What Is Your Daily Routine/sleep & Wake Pattern?

[Bella127]

Hi Guys...

Can we try to get as many of us as possible to post what a 'routine' day is like for them as far as sleeping/waking, activities, etc.? Time you wake up, take meds, daily activities, when you're the most awake and most tired (I think this would be really interesting), when you shower, and when you go to bed?

How many of you have issues with POTS related to your sleep/wake cycles?? I sleep fine, fall asleep quickly, sleep through the night without waking much, etc. But when it comes to waking up, that's another story. Whenever I try to wake up, my body is simply NOT READY. It's like my legs don't want to work yet.

I have gone to a sleep doctor (that's the technical term, right? ) and he thought I had Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, but I don't remember what he said I could do about it. I'll have to look in my medical notes and see. But it felt like a pointless appointment, with him saying "Yes, strange, your sleep patterns are off." - without any real help.

This has been one of my main issues since being diagnosed with POTS in 2001. Mornings are IMPOSSIBLE for me. My body just feels very sick, my eyes can't even stay open, and my legs might as well be Jell-o. I wish I could function like a normal person, with normal hours. I'm especially concerned about this because I'll be done with college this year, and would LOVE to be able to work even part time somewhere. It's tough because I don't end up feeling "POTS-normal" (my normal baseline) until maybe...3-4 pm? I could be somewhat active during that time, followed by a crash around 7 or 8. So my energy (if you even want to call it that??) doesn't last long. By after dinner time, I take another Mestinon, which seems to help me stay alert, but I am still soo physically tired.

A normal day for me goes like this:

Wake around noon or 1pm, take meds (.1mg Florinef, 60 mg Mestinon & Cymbalta for fatigue), eat granola bar & drink Propel with meds. Then I basically sit and wait for my body to feel decent, which takes a while. Even now I am more "out of it" than usual, and its 4pm.

I'll do school work for a couple hours, which includes reading/writing, typing essays, etc. and posting them online. By this time the brain fog is ridiculous, and I end up becoming mentally and physically exhausted from the work. I try to take my shower after this is done to give my brain a rest. But some days, showering just doesn't happen and I end up staying home all day (making me feel like more of a bump on a log).

Then around dinner time I'll eat a small meal, take another Mestinon to help with alertness/fatigue (it does help somewhat), then maybe do a small errand with my mom or meet a friend for a few hours. Sometimes I'll do this later in the day (especially if I had pushed my shower back to after dinner time) and end up getting home at 10pm or later, and this is when I end up feeling my best! So, the times when I feel better and actually WANT to stay awake and accomplish things are at night time when I should be getting ready for bed.

Then I am asleep by 1am or later, depending on what I did that day. Some days, like last night are earlier than that. I end up having most energy at night then, and that's when I stay up to do homework, read for class, etc. and to be socializing with friends, since I don't get to do that during 'normal' hours.

Does anyone else have these problems? I feel like if I got a schedule going with sleeping/waking, that would be half the battle with my POTS. Taking classes online though, I can't really afford to do anything crazy right now and risk my grades (as far as drastically changing my schedule, as I have timed due dates every day and must be able to be alert & focus for them). So I feel a bit stuck at the moment, since I want to help myself live a "normal" schedule/life, but don't know how to go about it. The problem is, I end up listening to my body more since being sick, and believe that it tells me when I'm too tired, when I should be productive, etc. But I do end up feeling like a lazy bum sleeping late, and wish I could enjoy mornings and be productive. I do worry about potential jobs also - how is an employer going to grasp that I just can't "do" mornings?

So wondering if anyone here has a similar schedule?

Thanks! Maybe this will help give me some insight. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know - I'm feeling a little desperate for some help.

Chrissy

[firewatcher]

Chrissy, welcome to my world! HOOT! hoot! I am a night-owl (check the avatar!)

There are some things you can try to do, but if it is DSPS, it is genetic so it's not "fixable" just manageable. PM me if you want to know what my sleep doc tried on me.

Have you always been this way?

Actually, since you are so far around the clock already, check out chronotherapy. It's where you push your bedtime back even further each night until you are going to sleep and getting up at the time you want. BIG PROBLEM= you can't deviate AT ALL from your routine bed/wake time or you are back to square one. So if you have a rough POTS day, you have to tough it out...no matter what...no naps, no sleeping in. I can't tell you how badly it @#$&!!!!!!! (worse than a vacuum!) But it might work for you.

