MightyMouse Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 Hi all,between this week and last week, I'm just a mess mentally and physically. Work's been absolutely insane mentally and physically (although halelujiah that my boss has my back and I trust her)... but on top of that...My biological father (not Pat, my step dad who has metastatic melanoma) has been ill and his wife waited until the last possible moment to get him to the hospital--he's jaundiced, confused, tired and has lost weight. This started weeks ago, but she did nothing other than take him to a local doc (they live in the boonies). After much pressure, she brought him the 4 hour drive to NYC to where all his specialists are--they think he has pancreatic cancer or bile duct cancer, and I'm at the moment waiting for the verdict. Neither is a good thing. Teri and I have also been looking at moving--our house was on the market a year and a half ago, just as the market crashed--but this house too big for us and I can't keep it clean while she's away. I have enough trouble keeping me and the cats fed, let alone housework. I'm also way out of sorts b/c my yoga studio closed b/c of the pathetic economy and my one refuge (other than time with Teri and the cats) is gone. We're trying to find another, and I have loads of dvd's to use, but no motivation, or energy. I've been a cranky mess, snapping at people left and right, and mean to Teri which totally is wrong. vent vent vent.... well... have to get to an ENT appt to hear what my CAT scan had to say. Cranky, sore old mouse, signing off for now. GRRrrrrRRRrr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firewatcher Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 Nina, squeak away, dear mouse! We are all ears! Life is frustrating! People are frustrating! The economy is frustrating! Politics...we won't go there! I hope your ENT appointment goes well, at least! Snap away! But only here! //////pat on the back, I'm not sure you really need a hug Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofsara Posted March 10, 2009 Report Share Posted March 10, 2009 Ditto to firewatchers post !!!!Love Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Just got off the phone with my dad... i feel so sad, and conflicted. My upbringing was ... well, hard would be an understatement. But no one should ever have cancer. Bile duct cancer is just evil. He may have another procedure tomorrow to take out part of the liver and bile ducts. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'm feel overwhelmed... tears... lots of them, can't stop em, so I suppose I'll learn to live with them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firewatcher Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 Nina, you don't get to pick your family. As awful as you allude to your upbringing was, he's still your father and you will feel something. I agree that cancer is awful (I'd use stronger language, but I'd get edited ) My grandfather died of cancer and it is nothing I would wish on anything, not even a bug! Cry, sweetie, cry and don't hold it in! Work through it like everything else and vent to all of us! Just because you are strong does not mean that you don't also have needs! Give us a chance to give back the support you have given all of us! Take care, and keep us posted!Now you get the hug!(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 thanks all--hugs appreciated. I keep bursting into tears at the weirdest times... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flop Posted March 11, 2009 Report Share Posted March 11, 2009 ((((((((((Nina)))))))))) and a supply of soft tissues.I'm thinking of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxine Posted March 12, 2009 Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 So Sorry about your Dad Nina, I know how terrible cancer is.I know what you mean by crying at weird times. I was washing my hair a couple days after my brother passed away from colon cancer and couldn't stop crying. I was thinking, just two weeks before this he was telling all of us he was going to fight the cancer with everything he had, but he was protecting us, he knew he was going to die soon.I hope they can help your father somehow, and at the very least give you all some more time with him.HUGS,Maxine :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pat57 Posted March 12, 2009 Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 passing tissue'sXXOO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 I'm sorry things have been so rough lately, Nina. You're in my prayers.Hugs and tissues,Rachel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoGiuliana Posted March 15, 2009 Report Share Posted March 15, 2009 Oh Nina, I am so sorry for all of your stresses right now. Sometimes the way all these stresses come together at once make it too much for one person to bear. Please take care of yourself. I am glad you have a supportive boss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2009 I got to talk with my dad last night for a bit--it's been a week of waiting--lessons in patience I suppose. He's waiting for an appointment with a surgeon--happens to be the surgeon that was all over the news stations last week for doing surgery on a little girl where they removed a bunch of her organs to get to her tumor which would have been inoperable otherwise, then put the organs back in after they took out the tumor. For my dad, they'll be having to take out the affected bile ducts, as well as about half his liver. I think his cardiologist has cleared him, but for now it's really up to the surgeon.Work was just as tough as ever and Thurs my boss, myself, a teacher and psychologist worked through a major episode with one of my students --I have bruises in all sorts of places. Weekends just don't seem to be long enough to help me recoup. I have to say, though, that my boss has been so awesome and supportive and I can't imagine how hard things would be if I didn't work for her.I really appreciate all the supportive thoughts. I'll be needing them for a while I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunfish Posted March 15, 2009 Report Share Posted March 15, 2009 to the mightiest mouse i know -sorry that my reply is so delayed...you've been in my thoughts & prayers