Jackie

No implants her either but I'm not surprised that it might be a trigger since immune system seems to play a role in this stuff too much of the time with viruses and allergies, etc. I think it makes sense that your body had some kind of autoimmune response to the implants that set off your body. Keep us posted.

Denabob - you mention a white patch on your scan....was it described as a plaque? My sister has MS and not to scare you but this is what they look for...i.e. plaques on the brain. Just curious.

Julie: I'm wondering if you are the person I wrote to about the support group at St. Luke's? I wrote you back by the way and haven't heard from ya' so when I saw your post I thought it might be you. If so Hi! About Dr. Roberts, back when I saw him I think it was in 1999 when I had the instability problems with tachycardia, etc. due to steroids, he was the only physician who acknowledged that something certainly was going on. I felt relieved and blessed to have found him. He did a cortisol challenge test (and I can't remember if anything else). Since my episode started with an allergic reaction to antibiotics requiring steroids he thought maybe an overgrowth of yeast may be playing a part since I had ongoing diarrhea at that time too. Well, the long and short is he gave me Diflucan and these extra-strength vitamins they sell in his office and I was to follow up. I had to reschedule my appointment a few times because of my new job (I had to switch jobs because I had missed so much work at my prior job at St. Charles with this episode and also I wanted to be first shift again). So, anyway, each time they would kindly reschedule my appointment and then I think the third time (?) they simply said no you cannot reschedule because you have rescheduled too many times already and he will not see you as a patient anymore. No explanation other than that and no warning that if I had to reschedule beforehand at any time that he would stop seeing me as a patient. I was very hurt and scared. I never did get my test results or anything. I wrote him a letter but never mailed it. I wrote it off to over-aggressive office staff never fully believing that a doctor would do that to somebody who was sick and in need (that we are ill and struggling to hold down jobs so as not to become homeless, etc.) but I felt better and balanced out for the most part eventually so I just went on with my life. Well, flash forward to last summer (2003) when I had the same problems start though much worse (tachycardia, sweating, diarrhea, weight loss, etc.) I asked my PCP to send me to Dr. Roberts. I made the appointment, waited a month to see him, and arrived at his office. I started telling him about my last episode from steroids and how this episode started and the whole story. I have since married since that appointment back in 1999 and when he found out my maiden name and that I had been dismissed as a patient for rescheduling my appointment he was very rude and said "so you shouldn't be here right now"...."what do you want me to do for you". I was in tears. It was horrible. He positively promptly dismissed me. He did however rudely shove a name scribbled down on a piece of paper at me as I left his office in shock and said maybe this doctor could help me as he deals with mercery toxicity, etc. I will have to search for the name and post it for you since you live in my area. Maybe this doctor (who I believe is just a DO) could work you up for this stuff. My overall opinion of Dr. Roberts is this....he seemed genuinely kind when I first saw him and I counted him a blessing that he seemed to understand something was wrong. However, evidently his ego is much larger than his heart and I would not recommend him to any patient. Beware of rescheduling an appointment if you do, because they will kindly do it a couple times and then BAM you are dismissed never to be seen by him again without any warning that you are doing anything wrong. If somebody had told me that rescheduling my appointment would cause him to dismiss me as a patient, I would have pleaded with my employer to work it out (I didn't have a set schedule and it was a very confusing demanding place which I ended up leaving eventually because of the disorganization of my schedule). I have never in my life been treated so coldly by any physician and having seen some bad ones...he takes the cake. Last I knew though, he did do chelation treatments because my brother-in-law used to see him for those treatments due to some kind of supposed metal toxicity determined by Dr. Roberts (expensive and not covered by insurance at that time) which is how I was referred to him in the first place. My brother-in-law suffers from atrial fibrillation. By the way, the chelation treatments didn't work anyway. I'm not sure Dr. Roberts has a very respected reputation among other cardiologists either because his approaches are seemingly more nontraditional (I've seen some snicker at the mention of his name) but I suppose his nontraditional approach could ultimately be beneficial I suppose as people with our disorders need to try the whole spectrum of approaches and that was why I wanted to see him in the first place myself. Perhaps you will have a good experience. I warn you now though...don't dare reschedule an appointment. To finish my story of my long-awaited and ill-fated appointment last summer though, I refused at the desk in tears to pay the office visit co-pay asking them how could they charge for an office visit when he simply walked in and asked what was wrong and when I launched into my story and he found out I was dismissed before for rescheduling my appointment that was that and I was ushered to the front desk. It was a NON-VISIT! They are still billing me and eventually I will pay it but it still hurts when I think about it. I wish him no ill tidings but I hope someday he can suffer an hour of understanding of what it felt like to be treated that way at a time of suffering and need. I saw him at the time as my only hope and left feeling not only hopeless but ridiculed and ashamed as if I had run him over with my car before or something. I honestly thought it was a mistake that the receptionist treated me that way before and that he would certainly understand, but he did not and did not want to suffer my explanation either. Thankfully I found Dr. Grubb and probably ended up better off after all. As for Dr. Roberts, in my opinion, his ego is much greater than his desire to treat patients and he is completely lacking in compassion, empathy, and character. If I find the name he gave me, I'll post it (of the DO he recommended that deals with metal toxicity). This is my honest and true experience with him...take it for what it is worth to you. I hope your experience goes much better.