[Bella127]

Chrissy, welcome to my world! HOOT! hoot! I am a night-owl (check the avatar!)

There are some things you can try to do, but if it is DSPS, it is genetic so it's not "fixable" just manageable. PM me if you want to know what my sleep doc tried on me.

Have you always been this way?

I haven't always been this way. Before I got POTS, I was fine as far as this goes - I attended school and did okay in the mornings, although I wouldn't call myself a "morning person" beforehand, either. It was never like this, though. I did have to catch the bus at 6:30am before POTS, and was able to do that...until I started getting symptomatic and felt really ill in the mornings.

I'll probably PM you later for some questions, because I am curious as to what could have set this off? Especially since I wasn't like this before POTS. Thanks!

Chrissy

[lizzyp]

I have big time trouble sleeping at night. I stay up very late. I also feel my best at night and worst in the morning. I have to get up by 8:00 to take my son to school, but mornings are definetly tough.

I take my Metoprolol ER in the morning with lots of water and at night with lots of water. I take half of a .25mg of Xanax or benadryl to help me sleep, or I stay up most of the night.

[turtlefairy5]

I am the same as all of ya'll here. I wouldn't sleep without something to put me down first of all (Seroquel, it's a crazy med, not a POTS med). I don't feel physically or mentally capable until at least 1 or 2pm (that might have something to do with the Seroquel, though).

I get tired again sometimes in the late afternoon or evenings, especially if I've tried to shower or take a walk or go out at all. I'm pretty much tired 24/7, though, but sometimes my anxiety issues make me feel tired + wired at the same time.

Around 8 or 9pm, though, I'm up-up-up wakey-wakey again, until the Seroquel finally kicks in (between 12 and 2am) and I start the cycle all over again.

I hope you get it worked out.

Amber

[futurehope]

FWIW after reviewing my data from a sleep study I had done, my sleep doctor suggested getting out of bed 6 1/2 - 8 hours after I had gone to bed. The idea was to go to bed and wake-up at the same time each day. (ha, ha!?)

For one to one and one half months I did exactly as he told me and never took naps. By the end of that period, I was so sleep deprived I was close to being a homicidal nutcase.

I don't listen to him anymore, and live my life the way I want and sleep when I need to. Honestly, I do not think my sleep doctor had a clue that POTS presents unique difficulties when it comes to initiating and remaining asleep.

Sorry, I do not have any advice for you.

[yogini]

My sleep schedule is totally off right now too. I do feel a little better at night, but don't have as dramatic a difference as you. Mabye part of it is that your meds take a while to kick in. Have you tried setting your alarm early, taking your meds and then going back to sleep?

[janiedelite]

Since having POTS, my hubby says I've been progressively snoring more. I haven't gained weight or increased meds. I'm actually only taking occasional advil or zantac right now. I'm tired all day, but at around 10pm I get hit with tiredness and get nauseated if I don't go right to bed. Every night I wake around 4-5am and sometimes stay awake for a couple hours, still exhausted but can't sleep. Often I can't get back to sleep and feel even more tired all day. I can't nap, though. My catecholamines were high at Mayo and I wonder if all this adrenaline keeps me from sleeping unless I'm absolutely exhausted. I feel best if I can stay asleep til 9am or later, although I'll wake up really dehydrated. First thing, I warm a cup of chicken broth and drink a gatorade and wait an hour or so til I get hydrated enough to bathe.

[jump]

I'm a definite night owl, and I always have been. I've never done a sleep study before, though.

My "usual" sleep habits: I get in bed around 11 and read for an hour or so; sometimes a little earlier. I'm usually asleep around 11:30 or 12. If I can sleep until 10 am, I feel my best. If I can sleep until 9, I'm still functional. If my schedule mandates that I get up earlier than 9, I feel like death all day -- even if I go to bed earlier the night before. One or two days a week I sleep until 11 or 12, usually if the previous day was really busy. I have no trouble falling asleep, but then I usually wake up every 2 hours or so, and stay awake for about 1/2 hr - 1 hr before falling asleep again, although the past few nights I've been only waking up 3 times the whole night, which has been BLISS.

