Need Help, I Can't Deal With Stress

[Nauthiz]

I can't seem to control myself anymore, i think its the inability to control stress anymore. I don't know what to do. Here is what happened to me today..

My mother was taking me to the mall to help pick out my girlfriend a gift. The thought of going to the mall started stressing me out instantly. I am super self conscious since i look creepy in my mind being 5'10 120lb 22 year old male and just feeling awful about myself. I start talking to my mom in the car about gaining weight, i told her i was going to eat half a loaf of bread throughout the day. She said to me last time you ate to much you got sick you can't eat that much bread its crazy. I told her i wanted to try again because i don't have many options, but she kept saying i was crazy, this made me even more stressed out. My hope to gain weight from bread was squelched and i felt even worse. A migraine was starting to set in, my chest started hurting worse. And my ability to focus on driving was somewhat impaired.

As i was driving to the mall i was telling my mother how i hated going to the mall and basically venting to her about how terrible i felt. Eventually i got so upset at her that i blew up and said i was going to take her home and do it on my own. So she said how i was crazy and why can't i just get over it or control myself, how i can't do this for my girlfriend, how i don't care about anyone and i'm selfish. While arguing with her it felt like i was going to have a heart-attack the chest pain got so bad, so i had to stop talking all together. The truth is my "positive" feelings of love and things are pretty much hard to relate too, i don't feel these positive emotions very much, or any emotion other than something depressing or physically painful. My hopes are very easily crushed by outside factors such as other people or my physical inabilities.

What i don't understand is why people think i can control these feelings, as if i want to be miserable all my life. Can anyone relate, what can i do?

i hate feeling sorry for myself it all just compounds and makes me hate myself.

[delphicdragon]

I know you've heard this before, but try to breathe. It does help in the long run, even if when you're upset you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. PM me if you'd like.

This disease stinks! (I wish I could use stronger words than that on here) You feel completely out of control, like your body let you down. And it's so hard to let yourself go from being independent to having someone take care of you. It's not just hard on you- it's hard on your family and friends too. POTS is, in my opinion, a disease of excessive adrenaline. Adrenaline is the fight or flight chemical. We seem to always be on edge/jumpy over little things, simply because our chemical levels are all ready maxed out and it takes very little to put us over the edge.

If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, talking to someone might help. Perhaps a counselor who is well versed in working with people who have chronic diseases. Your family doctor might be a good place to start. Also, antidepressants can help some of us take the edge off. I'm not sure when you were diagnosed or what you are taking for meds though, so check with whoever is managing your POTS.

A lot of us with POTS have trouble gaining weight, myself included. Carb loading is going to stress out your digestive tract (carbs seem to divert more blood from my brain, and drop out my BP). You can talk to your doctor about gaining weight or perhaps drink boost or ensure every day to add some additional calories. I eat at least every 2 hours, and make sure that there is protein in those "meals" more often then not. Also, please be careful driving when stressed. I get the chest pain too, and it makes driving almost impossible!

HUGS! Remember this is just a blip in the road, and things will smooth out soon.

Sara

PS- Just because I'm curious, what did you buy the girlfriend?

[all4family]

Hi,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think it is very nice of you that you put your own physical comfort aside to go and pick out a gift for your girlfriend. I know when you feel so bad how hard that is even in the best of circumstances. I found when I was sick, and didn't know what it was that a lot of well meaning people told me how to "feel" better.....eat garlic, take vitamin C, you need to eat something, don't eat that food it will make you sick. What I found out was that less stress helped a lot, and that included not spending all my free time listening to others tell me why I didn't feel well because I wasn't doing what they said. (even if I was)

I don't know anything about you, or your limitations, but if you were already driving yourself, and your mom was just causing stress, then maybe a trip like that by yourself would feel better then trying to deal with the stress of going, and arguing with someone. I have learned to just walk away from arguments if at all posible. Stress can bring on strong physical feelings even in healthy people, so they are sure to be worse in someone who's ANS is out of whack.