I love you guys so much...you make me laugh and that is rare and a very good thing! (swimming for 5 minute to get the stockings on, etc. I bet they are hard to get on...I just get a visual of me trying and I fall over laughing. I'd probably have to take a nap afterwards! The discussion about the thigh highs reminded me of a very funny story (at least to me!). When I was younger in my 20s and not overweight or anything I bought a regular pair of panthose that were thigh high. They were the new thing and I wanted to try them. Well, you see them on the models and they look well so nice. Yea right. I was in the elevator at work and one was loosing its grip and I had to reach under my skirt and pull it back up and in doing so I fully realized actually how grotesque (sp?) they looked on my legs. My legs were not that fat, but my thighs have always been fuller and boy what a sight that was to see....nothing like what they look like on the legs of the models....Like a water balloon with a band wrapped around the middle! Needless to say it was the last time and only time I wore them (mostly for fear I would have an accident and somebody would actually see them...you know how your mother tells you wear clean underwear always beause you never know?) I'm almost peeing my pants laughing remembering this. I have heard of Jobst stockings and actually worked as temp at their offices in Toledo, Ohio when I was young'n. I don't think they are there anymore. I will check out internet links provided, etc. I will research and definitely investigate the support hose. Thanks for all who posted with information on types and where to get them! About the water, I know I will never be able to do 300 ounces...I think I'd do well to shoot for the upper 50s or low 60s. I can barely tolerate water...in fact I live on soda which is very very unhealthy I'm sure (dental wise and otherwise) but now I'm wondering if it has been a good thing because of the sodium content in soda (I haven't done caffeine in about 10 years so I doubt I could handle that). Sometimes I've found in my life that I've craved things later to realize my body probably needed it....like right before I got totally sick and was just having subtle symptoms I craved salty pretzels all day long. The thing that scares me about radically increasing salt intake is what effect it will have on other electrolytes...when I was sick last summer my potassium kept going low. Does sodium push out potassium? I hated taking potassium supplements...they made me sick. Sorry so long but so funny and thanks all for replying! (To TeaRose...I like the sound of those cotton ones (Juzo). Also, I don't know if bats really get dizzy (doubt it)...I don't know where I got that expression from but I say it all the time! Must be a southern thing I picked up from my parents!

