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mind going fuzzy, achieving nothing!

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I used to have a razor sharp brain and plough through books like crisps/chips!

But now, well, I don't know if it's just a combination of POTS, all over aching from EDS (atleast I know there IS a physical cause for my aching now) and maybe a bit of depression chucked in for good measure as I'm haunted all the time by the journey I've taken so far- getting diagnosed, pushing so hard for things that I'm entitled to etc...

But I can't read anything challenging- I should be cracking on with my reading for Oxford next year. I should be in the position that my mind is the sharpest it's ever been by the time Oxford comes around. But what if it's not?

What if this is the way I'm going to live forever? This terrifies me. I don't know what to do.

I used to think it would be heaven to have a summer with no exams--well here it is, and I'm NOT a happy bunny. I feel like I've lost my purpose, my identity and I am drifting through the days, getting fuzzier, and dopier. Soon I tihnk I'll lose my mental capacities altogether! I'll be laughed out of Oxford at this rate!

So I guess, aside from whingeing, the point of my post it to ask you lovely people what you would recommend to get my mind working agian, how to get rid of this awful aching all over (which nothing really shifts, not even kick *** opioids) and how to get away from this terrible heaving sadness that is making me feel absolutely chained to the floor. I just feel drained. :D

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I can't really help you with the shaking, but I'm having big trouble reading and thinking as well. I was just writing to Merrill about books. Lately I can't read anything challenging as well, because I keep on forgetting the facts and important things. I constantly have to turn back the pages because I can't remember which city they were visiting (i.e.) who was related to who etc. Some days are better than others but mostly it's difficult. AND I SO MUCH LOVE(D) READING!!!

Nowadys I'm talking to Emily about American idioms and since you came with the map idea I'm trying to learn the States again, so thank you for that.

Btw, I did a psycho neurological test last year which was normal mostly but very bad on 4 items. I'll do a new test this year to see what happens.

Take care,


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Hey I can relate a lot! A long, long, time ago I was planning to go to mit which has a reputation for being pretty difficult, though probably not as much as oxford, but my mind is so bad now from CFS (or myalgic encephalmylitis) with, i think, some degree of a POTS component, that its hard to do anything much less go to college. Not having my mind work does make me feel very useless also, much more than anything other symptom. Sorry i don't have any treatment suggestions but if I ever find anything really helpful i'll try my darn'dest to let everyone know.



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All I can recommend is don't give up. Keep trying to stimulate your mind. I feel like you. I tell my husband to only rent comedy movies because I can't even keep up with movies with an actual plot. I also feel useless and depressed and have no idea what to do about it. If you get any good suggestions, let us know.


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I was just sitting here feeling so down because of the same thing and then I came across your post. I echo your cry... is there any hope?

I didn't realize how much I valued my intellect... well, I guess I did a little. But my logical thinking is soooooo hard, my memory of details, like Corina said is gone, and even my ablility to form clear and consise sentences is difficult. I LOVE reading and learning new things and now I can hardly think... what do we do?

I feel so much for you and with you. Oxford is a great dream, but I can understand your fears. Though I don't have advice, I am holding your hand and encouraging you not to give up on your dreams. We don't know what's coming in the future and maybe this summer is your down time so your body can prepare for the begining of school. I know you are a bright and intelligent woman.

So pick up your imaginary ale (actually, I like a shandy better) and we'll toast to better days and your Oxford days...



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