Parenting When You Don't Feel Well

[CarrieJessica]

Just blogged about parenting from the couch, http://justmildlymedicated.blogspot.com/2013/02/parenting-from-couch.html

How do you overcome parenting when standing makes you dizzy?

[Aimes]

Ugh! I'm dealing with this same thing right now! I have a two year old and a four month old and have been having a major crash since having my gallbladder removed in December. There is no normalcy in our house right now. I'm soooo ready to be a mom again! One day at a time! :-)

[joyagh]

It is so hard. I just had a miscarriage and combined with POTS I just didn't want to move, or be around anyone, or be touched. of course my 3 yo DD was EXTRA clingy and demanding, as she always is when she senses I'm not well.

I had to get lots of extra sleep to gain rebalance. But it's really hard sometimes. I feel bad b/c I want to parent fully, and I can't physically the way I would have been able to before POTS.

[SaraC628]

This is the part of this illness that makes me feel the most like a failure. I have learned to try not to make plans with the kids. We typically surprise them on a day I am feeling good, by going out to lunch or something else. Fortunately and unfortunately, my kids like tv, so we watch family movies and have certain tv shows we enjoy watching together. My older kids are 8 and 12. However, I have a 19 month old. He is much harder to take care of. I am fortunate that he has always been really laid back. I can practically sit, leaning into the couch, and play with him. I don't like to carry him around the house though, so I usually feed him his dinner in his jumper in the living room when my husband is at work. I also put him somewhere safe if I start to feel really bad. More often than not my husband gives him his baths as I am afraid of getting really weak with him in the tub.

[Altruism]

I have a month old too. I got sick after I had him, so it's soooooooooooooo hard to adjust. I can't take care of him, only breastfeed and cuddle in bed with him. On a very good day I can hold him, sing some songs and take him for a 5 min walk that wipes me off. I have no idea what I'm gonna do if I don't improve. Growing kids require growing attention....

POTS should get better, right? Most of us will improve with time..

[sisblostg]

I think it is much harder as your kids get older. It was harder physically when my kids were young, but they learned to be helpers fast and we lived in a smaller house. Now it kills me when my kids have sporting events, concerts, and school activites that I can't attend. It has been my one goal to be able to find a way to make it to thse events and each year has been getting better. If the events are under 2 hours, I carefully dose a klonopin (I have issues with aderline surges especially if Im starled and I would not want to embaress my kids) and have my husband or friend drive and I sit where I can get up if I need to. In 2011 I did not make it to one basketball game, 2012 I made it to 8 out of 10, but didn't enjoy myself because I felt awful physically but great mentally for making it to see my kids. In 2013 I have not missed a game and only had one game I felt bad for. It does take all day planning of everything I do, eating, sleeping, fluids, meds for a 1 hour game, but it is worth it.

What I am most guilty about it is travel. Even though I am stuck at home I traveled alot as a teen and young adult. Now my kids are as trapped as I am. We live in a decent size but landlocked city. No museums, no culture, no place to travel to within a few hours. Last summer I let my husband take the kids on a vacation. My daughter was so sad to leave me behind. I was happy that tthey got to go to disney and the beach but sad as well that I was not able to see their happy faces. It is so hard because my husband job is great and we can afford to travel and I want my kids to see the rest of the country and europe but I can't travel. We thought of an RV but the travel time takes up alot of the time my husband could take off work.

[Joann]

I don't get dizzy. I have a hyper form of pots, but the same result is I have to do a lot of parenting from the couch or the rocking chair.

I have a twelve year old and this began two days before her 11th birthday. We have always been extremely close and we were both very involved in multiple things. I am trying to have her continue to be involved in things, but sometimes it is difficult when I am not sure what I can commit too (driving, helping etc). I encourage her to join all the school things and I made all but one basketball game, in the fall. I am lucky that my parents live close by and can pick her up from school when I am bad (like today). My husband has had to take over many of the things I did. She is in travel baseball which is a lot of time and commitment and travel. Last year I missed the first tournament and the last one, I found myself lying in a hotel room, hoping my bp would go down and I wouldn't have to go to ER. I am learning to be a little more realistic at what I should do if I want to make thru a game.

We have had to do more movie nights, t.v., crafts and I have her invite her friends over. I try not to have her on her ipad or ipod too much. On good days, I try and take her places that are special but not too strenuous. We have always gone camping for vacation and last year my husband took my daughter up without me, that was so tough. My parents did take me up for a couple days, but it was horrible, I did it for her, but this year we are renting a house so hopefully it will be easier. But if I had my way I would have picked another vacation spot.

I have always been the softie in the house and I am trying not to give in too much to her poor me attitude when we can't do things. I just tell her " life isn't fair" and she has it so much better than most. In fact, and I bet a lot of you are like this too, I ask her how many of her friends parents do as much with and for them as I do.Being present for our kids in the end is more important than what we are doing. Sometimes we forget that.

This has made me cut the apron strings a little and forced her to be a little more independent. The one thing I do try to do is to not hide what is happening, but also not scare her when I have my episodes. Sorry probably more than you wanted to know.

[sisblostg]

I don't get dizzy. I have a hyper form of pots, but the same result is I have to do a lot of parenting from the couch or the rocking chair.

