Bad experiences using handicapped parking

[Bella127]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to share a quick story with you all, and I thought many of you might have similar ones. This one probably happened almost 2 years ago.

I was in the parking lot of the store with my best friend, and I really try not to use my handicapped placard. But it was a hot day, and all the other spaces were definitely too far for me to walk without feeling sick.

So, I parked in one of the handicapped spots, put the ticket up, and the 2 of us (one 18 yr old, one 20 yr old) got out of the car. Across from me, also in a handicapped spot, I noticed an older woman glaring at us -- because we both look perfectly healthy I'm sure.

A while later, we were done at the store, and I come back to find A HANDWRITTEN NOTE ON MY WINDSHIELD!!!! It went something like this:

" You stole this from an old handicapped person!! How DARE you! " and probably a few other choice words .. about teenagers in society these days, I don't even remember anymore

But boy, what I would have gone and said to her if she was still sitting there in her car!!! It probably would have been something like "Excuse me, I saw your note, and see this bracelet I'm wearing? It's my medical bracelet. I have a heart condition that makes walking very difficult for me, and my heart is actually working 3x harder than yours is just so I can stand here and talk to you right now" Grrrr!!

Just some more venting -- but that one really takes the cake .. .

Anyone else had an experience like this? (Even though I hope not! )

[Dawg Tired]

I always, always carry a cane. I have one in each car in case I do have to use my parking tag. Then everyone can see that "something" is wrong.

[dizzygirl]

my My chrissy.. people can be so critical and judgemental.. it drives me nuts..

i am sorry for your unforutunate experience..but please never feel badly or guilty or anything about using a handicapped space..USE IT!! and it somebod glares at you. glare right back or smile at them whatever.. you know that you have a medical condition that requires some extra adjustments in order to do simple things like going to the store..

[taylortotmom]

Invisible disabilities are hard to deal with aren't they? Sometimes I envy people who have blantantly obvious disabilities for the very reason you mentioned. When you are young and healthy looking people just don't have a clue!

Carmen

[cnm1]

Hi Chrissy

Rachel tries not to use her handicap sticker unless she really needs to. I have to admit I have been know to fake a limp as we walk away from the car so that she won't feel so self conscious. I would rip someone a new "********" if they approached Rachel and me when using the handicap pass. She has suffered more than most of them will ever suffer.

Louise

[tracy]

Chrissy,

Sorry about that! Some people are just rude.

A little story of my own, I just used the permit the first time the other day. We stopped at Giant Eagle, I had my 3 children, my sister's three children, and my mom with me. There were no spots close, and my legs were really hurting, so I parked. There was also a older women parked next to me. When we got out she glared at me, I just smiled and walked away. Atleast there were no notes on my windshield. I can't stand that just because I have an invisible problem, everyone assumes I shouldn't use that.

Good luck in the future.

Tracy

[lthomas521]

A friend of mine had a below-the-knee amputation many years ago and has a prosthetic lower leg. She walks with a barely noticeable limp, but some days walking is very painful. Occasionally, she gets a lecture from someone who thinks she shouldn't be using the blue parking space. In response, she pulls up her pants leg, shows the person her prosthesis, and then THANKS the person for their vigilence in helping to make sure that the spaces are available for people who need them.

[Guest Julia59]

I'm sorry you had to deal with an ignorant person like that--I can certainly understand why you would be upset.

My Dad told me I should get a handicapped tag. He knows how the heat and cold affect me. It is very difficult for me to walk around any store lately, so a hot or cold parking lot would drain me before I even get to the store.

I have been reluctant to get one because of those reasons you mentioned.

I would use every drop of energy I do have in me telling that person what they could do with their little note. Gravity is such an issue because of my on going spinal issues, and the EDS----and i'm sure the POTS is also affected by the gravity.

Now that I have mylopathy added to the rest-----I may just decide to go ahead and get the Doc to sing that request for the sticker---and just get on with it.

