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I'm looking for a hand hold! I'm moving in with my boyfriend in June and he is terrific. My girls love him. Now I know living together isnt a good influence on my kids but I have been married twice ( how's that for a confession?) I was in an abusive situation the first time with their dad and the second time I think I was just lonely and trying to fill a void. When I got diagnosed he wasnt there for me and had a real resentment for my youngest daughter he turned out to be physically mean to her and I WONT tolerate that!!

Here I am finally happy with myself and doing fine living alone with my girls and meet a terrific man ( didnt know they existed :D ) we've been together for almost a year and he loves me and would do anything for me! I now know that you dont fully know someone until you've lived with them. He wants to marry me but I want to be careful( this time will be the last!!)

Now that I have got you up to speed here's my problem......... My parents and my friends(who are my lifeline when I'm sick-while he's at work) dont like the idea of me moving. They dont have a problem with him they have a problem with where he lives! It's out in the country ( which is a benefit for me) but I see their point it will make it harder for them to get to me in a hurry. He is thinking about selling his house just to move me closer to town but that takes time. Meanwhile my lease is up in June and I dont want to sign for another year! It's almost spring and we might be able to move before next winter.

I dont like depending on others to help me but I have to sometimes. So even though I know I'd be happier with him I feel guilty about making things harder for my "helpers".

Any advice?!

This wouldn't be an issue if it werent for POTS!!! yeah, I'm bitter :) not that it helps!

Thanks Deanna

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That's kind of a tough one. It's important to be happy and stressfree.

Good men are hard to find, I'm still looking (been divorced for over a decade and I'm raising 6 children on my own.) I'm lonely but have learned to manage, life is pretty good I don't have to account to anyone, but wouldn't mind if it was the right guy either.

I'm glad that you found someone that loves and accepts you (all of you.) Your friends and family are probably just worried for you and want you to be happy too. They will accept the idea, just give them time. They'll probably come around after you move in with him and see that your alright and happy. :)

The country is a nice place to be and I have recently been thinking about moving to Montana myself. I know it's completely new and the medical care ***** (but I can't let this illness control every aspect of my life, if you know what I mean.)

Live a little!

My two cents worth. Hope it works out for you. Just relax and roll with the flow.


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Hey Deanna,

I have a similar problem. My dad (a bariatric surgeon) and my mom (his RN) have just been informed that insurance companies are going to stop funding these operations by Jan '04. So my parents are ultimately going to have to move. My parents are my ROCK, I feel so much comfort just being around them. However, I have a boyfriend of 2 years where we are living now. I really love this guy and am fearful of leaving him to be at my parents side when they move. Before I was informed that my parents are moving, him and I went looking for apts. to rent. We found one that we both love with a view of the mountains, a swimming pool, and other great accomodations. I was very excited about moving in to this apt. especially with him and our adorable dog. Now that I know my parents are moving I have no clue what to do. Im so confused and its causing even more stress on the already intolerable stress I get with this condition. I asked him about moving with us and he said no. Then I asked if we will break up then. He slouched and put his heads in his hands and said that If I moved he would be in such agony that he would eventually have to move too. I was happy to hear that but didnt want any of those feelings to subside so I left it alone after that. I also feel guilty though b/c I know that would tear him away from his friends, family, and work. Oh what to do? I would love to give you some advice, Deanna, but as you see I have a similar issue of my own. Just wanted to let you know that you arent the only one with this kind of problem which,YES, we would not be having this problem if it werent for POTS. As you see, I am just as frustrated as you with this whole condition. But, everything happens for a reason and we may not know what that reason is now but soon enough it will reveal itself.

Good Luck,


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Deanna, I wouldn't worry so much about living together versus being married first. I think it is more important to have your kids see you in a relationship with someone who loves and respects you.

You and your boyfriend need to consider what is right for the TWO of you first...and everyone else, except your kids, come second. Regardless of what you choose, everyone will adjust. Again, to find someone who loves and respects you, and who you feel the same way about, is incredibly important.