The frequent waking has only happened to me since I've developed other POTS symptoms, but the "night owl" thing has been going on my whole life. I used to be much worse -- in my teens and early 20's, I COULD NOT fall asleep before 2 or 3 am, and often felt the most comfortable going to bed around 4 and getting up at 10. Needless to say I needed a lot less sleep then, which helped. I've actively tried to change my "bed time" to an earlier time, and 11:30 or so seems to be the earliest I can muster, even after months of getting in bed and turning the lights off at, say, 10. I just CAN'T fall asleep that early. But, I do get in bed and read, figuring that's at least restful. And I've managed my work schedule to allow me to sleep late most days of the week, which helps a lot.

In the fall, two days a week I had a morning class, and I had to get up around 7. I only had to work two hours, but on those days I had to get up early the entire day was ruined after -- I was totally non-functional and had horrible chest pain and tachycardia. Now, I work afternoons and evenings, and I can work many more hours at a time (sometimes as many as five hours in a row) and I'm relatively ok. There's no question, for me, waking up "early" is a big trigger for POTS symptoms.

[carinara]

I go to bed between 9 and 10 at night and get up at 5.45 in the morning. I normally sleep ok (exept when i have a bad POTS flare up) I always feel the worse in the morning. I take my meds whilest iam still in bed an wait until they work a bit.

Then i slowly get up and sit on the couch for a little while to give my body the opportunatey to get used to the upright position. After that i roll around sitting in my office chair, wake my daughter up and get us two ready for school and work (I always sit and never walk around in the mornings).

Getting up that early gives me 2 hours before i have to leave for work. I can do all the things slowly then, otherwise it wouldnt work.

By the time we have to leave the house, my body got a little adjusted so i can manage the mini walk to the car ok usually.

In my experience sticking to this routine works the best for me. Whilest i had a real bad POTS episode and couldnt work for almost 4 month in 2004 and 2007 i had the opportunatey to sleep more and longer hours, but this didnt do me any good. Sleeping in or taking naps in during the day makes me feel worse. Even on the weekends, when i have the chance to sleep longer, i usually dont do that anymore, because it makes me feel more symptomatic overall.

I usually make sure, that i never take a nap in during the day because my body takes hours before it adjusts to beeing awake again.

In my experience i feel the best when i get up early and move around and do something. When i just sit and lay around i feel much worse. Resting during the day is ok, but having a nap is a big no go for me. More then 8 hours sleep is no good for me either.

I also found out, that i can rotate the hours as well, like for example if iam on holiday, i can go to bed around 1 in the morning and get up at 9 again, that works ok as well.

carinara

[Guest brianala]

As far as I know I have always had my dysautonomia problems, and I have also always had problems with sleep. For many years I researched sleep disorders and tried to get my GP to refer me for a sleep study but instead they put me on anti-anxiety medication. Sheesh.

No matter when I go to bed it is impossible for me to fall asleep quickly. I toss and turn and lay awake for at least 1-2 hours every night after turning in. My regular bedtime is between 9:30 - 10:00 pm so I don't actually get to sleep until past 11 or so.

Once I get to sleep I'm a very heavy sleeper. I could sleep through a hurricane.

Waking up in the mornings is absolute torture. I used to have 5 alarm clocks set to ensure that I would wake up. I've gotten a little better about it, but some mornings I just never hear the alarm, no matter how loud or annoying it is. On most mornings, the alarm goes off at 6:30 and I snooze it. It will go off again every 9 minutes and I'll keep snoozing it until probably 7:30 or so. I stumble out of bed feeling drunk and sit and read the news for a half hour to wake up before getting ready.

It used to be that my only saving grace was my coffee in the morning. Now I can't even have that.

I am constantly tired throughout the day and it's making me very depressed.

Edited to add: I can't nap, either. No matter how hard I try. I can be dead tired so bad I can't stay standing and I lay down and just can't fall asleep. I constantly feel like I need a nap, but it's incredibly rare that I can actually take one.

[firewatcher]

As far as I know I have always had my dysautonomia problems, and I have also always had problems with sleep. For many years I researched sleep disorders and tried to get my GP to refer me for a sleep study but instead they put me on anti-anxiety medication. Sheesh.

