Losing My Job

[Angelika_23]

I am upset today. It's official. I am losing my job due to my illess.

I am an HR person, so I know the ins and outs of FMLA. This is happening, and FMLA won't stop it. It did delay it for a time. I understand completely why it has to be done, but it still doesn't take the sting away. The company is being very nice about it, and I will still work for a short time to tidy things up, and help train the new person. The new healthy person who can work a 40 hour workweek and not miss days at a time.

Just seems like this illness takes so much away. I used to be a dancer. Not anymore. Now this, among other things. Little pieces here and there are missing now.

This is probably for the best. Now I can stop killing myself, trying to be everything to everyone, and start concentrating on my own health and wellbeing.

I know some of you are in a lot worse situations than me, and I'm sorry if I sound selfish or whiny. I'm just upset and NO ONE understands except you guys.

Thanks for letting me vent

Angela

[potsgirl]

Angela,

I'm so sorry. I completely understand what you're going through. 2 1/2 years ago I had acquired my dream job in archaeology, and 1 1/2 years ago I lost it due to this illness. I couldn't make it through a full week anymore. I, too, understood why it had to happen, but it took away a big part of my identity and self-worth. I had gone back to school to get my master's degree later in life (40 years old) and boy, did losing that job sting, especially since I used to be very active.

My sympathies, and I hope that you can feel good about yourself much more quickly that I could. And for hope...I'm now looking for another job. It IS possible.

My very best,

Potsgirl

[firewatcher]

Angela, I am so sorry. It is such a common misconception that only men gain their identity from their jobs. It is the ability to be useful as well as self esteem that is lost. I hope you can find something that you CAN do...it is important! Before my tremor came under control, I thought I'd never be able to work again. The whole time my doctors were telling me that I was doing it to myself, yeah right! I'm deliberately destroying my career for the attention of a few doctors...NOT!

Sweetie, grieve and don't hold back. It is a genuine loss. Just don't believe that your job is your life and that it is the sum of you. YOU have value whether you can DO anything (work, walk, whatever) or not!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs and understanding)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[MelissaCrystal]

I lost my job 2 weeks ago. Been depressed as **** over it, so I don't really offer any advice, but I do want you to know that you aren't alone! We all have to figure out how to find something that won't affect our illness and that will make us happy. I'm hoping to be successful on my own personal mission of finding a way to make money and not make myself worse in the health department by doing so. I wish you luck and I know you will be okay!!!! Just make sure to keep yourself busy somehow, and surround yourself with love =)

[Ernie]

Hi,

Even if I lost my job 8 years ago it still miss it. Especially when I meet someone that does the job that I used to do.

I am sorry for your loss.

[mjan]

I am upset today. It's official. I am losing my job due to my illess.

I am an HR person, so I know the ins and outs of FMLA. This is happening, and FMLA won't stop it. It did delay it for a time. I understand completely why it has to be done, but it still doesn't take the sting away. The company is being very nice about it, and I will still work for a short time to tidy things up, and help train the new person. The new healthy person who can work a 40 hour workweek and not miss days at a time.

Just seems like this illness takes so much away. I used to be a dancer. Not anymore. Now this, among other things. Little pieces here and there are missing now.

This is probably for the best. Now I can stop killing myself, trying to be everything to everyone, and start concentrating on my own health and wellbeing.

I know some of you are in a lot worse situations than me, and I'm sorry if I sound selfish or whiny. I'm just upset and NO ONE understands except you guys.

Thanks for letting me vent

Angela

HUGS TO YOU MY DEAR ~!!!

I feel so bad for you... this is just plain CRAPPY!! Curious how it worked..then didnt work. You mentioned that you used FMLA..intermittant leave stuff? And now what happened? You mentioned the INS and OUTS of FMLA. Dont you get disability? Perm disability??

I am thinking of at least going down a day from 40 to 32..but not sure I can afford it. I live alone..widow..60yo old.. too young for retirement without getting screwed..

But again..what did you mean you were doing everything for everyone...and now you'll concentrate on YOU???

We're here for you.. its still hard I know...keep letting us know how you are ..ok?

Warmly, Jan

[iheartcats]

I feel for you....it's stressful to lose a job especially after you qualified for FMLA. My year waiting for qualification was a very long, difficult year.

I thought FMLA protected your job for 12/months (60 days leave total)? Have you reached your 60 days? I worry about when that happens and assume I'm done for then...so I'm just curious how FMLA didn't work out if you don't mind sharing as a lot of us are probably on it.

