I'm So Frustrated And Angry And Sad...

[deucykub]

Well, tonight has not been the greatest night. Those of you who have been following the saga of my fight to get accommodations to work know that this has been going on for a long time - officially 18 months now.

My employer denied accommodations for just long enough to get medical support for their denial. Even though the majority of their reasons have been discriminatory and often fabricated.

Here's part of the letter of the doctor who has never met me, who contradicts my doctors (who know me, and one of whom is an expert autonomic neurologist). Both of my doctors said that I am capable of working and fulfilling all the duties of my position. My agency also keeps telling him that they have provided accommodations, but he is unaware that my doctors repeatedly supported my claims that they were inadequate (employers are required by law to provide adequate accommodations for employees with disabilities).

So here's his wonderful prose:

"Based on the additional information, I am unable to change my opinion on the case. Although, Ms. --- demonstrates a great eagerness to return to work, the previous medical information and her attendance record when she was previously accommodated indicate that the unpredictability, frequency, and severity of her symptoms would make it impossible for her to accomplish the functions of a job that entailed strict deadlines, attendance at scheduled meetings, and extensive computer work. It is still my opinion that the best resolution would be for Ms. --- to take a disability retirement with the hope of rejoining the workforce when her symptoms improve."

!@#$#$%@%^#%^& [start of Rant]

How dare all of these people who have no idea what I am capable of tell me what I can or cannot do!!!! I'm so angry and sad. My life is continuing to spiral out of my own control, and these discriminating creeps are going to force me into disability. All I have (had) is my work. I've spent years becoming the professional that I am, and spent tens of thousands on an advanced degree, for me to what, now?

Everyone in management at my office is supporting my supervisor who has been making decisions based on the fact that she doesn't like me and frankly is probably threatened by me. The first thing she said when I started this job was people aren't going to like you because you're starting up higher, and they've had to work their way up. Well, surprise! It turns out she was talking about herself. She has always resented me, and she has no idea what I have been through to get this job. I worked my way up, too, just in a different way outside of this employer. She should be fired and hung out to dry, not me. I've never actually hated anyone, but I'm starting to despise her, and I don't like the person that makes me. I've never met anyone in my life who was so biased as she is against me and my disabilities.

All she had to do when I first asked was change my schedule to a flexible schedule and let me telework when I'm sick. These privileges are granted to anyone else in the agency... even the healthy people. So simple, but here I am 18 months later, broke, with downward spiraling credit, short one year's salary, and denied access to work. Unbelievable... absolutely unbelievable.

I appreciate you letting me rant and rave here, otherwise I think I would literally, physically explode. This is going to be great for my POTS, ha ha.

What a pitsy day.

[juliegee]

Deucykub-

I'm really sorry for all of the discrimination that you are experiencing. In cases like this, you just have to believe in Kharma- for your supervisor, the company doc, etc. It may take a while, but folks usually get what they deserve.

Hang in there. When God closes a door, he always leaves a window open. You just haven't found it yet. This could be the begining of a wonderful new opportunity.

Hugs-

Julie

[Mrs. Burschman]

I'm sorry, Deucykub! It all seems very unfair.

Amy

[Rachel]

I'm sorry, Deucykub. It is so sad that those of us who need disability so badly have to fight for it, but then here you are able to work with the proper accommodations, yet being forced out. I'm so sorry you're being treated like this.

Rachel

[maryfw]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. No great words of wisdom to offer except that what goes around comes around and sooner or later people ususally end up needing help themselves at some point in life and may at that point regret the way they have treated others in life. I wish I could be more helpful so I am sending you my thougths and saying a prayer for you.

mary

[morgan617]

So sorry Deucy. I had a boss like that once too, projecting her junk onto me. It's hard enough in life without that. I'm not sure if you've gone to human resources? I may be dense here and you are saying that.

You can also get a lawyer who deals in work discrimination, but not sure it's worth it. I am sending you hugs and lightning bolts from my eyes to her...morgan

[deucykub]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses and your prayers. And Morgan, thank you for the smile. I can just picture those lightning bolts, and I really needed a smile!

