All Too Much

[Guest tearose]

Maybe because it is a new year, maybe because I've been in the house a lot more...I seem to be having a rough time finding a balance.

I have been in a relapse since August. I continue to have bladder issues, I am feeling lightheaded alot, more funky heart rhythms going on.

I am so much more symptomatic and less able to do things. I take joy in simple things like I feel delighted when I can finally get washed and compressed and dressed and warmed before noon.

I was so proud of myself for making a pot of soup for new years.

I looked around at my "things" and don't think I have the energy anymore to ....decorate, sort, fold, put away, organize...I want to try to another layer of simplification. Does anyone else go through this? I feel unsure of letting go of clothing or a special dish that I am not using for hope that maybe someday I will want that fancy dress again or have company over again, and since I am unable to work, why get rid of that dress or dish because I don't have the funds to replace it.

My head is dizzy these days to begin with but I can't figure out why I can't let go of some things...maybe it is superficial or maybe it is a deeper thing I must deal with...I just can't figure myself out right now.

At least I found a way to keep warm and maybe this mental exercise will lead to an answer.

Any suggestions?

little lost tearose

[roxie]

I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM and it is torture, I am even in a relapse, since last March grrr.... I am having the exact same feelings. The only thing I can count on and hopefully you can find too, is that I have my mom who will help me with anything Do you have someone to help you.

The only other thing that works for me, is list making.

Hope this helps

madeline

[morgan617]

tearose, I am the same and I think it's that letting go of things feels like losing another part of myself...like my license.

That was a biggie, but even giving up the small things now, feels like big things. I'm not sure I have any big things to lose any more, so the smaller things seem more important. I'm not sure I'm making sense, but I do totally understand what you mean. I've been slip sliding for a year now...oh what a slippery slope it is...totallygetsitmorgan

[runningshoe]

When I don't feel well everything is overwhelming. Can you pick one tiny task to do a day? Can you make a "I will think about getting rid of this" pile but then just focus on the things you feel okay about doing, organizing, sorting etc. Some tasks are too emotional and I don't think you should force yourself to do them until it feels good. Last year when I was super sick and depressed lots of people suggested I work on my kid's photo albums. No way! I couldn't bear to look at their baby and toddler photos. I just couldn't handle the memories without getting totally nostalgic and then slidding into sadness. Keeping things simple is always a relief for me and getting rid of clutter usually boosts my spirit. Just take it slow!

Lina

[pat57]

It is easier to strengthen up when there is less to put away, less to dust and more storage space. I am older then most here. (50) So I've had more time collecting, but clearing things out feels great. It takes forever, but I very much enjoy it. Also - at my age, I don't need big meals - that helps too.

As far as kitchen items you don't use. I say get them out of the kitchen- then you can reach (get to) -easily- what you do use. One good dress is not going to be in the way. Keep it! Now if theres 30- -just keep a couple.

My motivation is that I am getting older, and I better do this stuff now!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest tearose]

madeline, sorry it has been since March for you! Thanks for the suggestions, I do use lists and can't imagine how I'd manage without several. I don't have family nearby but fortunately I suppose, I only have to take care of myself during the day...my kids are grown and also fortunately, my husband is working. I guess I will just keep taking smaller steps.

morgan...bingo on that too. Some part of me knows that all this stuff is just stuff however, it triggers such nice thoughts and memories and ideas. I am struggling with a new acceptance of where my limitations are in this moment and trying to not focus on what will be in the future yet letting go of those things that I may hope to use/do in the future. Sounds like you understand. In fact, I think that is why I cried when you lost your drivers license. Some have lost so much. I felt your loss and am cautiously concerned of mine. I use to laugh about dragging my pots bag everywhere and now it is weighing me down. The cane, the liquids, change of clothes, back up compression, heating garments, electrolytes, snacks..I need a tiny rv just to leave home now!

lina, yeah, it was not the time to do your photos. I do think the slow and steady is the best way, sometimes I need to be reminded that I can just scrap the whole project for another week and then try to start slow again. My emotional and spiritual side feels strong and seems to be tugging at my intellectual and physical side. I am trying to get rid of things but not get rid of the hope of better days, times, celebrations...see what I mean. I want to have "realistic hopes" and I am trying to define that in terms of what I surround myself with.

pat omg, 50? I will never admit my age. I am forever 37. You are so kind. Cooking is not a problem, I find it to me a creative outlet actually for me. I too have accumulated treasures over my years and am also trying to clear out. So ole wise one how did you figure out a formula for what is worth keeping and what to let go of?

Do you store any of you old stuff for family? How about that special dish or thing from your great great grandmother from the hinterlands? Would so love to hear how you do it!

Thank you for your input and support,

You gave me the motivation to visualize some new paths...

still feeling squishy, but a bit better, tearose

[pat57]

http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/ah_organizing_sto...TV_3142,00.html

all kinds of help there.