I posted asking for prayers that I will get to see this new doctor I found who is a specialist in POTS/NCS but deals primarily with adolescents....occasionally she takes on adults over the age of 25 (I'm 36) and I got the call today that she will see me in April! I am very happy. Even though I have the diagnosis and have Dr. Grubb I feel like I need somebody more involved and I hear this physician is very thorough so between these 2 I will have the best team (and only ones evidently!) in town! Now I just have to get it approved through the insurance. I am just so happy and wanted to announce my good news...it gives me more hope! By the way, the person in their office I spoke with today said I need to be drinking 300 ounces of fluid a day! I've never heard of that...my goodness I'm lucky if I take in 40 ounces a day. No wonder I feel so bad. Has anybody else had this high of an estimate of fluid intake recommended? Don't know how I'll do it...will have to work my way up. She said it should be about 20 ounces an hour for 16 hours. Is this humanly possible? Also, these support hose people talk about...are these more than panty hose? Just wondering what people wear and where to find good ones (I'm in Ohio but I do the internet shopping thing too). Have people honestly found that they help? I think I would be more interested in maybe knee-highs at this point to try because full length would be so hot I would think. Hey, I'm open to trying it especially something so simple that could help. Still dizzy as a bat today but the good news really has lifted my spirits!

I have also read about omega-3s and flaxseed oil, etc. I have wondered myself if it would be helpful but also afraid to try things. As a medical transcriptionist I visit a website for networking with other MTs and they have a health board and many who have taken flaxseed oil, etc. said they noticed a great improvement. I'll be interested in hearing from others too if they have tried them or noticed anything helpful with it. To the original poster (sorry forgot your name) if you try it, keep us updated! I'll be following the post to see and will also add it to my list of things to ask the doctor about. Good idea!

Scamelo - I did when I was in the hospital last summer. I can't remember my numbers but I know this...the calcium went below normal at one point because of my albumin being low or something like that...evidently it needs the other to bind...my ionized calcium (free floating) was higher I think (but again it didn't have anything to bind to)...the was the last calcium blood work I had done. I would look into hyperparathyroidism. When I was suspecting that for myself I did some reading and I thought there was something about high calcium levels. I could be wrong and have it mixed up (low vs high...but I think it was high) so maybe you should do an internet search and possibly have your doctor evaluate you for this (hyperparathyroidism).

Interesting point about mercury. When I had my first full blown episode of heart racing and sweating, etc. for about 6 weeks a couple years ago after taking 1 dose of steroids for an allergic reaction, I managed to make my way to a cardiologist in my area named Dr. Roberts (in Toledo, Ohio) who is a cardiologist but also takes kind of a nontraditional approach and utilizes therapies most regular cardiologists do not (for example, some procedure that cleans the blood...for the life of me I can't think of the name right now). In any event, he did suggest mercury toxicity. I never did get to follow that lead up so thanks for bringing that back to my mind. This might be significant because I have many many dental fillings and even think I swallowed part, most, or all of one that came out of a bad tooth one time before I realized anything was wrong with my tooth and went to the dentist. Maybe this is part of the puzzle? This was in my late 20s around the time I started experiencing intermittent very short spells of dizziness that I attributed to sinuses. Also, I can remember the days of the mercury thermometers before everything went digital and like kids do, I can remember at least one occasion where the thermometer was dropped and broken and my sister and I played with the mercury on the tile kitchen floor....I don't recall if we touched it actually or just used something to push it around since it balls up and rolls, etc. but think of how dangerous that could have been to play with? I think I read somewhere there are fumes that come off of it and they are toxic too. I don't know as people knew the hazards of mercury back then (i.e. my parents) or maybe they just never knew it had happened I'm sure (as we cleaned it up...it sure was hard to clean up though). Incidentally, this sister has MS now. Somebody said something about Nancy Drew...that's what I feel like we need to be....detectives! Thank God we have each other to share with. I'm learning so much and it is all helpful.

