I feel out of control--what's wrong w/ me?

[Poohbear]

I'm feeling a bit nuts in the moment. I don't really know what's wrong with me but I've been feeling angry and overwhelmed most of the day and tonight it seems to have exploded on me. (I don't handle feeling angry very well and I don't even know what I'm angry about).

Maybe this sounds strange but I really think hormones may be messing with my body right now. I noticed yesturday I was feeling much more presyncopal than my usual. I know hormones really mess up my POTS. I am "off" on my cycle and started about a week earlier than I expected to so maybe my body is just "off" all the way around and it's having an effect on me?????

It's a lot of little things but added up they amount to more. I'm feeling exhausted but I can't sleep. I thought I would calm and comfort myself with a bath but I'm too syncopal right now to risk it. Then I thought I would watch the TN & LSU game and TN is loosing so it's not so fun . I thought, "ok, curl up with a good book in the quiet but my vision is messed up so that's not working out. Then I thought I would soothe myself with a little ice cream but I've gained about 10 pounds in the past couple of months & that makes me feel bad about myself and I'm thinking, "It's not good for me to soothe myself with a bowl of ice cream because then I'm just "feeding" an emotional issue the wrong way." UGGGHHHH!!!! What next?

So.....In the moment I'm having a pity party I guess. That makes me mad at myself because that's not where I want to be. I'm so tired of Dr appts, of spending a couple of hours every day straightening out medical bills, insurance issues etc. I'm feeling weary of all of it I guess.

Ok....you guys get the picture and I'm just rambling. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Ernie]

Hi,

I know the feeling.

The only thing I can say is that it will pass.

[dizzygirl]

Pooh

I am sorry that you are feeling so not your self today... i agree with you that your hormones will play a very big part in moods..

I hope that you feel better soon.. and feel calmer ..

[Sunfish]

heya pooh -

i don't have any grand wisdom to add at the moment but am right there with ya in terms of feeling overwhelmed. some of the details are the same & some are different, but i've definitely been feeling pretty worn down myself by "everything." i agree with ernie that it will pass at least to a degree, but it doesn't always help things to feel better in the moment. and i think part of my feeling weary is knowing that some of it is my reality and may not pass....

i'm with you on the food thing too...i've been eating brownies all day that i don't necessarily need to be eating b/c they don't make me feel too great (but they taste so good!)

i don't think i added anything to cheery to the mix, but i'm sending a big (((HUG))) your way, and whether you eat it or not, some virtual ice cream!

hang in there...

melissa

[Poohbear]

Thanks Dizzy Girl, Ernie and Melissa!

I'll be okay it's just a "down time". I hope that when I move next month I will be able to start feeling more settled and it will also cut down on some paperwork issues I'm having right now that are eating up so much time. Since I've only been in this apt for 6 weeks and only have 4 more I haven't unpacked a lot of my stuff so I'm just feeling cluttered and unorganized and that's so NOT good for me. I'm an organizing freak generally speaking. So...hopefully soon I will have a nice, new apartment where I can unpack my things and feel like I'm "home".

I did cave....I ate some ice cream. AND TN (The Vols) won in OT so that helped perk me up a bit

Thanks friends!!

[Dizzy Dame]

Oh pooh, I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time

I wish I could say something to comfort you. I know that when I feel really bad, I read this poem by Rilke:

Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels' hierarchies?

and even if one of them pressed me suddenly against his heart:

I would be consumed in that overwhelming existence.

For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just able to endure,

and we are so awed because it serenly disdains to annihilate us.

Every angel is terryfing.

And so I hold myself back and swallow the call-note of my dark sobbong.

Ah, whom can we ever turn to in our need?

Not angles, not humans, and already the knowing animals are aware

that we are not really at home in our intreped world.

Perhaps there remains for us some tree on a hillside, which every day

we may take into our vision; there remains for us yesterday's street and the loyalty of a habit so much at ease when it stayed with us that it moved in and never left.

Oh and night: there is night, when a wind full of infinite space gnaws at our faces.

Whom would it not remain for--that longed-after, mildly disillusioning presence,

which the solitary heart so painfully meets.

Is it any less difficult for lovers?

But they keep on using each other to hide thier own fate.

Don't you know yet?