My boys have their own apts so I send lots of stuff their way. None of it favorites of mine, but it was easier to give it to them then to trash it! Number one son didn't want anything til I said- you can make a nice present for you brother and father (We'er divorced) (with pics and old cards) and so he agree to certain things. Son number 2 is poor and I said, you can make nice presents for your brother- sister and father. HA it worked! 15 lbs of cards and pics plus 15 photo albums. I mailed number 2 son's to him and so I can be pretty sure of the weight.

I also give to the charity's that accept used clothes and toys.

When a job is a bad one, I gather the stuff and dump in the living room, that way I either sort it or look at it. I have indeed looked at my pics - in the way- for about 7 years. And I did several times box it all up and hide it. But I did get it done FINALLY. I used ziplock bags to sort pics and cards into.

It's easier to part with- I could wear this's- by telling myself if I do need something then I'll buy it. Which has never happened. My sister needed a black full slip, which I looked for to give her til finally gave up and figured I must have forgoten that I got rid of it.

I do have a tendency to trash a room in my sorting fury. And it can take a long time to put it back together. The more you trip over something the more likely you are to be happy to get rid of it. And so in a strange way the eyesore helps. When I am unsure about something I store it in the basement. I am right now sorting that stored stuff and you can only walk in half the basement. Which I call a work in progress.

I make sure I have one clean room to retreat to- at least. And I know the job will get done so that helps. I also know I need to do it and it's worth doing so I press on at whatever pace I can.

everyday I admire my work with the pics. Yea it took me 7 years. I am down to 6 ablums plus 3 school years albums and one photo storage box. But I have vacation pics here, christmas here, school here, pets, early years, halloween, easter,birthdays, and one for each child. All accessible - most in the LR which I can enjoy regularly. Company does also.

The gift items, if I like em and want em I keep em. If not ,I get rid of them- no one has yet asked about a missing item, I do feel some angst over it and fear the giver asking questions!!!!!!! I will just have to face the music if it comes.

OKKKKKKKKK, bottom line, put up with the chaos and plug along.

[Guest tearose]

okay,pat I got it! Piles, chaos, sort, rid-of, push on, take a break, stash unknowns on one side of basement, donate, give away, any regrets may be purchased again. Thank you, thank you, thank you! If you don't see me here you know why...

[Maxine]

Good luck Tearose! This is one of my bad habits-------sorting, organizing, storing, and getting rid of things. My Son helps with it when I put my mind to getting some of it done.

I'm in a nasty POTS crash, and overwhelmed with other health issues, and couldn't even think about doing any of the above--

Be careful, and watch your body mechanics--------take your time.

My son helps both of us with big projects. Maybe someone can help you.

Maxine :0)

[DancingLight]

Tearose,

Wow, you really hit a button for me too! I can't believe how many of us feel this overwhelmed in the same way.

I will try my hardest to post on this topic later, but I'm totally wiped right now!!!!! And a big part of it is b/c I've been trying to find a way to gather up myself to get balanced again and figure out what to keep and what to pitch and just thinking about it all wears me out!

I've been talking it through a lot with friends and a caregiver and also feel the same emotions you do.

Letting go, yet keeping hope...it's all a very complicated mess!!!!!

So, I hope you'll check back at this post later in between your sorting!!!!

Emily

[Mrs. Burschman]

We moved recently (last May), and my way to figure out if something was worth keeping or not was to ask myself this: Do I like this well enough to want to go to all the hassle of moving it? If not, out it went. That same test would apply even if you don't plan on moving anytime soon. Most of us probably will move again at some point (yuck!)

Amy

[goldicedance]

I too find it difficult to rid my house of things that I don't use anymore.

Here are some tips:

* If you have career clothes that you no longer need or can use, find a program that provides career clothes to women who are looking for a job but do not have appropriate attire. (I, too, was depressed when I looked into my closet and saw a world of Talbotts and Chicos clothes that I would no longer need because I no longer was able to work.

* Donate items to a charity - that makes me feel good.

* Try selling some things on Ebay. If you can take a picture and write a description, you can probably sell the item on ebay. One person's discards are another person's treasures.

Selling items on Ebay provides one way of boosting your morale, particularly when you can no longer work outside the home. It provides you with a sense of "professional and personal" worth. If you get positive feedback, which is more than likely, your sense of worth and confidence will receive a big boost. Finally, you can earn some money...so that you can buy more things (just joking about that).

Selling on Ebay also allows you to do things in moderation, when you want to and when you feel up to it.

I started selling on Ebay when I got a digital camera and wanted to learn how to download and edit pictures.

I hope my ideas will help you climb a bit faster out of your funk.