I didn't specify the action I've been taking. Our EEO office is playing the CYA game for management. I went to them in August of last year. In April, when my supervisor threatened to fire me, I found an attorney who is wondeful and my only life ring in a very turbulent ocean! I work for the federal government, so the red tape just gets more complicated. The Department of Defense is investigating my EEO complaint of illegal discrimination, and I have an onsite interview with the investigator on January 11. I've spent the last two days writing an affidavit that has just gone past the 25th page with lots more to go. A lot can happen in 18 months, and in my case, it was all pretty bad.

My attorney doesn't think my employers actions will hold up under the scrutiny of an EEO judge. I never imagined that I would be in a lawsuit against my employer. I'm not the type! But when a year's salary was lost, I really had no choice. I couldn't bear to swallow that much injustice.

I've mellowed out a bit since last night. I'm kind of in that numb place, not smiling and not crying.

Rachel, I was thinking exactly the same thoughts. Disability is such a hard and demoralizing choice to make, and then, the government makes it even more depressing by denying practically all initial applications. I'm doing everything I can to stay off of disability, and that very same government that won't approve disability is trying to force me into it. It just boggles the mind how truly backwards the system is!

I've appealed my supervisor's denial to my Director (who is the head of our branch of the agency), but I'm not optimistic. I also asked for reassignment to a different job at the same level from the EEO office who is coordinating with HR. I knew this might happen, so I already have my disability paperwork complete and filed for SSDI. Looks like I might be getting an extended, forced vacation... I suppose I could use one.

[Mrs. Burschman]

Deucykub,

This is probably a really obvious suggestion, but my husband is a constituent services representative with our U.S. House member. His entire job is to help people who have been treated unfairly by the government. Have you talked to your local Congressional representatives' offices about this? They might be able to help.

Sometimes bureaucracies behave better when they know a lawmaker is watching.

Amy

[Guest tearose]

I am sorry things are not working out for you so you can keep this job. It is obvious you are a dedicated and loyal employee and wanted to work things out.

It sounds like it isn't over and you will probably appeal again...right?

I do think that when we push for something and all energies overwhelmingly force us away...we will be forced to move on and ultimately find a much much better situation than we had at first!

I wish you all good things,

best regards,

tearose

[deucykub]

Thank you again for all of your replies. Following the holidays, my fighting spirit is back, and I'm trying every angle I can at work to keep my job, including appealing to our director, asking for reassignment, and continuing with my complaint of unlawful discrimination.

Amy, thank you for your suggestion! It wasn't obvious at all for me. I'll have to look into what I'm "allowed" to do as a federal employee, but it did not occur to me that our congresspersons had constituent service representatives. That may be a viable, productive option. Thank you!

Tearose, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I am hoping that if this all falls through that the window God opens will lead to an even better opportunity. After fighting for a year and half, though, it all feels a little hopeless right now. I'm almost afraid to hope because my hopes have been dashed so often! Heck, I'm even turning superstitious about the new year. For the past two years, I've been saying "THIS year is going to be better." Then, it gets worse. So this year I'm saying "This year is going to be just as bad," hoping that maybe that'll do the trick. ha ha (sort of...)

Happy New Year to you all!!!

[goldicedance]

You are really dealing with the run-around.

I first got sick in 1994. I managed to work 5 days a week until 1994 (?) when I just couldn't go any farther. I needed to be able to put my feet up; take rest periods, etc.

I too worked for the government. My agency went out of their way to help me. I worked at home 3 days a week (could have been 4 if I was potsying more than ever. They gave me a computer, fax machine, printer, 2 telephone lines. I came to the office 2 days per week.

I continued on that schedule until I finally had to retire in 2005 despite the accomodations made for me.

Why are agencies so different? Are they saying that even if you worked at home you couldn't work a 5-day week and they need you to work a regular schedule? Has you POTS doctor written a convincing letter about why you need to work at home, including such factors as better controlled temperature system, reclining chair, nap, etc?

Keep pushing!

Lois

PS I finally retired at age 56. If I would have retired in 2000 when I was feeling at the bottom, my pension would have been higher. Who knew?

