An Update And A Question

[misstraci]

So, I don't know who keeps up with who or what you remember I said before but I started going to a chiropractor two months ago, twice a week and my neck feels a little better but my back does not (my left middle back hurts really bad) and deep down I was hoping that "aligning my spine" may alleviate some POTS symptoms because I had read a book with lots of testimonials about various illness', I thought maybe I'd see some results as well. I have not!!! I went back to my cardiologist last week because I've been feeling extra terrible. She ordered a nuclear stress test and gave me a prescription for paxil (I haven't filled or taken it for personal reasons) well the night before the test (and the test was first thing the next morning) they left a message at my house to say it had to be cancelled. Long story short, my insurance won't cover it. They said the code the doctor put will not justify the test (lightheadedness, chest pain, tachycardia), what else do they want?! Haha.

They said I could have an EKG stress test which I have coming up next week. I went to the neurologist this morning (someone new). He was nice but to the point. Undoubtedly confirmed I had POTS, gave some exercise suggestion, the typical, drink fluid, eat salt, wear stockings. Gave me a prescription again for lexapro, this time only 5mg. He did agree that he thinks something else is going on in addition to my POTS. He is going to redo my EEG that was abnormal before by another doctor to either confirm or toss out the seizure aspect. I mentioned lyme and mast cell. he basically laughed at both, arrrrrrg.

So my question is aside from my update, do you ever feel like you're being punished or something?. My significant other is very helpful, always taking me where I need to go and I am beyond appreciative but he makes me feel like I'm such a chore, it's like such a terrible task he has to do (so it feels) to cart me around. I feel like I owe him a million apologies for being sick and all this but then I think to myself. This is not my fault, I don't owe anyone anything. If anyone should be feeling down and drab here, its me. I'm the one who lives day in and day out feeling like they are going to pass out and have a heart attack 24/7. I just get the vibe that I am no longer "significant other/lover/friend, etc". But that I am a sick person and he is the caregiver and gosh I can't do anything until you get well (this was actually said to me in other words). I just feel like I'm being punished. It's hard to explain.

[Joann]

It's tough, I know. I think most if not all of us have experienced this. Some people are extremely lucky and have that person that is just there for them, but I think most of us don't.

Sometimes, I don't think they realize how hurtful they are. They can't understand what we are going through. They may think we are being babies or even faking it.

Plus they just want there loved one back like they used to be and their lives back to their norm. Sometimes they act like there hasn't been a change.

Some friends of mine who have been ill a long time, (Before this, I really didn't know people who were really sick) have told me it took their husbands a long time to really "get it"

I am not sure what my husband really gets it, but I think he is more understanding than he has been. He used to make me feel guilty about anything i asked. I would ask him to bring up my laundry from the basement and he would , sigh and then I would have to wait forever. I felt like I was asking him to scrub the floors with a toothbrush! But recently, he has taken over some tasks and doesn't complain about it. This past flare, he called to see if I needed him to pick up our daughter from school, and actually asked if it was okay for him to leave me on a Saturday night. So maybe it just takes time for them to get it. Plus, no offense to guys reading this, but hey, most guys are so used to their wife doing everything, they just don't know what to do. I mean the wife usually does many of the duties and is usually the care giver of the family

It's not right that he is treating you like that, but maybe that is way of dealing with it, denial. Maybe he needs a night or day away to re-charge. Sometimes, you may need to remind him that you know it is hard on him, but maybe he could remember it is very tough on you. If that doesn't work, just give him a good kick in the butt! LOL

[Angela]

your eeg may have shown abnormal due to not enough oxygen to the brain, that's what I was told and someone else I with POTS got the same explanation from her doc.

Yeah, my bf gets crabby too:) I know he cares but he doesn't even like hearing anything POTS related and sometimes throws out there that he won't drive me to work if we are not agreeing on something. But he usually apologizes if I have to drive when I get home from work white in the face LOL.

[misstraci]

Thank you Joann and Angela!