How To Deal With Depression

[jkapache]

Hello,

If this is in the wrong 'area', i apologize! I have POTS- but NEVER a day in my life have i felt depressed. However, depression runs in the family on my moms side. And she is depressed- she is weird it goes in spurts- i guess like everyone. Well she has admitted the problem- but is still aprehensive about it- and she has started meds again- she went off when she was feeling 'good'- i know that is very common to!

My question is- how do i deal with it? I just got the ok from the dr to go to fl to train for the winter- so she drove me down. well her plan was to get me organized ect... ya well since she has been here she has slept 3/4 of the day yesterday- and all day today- its now 1 pm- she normally gets up at 7! SO this is NOT her- now we have had a lot of stressful things happen since arriving (our water pump broke on the trailer, she hit a low hanging tree and took off the trailers awning... the list goes on- and i know stress is not good for depression either) she is now telling me that her whole body hurts- her bones and neck- ans she had hot flashes yesterday- so maybe the flu? I dont really know if she is just saying this- or if she relaly does.

Now having her here is a bit tuff on me- im battling the pots, trying to get organized and unpacked- and she doesnt make it easier- she sorta drags me down! So- how do i deal/ treat her? Do I insist she comes to dinner with me(she says she'll go- but doesnt want to- so i just get carry out forher), or go shopping- all of this i am capeable of doing- butsometimes it would just be easier if she wasnt around- i feel like im doingmore babysitting! Now- i dontmean to complain- cuase she is great- but i just dont know how to handle the depression- i try to suport her- but its tuff!

Im sorry to rattle on about everything- but just wanted to give you a better insight- so any suggestions appreciated! Hope you all are feeling as well as possiable!!

[Ernie]

Hi,

I did not quite understand your question. Do you have a depression, does your mother or do both or you have a depression?

[jkapache]

Ernie,

I am sorry for not being clearer- I was in my 'down time'- and feeling a bit potsy- hence the endless post!!! I do NOT have depression- my mother does. I am just looking for help, or input on how to deal with ehr while i am with her- she is with me in fl for aweek- then goes back up north but i was just looking for insight- from those with it, or those that have family ect that do! Thanks!

[masumeh]

There is a lot of info about depression online, in fact, one nursing class I remember quoted the topic as one of the most widely hit and widely availible topics on the internet (among medical issues). So... there's plenty out there that could help you.

One tip is that a depressed person feels bad about herself/himself, it mostly revolves around that. It's not like they feel bad about you, or anyone else around them, even though they may sometimes blame you. Really, the cognitive triad revolves around downing themselves, their past and their future. So, it's NOT helpful to point out the negative aspects of their behavior, for example, how useless and counterproductive it is to sleep all day. It's not useful to "force" or "humor" a person out of depression. They need to talk w/an experienced therapist and perhaps get medication (St. John's Wart is a good option for those who don't quite need the heavy meds). So try to help her feel appreciated, and understand that she probably feels very inadequate and might be prone to interpreting others' behavior as personal and offensive (super sensitive, basically). But depression is somewhat different from person to person.

I know it's hard sometimes, as we have always our own battles, to be supportive and put aside our own issues to concentrate on another family members' problems. But, of course, that's what family is for. Don't overextend yourself though. I mean, if she doesn't feel better, it's not your responsability.

Good luck.

[Ernie]

Hi,

Active listening.

[dizzygirl]

validate what she is feeling... I battle severe depression for about 5 years.. and the thing that made it worse for me was when people would tell me..

"just get over it" or buck up".. things like that.. made me feel like waht i was feeling was nothing at all..

also a good therapist is crucial I think in treating depression..

for yourself.. yes i would agree that remembering that you dont have to be super daughter....and that treating her depression YOURSELF is not your responsibilty..

you can be supportive... but that is why there are therapist!! I hope that you mom gets better.. depression is brutal.. and I hope that you make it thru the week!

[jkapache]

dizzy,

thanks for repling. i am really glad to hear what you didnt want to hear! I have never told her to get over it ect.... but it is good to know what sends those w/ depression crawling in there skin!! I try and think of things that i wouldnt want to hear from a pots stand point..... but depression is a little different! I can only imagine how AWFUL it is- and i truly believe that it is an illness- just like pots, cancer, lupus ect- its not that you are imagining things at all! Again- thanks for the reply. and i will do my best to listen to what she has to say- altho all she does is hang out or complain that the trailer is messy- hey this pots body only works so fast- and im trying! I wish there was a fairy that could come in and take care of it for me!

[jenwclark]

I've been on both ends of that situation. Neither one is much fun. I'm sorry for both of you.

I want to reinforce what others have said: you can't fix it for her, so decide how much you can afford to do to support her, and when you reach that limit, STOP, and take care of yourself. Depression is a long-term medical problem, so it's not realistic to put your own needs aside indefinitely. As hard as it is to watch, to some extent you just have to ride out a depression, even with the best treatment in the world.