regularly since i read your initial post (as is your father & any others in the family) & i very genuinely thought that i HAD replied. apparently i didn't press something correctly though, eh? grrr. other than extending a virtual basket stock full of good thoughts, prayers, tissues, strength (to endure & to push when you need to), peace & calm (to allow for rest when you're able), extra energies (more than you "should" have), plentiful patience, weekends that feel longer than they actually are, & whatever else you might need, my "post" wasn't anything that varied from the sentiments posted by many others. i just wish that my basket could also include some tangibles to help with cooking & cleaning & the like. quite honestly though words, sentiments, & tangibles all seem rather insufficient in light of all you're dealing with at the moment.when relationships & histories are "complicated," things like illness - which are always tough - are often even tougher. try to take care of yourself the best you can, hang in there as well as you can, & when all else fails opt for some kitty therapy from wilbur & moja? by no means trying to make light of all that's on your plate but from one kitty-lover to another i can attest to the fact that some kitty cuddles &/or antics can, at the very least, be a nice diversion when so much seems to be (&/or actually is) falling in around you. SO glad to hear that at least your boss is being understanding; obviously doesn't make anything else go away or get "better", but perhaps one of those "diamonds in the litterbox" that can & will help as you're muddling through.love, hugs, smiles, sunshine, prayers, fairy dust, & anything else your heart's desiring, melissa & czar (who wants kitty kisses & cuddles added to the list!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Thank you Melissa, your post arrived at just the moment it needed to. My sister just called to let me know they've called 911 and my dad is on his way to the hospital via the chariot with the lights b/c his implanted defibrilator has now gone off a few times.Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 he was admitted last night to the cardiac icu, and tonight they moved him by ambulance to the hospital in NYC where all his specialists are located. I'll know more tomorrow--might get to meet the surgeon for the bile duct cancer to see if they can even address that. meanwhile, work was **** today, and quite literally, I have bruises on top of bruises... one of my students has been in chronic crisis and my boss and I took over for the staff today b/c they really needed to have the opportunity to step away and work with the other kids in the class... certainly took my mind off of my family's concerns for most of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firewatcher Posted March 21, 2009 Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 Nina, any news? How are you doing?Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2009 Thanks for checking in Jennifer. It's been a rough few weeks but my Dad's got a decent attitude about everything and is quite determined. Here's what I know for right now.He definitely has bile duct cancer, which is believed to be a type of carcinoma, and has invaded at least part or all of his common bile duct and part of his liver--but at the same time he's been having some issues with his heart rhythm and his internal defibrilator going off, which complicated matters. He's not in any pain according to him. He has a ERCP (catheter/endoscopy of the ducts and pancreas) and they put in some stents to hold the ducts open and allow bile to flow better, which had been making him jaundiced and causing his bilirubin levels to soar. The bilirubin levels have been coming down steadily. Now we wait.They have scheduled surgery for April 1st at Columbia Presbyterian and, unless there are any unexpected other places that the cancer has spread, Dr. Kato and team are thinking they will be able to remove it all with a good prognosis. He is going home (back to Maryland) today and says he feels well. He'll be on a very strict diet pre-surgery to encourage his bilirubin to continue to fall.Also, they tweaked all of his heart meds--apparently the episode where he lost consciousness was because his blood pressure dropped and his pacemaker doesn't allow his heart rate to speed up that much to compensate (sound familiar to anyone? ) His job between now and the surgery date is to get himself as fit and healthy as he can so that he has a better survival chance...it is a very major procedure and he's high risk with both the pacemaker and defibrilator, as well as being a former smoker/drinker for many, many years...So, here's my quote for today:"Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today."-Plum Village - Zen Master Thich Nhat HanhI've had a stomach flu for the past week or so, and today is the first day I'm feeling a bit better. I actually have a little energy and my headache has backed off quite a bit--still there, but not bad.Thanks to each and everyone of you that thinks good thoughts on my father's behalf. I'll be asking for you again on April 1st and the hours and days that follow...with love, Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliegee Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 Lots of hugs from me too, Nina. I rarely check this forum so I'm late to chime in... How's your Dad doing now? Is his oncologist recommending chemo? I'm sending good thoughts and prayers to your whole family. Keep us posted as you are able.Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2009 No chemo or radiation--only surgical excision. He's home for the moment, on a very strict regimen to get him as ready as he can be for surgery a week from today.thanks for any and all good wishesNina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliegee Posted March 26, 2009 Report Share Posted March 26, 2009 No chemo or radiation--only surgical excision. He's home for the moment, on a very strict regimen to get him as ready as he can be for surgery a week from today.thanks for any and all good wishesNinaNext Thursday, I will be praying hard and keeping your whole family in my heart. Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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