping is a nightmare and the bed has to be changed every single morning. If I get angry, upset, hungry , in fact anything that not 'quiet, slow or very normal........and off I go 'raining ' ( as we call it) so you can imagine sweat, dripping off my chin into food , running between my boobs, down my back , hands so wet I cant hold a thing, especially glassware as it slips out of my hands, its a nightmare and I constantly shower..........but sweat after this to . I use loads of talc and deodorents and now take clonidine tablets ( 3 x twice a day ) and HRT as I'm going through the change as well ( insult to injury ) I cant wear perfume as I'm allergic to it ( scratch my skin to bits ) so its a case of when I brake thorough the drug which I do every so often , i just keep apologising for any 'drips' and and sweat smells to people around me , I trying to hold my head up and get on with life. Hard I know but most people when they here what is wrong ............spend time passing tissues and say that they couldnt put up with it. Its do or die for me, I'm not going to lay down and do nothing because of the 'constant rain' ..........summers even worse now, so roll on winter...........except .......then my Raynaud's is worse. Cant win can you................... Best wishes Willows.

Thank you all so much for your replies, I cannot tell you what a strange feeling it was to read that I am not the only one 'who has gone through the mill' I sued to think ( not having had any contact with other sufferers) that it was me who was causing the many problems to my body, and so did the doctors..............so many illnesses . I had a Shadow on the lung once and was sent to an anti-smoking clinic..........! Doctor informed me that I had to stop smokeing as this was causing the problems.........I told him that perhaps I'd better start first in order to stop ! He wouldn't believe that I'd not only NEVER smoked in my life, but not worked in a smoky atmosphere, lived with a heavy smoker or been in an industry that caused smoke, fine dust or such like...........it was horrible not being believed and I had to get my husband to confirm my answers. I've just been ( yesterday ) t my Doctors again, he is now going to come onto the site in order to seek out new drugs for me and other help...............the UK consultants just turn there backs on us and leave us to suffer , its almost as if they are trying to prove you haven't got the condition! If it wasn't for my two local doctors I think I would not be here now , they are the best . Thank you again for your help, I know it can be hard to remember things like this but just this little bit of information will for me go a long, long way in my fight to get more help and understanding for us who suffer in the UK Willows.

Interesting this.....not one reply ...must be just me then ! Willows.

Hello Persephone...............I cant tell you how pleased I am to speak to another UK suffer.......you have made my year, I could cry with the sheer joy of having you reply to me. Thank you so much. I have spent 35 years trying to find someone in the UK who has the same condition as myself and here you are brilliant ( no not the pain and all the rest ) its great speaking to you , nearly fell of the computer chair!!!! Have you been to the national hospital in queens square yet? you can ask your GP to send you to see a professor Mathias he may help, he may not! When I went there I was given a sweat test, while on the highest dose of Clonidine you can possibly take as my sweats were out of control. As I didn't sweat they then claimed I didn't have AND ! Later that day I was going to have a MRI and I suddenly felt ' blar' head went funny ( you know what I mean) and I started to be sick and sick , asked for my anti-sickness drugs and the staff didn't want to know ! Porter came to take me down and I sicked on him , the floor , in the lift , at reception of MRI ...... you name it I sicked on it! It was then they decided that may be I was ILL after all..................AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! my blood pressure was in my boots , my heartbeat was coming and going .yet guess what ? They left the other patients in the ward ( an investigation ward ) to look after me.........honestly not a word of lie ! I called my husband who organised transport home for me within hours and I came home to recover from the neglect. My own GP ( brilliant lady doctor) was waiting for me to arrive home , sorted me out and then called the hospital and 'let rip' I'm finding it every hard to actually trust anyone by my own GP now, how about you ? By the way I'm just on the outskirts of jolly old Plymouth, so not far from you ! well as the crow flies................best wishes Willows.

Sorry your having a tired day , so am I , my eyes are looking like I've been crying all night and are so bright red I look positively weird , they are also sore, puffy and blurred ( pass the dark glasses please ) Join the afternoon sleep club founder members hubby and I ........sleep time starts at 1.45pm and wake up time is no later than 4.30 pm ( when son gets home from school) I settle down on the bed with a vanilla candle burning ( away from myself and on a safe unit ).............smells wonderful!!!! ah! this little ' time out ' is also when I do half an hour on the lap-top working on my book ( if I dont fall to sleep at the lap-top first!) and the DVD on the TV in the bedroom ( for me to watch ...with my eyes shut) makes so much difference to the day.............I can cope with my rest afternoons.......take it away and I'm well and truly s*****d . We even disconnect the phone ,fax and turn off this mother computer , put a sign up at the door and lock it ! Rest is the best thing you can get with this condition 35 years of having it 'hitchhiking about my body' has taught me this. Best wishes and hope you feel better soon Willows.

Hello, yep......... I run a temperature to . My normal temp is about 98 but on bad days it goes up to 102+ and along with this I get this awful feeling of flu in my system ( which it isn't ) The symptoms are always the same year in year out for about 15 years now ; chronic joint pains through my body so bad even touching my arm or leg gently hurts , glands swollen, headache , stiffness ......just like flu! I have learnt over the years to go to bed and stay there until its over, drink gallons of anything going and go to sleep , sleep and more sleep. I tend to get one about every three or four months without fail, it may be that I just push myself sometimes to much , like we all do without knowing it ! Willows.