When i'm with my husband he always drops me off at the door, and then he goes an parks the car.

I feel like a Grandma...........................

Julie :0)

[michiganjan]

I have been using my handicapped hang tag for the last 2 years. I have never had anyone make any comment at all, and I must say I think I look pretty able-bodied. I am actually surprised that no one has said anything yet.

Hey, maybe I am wrong. Maybe I look really old! I am old, after all. I am 58 but sometimes I feel like I am at least 78.

Michigan Jan

[OCsunshine]

Oh my GOSH there was a NOTE on your WINDSHIELD!!???!!??!

That is unbelievable!!!!!

Okay, not really- that is totally believable. But I am appauled!!!

It is sickening that people don't realize you can have disabilities and still "look" okay. Don't they realize how much of a struggle it is? Don't they realize that after that trip to the store and the 10 minute walk while we shop is going to send us to bed and have a flare up for the next 2 weeks?!?

I guess they don't realize these things. :-/ I don't find US to be the tragedy. I find THEM to be the tragedy.

How sad for them to be so ignorant.

-Rachel

PS- Maybe we can start a thread on "how to change the world" and give ideas on spreading awareness. The only thing I know about is "CFIDS Awareness Day" which is May 12th, I believe (I could be wrong). We have a blue ribbon for symbolism.

But I think that blue ribbon and the month of May are actually for all "Immune Diseases" wrapped up into one big thing, and that really isn't fair.

And besides that, I find OI to be a completely different animal from CFIDS.

So.. again... any ideas on spreading awareness of POTS and NMH and forms of OI??

[steph37822]

I've been fairly lucky too. Just getting the usual dirty looks from the old bitter people, who have nothing better to do, frankly I wait for them to confront me, just so I can list my 7 or so problems and see what their reply is?!

In college with the placard I was allowed to park in any lot, faculty included to be close to classes, and when you live off campus, this is a good thing to have! Parking is impossible in Athens. So I was a popular girl!! I even had professors take rides from me!

Also, I can't be POSITIVE, but I do suspect that half the guys I dated might have had an interest because of the prime parking for sporting events, the airport, grocery shopping, etc, etc!

Take Care

-Steph

[Ernie]

Hi,

I have had the dirty look but no comments or notes.

I think that some people just don't understand that we can be young and sick!

Ernie

[JaneEyre9]

LoL, Steph! I had the same thing going on in college. I would always give my dorm-living friends rides because of my great parking.

Sounds like another case of ignorance, Chrissy. Just one of so many that we get as people with not-so-obvious problems. "oh but you look so good!" is always the best to hear when you feel so lousy.

Kristen

[corina]

Hi Bella,

I'm very sorry you had this bad experience. It's one of the problems I have myself at this moment: I can't stand old people because they're always nagging and complaining, while in fact they can do much more than I can. I know, it's not so nice of me (I really try to hide it) and it absolutely is MY problem but I can't deal with it at the moment.

I had a bad experience with parking as well (when I was still able to drive). I parked the car to pick up my sister (in front of her apartment) and an (old ) man told me that it was just for disabled to park there. I got sooooooo mad, but just showed him my parkingpermission. He added: well, you certainly don't look very sick.

When I was in France this summer they had big assignments at parking places meant for disabled, saying something like: if you're parking without permission you take a place from a disabled person. Also, in the (big) supermarkets they have special cash-desks for disabled people, saying that when a non-disabled person is using it and a disabled person is arriving, the non-disabled has to get his stuff off to let the disabled go first. I had never seen this before, but thought it is a very good development!

Corina

[Eli6596]

Hi Bella,

It makes me so mad too when people think we are fine because we "look" healthy. I have gotton glares/stares too. My 9 year old daughter told me "Mommy, people should not judge a book by its cover" She is wiser sometimes than some idiotic adults.