:) Nina

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I just realized that you guys have no clue about where I live :) Brain fog!!!!!! We're all from different parts of the world.

I live in WV and I'm in city limits right now.....on the way home from work for my best friend! Where I will be living is about 20 minutes farther out and in the country which in the winter is an issue but not a big move completely!

Briarrose: WOW!!! 6 kids on your own ......you need a trophy or perhaps a purple heart hehehe I commend you I struggle sometimes with two on my own!

Mightymouse: Thank you for your input I look at it that way too but I wondered if I was "justifying" ya know?!

Thank you all for babying me!!! :D


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Finding our comfort zone and trying to stay within it doesn't make us any less mature and responsible. I often spend so much time trying to figure out the "right" answer for a problem. I make lots of lists of pros and cons, I make contingency plans upon contingency plans and then finally I make a decision. Wouldn't you know most of the time things never end up quiet like I imagined. Too many variable that I didn't anticipate and new goals and circumstances throw me for a loop.

Having a body that is often "out of control" makes us yearn for solid ground under our feet. A wise person once told me to "Follow my heart, not my fears." Sounds like your heart is leading you down a wonderful path. Enjoy the adventure, wherever it takes you. I believe it is our destiny. Our job is only to enjoy the ride ... the scenery, the scents and yes the potholes too along the way.

With light and love,


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:) earthmother : that's a good choice of names for you! you are a "mothering" type ...always there when we need you with inspiration and support! I appreciate your kind words.

My pro list is tremendous and my con list only has one item on it. Inconvenience for other people.

I'm a very practical type of person and actually OVER think every detail....which isnt always good to do but we have discussed this the whole way along and we are up front and honest about everything!

The fact that he would consider selling his house for me tells me I'm making the right choice!

I'll try to not let my fears take over.....I'm just learning to tell the difference between gut instinct and fear!



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Sounds like you know in your heart what you want to do ultimately and that is what is important. My suggestion to you is to play the what if scenario all the way through with your support group so that you and they know what to expect if you need them.

You are being very thoughtful to consider the inconvenience of your support group but I would also suggest you consider how YOU will feel out in the country. We moved to the country 2 years ago and love it! However I did not anticipate how isolated it can be for me sometimes. I was able to enjoy much more independence when we lived in the city and I have to depend on others for so much more out here. If you still drive and maybe work you probably won't have the same experience but I only offer these thoughts as something to consider.

Best of luck to you! You will make the right decision!

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Good point! I do still drive (not when I'm ill) but I dont work any more. I do know some of the neighbors who arent real far away ( maybe a mile). Some are his ex-inlaws but they have welcomed me. He has been divorced for 5 yrs and I get along fine with his ex-wife and her family.

I grew up in the country and look forward to going back to that life...I realize now that I'm ill that it could make things more difficult. But my kids will be able to go out and play without as much worry.And just sitting on the porch swing watching the deer stroll by is an excellent stress reliever!

My friend Lisa ( who some of you have read post with me) thinks she has found a compromise. She lives out of city limits but not far from town( you know out where you have privacy but still with the comforts like public water and city mail delivery)and has found land for sale near her. It is actually a nice piece of property about 2 1/2 acres(just enough) still waiting to see the price! But my honey has agreed to go look at it....now it may still take a year or so to sell his house and buy either a modular or build on the new site but he's interested!

I am cautious enough to not buy things of this nature together until we are sure this will work but I wouldnt mind buying the property myself and then it would be mine. Now that my SSDI has been settled I have the back pay money so I could buy it.

We've decided that we will split the household expenses in half. I think we will still pretend to be paying what we always have and save the rest of the money in savings. Sorry to ramble but can you tell I'm getting excited?! :)

thanks for listening!


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briarrose - Montana REALLY ***** for health care. I moved from there almost a year ago. I am a nurse and I couldn't even find a doctor to tell me anything except 1) anxiety, 2) ALL women "my age" (43) had these problems. After they put in a pacemaker and I was still having the same problem my EP told my LTD company that I was fine to go back to work. I'm still fighting to get back my benefits - it's been over a year now.

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