Once you take time for yourself, can you consider what you can do that would let you work and not hurt your health? Maybe part-time? Sometimes it feels like there's no solution (and this economy doesn't help) but I believe things can't stay bad forever. Hopefully more part-time will open up down the road.

Are you ok on the insurance front? I know that's the biggest worry for everyone I know with a job loss.

[Sophia3]

Sorry to read about this sweetie.

I know you know our JOB does not define the essence of WHO WE ARE. That is defined by our spirit and soul and who we are as HUMANS. Anybody that does not get that, get ye to a therapist.

On the other hand, I am familiar with other challenges this puts on a household!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially if one lives alone.

I hope you can rest up and find a part time job maybe, down the road that you have a passion to to.

For now, re=examine...rest, REST and MORE REST!! Take time for You! put yourself first...learn to be selfish in the healthy way and give what you need to YOURSELF. Then you can give to others, especially your kids a mom that is not stressed the minute she comes home at the end of the day.

Be nice to yourself as you cope with the changes and grieve what needs to be dealt with. I am by no means minimizing the situation but know you have been hanging on by your fingernails for TOO LONG. Time to let go, tighten the budget and be there for YOU when you look in the mirror...and when the kids look you in the eye. I know that sweet husband of yours will help you once the shock of this wears off.

I am thinking of you, sweet lady.

Soph

P.S. I also suggest 'Music therapy' whenever you can. ;-)

[Angelika_23]

Thanks for the replies. You are getting me through this day.

I will try to answer everyone...

I have been at my job ten years. I am in HR. I actually administer the leaves of absence for all our employees. Yes, I have been using intermittent FMLA. FMLA protects your job for 12 weeks. However, if my absences are causing an undue hardship, and there is no end in sight, they can (and will) replace me. I'm not going to fight it. It is ultimately for the best.

I did drop from full time to part time, that didn't help too much. As Sophia said, I have been hanging by my fingers way too long. I am a wife, and a mother of three active boys, and haven't the energy to devote to anything. My family deserves better, and so do I. So once the job officially ends, I plan to work on getting myself together before anything else. I have an appointment at CC in May with a new doctor.

Jan, what I meant about "for everyone else and not for me", I was saying that I have a husband and three kids who are very active that I try to do everything I can with and for them, and I also take great pride in my job, and strive to do my best, and so I give a lot to that as well, and at the end of the day there is nothing left for me except chest pain, tachycardia and near syncope. And that weird left sided stuff. Most days I end up in bed sooner than later, and no one wins.

We are lucky that my husband has insurance coverage. Mine is/was better, but his is still much better than nothing.

Thank you so much everyone for the kind thoughts and words. You all mean so much to me.

Angela

[mjan]

Again.. its hard trying to be NORMAL with other NORMALS..and your body will not cooperate. I used to get an annual intermittent FMLA..so the days I would be off would not be an occurance which would get me fired. So I do not know if it pay to get another at my new job. I was thinking of reducing my work days to 32 hours a week instead of 40. I am just draggin. I did take off 3 weeks as I could hardly walk/work.. my head would drop from fatigue..my legs did not work.

I saw this amazing nutritionist who detoxed me from toxins and built up my systems/brain. It was amazing and it was not your typical supplements but WHOLE FOODS grown organically and ground into tablet form so it did not interfere with meds. In a relatively short time my fatigue went away..my cog fog improved.. and my balance has been steady ever since.

Its not your typical nutritionist..but its amazing how clogged up our livers and brains are to the point of inflammation causing or excacerbating our symptoms.

Take care and may your be blessed with good times with your family..do they know how seriously ill you get?

Warmly Jan

[EarthMother]

Oh sweetie I am sorry. I know this transition is not easy. I worked for the same institution for over 23 years. I loved every moment and they loved me. But there finally came a time when it wasn't working well for either me or my workplace. I couldn't put in the hours I needed to, I missed important meetings and my health continued to decline year after year.

My husband also lost his job that same year. It was devastating for us -- and is still very hard. There is so much paper work that needs to be done for the short term insurance that should help in the near term and your long term disability insurance claims (if your employer had one) and then the social security disability claims .... I can't imagine how folks who are ill wade through all the paper work. But being in HR you know how to navigate the system and that will help you greatly.

There is the piece about "not knowing" that seems to be the hardest part to get our heads around. And to this, I would suggest NOT trying to wrap your mind around it. The brain is a useful tool when we need to do math or something very cut and dry ... but when it comes to living in the moment, allowing all that is to come to us in due time ... well our brain just isn't use to taking time off and exploring this new frontier. And you are a pioneer in this moment. Blazing new trails to new territories that you have never been before. And while it may seem like you have lost something that you loved .... the universe has a way of showing us there is more in life to to love than we ever realized before. At times like this, our world can indeed open in a way we never before thought possible.

