What Ever Has Happened To Good Manners.

[willows]

Yesterday my sons friend came to stay for the night, this young man is almost 15 years old and comes from what I would call a normal family , mum ,dad and little sister living in a house together .

I often have lads stay here and sometimes I feel I'm running a youth club

Now I've always thought we were 'normal '.........we eat well ( 2 home cooked meals each day + breakfast ) we sit together at the table ( for at least one meal ) talk to each other discussing the events of our day ( every night without fail ) and we are polite within the household ( please, thank you , excuse me , this sort of thing ) just normal by my books

But it seems its not so anymore .

This young lad who came to stay had never sat at the dinner table ..........he had never been shown how to use a knife and fork correctly and had never seen VEGTABLES ! ! !

I am a great believer in teaching a child by example ......what I do they learn to do .

This poor young lad sat at our table with a plate of just normal bog standard foods in front of him ;

Roast turkey, stuffing , roast potatoes , buttered cabbage, broccoli heads, honey glazed carrot and gravy ........... yet ,he didn't know what things were

He had never seem cabbage before , what carrots were or what that green thing was 'broccoli'..........he kept licking his knife all though the mealtime, elbows on the table , stuffing his mouth with as much turkey as he could and almost chocking on it .

When I served him dessert which was a basic apple crumble and custard , he didn't know what crumble was either and then proceeded to push the food around and around in the bowl , elbows on table for some minutes until it resembled something the dog had brought up , pushing the bowl away and just walking away from the table

Now I've been a full time working mum and still fed my children well , had time to teach them the basic 'please , thank you and excuse me ' yet this lad had not one idea of how to behave .

Is it me ???? or are standard going down hill very fast now a days? do today's parents teach there children how to act in public anymore, how to use a knife and fork , or has that all gone out of the window now that 'fast food and microwave cooking ' has taken over the good old meat and three vegetables ????

Am I so behind the times that if given something 'thank you ' is no longer expected and a 'grunt and a sniff 'is the 'norm'.

I'm not that old , am I ???

And eating at the table seems to have gone out the window now, so just how do other families talk to the children each night to find out whats been doing on at school and such like ???

It saddens me that family life is so much on the decline, we ourselves love sitting nattering each evening about whats been going on . And at Christmas or other celebration times my family love sitting at the table with all the candles , white table linen ,crystal glasses and posh dinner ware ........it make a day so special.

So what do you think >

Willows .............another lad here today and cooking turkey again with all the trimmings !!!

[dizzygirl]

DANG!!!!! WILLOWS!! I want to come eat at your house..YUMMY!!!!!!!

NO I do not think it is an unrealistic expectation to expect todays "youth" to still respect manners..

I'm 24.. so not to terribly much older...and between my great-grandfather--gramma and parents... being rude and inpolite is totally unacceptable!

and you realy dont eat with elbows on the table..(though sometime I would only b/c i need to support my head up!).. but even then.. mom or gramma would say "elbows off the table.. you weren't raised in a barn.."

my mom 2 worked fulltime.. but we still where taught please and thank you..

and today's generation is kinda of scary some of them.. hoodlums.. wow... I'm sure if my great grandpappy wheer still living today.. that he would have thing or 2 to say about young girls dressing like hoochie-momma's.. or the young guy saggin' there britches...not to mention all the slang they talk with.. youre like "HUH"?? what does that mean??" DUDE!!!!!!!! talk english please!

I dont know I think that manners should still apply.. something i think that parents do try with there children.. but todays society "its uncool" to be polite in public.... Know what i mean? that didnt come out quite right..

But i agree willows!!

[willows]

Dizzy , girl next time you come to UK your welcome to come and brake bread ( or turkey leg) with me .

Do you know , even my own son was shocked at his mates behavior , and my son is no saint .

He always makes some remark about a meal ............the normal one we hear , and this is from my hubby and son is ' OMG that was SO bad I couldnt eat another mouthful '..........handing back a clean plate

But this young chap just got up and went ...........and another thing, not an offer of help considering he knows' we are disabled in the house.

He stayed in our stare room overnight , got up put same clothes on , no wash, cleaning of teeth ,walked down stairs straight in to my son's lounge started up the xbox360 , not a word , a good morning , nothing

When I suggested a 'shower' Na! .........just head down and tap, tap, tap, what was in his bed when I went to make it ? his mobile phone, some sort of net linked games station and the remote of the TV .........he could have caught the house on fire !

When I said this to his his Dad he replied 'he's on his game boy, game station or phone most of the night ' so how does he get any reasonable sleep ?

BUT WHY IS HE ALLOWED TO DO THIS ?????? surely we as parents should to set times for these things ???

I do , or am I one of the few who do this as well????

My son can go on this computer when its free, his xbox when he wants and use the phone ad-lib as well as his mobile ...............BUT on a week day not after 10 pm ( weekends after 11 pm ) he has sleep overs that go on all night in his lounge on a Friday or Saturday night only ( beds + bedding in there ) which I think is reasonable to because of school times.

When I asked his Dad what his son wanted to be when he left school or is he staying on to 6th form his answer was.

' well he doesn't really know , he might try for an apprenticeship at a factory or something '

to me this smacks of the boy who wants money as quickly as he can get his hands on it and has no real vocation in life , which is sad .

