Ready to give in........

[AJVDK]

Well it been a really hard week. Last week I went back to work, and thing have gone down hill fast. I was getting worried by the end of last week as my headaches where getting worse, and getting chest pain, but the big thing was the pain in the back on my neck. So I went and saw my cardio doctor on last friday, and he made his mind up the my metoprol need to be increased. I know it may take time to work, but nothing got better so on this last tuesday I went to may family doctor told him what was going on we said well maybe it was my neck was out of line so he but my neck back in line for, which when we did that the room strated to spin, he made sure I was alright and then left the room, he sent the nurse in thinking maybe my sugar was low on top of everything else, but it was 99 so it was fine. So then he came cback in only to say the one thing you never want to here. I don't want you to give up hope, but nothing is working, you have gone to mayo, and cleveland, and tired u of I and many different meds........ I thinkd it time you think of your what you want you life to look like, and it's time to give up working and I will help you get you disablity. I started to get upset so I got out of there as fast as I could. Now I am done to what do I do. Right now my life is work and sleep, If I am lucky enough to feel up to it I will try to spend time with son, and play with him! I feel tried all the time, all I want to do is sleep, but I wake up all the time I never get good sleep, I am dizzy 1/2 the time, I have chest pain, and shortness of breath....... ( sorry just keep going onon..) My doctor this if I take the stress of my job out of my life that maybe things will get better. Plus that way I can get up when I feel good, and move at my own pace. (that would be nice)

Now heres where my mind kicks in. I am only 26, and had all these goals. I don't want to give uo my job. My job is the only place I feel normal, and escape whats going on as the fact I don't think about it. Plus 2 years ago I went to rehab, and when I was there they said pick somthing and do everything to focuse on that and it will help pull you though. So unfortently I but everything in my job, and it worked of a long time, but I looked around and now I have little to show but my job. I move up in the company fast, but now what does it matter. This week on the way to work I forgot where I was going. I can't walk unit away more as I walk up one flight of stair and my heart starts to race and I feel like I am going to pass out. I am forgeting thing, I am typing the wrong numbers and spending more time fixing my mistakes, plus I use to be a great boss, now everything pi** me off and I just lose it. I can't handle my life anymore and I am scared to give in on the job. I am worried that I will get even more depressed and go back to drink or somthing wrose. I just can't take much more. I sorry to be going on and on I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. Well I am going to try to sleep this off, and hopfully be thing clear when I get up......

Thanks for listing!

Amy

[morgan617]

Sorry you are going through this Amy. I was very upset too when it was my time to say enough. But there comes a time when you have given all you can and there isn't any more. Some of us are older, some younger. It just is.

You are obviously really struggling at work and that just adds more stress, which makes you sicker, so you get in a viscious cycle. Disability sounds like the end of life and the world, but it's not, and count your blessings, not everyone has a doctor that says they will do all they can to help you.

This could be a blessing in disguise. You need time to grieve the loss of what you have now, but in time you will be the stronger for it. And you will at least feel better emotionally, not having to stress about work. Good luck, morgan

[taylortotmom]

Amy,

I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time. I can identify with life turning out completely different than planned. Fortunately you have a compassionate doctor willing to help you get disability. Because you are young, and have the support of your doctor your chances of getting it are very, very good. My cardio wrote a letter explaining my situation and my disability was approved within ten minutes of seeing the appeals judge. I had tried getting it on my own (and without a lawyer) and was initially turned down (in part, because my records were incomplete- argh!). Anyway, my attorney told me that young people with letters from their doctors can often get records-based decsions without having to go to court. So, that is a real cool thing. However, be forewarned that it can be a long process. It took me two years before I got my disability. So, prepare financially for that possibility. Hopefully, your case will not take as long.

As far as the substance abuse, have you considered staying involved with a support system such as AA? Perhaps this could help you stay on the right track. You have a lot of demons to fight right now and it would not be a bad idea to have someone to talk to about all this stuff.

I am so terribly sorry for you but unfortunately, I can relate. Many of us can. This is a horrible disorder. But... there are still many ways to have a rewarding and productive life without working professionally. AND... since you are young, this may not be permanent. There may be a point down the road when you can work- but, it might be in your best interest to stop for now if possible. Take care.