All of my good thoughts to you and your family through this transition.

~EM

[morgan617]

I'm really sorry Angela, what a blow. This disease just sometimes seems like it's going to take everything, one thing at a time. I finally decided a few years ago to stop renewing my nursing license and it was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done, no matter that I would never work in nursing again.

But you will adapt, just like we do to everything. Think of this as an opportunity to rest and think about you, just like you said. We have to grieve these losses and then concentrate on the things we can do. You will be in my thoughts sweetie. morgan

[Angelika_23]

I am really really down today guys. They just announced my replacement at work today. The email was a glowing recommendation of her, and nothing about why I am leaving, no little "we're sad that Angela won't be with us...". I am really and truly bummed.

Probably people think I am being fired due to attendance issues.

[jlmahon]

Hi Angela. You sound just like me 8 years ago. I was an HR Professional, trying to manage work while feeling terrible. I was actually let go a week after my FMLA ran out. It was either be at work every day or no job. I have to say.....I thought I'd miss working but I really don't miss it one bit (except for maybe to social aspects). It's nice not having to be part of the rat race and actually having time to put my health first. Recently, I decided to turn my hobby into a business. No, I probably won't make nearly as much money, but, I can work as much as a want and not have to put up with work politics. The thing is, without having free time, I probably wouldn't have had the time for a hobby, and would have never discovered my true passion. Just think of all the time you'll have for you!! Start thinking about your upcomming freedom!

I am upset today. It's official. I am losing my job due to my illess.

I am an HR person, so I know the ins and outs of FMLA. This is happening, and FMLA won't stop it. It did delay it for a time. I understand completely why it has to be done, but it still doesn't take the sting away. The company is being very nice about it, and I will still work for a short time to tidy things up, and help train the new person. The new healthy person who can work a 40 hour workweek and not miss days at a time.

Just seems like this illness takes so much away. I used to be a dancer. Not anymore. Now this, among other things. Little pieces here and there are missing now.

This is probably for the best. Now I can stop killing myself, trying to be everything to everyone, and start concentrating on my own health and wellbeing.

I know some of you are in a lot worse situations than me, and I'm sorry if I sound selfish or whiny. I'm just upset and NO ONE understands except you guys.

Thanks for letting me vent

Angela

[Angelika_23]

I am happy about losing stress, but I am hurt that after 10 years of employment, they can't even mention they are sorry I am leaving, let alone WHY I am leaving. Guess they are too excited about the new girl to consider my feelings.

[mjan]

I am really really down today guys. They just announced my replacement at work today. The email was a glowing recommendation of her, and nothing about why I am leaving, no little "we're sad that Angela won't be with us...". I am really and truly bummed.

Probably people think I am being fired due to attendance issues.

Well..that just stinks!! First I thought they were "protecting" your privacy..but they said nothing? in person too?

Do they give you a going away party at least?

Remember..its ok to grieve..be mad..sad...its truly stinks.

Here's a WARM HUG!!

Jan

[ramakentesh]

Hopefully the rest from working might actually slowly turn your health around and I believe that in life most things happen for a reason.

My job has been difficult lately and one of my bosses regularly takes every opportunity to suggest that I am what we call in asutralia a 'bludger' but i just take it on the chin.

My job is just that for me - a job with good conditions and money but very little stimulation. But in your case it sounds pretty harsh.

[Guest tearose]

Well we'll just have to deal with this...let's write the memo...

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ANNOUNCEMENT

"We deeply regret to inform you that Angelika is leaving her job after many years of dedicated work due to her illness. She did her personal best and we are shocked how long she managed to stay! She served as an excellent Human Resources employee and it will be hard to fill her shoes! We send good wishes as she gets ready to leave us and move on to the next adventure in her life."

Maybe add..

"Since Angelika was a force to contend with and we do not want to scare the new person with all we expect and it was hard to find someone to replace Angelika...PLEASE do not say anything to make the new person feel inadequate. In fact, let's not say too much to Angelika, she knows how valuable an employee she was and we need the new person to stay!"

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Angelika,

I pray you will find the peace you seek to move forward with this next phase in your life. You are not going through this alone. You are not defined by your "job" and truly should put some of your energy into a new. safe activity. I lost self-esteem for a long time when I had to stop working. Please learn from my mistake and find some new safe activity soon.

best regards,

tearose