No matter when I go to bed it is impossible for me to fall asleep quickly. I toss and turn and lay awake for at least 1-2 hours every night after turning in. My regular bedtime is between 9:30 - 10:00 pm so I don't actually get to sleep until past 11 or so.

Once I get to sleep I'm a very heavy sleeper. I could sleep through a hurricane.

Waking up in the mornings is absolute torture. I used to have 5 alarm clocks set to ensure that I would wake up. I've gotten a little better about it, but some mornings I just never hear the alarm, no matter how loud or annoying it is. On most mornings, the alarm goes off at 6:30 and I snooze it. It will go off again every 9 minutes and I'll keep snoozing it until probably 7:30 or so. I stumble out of bed feeling drunk and sit and read the news for a half hour to wake up before getting ready.

It used to be that my only saving grace was my coffee in the morning. Now I can't even have that.

I am constantly tired throughout the day and it's making me very depressed.

Edited to add: I can't nap, either. No matter how hard I try. I can be dead tired so bad I can't stay standing and I lay down and just can't fall asleep. I constantly feel like I need a nap, but it's incredibly rare that I can actually take one.

You sound EXACTLY like I was! If you told that verbatim to my sleep doc, he'd say you had Delayed Phase Sleep Disorder. I have it bad, no question. Look it up and see if it fits, I'll bet it does.

[Guest brianala]

As far as I know I have always had my dysautonomia problems, and I have also always had problems with sleep. For many years I researched sleep disorders and tried to get my GP to refer me for a sleep study but instead they put me on anti-anxiety medication. Sheesh.

No matter when I go to bed it is impossible for me to fall asleep quickly. I toss and turn and lay awake for at least 1-2 hours every night after turning in. My regular bedtime is between 9:30 - 10:00 pm so I don't actually get to sleep until past 11 or so.

Once I get to sleep I'm a very heavy sleeper. I could sleep through a hurricane.

Waking up in the mornings is absolute torture. I used to have 5 alarm clocks set to ensure that I would wake up. I've gotten a little better about it, but some mornings I just never hear the alarm, no matter how loud or annoying it is. On most mornings, the alarm goes off at 6:30 and I snooze it. It will go off again every 9 minutes and I'll keep snoozing it until probably 7:30 or so. I stumble out of bed feeling drunk and sit and read the news for a half hour to wake up before getting ready.

It used to be that my only saving grace was my coffee in the morning. Now I can't even have that.

I am constantly tired throughout the day and it's making me very depressed.

Edited to add: I can't nap, either. No matter how hard I try. I can be dead tired so bad I can't stay standing and I lay down and just can't fall asleep. I constantly feel like I need a nap, but it's incredibly rare that I can actually take one.

You sound EXACTLY like I was! If you told that verbatim to my sleep doc, he'd say you had Delayed Phase Sleep Disorder. I have it bad, no question. Look it up and see if it fits, I'll bet it does.

Yup, that sounds about right. Were you able to find any treatment that helped? Also, is it possible that the sleep disorder is related to dysautonomia, or are they likely to be separate issues?

[hollie]

I also am ALWAYS tired. I try to get to sleep at 10-11 (can't do earlier - no matter how tired I am). It seems the the more tired I actually am, the harder it is to fall asleep! I get up about 7:30 to get the kids off to school, but it takes about a half hour to get out of bed. I've been having problems waking in the middle of the night and taking 1-2 hours to fall back asleep.

Now this is where I differ from most POTSies... Once I'm out of bed, I'm ok. I actually am most alert and productive right away in the morning. ??? I take my morning meds right away. Once I take a shower though... forget it! Then I'm worthless for at least an hour. I crash again if I'm late even a half hour on my meds at 2:30. By about 6-7, I'm toast!!!

[firewatcher]

MY personal belief is that they are related. It is an hypothalamic issue and the hypothalamus controls the ANS. Since I've always had H-POTS and DSPS, and BOTH are genetic, I think there is a correlation. With mine, there was no fix, just management. You can have transient/induced DSPS like jet lag and sometimes you can reset the circadian clock with bright light therapy and timed melatonin.

You might be able to reset yours, but mine was not shiftable. I simply (not simple at all) get up at the same time EVERY day no matter how tired I am. I call it balancing on the fulcrum of perpetual weariness. If I get enough sleep, I am too awake at night to sleep. Mornings are so hard. My heartrate is typically in the 120s just standing waiting for my coffee. To go from a HR in the 40's to 120 within 15 seconds is PAINFUL! Beta blockers have helped tremendously combined with supplemental melatonin, and I get to sleep better than I ever have; but it has done nothing to reset my internal clock. The juices just aren't flowing in that direction that early in the morning.