I was riding a motorized scooter in Walmart one day when an older woman said loudly to her friend "I guess EVERYONE is riding those scooters now". Another old woman another time said loudly to her friend, "Well, I don't see that SHE has any problem walking". Older people sometimes don't consider that young people can have serious illnesses.

I bought a seat cane this year upon the advice of you all on this website. It looks like a cane but folds down so I can sit on it quickly. It has been great to use it. It greatly decreases my apprehension about the possiblity of passing out. My knees were starting to hurt from squatting down on the floor to avoid standing too long. My knee pain went away when I started using the seat cane.

Also, carrying the seat cane quickly alerts others that there is something wrong with me. People not only do not glare at me when I need the handicapped spot, they look away uncomfortably sometimes. In the grocery, I now regularly get help unloading my groceries onto the conveyer belt. Before I was ill, unloading my basket for the cashier was simple, simple, simple. Now it is just an exhausting mountain, the last straw in the grocery shopping experience. The bagger then spontaneously offers assistance to my car. It is a godsend and I thank them profusely. I sit on the seat cane while they help.

People in church used to stare at me when I did not stand up and down in mass. Now I bring my seat cane and prop my feet up while sitting during mass. I get dizzy if I sit longer than 30-45 minutes with my legs down. No-one glares at me now!

My friends and family said the best thing yet. GOD knows! You don't have to do any explaining to anyone about why you cannot do something. GOD knows. Judge not lest you be judged! I am not a religious zelot but this helps me a lot.

Karyn

[Dawg Tired]

"People in church used to stare at me when I did not stand up and down in mass. Now I bring my seat cane and prop my feet up while sitting during mass. I get dizzy if I sit longer than 30-45 minutes with my legs down. No-one glares at me now!

My friends and family said the best thing yet. GOD knows! You don't have to do any explaining to anyone about why you cannot do something. GOD knows. Judge not lest you be judged! I am not a religious zelot but this helps me a lot."

I sit on a back pew in the corner by the wall and an elderly man always sits at the other end by the aisle. If anyone tried to come sit between us he tells them, "If you sit there you have to rub Gayla's feet!" It discourages all but a few people from EVER sitting between us!

[Lukkychrm42]

I bought a seat cane this year upon the advice of you all on this website. It looks like a cane but folds down so I can sit on it quickly. It has been great to use it.  It greatly decreases my apprehension about the possiblity of passing out.  My knees were starting to hurt from squatting down on the floor to avoid standing too long.  My knee pain went away when I started using the seat cane. 

Also, carrying the seat cane quickly alerts others that there is something wrong with me.  People not only do not glare at me when I need the handicapped spot, they look away uncomfortably sometimes.  In the grocery, I now regularly get help unloading my groceries onto the conveyer belt.  Before I was ill, unloading my basket for the cashier was simple, simple, simple.  Now it is just an exhausting mountain, the last straw in the grocery shopping experience.  The bagger then spontaneously offers assistance to my car.  It is a godsend and I thank them profusely.  I sit on the seat cane while they help.

Karyn

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi Karyn,

I'm looking at canes, and I saw the seat cane online- it looks great for being able to sit, but is it actually used as a cane for walking, too?

Thanks,

Megan

[Eli6596]

Hi

Yes, it can be used as a cane too. I have seen different models. I just asked my local medical suppy company to get them in stock so I could see them and then decide which one I liked best. I don't really need the cane. I am short so for me to use it properly I would have had to shorten the end. I did see one more expensive model that allows an adjustable height.