To Denabob, no I've never had a brain scan of any kind but would like to. I located another doctor recently where I live who deals primarily with children who have dysautonomia but I found out from my sister who used to work with her and also their office today that she does take adult patients occasionally and works with them on the side. Their office sounds wonderful and very involved and knowledgeable. They have you see a social worker (?) but also a nutritionist and this doctor specializes in these disorders and has helped so many people. My sister said she is very thorough. I think she is just what I've been praying for....a person to take an integrative approach and look at all my symptoms. I have yet to hear back from their office but I ask for people to pray for me that this comes through because I feel it will be so beneficial. She works so closely with her patients I understand and is very involved and accessible. She would be my regular MD and I would still have Dr. Grubb as my specialist (this doctor used to work at MCO too) so it would make a great team. The calcium issue is so interesting to me. I just feel so much like my problems are metabolic but nothing significant ever showed up in my blood work for thyroid or female hormones (estrogen only though)...they ruled out diabetes insipidus but the symptoms I suffered from calcium were so much like you hear about diabetes. It was a real fluke thing to go through and set me out of balance. I realize our bodies are so complex and there is so much we do not know but I look forward to getting on track with some real effort and physician attention. Thanks Michelle for the article you posted. Realizing others have some kind of calcium connection confirms in my mind what I knew to be real at the time I first had this episode. If there is a calcium issue connection with POTS and me (at least this episode), that would be enlightening but I also realize it is so complex and convoluted that there may not be an answer to it still though anyway. Still knowledge builds upon itself and someday who knows? Also, Geneva you sound a lot like me. IBS, lactose intolerance, osteoporosis, calcium intolerance (although different symptoms).....we have so much in common! Hey are you fair complected and in Ohio? Wouldn't doubt that either given the "Ohio connection"! How old are you if I may ask?

What an absolute blessing! I am very happy for you!

Okay....the link didn't work so here I will just post it...you will have to copy and paste it in the browser to get to it... http://www.mdc-berlin.de/englisch/research...ular/jordan.htm

Article about calcium I found this interesting article. Of course, I need a degree to figure out what it means, but it seems to indicate a genetic issue and a calcium connection. I was lead to look for articles like this after reading that Gulf War Syndrome involves a component of calcium channel something or other I can't remember the name of. I know it is a stretch, but maybe I wasn't crazy after all that calcium supplements caused my recent imbalance problems and threw my body out of whack. I mean I'm not crazy in knowing what happened to my body, but that doctors couldn't explain it and said it was coincidental when I knew otherwise made me feel crazy. There is so much that is unknown and I just wonder if this has some correlation.

High EBV positive titer here also but never diagnosed with mono. I work currently as a medical transcriptionist from home which is really a blessing but honestly I can only type a couple hours a day since I got sick last summer...that and clean my house and take care of my pets and run errands on days I have to....it does affect how I think about myself so I have been avidly reading the Bible and a lot of Christian books to lift my spirits and help my spirit adjust to the changes in this physical shell that is seemingly falling apart.

Also, think about this. Those numbers are the people who registered here. What about all the people who have these problems and haven't found us? I can count up to 9 people in my family with symptoms some diagnosed and treated and some with symptoms but not causing enough problems to go further with diagnosis yet (mostly passing out and they are younger....wonder what will happen when they get older?). The numbers are much higher than we even know (and of the 9 that doesn't include 3 others - 1 with MS and 1 with fibromyalgia and 1 with chronic fatigue...similar problems there...different diagnoses.)

I have another question with regard to diagnoses. Say, for people who later found it was Chiari malformation or Ehlers Danlos syndrome, etc., how were you screened for that? That is my point anyway....I want to find a doctor who will rule out known causes so at least we will know that much (i.e. so I don't find out later it was the car accident and blow to the head that did it...couldn't they do a brain and spinal cord MRI or something?) Do any of you see doctors who have run tests this in depth looking for a cause? (or was everybody diagnosed by tilt table only and later stumbled upon other underlying cause?)