POTS shows a circadian variation and I have experimented with mine since my diagnosis. IF I follow my body's natural rhythm, my POTS is not bad at all, but by forcing myself to adhere to the rest of the world's timing, I just make it worse. Until the kids leave home, I have to "manage" this. Then I'll go nocturnal again. My eldest son has the same thing, just as bad as I do. (he's 10) High School will be miserable for him.

[MelissaCrystal]

It's funny that this topic came up because I'm in a health class right now at community college (I have to stay in school so that I don't have to pay back my 80k school debt), and one of my assignments is to write a health journal of my daily activities. I'll post my first entries in case you were curious! This week has been a bad week =p

Feb 11 2009:

I got up at 1pm today to sleep through my morning nausea, and I ate oatmeal with water (lactose intolerant) for breakfast. It kind of hurt my stomach, but not that bad...oats are sometimes hard to digest. I started taking Fludrocortisone today under my Stanford doctor's advisement. It made me feel a little nauseous, like my doctor had warned, but I had to get ready for work so I ignored it and decided to just push myself. I took a little too long in the shower because I wasn't feeling well (tried to take a bath to relax and ended up losing track of time), so I ended up being in a rush and working up a sweat. It really messed up my makeup, so I ended up trying to fix it on BART. I got into work at 4:10pm, only 10 minutes late which is usual for me, complained about not looking my best to my female boss---she just laughed at me and said I look fine---and we prepared for a busy day leading up to Valentines (I work at a chocolate shop in Gourmet Ghetto, Berkeley). I forgot that I had taken the stairs, so my legs were very weak...I must've stretched something too far which is bad for my Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. I reminded myself to take it easy, but it ended up being a very busy day so that reminder went to the back of my mind. At 9pm I got off work STARVING and phoned my boyfriend that I'm going to throw up unless he makes a steak dinner. He's used to this...I was nice about it and as grateful as possible, but the bus ride home made me feel even worse. I ended up getting sick before dinner, but after I ate steak and mashed potatoes I felt SO much better. I was really low on energy and really sore from the day's work, but I put on some comfty clothes, laid in bed to relax, and fell asleep at 12pm extremely tired and happy about being worn out (usually I have trouble sleeping). I learned not to skip any meals and reminded myself to ask my boss for a break next time I need it.

Feb 12 2009:

I got up at 12pm, my hip was in a little bit of pain from the day before. I didn't have anything to eat in the house, so I decided to get ready for class, ended up taking too long in the bath again, and ran a little late getting some sweet potato fries from Amanda's healthy food restaurant on Shattuck before class. My teacher ended up being late though, so when the class opened up, I was able to relax a bit before taking a test. There was no lab today, so I was glad I got some extra sleep, and all I had to worry about was passing this Biology test. My bladder was bugging me today because I drank water before class, but we weren't allowed to leave the room during a test and I didn't want to be the exception. I kind of rushed through the test, but I felt I knew the material so I was hoping I'd still do well. I had to use someone else's #2 pencil because I forgot to bring my own, and I ended up having the wrong type of scantron test....I felt sort of like a giant mistake. The teacher said she'd transfer my answers to the right kind though so I felt better. At 3:15pm I got out of class, went to Amanda's healthy restaurant again and ate a healthy cheeseburger, unfortunately they forgot to put avocados on it even though they charged me for them, but I didn't want to get up again...my hip was already sore from rushing this morning. I leisured my way home on BART and spent the rest of the day relaxing. I remembered I forgot to take my pills this morning so I took them at 5pm. Little did I know that I totally forgot I had a therapy appointment at 6:30pm, and ended up being charged $70 for missing it. I must've been experiencing mental fatigue, or brain fog, typically associated with Dysautonomia during times of stress. Even though I took it easy the rest of the day, I crashed in the evening time because my boyfriend brought home a ham-brockeley pizza from Mr. Pizzaman. I reluctantly ate it, and ended up having horrible stomach pains the rest of the night. I slept really restlessly and had horrible nausea all night. I learned that it's IMPERATIVE to eat healthy, because I can't handle any more stress right now on my nervous system. I was so mad at myself for eating that pizza.