I have a twelve year old and this began two days before her 11th birthday. We have always been extremely close and we were both very involved in multiple things. I am trying to have her continue to be involved in things, but sometimes it is difficult when I am not sure what I can commit too (driving, helping etc). I encourage her to join all the school things and I made all but one basketball game, in the fall. I am lucky that my parents live close by and can pick her up from school when I am bad (like today). My husband has had to take over many of the things I did. She is in travel baseball which is a lot of time and commitment and travel. Last year I missed the first tournament and the last one, I found myself lying in a hotel room, hoping my bp would go down and I wouldn't have to go to ER. I am learning to be a little more realistic at what I should do if I want to make thru a game.

We have had to do more movie nights, t.v., crafts and I have her invite her friends over. I try not to have her on her ipad or ipod too much. On good days, I try and take her places that are special but not too strenuous. We have always gone camping for vacation and last year my husband took my daughter up without me, that was so tough. My parents did take me up for a couple days, but it was horrible, I did it for her, but this year we are renting a house so hopefully it will be easier. But if I had my way I would have picked another vacation spot.

I have always been the softie in the house and I am trying not to give in too much to her poor me attitude when we can't do things. I just tell her " life isn't fair" and she has it so much better than most. In fact, and I bet a lot of you are like this too, I ask her how many of her friends parents do as much with and for them as I do.Being present for our kids in the end is more important than what we are doing. Sometimes we forget that.

This has made me cut the apron strings a little and forced her to be a little more independent. The one thing I do try to do is to not hide what is happening, but also not scare her when I have my episodes. Sorry probably more than you wanted to know.

Does your daughter worry she will get POTS? Do her or her friends ever ask why you got POTS? like in the respect of why you(not the underlying cause).

My house has turned in the kids hang out house. We have an art room for the girls and I have sleepovers almost every night(yes somehow POTS makes me the free babysitter, but I dont mind, it makes me feel useful and keeps me going). Lots of the girls come from large families and enjoy a mom figure that will just listen(Listen is one thing I can do). After 2 years of this I'm starting to get alot of girls that are mad that doctors can't fix me and that the school only raises money for cancer but no one cares about POTS or EDS. I guess several girls brought this up at school and I think the prinicpal thought they said pot like the drug not POTS and was confused.

[Joann]

Sisblostg,

My daughter asked me in the beginning if this would happen to her, at the time I thought I had a cardiac issue and told her no. I am still actively trying to find my cause of POTS for me and for her. As for her friends, in the beginning my daughter didn't want me to tell any of her friends. I think at that age any thing different is embarrassing. But now they are aware that I have health problems. We don't go in to details, but they just know I can't do certain things and they are ok with it. So many people around my home seem to have health problems, one mom has cancer, a dad has congestive heart failure, etc... Kids deal with it, but try not to think about it too.

As for the kids around the house, I have always been the one to watch everyone's kids. I still get calls asking me to get their kids after school. I was at the Cleveland Clinic and two moms text/called to ask me if I could get their kids home from school! Hello, I am in a different state. The parents know I am having health problems but figure that if I am not picking up my daughter, my parents are and that they can get their kids. Now that gets me a little mad. But I prefer to have the kids at our house, where I know they are safe and they have their freedom but have rules.Too many parents do not watch their kids or let them do things that I feel are unacceptable. I trust my daughter but there are too many crazies in the world. So many of her friends are left home alone for long long periods of time.

I was told for years by many parents that they owed me big time and if I ever needed a favor, well so far none have them have offered to help at all. My mom said I should ask, but I won't unless I get really bad. This health problem has made me change some of my parenting but I will do whatever I can my way.

[bebe127]

Carrie,

You parent from your couch, I parent from my bed. Each morning I get up, have my morning routine, make my bed and set up shop complete with computer, math cd's, books, pens, pencils etc. I homeschool my two teenagers and have done so since the beginning. Although now that they are teenagers, they are mostly self sufficient, however I do have to don the school police hat once in a while to make sure all is getting done

Before I got sick, we used to do our schoolwork in the schoolroom. My hubs converted our great room into two separate spaces, a spare room and a schoolroom. Our schoolroom is complete with a closet-full of every type of paper, craft supplies, science equipment, etc. that one could dream of, a nice big table, bookshelves to house the hundreds of books we enjoy, a computer, and even a white board. I loved doing schoolwork in there and I think it was motivational for the children to have a kind of "school at home" type atmosphere. The table was always full of some or other project we were working on, whether it be lapbooking, an easel with a work in progress, the microscope set up, or the dissection kit up and running for the newest autopsy. There was always something interesting going on in there.

After getting diagnosed, sadly, we use the schoolroom less and less. We still have ongoing projects, but mostly these days, I school from my bed. I want to change this and I think I shall attempt to work on that. Just writing all this down makes me realize how much I miss that schoolroom and something needs to change.

Thanks for this Carrie! This is something I think I really needed

[Joann]

Bebe127,

Maybe your husband could set up a reclining spot in your school room for you? Having a little change is always nice.

[bebe127]

Joann,

Unfortunately, no room! I just need to get off my bum and get back into action (she says as she calls son into bedroom for science!!)