Should I Push Myself Or Push Back?

[yogini]

I am single and would love to be in a relationship. I am more ready now than I have been since becoming ill. Somone I know offered to set me up on a blind date. The original date sounded like he had a lot in common with me and I was excited about it, but that person never called.

I'm also in the process of weaning off my medication and have not been feeling at my best. This is also the busy season for me at work and in my spare time I want to do yoga and see my friends. My apartment is a mess and it's not like I could even bring a date home. I feel overwhelmed and the last thing I want to do right now is go out on a date.

But the person who tried to set me up has started bugging me about being single and, without my knowing, went and contacted some friends to see if there was anyone else for me to be set up with. After the first time I found out about this, I told him to please wait. Then he forwarded to me an email that he sent to yet another person about me. I don't want to offend the person who offered to set me up or miss out on opportunities to meet people. I can use all of the help I can get. What should I do?

I hope this post doesn't belong on the chit chat forum.

[Kitsakatsa]

Oh boy. Where do I start?

I feel the same way you do. I don't have any good advice, except don't worry about your place being a wreck. Just think the place is off limits until you have known the person for a few months. That is safest anyway.

Now, with that out of your way- what is the real reason? Just POTS? Anything else?

One day I feel like I want to meet someone (although I cannot name a single single man I know- all are married), the next day I think that I am way to complex with POTS and I am fine being single as long as I can count of a roof over my head and my recliner to welcome me at night. Then the next day....

Well anyway, at least that ****** Valentines freekin' WEEK is over!!

My last date was a blind date. I came away SO GLAD that I was not married to that dork, but even more glad that despite POTS, I did it. The guy was not for me, but the fact that I went on a date made me glow for months. You may just want to go on these dates provided that you follow all the safety rules (does not pick you up at your house, has only your phone number, make sure you tell someone where you are going, lots of people around- lunch is a good idea, be vague about your specific work place). You may not feel your best, or even look your best but how will the date make you feel? Imagine yourself just home from the date, imagine that it was a dork and you are exhausted. Would you be happy? Would you feel you had become the new you and had broken ground that had previously been swallowed up by the POTS monster? If you say yes, you must go on these dates!

POTS is a lonely disease. You deserve to have some fun. You are no less than anyone else. I think you should go to Target and buy something fun or kicky for yourself for every first date you go on. It may get you through some dull conversation to think that you have a great book and some chocolate waiting at home for you!

Kits

[Kitsakatsa]

Oh also, if this person is so intent on setting you up, why doesn't he just throw a party? Then you can talk to whomever and escape if you want to. He can invite multiple "potentials", then you can see if you hit it off with anyone. You can take your friends for support and its not such a one on one intense situation. If they don't show up to even that then they are just lame anyway.

Kits

[Guest tearose]

Oh, do find a way to meet others!!!

You are interested in meeting and dating and this is wonderful. The right person will understand and accept you for all your strengths and challenges. You will know how much to push yourself. When you are in need of rest, do so. When you can go out, do so. Take one date at a time!

[potsgirl]

Okay, here goes....Yes, you deserve to meet others and date IF you want to. I think you're going to have to be more direct with this 'friend' who is insisting on setting you up. Tell them that you appreciate the 'help' but you'll let them know when you want to do blind dating again. The best way to meet someone is through mutually-shared common interests. Are you getting out to do things you enjoy? Perhaps taking a class?

I must admit that I met my current boyfriend of 6 years through 'E-Harmony', and dating services like that are becoming more and more popular. You control who you meet and where (obviously a public place, perhaps with a friend nearby), but can spend weeks e-mailing and then speaking on the phone to get to know the other person before you actually meet, if you feel more comfortable that way. Just an option, but it can work, you just need to take appropriate precautions.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope you meet someone soon, in whatever way works best for YOU. You deserve the companionship of a relationship like anybody else!

Cheers,

Jana

[yogini]

Thanks for the encouragement! This is is a particulary tough time for me, because I am weaning off Paxil. I have been doing this slowly since Oct without much trouble. But in the past few weeks my symptoms havce flared up. But I am almost off of it - have only a month more to go - and want to stick with it to see what happens. Worst comes to worse, I will go back to the dose I had in January at which point I was fine. I also have big work deadlines in March/April. You are right that there will always be something going on, with POTS or otherwise. I think I manage my illness by not having too many variables at once, and I am terribly frightened to lose control. But if I don't let go a little I will never be able to change my life for the better.

