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Dreaming Of Being Healthy - A Quick Rant


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The past couple weeks have just been brutal in terms of my symptoms. I suppose because of that, I keep having these vivid dreams of being healthy, happy, hanging out with friends, going back to school - enjoying life again.

Then I wake up, and realize I'm still sick. I can handle the sick part - just take it a day at a time... But being reminded of how life was before this all started just makes me sad. I feel like my own mind is teasing me...

That is all. Just needed to get that out.

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Almost every morning, I wake up and miss the old days. The days I woke up and felt rested and good and ready to start the day. I am so tired of waking up and feeling bad and feeling like I have to push myself to get up and get started. Even if I should be excited about what the day holds, I feel so crappy I don't even want to really do anything. Im tired when I wake up and usually tired and pushing myself all day. I'm so tired of feeling bad. I really just want to be normal again but what is left is just a vague memory of what normal really is. I have to remind myself to be thankful for the many blessings I have. Focus on positive instead of negative. Sometimes my mind remembers and still has the glimmer and want to do things but this stupid body just will not do all it is told to do. I guess it is stubborn like me. We just to do the best with the hand we are given. Some days it is just a struggle and remembering what life was like before just makes it harder.

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This is getting harder on my kids. No more temporary illness that they have to wait out. They are all seeing that this thing is hanging around and I am not meeting expectations. I feel like my kids and relatives (well meaning of course), are always encouraging me to get out and do things beyond my strength. I'm learning to live at my own pace, but it does get depressing. I find inner strength in Christ.

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My son feels the same way. He wants to go back to school and have his old life back. He's beginning to think it's not going to happen again either. I've told the cardiologist that this is becoming very discouraging. So as a parent, I can see why you might be discouraged also

Just wondering, how long you have had POTS? My son has been on the first line of POTS medications for over a year now. The cardiologist that he sees is beginning to try him on other medications since he has not made much improvement. However, being in the teenage years does not help either, especially with growth spurts.

My son and I take one day at a time. He does what he can do but longs for life to be normal like you. Take advantage of the good days and keep your doctor up to date on your symptoms. Hopefully you have a doctor that will help you find the right medications to help you get back to the life you dream of.

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What's a dream? Can't remember the last time I had one....but not sure if I should blame that on my memory loss/cognitive issues or my sleep problems. :unsure: LOL

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