And I Was Doing So Good..

[erikainorlando]

I was feeling so proud. I have been able to do more than usual. Then I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am so sick!!!

BUT you have all heard me talk of my boyfriend whom has really been the only real help I've got with my children. He is a widow which has had it's own issues to be sure. We have been together 2 1/2 years. Neither of us are babies he is 57. He just sold his house here in Florida and is going to his ski house in Utah for the winter. I can manage without him...I do pretty good but I am so frustrated with his lack of commitment to me. He says he can work out there and loves me but just insn't ready...bla blab bla...you have heard it 100 times. I honestly think without the house here he will just end up moving there. I told him to just leave me alone please. Let me get on with my life. BUT I HAVE NO LIFE>>>>I HAVE TO SIT/LAY DOWN ETC> I HAVE POTS!!! AND TWO KIDS!!

I am so heartbroken. I tried to breakup before this summer as at times it just becomes painfully evident that he doesn't want to settle down. I get upset. I can't sleep and I cry. SO I now feel soooooo sick. SO SICK!! HR won't go down. Then I think "what am I doing". No one else will want to start up with a 46 year old woman who is ill. Has a history of being ill (had Guillain Barre)...at least he would take me to the store...or the doctor. He was very loving but he just needs to do "his" thing. I am alone a lot with him...but now I am really alone. AND really sick.

My dad is dead. My mom is old (72). I get so worried about how I can care for myself at my worst times... Now I am not sleeping. Even my skin hurts. My friends seem to think I am faking it or have just grown tired of hearing me... I was so afraid to leave my husband after the Guillain Barre for fear I'd get sick again ..and I am sick again.

Sorry to sound like such a baby. I really thank god for you all..any words of love and encouragement would be great.

Erika

Just some love and support would be great.

[janiedelite]

Oh Erika, I'm so sorry. I just had a close friend go through this here, and it's excruciating even without POTS. I'm sorry that I don't have much advice, but I know how grief and stress really wreak havoc on our bodies. I guess the only advice I have is that you have to deal with what support you have (although it doesn't sound like much ). It's more important than ever that you be strong for yourself, force yourself to try to de-stress, and try to release the anxiety you're feeling and gain a little peace.

I don't have much advice, but I know how scary looking into the future can be with POTS. Sending hugs and tissues,

Janie

[firewatcher]

((((((((((((((((((((((((hug!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love and support, Erica. Allow yourself to grieve, you have a loss. Do what you must to stay well and true to yourself!

Prayers and hope that you feel better!

Jennifer

[sue1234]

I'm sorry its a bad time for you. That ol' stress is soooo bad for us! I hope that something/someone comes into your life soon that will be a positive support for you.

[Tammy]

Erika,

You have my support as much as I can give as I'm feeling so unwell right now also. I think it is so hard for us to just let others live their lives while we watch it go by. I think men especially need their time with the 'boys' and doing guy things. They need plenty of space too. It's all about what you can accept. Maybe just having him there as a friend would help. Would he be willing to do that for you?

Do you live in an area that has access to programs that have volunteers that would help do your shopping and taking you out for appts, etc.

Stress is so bad for us. I would definitely contact your doctor and if you don't already have meds to help with this, like Xanax or Klonopin, I would ask about it. Also vitamin B's help with stress. The sooner you find meds to calm down your over-stressed system the quicker it can recover (at least as much as our bodies have the ability to do and return to a level of previous functioning - being in bed, but not all the nasty stress symptoms, etc.) Also getting massages, if you can find someone who will come to your home once a week right now, can relax your nervous system. Or depending on your kids ages, they might be able to rub your back and help some. Whatever you find soothing and relaxing is what you need to focus on right now.

Take care,

Tammy

[marni4u]

So sorry for you. I understand your pain and can relate. I'm going thru a divorce right now myself so I understand how stressful this is for you. Just try to take one day at a time and keep yourself healthy. Try not to let the stress wear you down.

Marni

[potsgirl]

Dear Erika,

I'm sorry that you're going through such a difficult time right now. Being sick and having 2 kids certainly adds substantially to your stress load. Allow yourself to grieve, because you are suffering from a great loss. And take time to take care of you. Be good and gentle to yourself. I believe that all of us have an inner strength to draw from, and that it comes out at times like these. You will get through this, because you are a strong and capable woman, with many people who are supporting you through their thoughts and/or prayers. And hey - I'm 47 and met a great guy just a couple of years ago who is tremendously supportive...you're by no means over the hill at 46! Plus, you're going to feel GREAT once you get through this period by yourself and know you can do it all by yourself!

Thinking of you,

Jana

[sandymbme]

Just sending you support and love!!!! It is hard and scary to be alone with pots, and the kids make it an even bigger challenge. Do try to take advaantage of any volunteer support you can get. I have folks from my church that will pitch in for rides to doctors or light housework when I am really in a bad way. It is a huge stress reducer to have some sort of plan in place for when things get hard. Hang in there!

Sandy

[erikainorlando]

Thanks you all. My whole body hurts...I am so ill I can barely think of him because I am too focused on how sick I feel at the moment!! But rest assured...when I think of him with a potential cute little snow bunny on his arm who is well I cry lots!!

Tammy - I am sure he would be my friend...even my boyfriend..but I just would reallly like someone who makes me feel like I am their world. Not just that I am lucky to have him hanging around...and when ski season hits or anything else he will be gone like the wind. I just had a moment of clarity where I began to think that if after 2 1/2 years he still isn't ready or sure of what he really wants with me..welll...I don't really want that. I want a consistent partner...don't have to be with me all the time but to be out of state for 5 months every year...no ring on my finger etc. well, count me out. BUT now I am overwhelmed and scared and sick...and feeling like he is better off without a sick girlfriend anyway.

I have great kids...I am so glad I am not here alone. I slept last night... Thank God!! But I am very ill still today. My chest feels like there is a knife in it. But it will not be like this forever.