I am on a dating website and get some dates sometimes, though I would get more if I spent more time checking the site. Since getting POTS I have also dated a few people for short periods of time either through the site or that I have met through friends. I am trying to get out there more socially just spending time with friends - have been doing this more and more in recent months and it feels great. There is also a nice, smart, cute, single guy at work who is just my age. I think he may be somewhat interested, but I will probably have to make the move. Which I will do when things calm down slightly.

Kits, where are you? You should move to NY. There are single guys of all ages at least compared to the rest of the country (they are noncommital, though)...I could even introduce you to my set up friend! :0

[Elfie]

Well, I think if your friend really has your best interests in mind and sets you up with a guy that you have something in common with I think that that is a great way to meet people. Two of my most recent relationships were with men I met through a friend. OF course, I didn't meet them on blind dates, but by accompanying my friend to events/dinners where the guys were.

I really understand what some of the other members were saying. Even a bad blind date is a chance to get out and socialize and turns into a funny story in the end. But at the same time, going out with people that really have no common interests with you can make you wish you didn't just waste those hours. After all, you could have spent that time doing something you enjoy.

I haven't had much luck with the whole online dating thing, but that is probably becuase of my age. I'm young (early 20s) and so many of the young men on dating sites from the 20-26/27 age group are online dating because they lack serious social skills. I mean, there are always a handful of young men that are dating online because they are in a unique position because of family or work and dating online is the easiest way to meet women their age with similar goals. However, it is my experience that most of the guys on the sites are either looking for someone to party with or are really arrested in their social development.

[yogini]

Thanks Elfie. I was excited about the first potential person because we had a lot in common. After that it seemed more casting of a wide net. I agree with you about getting out there. Pre-POTS I always dated people through school, work or meeting while I am out with friends. I've tried to branch out to other options since becoming ill. They can be hit or miss but you're right that it is better than nothing! It is fun to get dressed up and get taken out on a date, even if he is a dud.

[Kitsakatsa]

Kits, where are you? You should move to NY. There are single guys of all ages at least compared to the rest of the country (they are noncommital, though)...I could even introduce you to my set up friend! :0

I could get your dates after you screen them for me!! That would work out just fine!! I would love to live in NY. I seriously don't know how you do it though. It seems like it would be hard to live there if you didn't feel well. When I was there I had to stop at every single Starbucks for coffee!

We could go to clubs and when someone asked us what sweet thing we were shooting up we could answer "Zofran" in unison. I could just see it!

I live in Utah where everyone gets married by age 12. I actually have friends from high school that are Facebooking me pictures of their grandkids. I'm totally freaked out right now. All I can say is maybe I will wait to get married in the next life where there is a better selection.....I hear those Carpathians were HOT!!!

Kits

[Kitsakatsa]

It is fun to get dressed up and get taken out on a date, even if he is a dud.

Oooooo! That is the funnest part! Getting to shop for a new outfit and then pulling out all the foofoo Victoria's Secret stuff and having smokey eyes. Picking out the nail polish and the date mints and the "hair up- or down?" opinion poll that I text to all my friends at the last minute.

Love IT! Best part of being a girl!!!

[yogini]

I could get your dates after you screen them for me!! That would work out just fine!! I would love to live in NY. I seriously don't know how you do it though. It seems like it would be hard to live there if you didn't feel well. When I was there I had to stop at every single Starbucks for coffee!

We could go to clubs and when someone asked us what sweet thing we were shooting up we could answer "Zofran" in unison. I could just see it!

Kits

Actually, I find it really easy to live here. You don't have to drive anywhere - you can take the bus, or a cab or the subway - I know where the elevators/escalators are in all of the subways. You can also find someone cheap to clean your apartment, and get food or groceries delivered for free at any hour! And there are lots of options for doctors and hospitals. The only downside for me is the noise. I can't imagine being able to manage my POTS anywhere else. I've lived here for years, though, so I knew the system before I got sick. It'd be much harder for someone new.

It's funny - I am working with a company in Utah and may have to travel there someday...I am trying to get out of it b/c I am scared of the elevation.

[Kitsakatsa]

It's funny - I am working with a company in Utah and may have to travel there someday...I am trying to get out of it b/c I am scared of the elevation.

Yep, the elevation is a big deal. Before diagnosed, one of my most miserable nights was at Deer Valley in a $400 room at a corporate retreat. I left the next AM for the ER and the winding down the mountain was very special. I live at a higher elevation than Salt Lake, it is equiv to Park City. When I go on vacation to the coast I definately feel better. If my doctor moved there- I would follow like a stalker!!!

It WOULD be nice to get ham fried rice at 2 am. I would enjoy that.