Let her know she's loved, and try not to feel responsible for her happiness.

[dizzygirl]

Yeah i agree with spike your not resposible for her depression.. and sometimes even with the best theraphy in the world you may (your mom) need to ride it out..

I know for me .. that i ddint really really begin to heal until i found the RIGHT therapist for me... and i really had to walk thru the issues and walk thru the emotions that had been built up in me for alot fo years..before i could again really begin to heal..

Um maybe your mom could channel her depression into something.. for example...a good outlet for me becam art therapy...(i feel this is also good in dealing with pots as well!!)i know that with depression you have no get up and go.. or desire too.. but maybe suggest a few things.. that she might like.. yoga.. painting music.. anything..

But i work with an art therapist along with a counselor.. (i was not on anti depressants..) but art therapy was a great outlet for me.. i did painting and i learned how to quilt...I painted masks.. i think over all i did 3 masks and i found it was a great out let...

i ve been depression free from the sever stuf for nearly 5 years... i do still see a counselor but it more of a coping mechanism with pots.. i go on the average of once every 4-8 weeks... and it helpful..

I know waht you mean about a cleaning fairy.. i was joking the ohter day with somebody that i have a cleaning fairy named vince.. i go to sleep and the kitchen or bathroom is in need of tiddying up.. and i wake up and its clean clean clean!!!! my cleaning "fairy"" does sucha good job! LOL

good luck to you both!

[Eli6596]

Hi

I just want to put a good word in for antidepressants. I struggle with depression especially during the dark winters and when the POTS flairs up. No amount of family support or talking could have saved me from depression. I just need medication. I have side effects from any prescription antidepressant I have tried. Thank goodness, my mood can be controlled with just St. John's wort

I would encourage your mom to seek medical attention if not already done. So many depressed patients suffer in silence without talking with their doctor, especially older patients. Sorry if you already mentioned that she is getting meds. My attention is impaired due to the pOTS tonight. If she is taking meds, and they are not working, there are so many choices nowadays that her doctor might try another.

As everyone else advised, don't let yourself get sucked into the vortex. I guess that is a bit graphic but depression is awful and can consume everything around it.

Karyn

[pat57]

this...

"she is depressed- she is weird it goes in spurts- i guess like everyone. Well she has admitted the problem- but is still aprehensive about it- and she has started meds again- she went off when she was feeling 'good'- i know that is very common to!"

......is classic bi-polar behavior. She should see someone if possible, IF she gets that dx she may be able to say no to the impulse to stop the meds. As a doc will explain thinking you don't need them is a manic phase- and understanding that pattern might help her.

considering she is there week you can focus on the fact that its breif, that she may do things THAT irritate you, but it is not intended to irritate you. Remind yourself of the total picture this is just one disappointing week. If your feeling angry toward her- choose to excuse rather then accuse. (in your mind) BE SURE that you don't feel angry toward yourself that you can't "fix" her. That is not clear thinking. Sometimes we don't see that we are illogical when emotions are "driving". as far as her aches and pains what you know- is that you don't know if "she is just saying that".

And to the rest I will be blunt, you are not responsible for her and if you overdue because your don't set up boundies you can be sure it will get worse until its unbearable- then you will melt down and be forced to set those boundies. Make your stop while the light is yellow because when it goes red the price goes up. If you continue this pattern you may be co-dependent.

Good luck

I know your torn

[becky]

Hi,

I suffered with depression for nearly ten years before i got any help, i didn't want to tell anybody how i felt because i thought i was a freak and people would make fun of me or tell me to grow up or worse pull my self together. I was finally forced to tell someone when i was nineteen and i couldn't cope anymore. my mum had suffered from post natal depression and after my aunt died (her sister) she suffered again so telling her was hard but she was so supportive and told me that it wasn't my fault and i wasn't strange, she came to the doctors with me to see about getting more help than just family support.

My dad didn't cope too well because i'm his baby and he couldn't make me better, but he was always there if i needed to talk and when my job became too much for me he was there to pick me up and help me through. My parents are both depression sufferers and we have found in our family that being open and talking about it and taking the medication have worked, we know that we can't make each other better but we can help not to make it worse.

Be a good listener, talk about it - depression is still too stigmatised it's still an illness and needs treating like any other. Get help, if you are struggling with it go to the doctors with your mum (providing she's ok with that) and get them to explain the treatment and progression. The better you understand the more help you'll be.

Finally, i know how hard this is for you, but don't say pull yourself together, try not to think it either because you end up resenting the person with depression if that makes sense?

Sorry this was so long but it's a subject i'm very passionate about.

If you need to talk to someone about it feel free to pm me.

becks x x x