Feb 13 2009:

I got up at 9am this morning because I had to open at work, and had EXTREME nausea. There was no way I could call in sick though, because it was the day before V-day at a chocolate shop. I could not take a shower for the life of me, because of veinous blood pooling in response to warm water and steam, so I ended up taking an hour in there. I didn't have enough time to eat, so I gathered my pills in a baggy and threw them in my purse. I rushed to work, and was 10 minutes late again for a 11pm opening, but I saw that my two bosses were already there, with the store already opened. I was relieved to see smiles on their faces at my arrival---no one was stressed, good, didn't need any more pressure. I got to work on preparing the chocolate in gift wrapping for all the people who were supposed to come in, but I quickly became fatigued and even more nauseous working on an empty stomach. I remembered that I promised myself to be honest with my boss about not feeling well, and asked if I could eat. She said, "of course!!! Sit down and relax, eat...don't overwork yourself." She knows about my condition but I don't want it interfering with work. I ate something called Flautas which are mexican fried flour wrapped around carnitas. Kind of like higher quality taquitos. It doesn't always make me feel perfect, but it gave me energy and cured my nausea wonderfully. I ended up being able to work the whole day without incident, though I had a bad headache behind my right eye which was really getting to me. I got off at 4pm, went home and did some homework for my online class. The computer makes me SUPER nauseous, so I reminded myself to take breaks. My reminder didn't help me at all...after my first paragraph I had a strong wave of nausea and decided to go take a nap. I woke up at 8pm and went to watch some TV to relax....I get groggy and nauseous after naps. I was pretty miserable due to the nap and I started stressing out because I remembered that I had to get up at 6am the next morning to go to Napa for my job and sell chocolate at a winery. I called my boyfriend, wondering where he was, and he was out drinking with coworkers. I told him to rush home because I was in bad shape, and needed to eat something healthy, and he said he'd be home at 9. My brother offerred to take us all to Denny's, and my boyfriend ended up being late...I was really stressed out, fearing I wouldn't get enough sleep. We ate breakfast food, I had eggs, becon, and pancakes which made me feel pretty good because my picky stomach feels best on a high protein diet. I went to bed at 11pm, ended up having trouble sleeping, and was extremely stressed out. Lesson of the day, again, was to eat better. I told my boyfriend that it's really important he goes out and buys groceries sometime, since I don't drive and can't do it myself. My whole body and mind was stressed out due to my bad diet so I made it a goal to make food a priority.

Feb 14 2009:

I got up at 6am, feeling dangerously horrible, ended up struggling tremendously to dress myself and shower, and didn't have enough time to eat before my boss picked me up at 8am to drive to Napa. I got car sick on the way but didn't let my boss notice my discomfort, and luckily we stopped for breakfast burridos filled with eggs and bacon. I drank plenty of water and started to feel better again. We got the stuff out of the car and carried it into the winery at Domaine Carneros in Napa and set up our chocolate table. It was my duty to go around giving samples of our product to the winery club members, and quickly I became fatigued. There was no place to sit, and my body was screaming. On top of that, I had to go up and down stairs which became harder and harder each time. Eventually I could no longer hold the dish that the chocolates were on because my hand was shaking uncontrollably due to muscle fatigue and low blood pressure. I showed my boss, and he did dish-duty for a while. My hand shook for the rest of the day. It felt like the event lasted forever but finally we left at 1pm, I got majorly carsick again, and we arrived in Berkeley a little after 2pm. I told my other boss that I felt nauseous and think I should call it a day, and she sent me home. I collapsed in bed, my boyfriend ordered lots of food from delivery which included garlic pasta, fried calamari, and a hamburger to give me choices----the hamburger was like rubber, but I ate some of the garlic pasta and calamari. The fried calamari made me feel HORRIBLE because it was fried. I ended up being sick in the bathroom, so I spent the rest of the day in bed. I slept, woke up again at 9pm, felt HORRIBLE once again and ate some garlic pasta in desperation, got sick again, and fell asleep to my boyfriend feeling sorry for me and massaging my sore muscles. I was just glad Valentines day was over, and was very grateful that my boyfriend was there to take care of me.....even though he wasn't helping me eat healthy. We talked about my health while he massaged me, before I fell asleep. We agreed to work harder on making me feel better so that I won't lose my job or end up in a wheel chair. This included a healthy diet, and budgeting getting physical therapy and professional massage therapy for times like these. My body felt like it was falling apart...I definitely overdid it this week and haven't felt this bad in a long time. I was really scared. I woke up needing to go to the bathroom, and tried getting out of bed but my leg wasn't working---the muscle was too stretched out. I was really scared.... I struggled to the bathroom, and went back to bed hoping it would support my weight in the morning.

