Drs. Appointment

[Mrs. Glass]

I had an appointment with my Psychologist yesterday, and I got nowhere. All I could do through the whole session was to cry. I am so tired of everything lately, and now the holidays are upon us and I dont feel in a holiday mood. My daughter and grandsons decorated my house, and that didnt even help. I am so frustrated with my life right now. I hardly ever get to see my husband because of his two jobs. When he is home he is always so tired. I try not to ask him to do anything for me, but he cleans the house and does the laundry in between his jobs. I feel so guilty that he has to go through all of this. I just wish sometimes that I could just go to sleep and never wake up. My family would be better off. I told my therapist that yesterday, and all she could say was that it would not solve anything. It would take some of the stress off of my family. I just dont know how much more that I can take. My eyesight is getting worse and worse so I dont know how much longer that I will be able to sit at my computer and talk to everyone. This forum is my lifeline right now, and I cant bear the thought of not being able to talk to all of you. You are the only ones who understand what I am going through. I am depressed all of the time and my docs wont let me take anything for it. Some times I just want to scream. I am sitting here crying right now trying to figure out what I can do with the rest of my life to be productive,and nothing is coming to me. I feel like I am being punished for something , but I have no idea what it is. I have always been the one to help others, doing whatever I could to help when someone needed something. I want that life back! I hate being the one that always needs the help, and my doctors dont seem to be taking any of this seriously. I saw my PCP last week because the senocot was not working and all she told me was that I needed to move around more. I WISH I COULD! I wanted to scream at her for her just to help me, but I kept my mouth shut. Thanks for letting me vent. It hasnt helped, but it was a good try. Vanessa

[taylortotmom]

Vanessa, slow down dear. Now is not the time to worry about what you are going to do to be productive for the rest of your life. All you can do right now is take things one day at a time or even one hour at a time. There is still meaning and value to your life even if you can't see it right now. You are loved. That is so obvious by the actions you tell us about your family. You are loved here. You are so open about your situation and supportive to those on the forum.

This is a terrible disorder. For so many of us, our "planned" lives have been destroyed. But.... like the Phoenix that rises from the fire, we rise and take on a new life. This doen't mean we just embrace the changes without anger, resentment, or tears. We scream, we cry, we feel so frustrated but WE DO NOT GIVE UP.

It is because of US here on this very forum, we can educate the public (and doctors) about this disorder so that somewhere down the road patients will be taken SERIOUSLY for their symptoms that seem so unexplainable. You have value. Don't ever doubt that- this disorder may turn out to be a blessing in a very strange, twisted disguise. Hang in there- it is a hard time of year to be merry when you are miserable- but know that you are LOVED and VALUED. There is no greater gift.

Carmen

[Guest Belinda]

I agree with Carmen. Please do not give up hope..I am newly diagnosed and if you read my ostings I am ready to rip my hair out too, much more than that. I have to small children and really feel also that someone is punishing me.

This is very hard and especially harder when docs. won't listen but really it would be nice to have them in our shoes for about 5 minutes. Things are very tough and really i don't doubt you for all that you are feeling.

On a humorous note-maybe we should have a marathon forall the pots patients and doctors

only we have the good health and the docs. are in our bodies and we can tell them to be more mobile and run and not be lazy.

Your are in my thoughts and prayers and keep taking it one day at a time. I haven't been suffering too long like the rest of you all but I really genuinely can relate it has been a year at least since I have felt like the person I once was. Bless you for dealing with this. HUGS ! Belinda

[mom4cem]

I don't think I could add anything better than has already been said. Certainly it is tough to find value right now but it is there. Why are you unable to take anything for depression/anxiety? What about alternative medicine, such as l-theanine. I take that for anxiety/mood support it takes the edge of nicely within 45min, non-habit forming, studies show it has been safely taken for many, many years in Japan, where it is actually consume in their food supply. It is also has been shown to have no drug interactions. It is found in green tea but I can't drink it because of the caffiene and these capsules are pretty easy to take. Maybe check with your dr. about taking something like this and see if it helps.

Hugs to you

http://www.l-theanine.com/advantage.htm

http://www.gettingwell.com/drug_info/nmdru.../lth_0296.shtml

[Dawg Tired]

Vanessa - I SO understand!!! I went through months of feeling like if I could just melt into the matress I could either 1) finally get rested and everything would be back to where I was before or 2) The matress would just swallow me up and I wouldn't exist anymore. But... It never happened.

This forum, and another one like it - were my lifelines for a very long time. I tried to put on a good face for a long time - I decided to crochet and discovered I had lost my fine motor skills - they were replaced with tremors... I decided to learn Spanish from a cassette program I had ... and discovered that the audio input was too much for me to handle... I decided to just lay around and watch TV but it made my nausea worse.

I felt like I just couldn't win! SO frustrated!!

