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How To Deal?


roxie
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HI!

SO, latily I have been struggling with this friend of mine that I met a few years ago through my physical therapist. She moved a while ago so we only talk online and on the phone.

She also, has a chronic illness and has been through an awful lot herself, but has professed to be pracitcally normal the past couple of years. I am happy that she has found stuff that has helped her illness, but I still struggle ALOT every single day and she just doesn't get it. It's starting to really wear on me and I don't know what to tell her.

She gives me a hard time for using a wheelchair, saying I should learn to walk even if it makes me tired, thats what she did, but doesn't realize I FAINT!

She thinks that I should be able to go to college full time, just b.c she can and criticzes my choice to hold off a little and attempt on line class b4 I decide to go.

Plus, she says its pathetic that I am aware of my illness and that I talk about it, I'll say i've been "resting" instead of "hanging out" so what I am an honest person. Shes also says that I need to forget I have a disease and push through it. What she doesn't get is that my body literally gives out and I go into shock, her reaction is "Yea so?"

Has anyone had this problem ? Or any idea on how to deal with it without starting a fight?

Thanx

Madeline

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HI!

SO, latily I have been struggling with this friend of mine that I met a few years ago through my physical therapist. She moved a while ago so we only talk online and on the phone.

She also, has a chronic illness and has been through an awful lot herself, but has professed to be pracitcally normal the past couple of years. I am happy that she has found stuff that has helped her illness, but I still struggle ALOT every single day and she just doesn't get it. It's starting to really wear on me and I don't know what to tell her.

She gives me a hard time for using a wheelchair, saying I should learn to walk even if it makes me tired, thats what she did, but doesn't realize I FAINT!

She thinks that I should be able to go to college full time, just b.c she can and criticzes my choice to hold off a little and attempt on line class b4 I decide to go.

Plus, she says its pathetic that I am aware of my illness and that I talk about it, I'll say i've been "resting" instead of "hanging out" so what I am an honest person. Shes also says that I need to forget I have a disease and push through it. What she doesn't get is that my body literally gives out and I go into shock, her reaction is "Yea so?"

Has anyone had this problem ? Or any idea on how to deal with it without starting a fight?

Thanx

Madeline Madeline, I feel for you so much,I acquired POTS when I was 55 yrs. old.Before POTS I was very happy,active and fun, and now I am not.I got POTS after back surg and an infection.I had friend

say to me "you lost your sense of humor with your back surg" I lost alot more than that, nobody gets it.

So Madeline I know just how frustrated you are.I would maybe try once more to explain to your friend and

remind her she's so lucky to be better, but that does'nt mean you are!People tell me all the time 'you look

good' ' I am still very frustrated by friends and family's comments and reactions.I hope this helps a little

Love Pat

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Why bother dealing with it? She doesn't sound like much of a friend, to me. Why squander your limited energy on someone incapable of compassion? From what you wrote, it sounds as if you are simply giving her an opportunity to gloat about how morally superior she is in comparison with you. Do you really want to feed that kind of ego? This sounds like a poisonous relationship that is bad for both of you.

Are you the one who calls her? Try not calling her and see what happens.

Incidentally, I think that you are wise. It's better to postpone college until you are well than to do poorly because you are not physically capable of the workload.

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I'm sorry your having these troubles. I know how painful it is when you THOUGHT someone was a friend when they turned out to be nothing at all. (((HUGS)))

Try to find and talk to people who DO understand. That's all you can do really. She of all people should understand, but since she so conveniently forgot, get that negativity out of your life!! You need support, not an insensitive friend.

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It feels like a betrayal when someone that we think cares about us is so clueless. I would not waste my time or energy trying to make her understand. I think that if she could understand, she would have "gotton it" by now. She is naive to think that everyone's illness is just like hers so that a good attitude and willpower will cure us all. If our bodies would just be so obedient!!! Even family who love us sometimes find it difficult to understand our illness. I would not continue in this relationship that saps your energy from things that truely deserve your energy....like positive endeavors.

There is really only one other person in my world who understands what I endure outside of this forum. She continues to struggle with arthritis which started in her 20's and orthostatic intolerance. She has guided me so many mental struggles. When I told her that I feel badly when people stare at me when I use the disabled spot, she said "What do you care what people think? You know, and that is what is important" With a true caring friend, you should not have to explain/defend your actions as you are doing. The friendship should not wound you emotionally. It should uplift you.

Lots of hugs,

Karyn

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