Feeling Manic!

[calypso]

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted an actual question or topic in a long time. But after the week I've had, I think I need a figurative shoulder to cry on.

In a nutshell, I am mentally and physically exhausted. It all started with gradually weaning myself off of Effexor throughout the last month, with not-so-good results. I am going off of it so slowly, opening up the capsules and pouring out a few more of the little white dot thingies each day. I did fine until about three weeks into it, when I was only taking a third of the 37.5 mg pill. This is so ridiculous because the dose I was taking isn't even at a therapeutic level -- 75 mg is what most people take at minimum, and many take up to 300 or so mg. But I am having PVCs ("skipped" heartbeats) right and left, and I feel like any noise or stimulation makes me nauseous.

Of course, then I became swamped at work. I coordinate the internship program at the newspaper where I work, and all of the applications are due this week. So I have to process all of them and set up interviews for next week. Meanwhile, I got my period, which was by far the worst I have ever had in my life -- excluding the one time when I was 16 and fainted because I had such bad cramps, and had to be taken by ambulance to the hospital. Now that I think of it, I remember the EMTs not being able to get a BP reading, and when they finally did, it was like 75/45 or something crazy-low. Hmmm ...

So anyway, after taking a massive dose of Advil and thinking I was in labor again yesterday, I finally got things under control. But I am having very heavy bleeding, and my midwife -- who I've told about this twice before -- says there's nothing that can be done for it, because she thinks it is caused by stress. Even though the heavy bleeding part has been happening for the last year.

I have been randomly crying because I think I am so out of sorts, and I am so frustrated because I really want to try and have another baby. (This is where you say to yourself that this girl is wacky.) That's why I am trying to go off the Effexor, and now I am down to just a tiny dose of Klonopin and beta blocker. Next I have to quit the beta blocker, and that scares me even more.

Oh, and my husband, who has usually been pretty good about helping me when I need it and listening, told me I need to lift more weights and exercise more, and to stop making excuses as to why I can't do this or that. I was saying I miss playing volleyball in a league, and he said if I tried to play, then I could play. But he doesn't believe how dizzy and horrible that would make me feel.

So anyway, I'm not sure what I am looking for anyone here to say. I guess I just can't comprehend that I have been feeling exactly the same for the last two and a half years and I still have no answers as to why. I still can't breathe right, I have reduced sensation in my hands and feet, my muscles have nearly disappeared, I feel wiped out and get sick with viruses all the time, and my body totally overreacts to being startled -- I practically jump out of my skin sometimes. The only positive is that over the last two months I gained back 10 pounds of weight and am officially in the normal weight category now, instead of underweight. But all the weight went straight to my stomach!

Maybe I need some me too stories, or someone to rain some positive thoughts on my whining parade. I swear, I normally hate whining.

Amy

[CDJ]

Hi there calypso!!

I have been feeling the same way because i am used to being in control of things and this condition does not always allow us to do that. You definately have a plan you are focused on certain things and that is great!! You are fighting for the life you want to have!! Only you know what is right for you. If you can't do certain things it isn't because you don't want to.You know how you feel and you have to stay connected to that to figure out what works for you. Sometimes I have found that I just to enjoy the journey while waiting for everything to fall in place. You are doing a great job of not giving up!!!Maybe it is time to just slow it down a little. Good Luck!!

Cindy

[Laura]

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time with this. Any time that you stop a medication (especially one that you've been on for a long while) there is a good chance that you may experience some "rebound" effects. Effexor is not an easy medication to stop. Many people who stop have a really tough time for a while after as the body re-adjusts. For you, with Pots, it may be that you will have a bit more difficult time with it. Your symptoms may flare up and take a bit longer to settle back to your normal.

It may help a bit to know that you can expect to feel badly for a while, but if you can push through it things should settle. That might give you a better sense of control when you are experiencing flare ups. Try to breathe through it and tell yourself that it is expected and it will pass. It may be also that you need to reduce your dosage at an even slower rate.

It's great that you are trying so hard to prepare to have another baby. It may be tough getting there, but keep trying and keep positive! It might just take a bit of time to get things sorted out, but you'll get there! Laura.