Karyn

[luckygoat3]

Well, i guess i am not alone in this department either, i got a handicapp sticker thingy for the county fair which i am there for a week and my mom had this fear of me sick in the dark way in the back parking lot. So we decided a handicapp sticker was best, the first day this old guy goes you know you are in handicapp parking, my response "Oh i know i am, i have an illness that makes it hard for me to walk far distances w/out falling". he shut up and didn't say anything after that.

i only use it when i need to or can't find a parking space close to walk to the store.

susie

[persephone]

I recently got a disability parking badge so I can use disability parking and I have to say that now if I see someone parking who doesn't have a badge and is taking the mick, I get absolutely ENRAGED. This is probably BAD--liable to set my stress levels off!!!

but as I'm always saying, it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing...

as for ignorant people who look at you like a loon/say awful things, just smile and do scary WIDE OPEN EYES before shouting swear words as if you have tourretts!

[Sunfish]

chrissy et al -

sorry (but not surprised) i'm the only one who has had rotten experiences in this regard. i did my own little sociological study of people's behavior (not planned) when i had my neck surgery as it was quite stunning how differently folks behaved when i had a "visible" issue (i.e. hard neck collar). no, i wasn't driving myself with the neck brace, but went out on occassion with family/friend & used my permit. i had just "gotten over myself" (stage one) the summer before my surgery in getting the permit & like others didn't use it all of the time but when there was nothing close, i wasn't doing as well, or it was really extreme weather.

now with using the wheelchair a lot when i go out it's not as much of an issue, but - believe it or not - still can be! a few weeks ago i was waiting for a parking spot (a disabled one) as there were none of any sort in sight & someone was about to pull out of this spot. it seemed like it was taking way too long, but i was trying to be patient. now....check this out....the passenger (perhaps the driver's daughter)j actually rolled down her window to yell out that they weren't going to pull out just so i could run in the store without waiting for regular spot. now mind you they hadn't seen me at all yet other than from mid-chest up; i was in the car. for all they knew i had a severe visible disability! nevermind the invisible disibility. it was SO wild that i had to use the wheelchair line & replied, very nicely (while cursing under m breath) that i used i wheelchair. it was in my backseat & very noticable once they looked. she said nothing, rolled up the window, & they pulled out right away. i was pretty blown away. nuts, eh?? and yep, it was going to be a wheelchair outing anyway, so i didn't even add that in for the drama.

i've gotten many a look though in the few years when i've used the placard & looked just dandy, sans wheelchair. i try to just ignore them but i won't say they don't bug me. the irony is when i don't use the wheelchair i of course still get them when in fact i probably need the space more then.

the "best" time though was when i parked, got out, and heard someone yell from a good block away (down the sidewalk at an outdoor strip-mall type place) something to the effect that "those spots are for disabled people, lazy". i was mortified b/c there were a lot of people around & i didn't have the gumption to yell something back. i'd like to think i would now but am not certain. talk about rude. i hadn't had the placard long & it was really hard for me to use it. that did not help & i honestly didn't use it for a while after that, choosing instead to drive around &/or wait for spots close enough for a good 20 min. i wouldn't have that rxn now, but i still am blown away by that one. i think b/c it wasn't just the person & me but made "public" to a whole crowd of people.

and yep, pers, i get enraged when people use the spots without tags. always have but more so as i know how important being able to park closer (or somewhere with room for me to get out my wheelchair) is what determines whether or not i can get somewhere or not. i try to think "well, maybe they just forget their tag.... " but honestly that doesn't make me feel much better.

okay....that's enough of story time with melissa. i still struggle with having the placard & not wanting to use it, feeling like i have to explain if i'm with someone else & needing to use it, etc. one would think i'd be over myself enough by now, esp since i'm using a wheelchair a decent amount when out, but i'm not....

maybe someday....

me

[tracy]

I have already posted once, but this past few days I was at our county fair. I use my parking permit since most of the time to park, it is a long way away.

I have a few strange looks, but for the most part these past few days, I am not moving as good as I used to.

My pet peeve is when people have them for their parents, but use them for themselves so they don't have to park and walk. At the fair I saw someone I knew getting out of their vehicle that was parked in the handicap spot, needless to say, their parent wasn't with them.

I can say I never even thought of using the parking spots before, but now I really am concered about the parking.