[deucykub]

Boy, you're not kidding. I've never been trapped in this much red tape. Heck, it's easier to arrange shipments of weapons out on the field than it is for these people to accommodate me.

I'm just sick over all of this. Literally. My stress level is so high today that my POTS spinning out of control. My poor husband tried to take me out to breakfast to get me out of the house and cheer me up. That didn't work out well. Now he's stressed, too, because all I could think about and talk about was this.

They still haven't allowed me back to work. The "EEO" Office (in quotes, because they have to be the most discriminatory, god-awful, management-protecting people I have ever met) is trying to demote me for reassignment (in a position that is available at my grade). Even if they grant that, they still haven't said if they would actually accommodate me in that position (I've asked... dead silence in return).

I don't know how I am going to pay the bills next month. Collection agencies are starting to send me letters. I had to borrow against my TSP/401K, and now I can't pay that back, so they are threatening to tax me. I feel so alone and helpless. It doesn't matter what I say or do or how much I literally beg - no one will help.

Lois, you were so lucky to have people that cared about you in your office. If they don't want to help, it is a horrible, sickening battle. I always went out of my way to help everyone in the office. You'd think that would mean something, but it doesn't. I'm losing my faith in humanity.

Sorry to post such a depressing message. I've been buried in legal documentation for the past two weeks. The situation is officially under investigation by the Dept. of Defense now, but even so, if they don't want to help me, I probably won't see any relief for years. I don't understand how any one could treat a person so deplorably.

EDIT: Oops, I forgot to answer your questions. My doctors have written a ton of letters, including a 6-page letter written with my attorney explaining everything in vivid detail. Even Dr. Freeman, an authority in POTS from Harvard University, has written a letter to work saying I could work with accommodations. They just ignore everything I submit and have found this doctor with no knowledge of POTS to say I am completely disabled. I've suggested several different plans of how they could accommodate my illness, but they just deny everything I suggest, saying Dr. so and so has determined you are "unable to perform the essential functions of your position with or without accommodation; therefore, you are not eligible for accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act." Then they pulled everything, literally everything out from under me that was helping me work, including the flexible schedule that everyone else in the office has!

[Guest tearose]

Oh my dear, it sounds like they have built a solid wall that is impossible to get over, under or through!

Keep coming here to vent and yell and as hard as it is to believe....BELIEVE there is something better in store for you.

Don't kill yourself trying to knock down a wall that is about to crush you!!!

Is it possible that they feel you are too fragile to manage with all and any accommodations they could provide? I wonder why they think your doctor is not a good judge of your abilities and challenges.

Many are fighting to get the disability approval and not work...you are fighting for the right to work with your disability. I wonder why they can't make it work for you. Do they think you will die on the job or are a risk to the work you do? Is your condition in a remission right now?

I wish I could offer the right help. Just know I am hearing you and support you however you need to proceed.

I know you too are spiritual, let's meditate and pray on this issue to resolve soon and for you to get the guidance as to how to proceed from here.

more support and hugs,

tearose

[Mrs. Burschman]

Deucy,

!@#$%!!!

That's just not fair. Did you get a chance to speak to someone in your congressional representative's office? Or aren't you allowed? I just know my husband deals with disability cases (and Veterans Affairs) every day.

Come here and vent whenever you need to! We wish we could do more.l

Amy

[goldicedance]

Deucy,

Exactly what type of accomodations are you requesting. Somewhere in my files I have a letter my cardiologist wrote several years requesting that I be permitted to work at home a few days a week so that I could continue working. I still had a full workload, but at least I was able to start and stop work when I needed to, put my feet up, and keep better hydrated. My work involved a lot of reading so I could do that while reclining. I also had to accomplish discussions with counterparts outside the U.S. Given the time zone differences, work at home was a better option.

My agency provided me with a laptop, gigantic printer, high speed fax, telephone and computer lines. They were great.

Are you asking for me than work at home? Most agencies have flex time. Work at home also enabled me to cut off a couple hours a week in commute time.

My offer of consultation still holds. I have yet to hear from you.

Lois