Feb 15 2009:

I got up at 9am because I had to open the chocolate store this morning at 11, but as soon as I got out of bed, I almost fell over. My leg wasn't working still. I called my boss, told her the news, and was so happy about her being okay with it. We had such a good conversation. I felt really lucky to have such an accommodating job. I went back to sleep and woke up again at 4pm. My stomach was in emergency mode, as usual, so my boyfriend went and made me a WONDERFUL breakfast of eggs, hashbrowns, and ham. I felt excellent afterwards despite my leg not working. I was SO happy to have a day to relax and have a break. I went on my computer, and was surprised by my stamina---I didn't get nauseous for hours on end. I played games, got some work done, participated in my online class, sent some e-mails out. I got a lot done, and felt really good about myself. My boyfriend and I watched the latest episode of Battlestar Galactica while eating a steak and mashed potatoes dinner, and it was a great end to a great day. I went to bed at 12pm feeling sore but happy. I learned that eating healthy and relaxing makes life SO enjoyable and vowed that I will never deviate from this lifestyle again.

Feb 16 2009:

I got up at 1pm, feeling good overall, just really sore body-wise. I ate eggs, hashbrowns, and ham that my boyfriend made me again because he had the day off. Wonderful start. My pills made me a little nauseous, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. I got to work at 4pm, and my boss had a chair brought in for me to sit on while I worked---I felt so grateful. I sat in that chair all day and got some work done on the computer. It was dead slow...almost no business in the chocolate store. I was hungry so I made the mistake of eating some chocolate. 9pm came around and I got VIOLENTLY sick in the bathroom. I couldn't believe it.... I was so sick I fantasized about calling my boyfriend so I could be driven home...but I didn't want to make him go through any more trouble with me. I called him once again and told him I was in trouble, stomach-wise, and to make a steak dinner. I was 30 minutes late on closing and made some mistakes with the store and the register. I didn't care... I rushed home, was badly carsick, and got sick again in the bathroom at home. My boyfriend had my steak and mashed potatoes dinner ready for me when I got home. I was kind of sick of having the same kind of dinner, but it was all that we had, and it's the only thing he knows how to make. It made me feel a little better when it comes to hunger pain, but I had bad tachycardia, my body was insanely sore and not working properly, and I was still nauseous. I called my mom because I was upset with my body, and she talked some encouragement into me. We discussed going for full disability and decided that might make me miserable because I wouldn't be allowed to work, which gets me out of the house. I've been bedridden before and I don't want to go back to that home-body lifestyle. I put disability on the shelf for now, and we decided to just focus on feeling better and relaxing. After I got off the phone with her, I realized I hurt the tendons in my arm from holding the phone up to my ear, and got even more upset with myself. My arm hurt for the rest of the night, my leg wasn't working again, my back was tensed up from getting sick and I went to bed feeling depressed and miserable with myself. While I was falling asleep trying to ignore all the horrible chest pains and low blood pressure symptoms, I thought about my day and learned how deviating from my lifestyle only a tiny bit---eating that chocolate----ruined my whole day, and could impact my week probably....I need to stay on course no matter what. My life depends on it.

Feb 17 2009:

I woke up at 10:45pm to get ready for my in-person class in Berkeley, but got out of bed and almost threw up. I got in the bath to try to calm my nausea and joints down but ended up feeling worse and worse. My body did not like me today because of what I put it through this past week. I was so regretful and upset that I called my mom again. She told me I needed to skip class today because I'm just going to do more damage to myself. I decided that was the only solution. ..... in progress!

[stillkickin]

I cannot even fathom sleep until at least 11:30, and I usually don't go to sleep until 12-2 in the morning. I would love to sleep in until 2:00, but my parents get me up between 10:00 and 11:00.