Fling the emptiness out of your arms into the spaces we breathe;

perhaps the birds will fell the expanded air with more passionate flying.

I know it's kind of dense. It's basically saying that we are all alone, but by realizing this, we are all connected and therefore are never alone. I hope it helps .

Feel better, and know it will get better.

Big hug,

Lauren

[mom4cem]

Hey Poohbear,

Those nasty hormones certainly play tricks. Usually I try to keep track of my cycle but sometimes forget then I become particularly symptomatic and then I trace back and note it is probably due to my cycle changes, like mid cycle or day before period begins etc.

Indulge a little in the ice cream if that would make you feel a little better. I know you are worried about the weight but a couple of spoonfulls just might make you feel better.

I know I am way late on this post (as usual) but remember that for next time.

I hope you are feeling better this a.m.

[melly4]

Hi, Poohbear,

Hormones can be mean and they can certainly make you feel mean, as my husband has learned the hard way!! But your cycle will pass, and, in the meantime, have that ice cream. Life is short. I hope you get to feeling better soon. And you are free to vent anytime. I think you have my e-mail, and we are both GA peaches, so feel free to vent or e-mail me for support.

Take care,

Melly

[morgan617]

Sorry you're not up to snuff Pooh. I think we all seem to have problems at or around the same time, so maybe there are a lot more compenents than we realize. Like changes in the weather, combined with hormones, combined with changes, etc etc. You get my point. I don't think you were here several months ago, when every single person on the forum was in the grand canyon of pots holes. It was pretty weird. I know there are times when we just feel so much worse and can't put a finger on why. But then sometimes I just think there is no why. There just is. The thing is, it seems to get better, without any apparent reason too. I'm hoping this will happen very quickly for you. caresomuchaboutyoumorgan

[StandUpSitDown]

I thought, "ok, curl up with a good book in the quiet but my vision is messed up so that's not working out.

I am sorry you are going through this, Poohbear!

I know this is the least of your issues, but have you considered books on tape (or CD)? I find it is a wonderful feeling - it's as if someone is reading a bedtime story to you

[corina]

hi pooh,

i'm really sorry you're having a rough time. i hope things will be better soon.

warm wishes,

corina

oh btw, what does go hokies! mean?????? (hope this is not a very dumm question )

[dizzygirl]

Hi pooh..i was thinking of you... and wonderinghow you where feeling... hope today that you are feeling better...

HUGS to you!

LInda

[Guest Julia59]

Poohbear,

It's Ok-----we all have these moments. UGGGGG-----I hate that time of the month. I get twice as sick during those times------------------

You have had a lot going on lately with moving, and then having to move again.....

Not to mention that you live by yourself------which i'm sure it would help to have someone there to lean on. I know sometimes I would like my own space----so that is the good part about living alone. I think you are a much stonger person in that area then I am.

Your right------I think some of this might be due to fluctuating hormones. They can do a real number on an healthy person---not to mention someone with a messed ANS. There are time's I feel I could jump out of my skin----and the next morning i'll wonder how I could have felt that terrible, and feel not too bad the very next day------PUZZLING TO SAY THE LEAST.

I think the stress you have been under combined with the hormones is not a good mix.

UGGGGGGGG----then the lack of sleep----well no wonder. Sleep is your recovery from all this---and if you can't sleep----well, I know I would feel like the world is upside down.

So my dear------I think you are a trooper---and your doing the best you can in the situation your in----------------

And---I don't think there is anything wrong with a little ice cream. If your worried about the weight---treat yourself to something yummy with less calories---or have light ice cream. Edys has some great low cal/low fat ice creams. Or how about a nice bowel of fresh fruit..................................

As for me----tonight I have my new Alan Alda autobiography to read. Just came out recently.......................... I love to read about interesting people.

I hope you feel better soon----you know i'm always a phone call away.

Julie :0)

[goldicedance]

Pooh...I'm with you. There are times when we feel so overwhelmed with things. Keeping up with medical bills and insurance is certainly draining. It just feels like we are not making headway. Then, to top it off, we are dealing with POTS.

Feeling angry is natural when things are going poorly for us and that we are not in the best control of ourselves. I think hormones can certainly play a role.

Hope you feel better cheered up!

Hoe the days ahead are much calmer for you!

Lois