Oh my, believe me....I've never had patience with understanding and that has been my biggest problem with this. If I can understand something, if it makes sense, then I can deal with it because my brain accepts it or something....but things that don't make sense and that nobody knows what to do about...hmmm, that is a different thing and what causes the "worries" for me I think. Interesting about the light-complection, light eyes/hair thing huh? Everybody in my family who suffers from autonomic problems is for the most part (except nephew and sister and her son with brown hair and red hair respectively, but hey those old recessive genes from my mother's side of the family are hiding in there somewhere...all blonds, all light eyes and hair on her side where it appears it comes from because nobody in my father's side has it!)

Ethansmom - I feel for you because even though I was just diagnosed last year, it was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life (and still a continuing struggle to find help). During the very worst part of it, my husband, as wonderful as he is, was as supportive as he could be in some ways, but in other ways I felt totally deserted by him and I still have some hurt over that even though I forgive him because I realize how could he understand when I don't. Sometimes he is still kinda' short with me in his responses and doesn't seem to understand why I don't feel like taking off here and there and doing this and that all the while claiming to understand....its a fine line sometimes. I totally understand your frustration and you are doing a remarkable job at doing what you can....I have trouble getting the fluids in and the food too...I'm just not thirsty enough I guess...I really need to force fluids so it sounds like you are doing a lot to help yourself. I hope your boyfriend can become more understanding and helpful to you in taking care of that baby and other things until you get back on your feet if your mother cannot stay. I will pray for you This board has become my life line since I discovered it 2 days ago. It helps so much to talk to people who understand. First thing is I would stop being so hard on yourself and worrying about accomplishing everything...take it one day at a time...that is my new motto (although sometimes admittedly it seems like the Groundhog Day movie..the same day over and over again ) Here is an inspirational little quote that helps me to be patient through this ordeal: ?Lead Kindly Light? Lead kindly light, Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see the distant scene; One step enough for me.

Dawn, thank you for your words of encouragement. It is funny that you mentioned manic depressive because when I first saw the psych guy he mentioned they would watch me for that. I thought grreeaaatttt....what's next a sanitarium! Luckily he hasn't brought that up in a while, but then again, I get like 5 minutes with him, and he says how are you, okay, here is your rx. see you in 2 months. Any questions are responded to by...it is all anxiety. I definitely need a new team of professionals. This guy was assigned to me at the hospital and I did not get to pick him and he was supposed to work with my physicians on my care. Well, it has been 4 months and finally on my third visit with him I was coherent enough from my atenolol/Xanax induced fog to ask him if he ever did speak with my doctors such as Dr. Grubb and he said "no...it is anxiety...it runs in your family and you have it"...and that as they say is that I suppose. I wish I lived where you did so I could go to your counselor! I definitely need a new team of doctors at this point. Lastly, can I ask you, did you have any trouble starting Florinef? I am so afraid of side effects now I hate the thought of trying anything new....but then I realize I have to step out in faith and overcome the fear in order to get better by trying things to see what will work. Also, what BC pill are you on? I tried one that was too high in progesterone (made me lethargic...it was multiphasic) and then I tried a low-dose pill which seemed to make the anxiety a little worse and now I am just bottomed out after stopping them after 3 months (2 months phasic pill, 1 month low-dose). I think staying on them without a break would be great because my periods were so much worse than ever during that 7-day break (the anxiety, sweats, etc.) By the way, I am 36 and a smoker which I really need to stop in case this has something to do with POTS too. Just wondered your age and if you have to take aspirin to take the BC pill continuously. When I tried to take aspirin, after just a couple days I started brusing easily. Geez...I just can't win...I feel like such a whiner!

