I'm Not Crazy, I'm Sick!

[Mrs. Burschman]

I have a problem that I'm not sure what to do about.

A little backstory: After taking Paxil for 10 years for what I thought was plain, old anxiety, in 2004 I decided to quit it. That's when I started to get really sick. You know all of the symptoms: tingling hands and feet, "blacking out," dizziness, severe diarrhea, weight loss, chest pain, tacchycardia upon standing, a continuous feeling of adrenaline running through my veins, and on and on.

I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I ended up in the local psych ward for a week, which was entirely unhelpful. I now knew what my problem was: I'm crazy. I restarted the Paxil. Symptoms abated.

Fast-forward to 2007: I found a medicine that seemed to help with the anxiety a lot more than the Paxil ever did (Lyrica). So I decided to try to go off the Paxil again. I tapered down my dose over the course of six months. But once again, I started to get sick. This time, I once again thought I was crazy, but I also found information about dysautonomia. I got tested, and lo and behold, I was diagnosed with POTS. I restarted the Paxil. Symptoms have mostly gone away, except for lingering anxiety.

Here's the problem: I've spent the past three years convinced that I'm crazy. Loony. A nut job. Now I've found out that a lot of what I experienced was entirely physiological, not simply psychological. But how do I change my view of myself from someone who's mentally ill to someone who has POTS?

Amy

[Ernie]

Hi,

The same way you convince yourself that you were crazy.

[yogini]

Hi. I think some of what you've expressed in your posts is normal for someone newly-diagnosed with POTS. However, if you're spending a lot of time thinking about these issues, the thing that will probably help you the most is counseling.

[morgan617]

Therapy my dear.....

[Mrs. Burschman]

I am seeing a counselor for cognitive behavioral therapy. I think I must just need to work on this particular angle more!

Thanks all,

Amy

[Rachel]

Amy,

Hang out here long enough and that will help to convince you of the reality of dysautonomia!

Hugs,

Rachel

[pat57]

you chip away at the entrenched thought that your "crazy. Loony. A nut job." Remember that its entrenched. Be willing to do what it takes. If you have to rethink your opinion of yourself 100thousand times in a day, then that's what you do. I guarantee if you do that 100 thousand times today it will require less tomorrow, and less the next day. You can have a bad day in still be making progress.

I don't think any Dr. said you were crazy. Loony. A nut job. That is you bashing yourself. Stop that right now!

You are more then your anxiety level, appreciate your own efforts to care for yourself, for others and for the planet.

do that right now.

Stop the bashing

Do the building

day in

day out

your reaching out here

your seeing a councilor

good job

GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT!

beware impatience , it will take as long as it needs to, just aim in the right direction consistently- and you will get where you hope to.

[friday]

Here's the problem: I've spent the past three years convinced that I'm crazy. Loony. A nut job. Now I've found out that a lot of what I experienced was entirely physiological, not simply psychological. But how do I change my view of myself from someone who's mentally ill to someone who has POTS?

Amy

Well I like your second choice e of words here better. "A person who is mentally ill". That does not mean crazy. There are plenty of people who have gone into a hospital for mental health issue and they are not crazy.

Even if you had emotional problems that produced physical symptoms, (which you don't ..you've been diagnosed with P.O.T.S.! )you would not be crazy or a nut job. And thinking that way just lowers your self esteem.

I understand what you are saying though. You are having trouble convincing yourself that this is real. That you really are sick.

I know I doubt myself sometimes because I had problems with depression and anxiety in the past, and even thought I felt better I still took an antidepressant. So as soon as a doctor would see I was on an antidepressant he would assume my physical symptoms were all in my head. I went through this for years. A lot of us have. I'm not even on those drugs now but still the docs always want to blame what they don't' understand on depression or anxiety.

Then I will question my symptoms. Am I having trouble breathing because of the POTS or anxiety? Now after years of therapy I know myself pretty well and I know the physical symptoms are not related to whether or not I'm anxious. . However years of other people telling me how I feel has messed with my head. it's hard not to doubt yourself.

Then you have well meaning people giving you advice when they don't' fully understand or fully believe, how sick you are.

Then I do a reality check. These people are functioning normally and talking about minor physical symptoms. I have had times when was so weak I couldn't get out of bed. I've been to the ER, in the hospital twice for three days. Would the hospital keep someone who wasn't sick in for three days? Noooo. And my Insurance wouldn't pay for it.! I have nights that I feel so sick , the kind of sick I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I have to remind myself of this. I have to listen to the rational side of me. There is a part of me that knows exactly what is what. Everyone has that part. It's learning to listen to it that's difficult.

It's a process. Especially if you've gone through a few years of thinking it was all in your head. Some have mentioned cognitive therapy. And you say you have therapist so that's good. It might take time but you have to try to reframe your thoughts. first you have to be aware of your thoughts. that's

step one. Catch yourself when your hear the negative thoughts and try to remind yourself then of all of the evidence that points to your illness being physical.

There's a good book called "Feeling Good." it's meant for depression, but basically its a book on 'cognitive therapy".

It's a workbook too if you want to use it that way. it can be very helpful even if you are not in a depression, for straighting out those distorted thoughts.

[runningshoe]

Read STop being your symptoms and Start Being yourself, you can find it on Amazon. It has helped me.