Am I angry or what !!!! Just been on the phone to my specialist as I hadn't heard from him since I had a 24 hour blood pressure test done in mid March ( this March) Asked his secretary whats going on , she replies that a letter was sent to my GP asking them to arrange more heart tests for me , this letter arrived on the 22nd March at the doctors, so why didn't the hospital specialist arrange them ? Nothing has been said to me, nothing has been done at all at my own G.P.'s. I also asked the specialists secretary about a letter sent to the London hospital about a test they did that was a 'farce'..............believe it or not this London hospital did a sweat test on me while I was taking the highest dose of Clonidine ( an anti sweating drug) when the test was negative they then said 'ah....you dont have A.N.D.' My blood boiled and I asked why they had done the test while I was taking drug? They claimed I wasn't taken it....................but you see there was TWO drug charts!!!! They shuffled about and refused to make any more comments about it and I came home really angry with there behavior. Now local specialist has asked London professor about this test , the local specialist wants to know if taking the drug will make any difference t the test results !!!! Which makes me now wonder if this specialist is qualified !!! So this London professor wont reply , probably to embarrassed to ! I spoke to the manufacturers of the drug who said to me ( and also in a letter to my G.P) 'this drug stops 99.9% of the sweats so giving her a sweat test on it is lunacy'............thank you drug company for backing me up. So here I go again, specialists against specialists , doctors against doctors , when will they learn that lying to a patient is not the professional thing to do and they do get found out in the long run. How I wish I lived in the USA and could get real help with this condition, not a load of doctors who are hit and miss and have an attitude of ' well she's still alive so why worry' Willows...........angry, upset, tired and just plain fed -up .

Just a thought about general health here. I've been really unwell since I first had this condition, every disease , illness or thing that can go wrong within me has ! Is this the norm ? has anyone else had so much done or had so many illnesses? Here goes, this is my little list; Appendicitis with after complications Tonsils, adenoids out. Pneumonia & pleurisy. Shadow on the lung, I have never smoked. Gallstones and small part of intestine removed with after complications. Bronchitis. First baby; c-section after heartbeat dropped ( mine) Second baby; premature labour . Afterwards; septicemia, pulmonary oedema, heart failure, kidney failure, heart attack. Glandular fever. M.E. Third baby; pre-ecalampsia , afterwards post toxemia. Hysterectomy after complete prolapse in supermarket ! ( very embarrassing ) Shingles ( twice in the face) 14 tumors removed over last 6 years some small ( size of egg) some large ( size of grapefruit) I'm also getting acute laryngitis about once a year that last for 4 -5 weeks. So anyone else read like a medical dictionary or is it just my bad luck ???? This should be interesting . Willows. P.S. just remembered also had four miscarriages between first and last baby loosing twin from first and second daughters. Also have had a number of accidents ( broken bones ) when I've fallen 'out f the blue'

Thanks to both sunfish and Amby for you posts. I haven't been up long as I had a Yuck, Yuck and more Yuck night..............spent most of the time watching rubbish on TV and drinking , so thirsty again all night, leg pains ............well dont even go there ! So here I am this morning looking like I've been crying my eyes out all night, bright red ( the whites ) and puffy. Does anyone else get this ? they feel like I have been drinking gin all night , yet I'm tee-total so thats not an option, I hate having to wear dark glasses for two days to 'cover this up' as people do think I've been crying over something and you cant get it over to them that your not upset !!! Sunfish whats the goofy skin stuff? I have these strange big brown patches at the base of my spine , sort of scaly ( probably going to turn into a lizard ) and they will not go away whatever I use. Oh Amby, I used to feel so terrible guilty about feeling 'unplugged' you know the feeling ...........there you are as right as rain doing shopping or eating a meal or just being you ........all of a sudden ' WHACK' and you just want to lay down and go to bed NOW . I dont feel guilty anymore because one day I tried to carry on and I passed out in town in the main high street. The ambulance men thought I was having a coronary as my heartbeat was so low , I was grey, sweating , they couldnt find my pulse and it was horrendous. My GP when she found out ( bless her ) read me the riot act!!! Although she only knows about AND from things I have collected for her from the net , she knew enough to really lay the law down............so guilty is not a word I use now, and you should write it out of your vocabulary as well........... Look at it this way : If you had a broken arm you wouldn't swing on a rope................would you ? . If you broke you back you wouldn't lift a wardrobe......................would you ? If you had a contagious disease you wouldn't sit in a cinema..........would you ? You wouldn't jump into a swimming pool if you couldnt swim.........would you ? So why feel guilty when you have to stop and rest having done to much with a medical condition that takes your energy? Surely , if you would do none of the above and they are only 'temporary conditions' , then a long term disabling condition such as ours is not a thing to bear guilt over ? Just because people cannot see whats wrong with us doesn't make it any less painful or hard to take each day ,and I for one will not be made to feel guilty because outsiders ( those who do not know you) do not see a bandage, a scar, a disfigurement or 'what they believe are sighs of an illness' that is for them to justify in there narrow minds , not for us to feel guilty or hurt over . Sorry I've gone on about it , but I've had problems with people in this village over my husbands and my own illness. Must go now as getting upset .........sorry Willows.

Hello Iaila, I to get the most incredible leg pains at night. The pain is so intense it brakes through my painkillers and has over the past five years got worse and worse until now its across the base of my spine, across my hips , down my outer thighs into my knees down my shins and into my ankles, feet and toes. My knees swell up something terrible and I look most strange ! I also get this bright red rash all over my legs like small bright red pimples ! I do not sleep now most nights as when I lay on one side it attacks there, so I move onto the back ....yep its there....other side..... so all night I'm trying to move around the bed. Trouble is I'm stiff with it ! But its the constant pain ....................sometimes when its been really 'hair pulling, want to scream ' bad I put a patch on and have three days of heaven ................. but I dont want to become addicted to morphine so those days are few and rare at the minute. Sorry your having problems to , keep your chin up and remember this.................I've been like this for over 35 years now and if I can still smile and act like a crazy granny .....well the sky's the limit for you. God bless and kindest regards Willows..........always there if you need a natter .