Thanks for your suggestion and it is true I can try to get the calcium I need from other foods. I don't get the calcium connection myself believe me. At first I feared it was hyperparathyroidism or something and my family doctor thought my symptoms lined up entirely with hyperthyroidism (diarrhea, sweats, tachycardia, rapid weight loss, etc.) but I went to an endo guy and even though by the time I got to him my TSH had trended down from 1+ something to 0.08 (with 0.50 on most scales being the defining number...i.e. lowest normal...anything below to my understanding is hyperthyroid) but he insisted my symptoms were not related. Well, I felt maybe the numbers are normal range but maybe not for my body. I think sometimes people suffer symptoms of hyper and hypothyroidism even in the high and low normal ranges, but who am I....certainly not a doctor and not God either (and not both as some doctors seem to think haha)..... I am following your line of thinking though with the electrolyte question....it makes sense to me whether it is medically proven or not...calcium is an electrolyte and I spun out with electrolyte imbalance after taking it. (Note though even though my numbers didn't go that low (i.e. potassium only high normal 5.1 and then 3 days later in low 3 range...never dropped into 2 range where doctors claim you become symptomatic)...I was very symptomatic and one doctor said...hmmm, you must have a very sensitive nervous system....hmmm...do you think?! I hope more people post. I am so curious about the people who cannot take calcium either.

Yikes Klutzo, I didn't know that. I never really read anything about it and just figured "virtual" was really non-invasive, etc. I guess I don't want that one either! For me....I'll be colonoscopy free! (just poking fun). But seriously, if you need to have it done, you should...if you can make it through the prep, I doubt the actual procedure will really be a problem...I probably just had a quack of a doctor or else my system was so out of whack that the anesthetic just wasn't enough to knock me out. Try seeing if your doc can get you admitted for the procedure like I was since you had the electrolyte problems so they can balance those out while you do the prep. Good luck and keep us up to date on what happens.

Well anybody I have heard of who has had a colonoscopy, they said the prep was the worst and the test was a breeze....they didn't remember a thing. For me, I had to be hospitalized for mine because I already had low potassium and magnesium so they put me in overnight to replace electrolytes while I did the prep. The prep was not that bad. The test was horrible. I was aware of what they were doing when they started the test and told them I could feel it and for the remainder of the test I would go in and out at times completely aware of the intense pain and begging them to stop it hurt so bad. They would say, hold on, he is going around a curve it will be over in a minute. It was horrendous. At 1 point I heard the doctor say to give me more of something and I was less aware then except to hear the nurse ask me if anybody ever told me I had a problem with "flushing" as evidently I was pretty red. Needless to say, by the time the test was over, I was completely sedated. Too bad they couldn't have started me out that way. I firmly say I will never have a colonoscopy ever again. Besides, they say there is "virtual colonoscopy" that is just as good so that is what I would choose. Then again, if it is necessary people should have it done for the potential life-saving benefits as usually this doesn't happen to people (i.e. feeling it) from anybody I know who has had one. For me, I figure if my bowel is that clean at 36 I'm good for another 36 and will opt out!

I am the first and only person I know and evidently the only person my doctors and every doctor in the hospitals in my area including endocrinologists, etc. have ever heard of that could not tolerate calcium and collectively they had absolutely no idea why I would have any problem with it. Specifically, for me, it was nausea, thirst and urination and I mean extremely noticeable and worse the higher the dose I took. I ended up having hot flashes and nausea that persisted for weeks afterwards from attempting to take some doses over a few week period of time 1 year and then last year it threw my whole system out of whack (the thirst and urination caused electrolyte imbalances and then heart racing, palpitations, leading to morning sweats, hand/feet sweating, anxiety....like a total hormone blow-out or my system went completely out of balance). What I want to know is is there a connection between calcium and hormones somehow? Why would calcium cause an imbalance in a person's autonomic system? Can the people who posted who said they could not tolerate calcium either please elaborate on your symptoms...I am so shocked to hear I am not the only one who cannot take it. (problem is though I'm lactose intolerant and have irritable bowel so I have osteoporosis at 36). Thanks so much because this is the first I've heard of anybody else in the world besides me.