I know for me that doing things on my own was hard, as I was afraid I would faint, and I had a problem with vomitting if I was standing, and did it in public constantly. But doing things on my own quickly is easier then to do things with someone who stresses me out. I find my own ways around things, and find that it is easier to face the stress of just being "out" if I can control the situation. I also try not to give to much information to someone who has a tendancy to tell me what to do, or stresses me out with the information I give. In another words if I don't say I am going to do this to feel better, they can't say it's a bad idea.

I hope things get better for you, and I understand how you feel....take care,

Suzy

[Nauthiz]

im gonna go back tommorow and buy her locket necklace i think.

[Nauthiz]

yeah i can agree with you there, my mom has always been not the best to talk to about things. She has a way to discourage me, even before i got ill whenever i told her what i wanted to major in in school she would say thats too hard or you can't do that. I think im just gonna stop telling people what im trying to do to get better.

[Rene S.]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know the feeling. People are starting to think I'm anorexic. yeah, right, I want to look like a bag of bones! And I give you credit for driving. I even think about when I have to and I get majorly stressed out. I hate this illness. I have had two Ensure drinks today (they now make one for weight gain!) and have stuffed nuts and dumplings down my throat.

I'm sorry that your mother upset you. I had my daughter do the same to me the other day.

Seems like anxiety/stress goes hand in hand with our illness. I can't deal with my constant fluctuations of b/p. But mine goes high. I can't even walk anymore or sit up straight without it skyrocketing. I only get relief while lying down and that's no way to live. I want this fixed and I want it fixed now. I'm sure you feel the same.

It was so nice of you to attempt to go and get your girlfriend a gift. And don't take it out to much on your mom. It's hard watching someone you love suffer when you can't help them.

Good luck

Rene

[Nauthiz]

The prior morning i also helped my dad move model airplanes(radio controlled ones) that weighed 50 or so lbs. I moved a few with him then had to stop because i was worried about chest pain, its scarey and makes me feel like i cannot do anything.

[pat57]

http://www.recovery-inc.com/index.html

That would help alot. Its free, and there may be meeting near you.

Its cognitive therapy.

One thing you would learn is to remember that "People do things THAT irritate you not TO irritate you" ALSO THERE IS NO DANGER IN THE SITUATION. people SUBCONSCIOUSLY believe angry temper is dangerous which greatly adds stress. (the caps are a mistake)

anyway that's just a drop of what they teach..

good luck

[firewatcher]

One way to manage is complete avoidance. I HATE malls...major sensory overload! Triggers vertigo, headache, fatigue, the whole lot...

Solution (for me)=online shopping!

The only way I made it through Christmas was online shopping. Why do something you are uncomfortable with, when you are already uncomfortable? I'm not saying become a shut-in, but cut yourself some slack and don't put yourself in situations that you find so stressful!

[ramakentesh]

Busy places overload me - when i catch up with friends I actually usually drink a beer before hand because it seems to slow the mind down a bit.

I believe other gaba agonists could be helpful - kava or gaba supplments may be things you could consider (with your doctor's approval ofcourse, etc).

[helen.t]

Hi, My heart goes out to you as you are being so brave even contemplating doing something that you know will make you feel worse. It is impossible for other people who have not experienced your illness to comprehend what you are going through and I know how horrible that crushing chest pain is when you you are trying to cope under stress. I think that cognitive therapy is a good place to start if you are constantly putting yourself down and having to listen to others who THINK they know whats best for you. I would probably avoid telling anyone that you are going down this road as sometimes they can get the wrong idea about what Cog. Ther. is, and be more convinced that your illness is all in the mind. What this therapy will do is help you see your illness in a diffrent light and help you find ways of coping with it under stressful situations. I also agree with another post that maybe some other medication may help. It would be worthwhile talking to your Dr about how you feel. Emotional stress can be extremely draining and sometimes even worse than physical. It is really important that you get the help and support you need. I hope and pray that that you will get this very soon. Take care Helen