[Guest tearose]

well maxine, it seems like this is a common theme. I do promise I am in no condition to do any physical sutff yet. I am just starting to make the plan of how to do it when the energy points are available. I think I like the pat57 "7-year-plan"

Hi Emily, yeah, for the deeper level of soul to be at peace, I think of all the implications of the "letting go". We know this is only the trimmings or stuff that decorates our lives. That our lives are so much more. But we have lost so much. I thought of keeping photos of special things and getting rid of the special thing. But I enjoy holding onto my Great Aunt Bernie's fancy shmancy italian whatever it is dish on a pedestal because I can run my hands over it and conjure up wonderful memories of her holding it in her hands. My hands are in the same place, on the same dish...it is a connection. I have not mastered the "gift" on discerning what to let go of and what to hold onto...yet. I vow to continue to wrestle with it though. Hey, the exercise will do me good! What are your current thoughts?

Amy...didn't you have some good things you may use someday that you kept? Were you able to let go of the things you "may use in the future" energy or time permitting?

yes lois, that is a hot button item for me!!! another bingo! If I let go of all those beautiful career outfits...am I letting go of the hope that I will ever have that career again? I guess I have answered yes to the no more career but do I have to get rid of the clothes now too? Ouch. I do like the ebay idea but have not had the strength to learn how to do it. I am not there yet but it is truly my hope and prayer that I could learn to ebay. Thank you.

You all have helped me in so many ways these past few days...

how can I ever thank you!

lovingly, tearose

[corina]

hi tearose!

i had to get rid of A LOT of my stuff this last year because we remodelled our home. some things i just couldn?t let go, and when my hubby said: but you can't use it anymore (like my motorized bycicle that is still in the shed waiting for me to look at it and my high heeled boots because i just love them too much and my rollerskates in my box and so on and . . .) i told him i just can't say goodbye yet. it has to do with my hopes AND with the very good memories i share with those special things. a lot of people advised me to sell my special bike, but we had such good times together as it was the last bike i could make trips on and it brought me to my last job. i'm sure you know what i mean. i decided to keep my things until it is time for me to let them go, and fortunately my dear hubby respects that and doesn't push me.

i always ask people whether they can use some of my stuff and if not it goes away. we have special shops for people who can't afford to buy new things and as we have a van we can load it and bring it (of course where there is we it means hubby and the sons).

our remodelling started in january 2007, but i started sorting things out in july or august 2006 (as soon as the plans became definate). i still have books in boxes but when i ask there is always someone available to get me a box so that i can go through them and take the box back after i've chosen which one i like to read (that takes some days sometimes!!!)

good luck tea, sorting things out!

corina

[pat57]

tearose,

if something gives you pleasure like ,"Great Aunt Bernie's fancy shmancy italian whatever it is dish" , it should be visible for you to enjoy. I have a wall of fame -2 shelves 3 hooks -with kids shoes and toys in the LR. More such items about the house. It does take time to arrange in a pleasing manor such strange items, but it can be done. The wall of fame- is one way. The wall going upstairs is dedicated to memorabilia. Since its the full wall it makes sense. I have 2 shelves high. About a ft and a half from the ceiling. Special treasures are safe up there and look special - out of reach. yOU CAN PONDER A SPACE AND lay it out in your mind- take your time look at mags or web sites. Its a joy to find a way to surround yourself with your favorite items.

Each childs first pair of shoes are hanging. Bead Necklaces they made me. WHICH I wore to wrk and my boss asked my why I was wearing them (as a waitress) but it was OK to wear them - in that case. I have each childs hand prints framed in my kitchen. All my artwork is cherished.

ANYWAY, ponder the items you love most - remove the items you don't. And its easier -say- if 2 of Aunt Bernie's things have a place of honor to give away the other 6, and pare down.

[Mrs. Burschman]

Tearose,

It's easier for me, because I've never been very sentimental about things, and I'm becoming less that way all the time. We had to downsize to an apartment from a three-bedroom house so my husband could pursue a career that pays a lot less.

Also, keep in mind that I don't have the issue of being unable to use things and keeping them in the hopes of feeling better later. I still work full time, etc. So I don't have that issue to deal with (for now, at least!)

I would NEVER, EVER give up my dining room table, however. My Dad made it for me before he died of cancer in 1999. It's the most precious thing I have. (My husband's the most precious non-thing!)

I wish you luck, and I'm glad that people on the board understand and are able to offer advice!

Amy

[ajw4790]

Yeah, I have days like that too. Where the smallest feats are an accomplishment. I just try to take what I can, and try in small manageable chunks. Sounds like everyone had great thoughts of helpful tips for you. Some days it is much easier to get things done, so I relish those, and try to make the most of them without going to far. Otherwise, I try to listen to my body and if it is saying that is too much for today, then I back off.

Good Luck!