Maybe this is crazy, but I'm not ruling anything out at this point, but think of this...in Ohio, at least somewhat near where I live, we have Davis Bessie Nuclear Power Plant (this is about midway between where I live and Cedar Point (Sandusky, Ohio). Is there a radiation link? How many states with the most people who are diagnosed have nuclear power plants? (We have that and the poluted lakes though!) Also, we have a lot of oil refineries. Food for thought. My sister was diagnosed with MS and said there are certain areas of the county and world actually where there is a higher incidence of MS (like pockets) and I think Ohio is one for that too. I think that is strange.

This is a big question for me too, since it seems many things can cause POTS, wouldn't it seem to help in treatment if they could look for the things specifically they know that does cause it (like the catecholamine transport thing...how do they test for that?). I realize people develop symptoms sometimes without an apparent link to a virus, etc., but at least they could look at the known things and that should lead to a more definitive plan of treatment I would think than just "yes, you have it, and let's start trying this and that" I don't know if that makes sense or not. Anyway, an interesting note about genetics...it definitely runs in my family in varying forms as various relatives pass out (NCS)...evidently I have the other end of the spectrum (POTS). Kind of a funny thing to look back on now, but when I was first seen by Dr. Grubb, I was so ill and not to sound so dramatic but I felt like I was dying. I even asked him straight out, crying, and he said "I don't know". (At the time he was concerned about carcinoid syndrome because of my presentation with daily diarrhea, etc.) Anyway, I was like a rag doll lying on his table zoned out on Ativan and crying. He said "you look like somebody who has POTS" or something to that effect and I thought "what...somebody who is dying?!" and don't remember what I said and he responded "fair complected, light eyes, light-colored hair". So interestingly, I am curious to know how many people here are fair-complected, etc. He made it seem that it is somewhat more predominant in people that look this way (I am scott, irish, german).

Thank you everybody for posting responses. I have even received an e-mail with names of people in my area and have sent out at least 1 e-mail contact so we will see if she responds...hopefully! I could almost cry seriously right now as a let-down of emotions from all the stress of bearing this for the past almost 8 months now. I truly have been made to feel crazy at times and at times also like I said have almost started to believe it...okay I'm crazy then give me crazy pills...something! Anything! I don't know how you made it through the Lexapro adjustment (sorry I forgot your name and can't see it from here...kind person who posted). I also had increased salivation and the tremor in my spine in addition to just basically feeling like my whole body was going to explode or have a seizure or something. I truly felt like it was an exercise in mental torture and I only took 5 mg once. I commend you for enduring it until it paid off. I am afraid to take antidepressants, but here I am on benzos (Xanax) and equally afraid of it because of its addictive potential, yet it feels so different from the Ativan that I hardly believe I will become psychologically addicted (Ativan made me feel all different ways, sometimes almost drunk, sometimes hyper-alert, sometimes tired, sometimes wired)....Xanax has not been a mood elevator for me...it just keeps my body calmed down (that feeling that started with the Lexapro...like hyper-excitation or something of all the nerve endings...it calms that down). It seems like one minute I was going along in my life great and then little by little I noticed changes in my energy and abilities. Right before I got sick, I actually would bend over to pick something up while cleaning house and would hear the blood rushing in my ears and think geez am I that out of shape?! I had to clean the house in bursts....wash dishes...take a break...vacuum...take a break...I am only 36 years old and this is not normal. There is so much I could pour out here but I think I've set the record for length of yammering today in my postings so I will stop. I look forward to being a regular part of this forum and hope to learn much and most of all find strength and hope in all those who are holding fast, enduring, and even succeeding with treatment. I wanted to thank the last person who posted too, Tearose, I think. It was very uplifting and what really brought me on the verge of tears. I am so glad I found this website. I have so many questions for everybody...I will post more tomorrow and hope people do not get sick of me too quick!