Carmen

[Guest Belinda]

Amy- I am newer to this sight but I just would like to share with you, i understand a little of ewhat your going through. I was enrolled in nursing school and just divorced from my hubby who beat me for 6 yrs.(bad enough that I had plastic surgeon fix my face at 9 mths pregnant) at any rate I was well on my way to getting out and finally becoming something and bam I started getting sick ,for a year I have fought this disorder and not knowing what it is..I am 28 yrs. old with 2 boys 10 and 6. I went from working 40hrs. to nothing.\and after a year i finally got a diagnoses.

I guess what I am trying to say is that this is hard and going onto disability is going to be a pride and struggle thing for me too.

Not that there s anything wrong with disability it would just be nice if none of us had to be on it.

Keep your head up even though it is hard. And stay away from the alcohol find other ways to cope..easier said than done I know. I'll be thinking of you and hugs to you..Belinda

[MightyMouse]

Amy, stopping work doesn't necissarily mean "forever". Some people take time off of work, either on disabillity or just medical leave, and at some point later, are able to return. Also, some people are able to take on a different career path, one that jives more with what your body will allow. There are still others, though, who just are not able to work. Whether that''s a permanent thing is unknown... just the the future of every being...unknown.

Whatever choice you make, I personally support you, and i know everyone here will be rooting for you. Nina

[lizzy]

I know so so hard this fills like your quiting a part of of your life but , look at or try to look at you can add too your life for me at it was devistating then great thing started tohappen.

i got the rest by body needed,got to do the things I whanted to do with freids and family,took up hoobys agian,even stated valentering .all this i enjoy BECAOUCE i can work.

i loved my job wen i had to quit i cryed for weeks.i miss the peaple the most.but i was passing out daily,or going into brai fogg too much.but life is still very very good. i sped my time the best way i want to not halt to.

just a way to look at it.your in my prayers.

[Ernie]

Hi,

We are used to identify ourselves with our job. So if we don't have a job we feel that we don't exist.

Work is not everything in life. You can find other interests or goals.

It took me many months to accepts that I could no longer work or go to University. Now I am slowly rebuilding a life and making new friends.

It takes time to adapt but it is possible and you will make it no matter what.

[JenniferInOhio]

Amy, stopping work doesn't necissarily mean "forever". Some people take time off of work, either on disabillity or just medical leave, and at some point later, are able to return. Also, some people are able to take on a different career path, one that jives more with what your body will allow. There are still others, though, who just are not able to work. Whether that''s a permanent thing is unknown... just the the future of every being...unknown.

I totally agree with Nina. Take a break from work. De-stress yourself. You will be okay. (((HUGS)))

[AJVDK]

Well today was the day, I gave my notice. I cryied more today then i have in a long time. My boss who I never thought liked me was at a lost for words. I found out today that she truly cared about me, just showed it differently. Today was so hard, and I not sure how I am going to get thought the next few days, but I am going to put on foot infront of the other and hope and pray that this help, and maybe later down the line i will get better and feel better and can one day go back to work. I found out today, that I still have a future with my company if I want to go back at a later date. Maybe in a year or two things will look better.

O' by the way Cleveland called be back today and talked to me. They said the reason I am getting headaches, and forgetting things, blurred vision, and just not feeling right is that my blood pressure is just going to low. Keep your fingers crossed they are coming back on friday to let me know what they are going to do. I am hoping that we are going to finally try the IV fuild.At this point I just want to try anything. I just want to stop feeling out of it, Iam hoping to find someway for the pain in my legs to stop.... I guess I am asking for too much. I know many of you have alot more on your plate, and here I am coomplaining about mine. Well have a great night, and thanks for the support, and prayers. My 1st hearing for Disabiltiy is Dec. 23, at 12:30 please keep me in your prayers, I really need this to go though!

Thanks again,

Amy

[sally]

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry to hear that you had to give up your job. Were you able to take Medical Leave until they were able to get things figured out? Wishing you the best and fast recovery to get back on your feet. I myself had to go P/T from full time due to health and even the P/T is a struggle most days. Good luck and feel better soon.