[JaneEyre9]

Hi Amy,

You aren't whining! It's ok to vent here I just wanted to say that when I get really heavy periods, I have the same sort of feelings. It's really easy to feel like a mess when you are trying to cope with everyday life and you are in so much pain. Going off your medication does not make things any easier. And to top that off, you're having stress at work and feeling like your body is not at all normal anymore. All these factors are really tough to deal with all at once. Hopefully when your hormones are calmer and the deadlines have passed, things won't seem as overwhelming. It's still difficult though, and I hear what you're saying!

Hang in there!

[kmpower]

Hi Amy,

Your feelings are more than understandable and I hope things smooth out for you soon.

Breggin says in Your Drug May Be Your Problem that the way to get off of an anti-depressant is 10% per week -- at the fastest. Going down faster will increase the confusion between which new symptoms are rebound and which are withdrawal. It is better to go down slowly and take even longer than one week at a single 10% drop, than to have a doctor put you back up or even give you something new. If you increase a little and then go down more gradually, it might be easier for you, again according to Breggin. He is a psychiatrist who has written a number of books.

Best wishes.

OLL

[MomtoGiuliana]

Amy

So sorry you are having a tough time. Starting or stopping an antidepressant can be a hard adjustment even for someone without POTS. Is a doctor working with you to wean off these meds?

As we know some meds are considered safe with pregnancy. But, I think you are like me--you'd far rather be off any meds during a pregnancy. I was a little surprised when I saw a new ob-gyn who felt strongly I could be on an SSRI and/or a beta blocker (certain ones are no-no's, but others are considered ok) during an entire pregnancy, if needed to control symptoms. Anyway, obviously the choice is yours, but you do have options. Hopefully you will have knowledgeable care during the pregnancy.

Don't be hard on yourself.

Take care,

Katherine

[laila]

About the heavy bleeding, you may want to get a second opinion. When I was 42 I was having really really bad periods with huge clots (YUCK) it was so bad. One doctor said it was a normal part of perimeonopause. Then I finally saw another doctor who could feel fibroids, and sent me to a gyn doc who did a sonogram and said I needed an hysterectomy and was anemic. Mine were on the inside and outside of the uterus, so they couldn't do any kind of laproscopic procedure. There can be various types of problems that cause heavy bleeding. Especially if you are running to the bathroom every ten minutes. Even if you are not that old things can happen. I'm not trying to scare anyone, but once again, sometimes it pays to get a 2nd opinion if you know something is not right! Good luck.

[calypso]

Thanks, you guys. I was feeling a bit better on Thurs. and Fri., and would still be today if I didn't have to work until 3 a.m. last night and then wake up with my 2-year-old at 8. Sometimes I wonder about this newspaper job I have ... but I really do enjoy the work, so I struggle through it when I have to.

Anyway, I am going as slowly as possible off of the Effexor. I don't think I'm having withdrawal because I'm going off too fast; I think it's just that my body is obviously different without the med in my bloodstream. I will adjust, I know. I have gone on and off several antidepressants, so I know how it feels and what to expect. I think it was just that while I was going off of that, and then having a bad period, plus my husband's insensitive remarks, I just lost it.

About the heaving bleeding, thanks, Laila, for the advice. I have my six-month checkup on Mon. with my rheumatologist, who is actually more of a general doctor for me. I will ask him if he thinks I should get a second opinion. I literally trust this man with my life. I am also hoping to get some answers about these little blisters I have on the tops of my fingers, near my knuckles. They just started a month ago and are recurrent -- if I do something to scratch or puncture the blister by accident, it "grows" back. I am hoping it's not another autoimmune issue or a virus or something weird! I don't feel like thickening my medical chart any more.

I don't know what I would do without you guys and this site. Thanks.

Amy

[corina]

hi amy,

i know i'm late but i wanted to let you know that i'm sorry you're having difficulties lately. i can understand you want to get off the effexor but maybe katherine's suggestion is a good one. when you would find out you can't do without the ssri you could investigate this. and no, i don't think you're wacky as i can sooo understand you want to have another baby. it takes some courage, but hey . . .

wishing you all the best,

corina

oh, and men do say stupid things sometimes, but you know: they're just men