But somewhere in there I started writing. I wrote short stories, poems, even a book. I decided if I couldn't contribute anything else to the world at least they would know how I felt. It gave me purpose, I think all of us need to find a purpose.

True, there were MANY days when I couldn't turn on the computer and write - but at least I had something to think about and after YEARS I finally started being able to share my writings with others.

But - all of it took a couple years to get started. In the beginning - about all we can do is be frustrated... I'm sorry I can't help you more, but we have all been there and share your frustration.

[Aprilmarie52]

dont worry about "the holidays". Just take the time to spend with your family. That is what this time of year is all about. Feel better! ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Guest Julia59]

Venessa,

I just wanted to chime in and tell you it's OK to VENT----we all do it, and I have done my fair share this week. This winter so far seems so gloomy---you are not alone in feeling down around the holidays---or anytime for that matter. This illness is tough----and it screws with your mind. I know what if feels like to feel like you've just been slapped in the face by your doctor----they just don't get it.

Try not to feel sad----maybe find a good DVD and watch it to cheer you up, or read a good book. Try not to overwhelm yourself with guillt---you don't need to feel that way. But I am on the same page as you as I am in the same situation. My husband works two jobs now---all day at the post office carrying mail in this crappy weather (cold/snowy)---and then at night he works for H & R block. Right now they are getting prepared for the upcoming tax season---but they still get paid for it. I wish I could contribute more---but I have come to terms that I can only do what I can. A very hard lesson to learn---as I am now struggling with a bad hyperadrengic spell from overdoing it---and now have to adjust to another drug to help with that.

Be good to yourself--and don't feel as if you should be doing more---only do what you are able to do--and pace yourself when you do that.

I don't think your appointment with the psychologist was a total loss----crying is a good thing. Imagine all those tears as stress flowing from your body. Your supposed to release it----your psychologist will understand. I sometimes write my frustrations and emotions down in a journal---another way of releasing the stress-and it passes the time on those long nights. It's hard to keep a positive attitude with this hellish disorder.

Don't let this take your spirit away.

For a long time I felt so lost like my spirit had been broken-------only later to find out it wasn't broken, and I was building a stronger spirit---and a growing wisdom.

Take what you do have, and do the best you can---that's all--------you'll find a way out of this---and end up stronger for it.

I wish I could help you more------------hang in there and feel free to PM me if you need to talk more.

A BIG HUG,

Julie :0)

[dizzygirl]

Vanessa--

I'm so sorry.. itruly understand all that you are saying.. living with this disorder is very very hard.. and sometimes or alot of times you will need to cry... I know I'm terribly emotionall this last 6 months or so.. I cry at goofy commercials On TV!! LOL.. but its a release for me..

anyways I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone my dear.. try not to be harsh on yourself OK!!

BIGS HUGS TOYA

Linda

[Jacquie802]

Hi, I don't know what more I could add to what others have said. However, I do know that I want you to wake up after every goodnight's sleep. Your family needs you and we need you here! Holidays are very hard for me too, esp this year since I don't have the money to get gifts, etc. I love to give presents, but you know what I always have next year. As for me feeling sad, I know that no matter what I have my family and everyone here. Feel free to send me a PM, I hope you feel better soon, and if you need to talk out your feelings come back here and we'll all be here for you. Take care, and things will get better.

Jacquie

[sally]

Everyone has given so much great advice already, just wanted to say hope you feel better soon

[gwen]

I agree with everyone else. This is just so frustrating!But remember that your family is able to shower you with love, by helping you. They need you at what ever level you are. I too wonder why you can't have some med since some help with POts as well. Wellbutrin has been a blessing for me. My son has always had trouble with his plumbing and we found oranges with all the stringy fibers are great. Try Flax seed it also helps. Ypu can buy it in oil form but i will warn you it tastes terrible, but the crushed flax seed has some real power behind it (no pun intended). Hang in there, you are important for newbies like me that need the mentoring. Be good to yourself.The holidays are so overwhelming, I feel it too.What gets done, does, and the rest you can buy!:-)

[Mrs. Glass]

I just want to thank everyone for all of your support, and kindness. It has helped. I know that my family needs me, and I love them all very much. I dont know what I would do without the support from all of you. There are a lot of minerals and herbs that I can not take because of the Coumadin that I have to take every day. My Cardiologist took me off of all of my meds for depression, he said that it messes with the autonomic system. The thing about it is since I have been off of them I am no better, and I have told him that but he either is not listening to me, or he is not understanding me. I still dont have another appointment with my Neurologist. I called yesterday and they didnt know what I was talking about and told me to call back in 3 days. Very frustrating! I go for another cat scan today, because in June they found a mass in my chest, so I have to have another one to see if it is still there. I really hope that all of the xrays, cat scans, mri's and nuclear tests that I have had this past year are not harming me. I am almost afraid to ask. Well I am not seeing so well this morning and it has taken me forever to type this out so I will go for now. Thanks to all of you. Vanessa