When the lads Dad asked me what my son was going to do , I replied

' he 's going to 6th form, college, then uni to do a degree in Forensic science as he wants to be a Forensic scientist with the police '

You should have seen this guys face !!!! and my son's no genius , no clever clogs , just a lad who's got his head screwed on the right way , is polite , helpful and has the backing of a mum and step-dad.

From how I see things , and we have loads and loads of 14, 15 and 16 year olds come to our house , the parents dont give a d** about the job there kids get as long as it puts money in there pocket and half of the kids are 'latch key kids' never seeing a parent from breakfast to bed time ..............and half of the parents dont even work , so what are they teaching there youths of today ????

Sorry about this rant , but it makes me MAD our children have so much more than I ever had , education wise , yet dont seem to understand just what they have in front of them .

Willows .

[Ernie]

Hi,

It seems that that person was not sociallized.

[Sue]

unposted

[Lukkychrm42]

It is sad. If it makes you feel any better, though, it's not the entire generation! My grandparents and parents would have my head if I didn't act politely at all times, especially as a guest in someone's home!! Wow talk about a faux pas! To be honest, I'm a little more depressed that the boy didn't seem to recognize vegetables... as that's certainly a worrying trend on this side of the pond!

But I get the same thing here at uni. RIght now I'm dependent on a seat cane and a sling (shoulder), and you wouldn't believe how much difficulty I have pulling doors open.. and the number of people who opens one for me... (and I obviously struggling) MAYBE one in ten... And to them I'm always very appreciative. I won't even mention people giving up their "reserved for people with disabilities" bus seats not just for me, but for elderly people, pregnant women, etc... I don't remember the last time it happened.

I think parents have forgotten recently that they're the ones responsible for teaching children manners, so when their kids do things like talk back or use profanities, you can bet they heard that at home!

[willows]

Your so right now a days people have little or no respect for people who have disabilities what ever they are and especially young people show no care what so ever. ( excusing my son and some of his mates from this ).

I have been to collect my son from college before , managed to get out of my car and started to walk to the main entrance , I use a stick thats all .............I dont have two heads, green hair or four eyes, neither do I leave a trail of slime behind me or smell like a dustbin ( well I hope not , sniff , sniff)

Yet some of theses so called educated youths just stand and stare at me , they watch as I struggle with those heavy fire door entrance doors and if I have to wait and need to sit down well you would think I was asking one of them to commit a crime if I ask them 'nicely' to remove there bags from a chair so I can sit down , rather than fall down ................there just so rude.

I'm not the only one who thinks this around here, we have a huge university in our city and the students there are just as bad, I pity there parents and there future employers. Good manners cost nothing , yet can make a big difference to a persons life , especially at work .

Willows.

[becky]

i was always considered an oddball at school because i was polite and didn't swear and i didn't have screaming arguments with my parents! (i wouldn't dare, my mum has a much worse temper than mine!) instead we spent weekends together because my parents worked full time - i learned to cook at the age of nine and by fourteen i was making the family meal everynight when i got home from school in time for my parents to arrive home so we could all eat together, and unlike all of my friends i loved vegetables and still do.

So many of my friends were fussy eaters but if you didn't eat all your dinner you didn't get dessert, and mt mum was known for her puddings!! mum was also known for slapping childrens legs who said they didn't like vegetables, even though they'd never tried them.

my ex hated veg and called broccoli "green trees", i have to say though that i blame the parents, children should be taught manners from a young age, including table manners and the importance of eating healthly - i'm no stick insect, or even size fourteen!, but i can see a growing trend for obese, lazy rude children.

Willows, i don't think that you are old at all, i used to find the behaviour of some of my friends towards their parents when i went round absolutely digusting, and i'd say to my mum i did't want to see them anymore because they would swear and shout at their paernts, but the worst part for me was that they were allowed to! it didn't matter who was at our house if my sister or i, or any of our cousins for that matter misbehaved, we would get smacked for it, and it's made me a much nicer person. i always say please and thank you and i'm plesant to everybody i meet.

anyway, goodluck willows!!

love

becks x x x

[willows]

I totally agree with you Becky .

Good manners learnt as a child will hold you in good stead as an adult.

I was talking to my son and a couple of his mates the other day and they said that they had learnt a lot from being around my house.

Like how to eat at the table and whats , what in veggies , how to ask for something properly .

There own parents just dont seem to talk to these lads , which I find very sad.

For instance :

At Christmas time I like to have a small 'do' for my son , he invites about 10-12 of his mates around and we play triv games and do general knowledge games with prizes and gifts for them all .

I put on a huge buffet for them all ( with the help of my trusty kitchen helpers ) now the lads who have been a number of times to the house wait until the rest have got there plates full ...........ha ! full , thats an understatement .

One lad who came for the first time last year piled his plate so high that it was falling onto the floor before he got to sit down, when I asked him why he's taken so much ( at the end of the buffet ) as he had not eaten all of it , and now it was wasted his reply was

' You have to get in and get as much as you can , dont you ? because the others will take it all and you won't get anything ' well that 'takes the biscuit'

If today's kids are told to take and take for themselves and d** the rest ,just INCASE its all gone later !!!

This year , things will be slightly different and I will put out 2 courses of food so that we dont get this

'pile em high to the sky syndrome'

In years to come when these lads go out with the boss and his wife for a formal meal , heaven knows how there boss will look at them if they haven't improved there manners .

Its things like this I have found though out the years of being employed and an employer that make a lasting impression on you as a person .

Willows.