Has Anyone Else Experienced Extreme Anger

[lieze]

This is like worse than ever.

If I had the money and time and energy it's like I would just need to go to therapy or anger management.

I think maybe I have always been this way?

But this illness is bringing the worst out it in me?

It makes me depressed and make me just feel like I just don't care what happens to me.

It's a horrible feeling to be dependent on others and feel like they are just blowing you off to do other things.

Is thi something that can occur or intensify with a chronic illness?

What does anybody know about it?

[lieze]

You know I wonder if this is related to the allergy flare.

I was allergic to peanuts as a child and I just had a memory triggered of getting extremely angry at my mom when she was trying to treat my hive like blisters I had all over my face.

I remember getting so angry and being almost abusive towards her as she was trying to do it.

That was never my normal demeanor and I'm wondering if there is a connection.

I'm having a flare again tonight and I'm not sure what the source is.

I was outside breathing in fresh cut grass etc it could have been an inhalant.

My skin feels hot.

I flushed a little bit ago and symptoms aren't severe they are just hovering over me.

I wonder if this also causes intense emotion?

[Lovebug]

Hi lieze,

I think this illness could DEFINITELY cause all the feelings you are having. Think about it, being so affected by a chronic illness could make anyone depressed or angry. But the "explosiveness & extrem anger" that you are referring to is something I get at times as well. Not to mention I sometimes have crying spells. The only thing I can say is this: our autonomic nervous systems controls all our hormones which, in turn, control our moods. I think this is where the connection lies.

[enko]

Lovebug,

I agree, you're onto something. I also have explosive moments and crying spells, more often lately.

[sue1234]

The only time I get angry is when my blood sugar is low. It is a given in this house that if I'm snapping at my husband, I better check my blood sugar and EAT!

Now, as far as possibly getting upset with him because he goes to do something, that is a different story. I may be upset in that way, but I really KNOW that just because I can't do things, he does not need to stop doing things. If there is a family meal, I send him even though I don't go--even with my family! I know that he needs to have an outlet away from me(in a good way!). I don't really get angry, but I guess sad, that I can't go. But, I really have accepted what I can and can't do.

[lgtaylor100]

Sue-

How have you been able to accept what you can and can't do? It seems the only time that I am not depressed is when I have a few good hours and feel like there is some improvement. My symptoms started about a year ago and I was diagnosed in February. It is so hard to get used to not being able to do the things I did before.

If anyone else has some advice and guidance it would be greatly welcomed. I am really struggling with this.

Lynne

[sue1234]

Lynne,

For some reason, depression is not one of my issues--THANK GOODNESS! I have had anxiety for many years, and that is a big issue with me.

Actually, what I guess I mean is, I have learned that I have physical limits. I don't do anything to "please" anyone if I am not sure that I will be in an environment that is okay for my body. Family members will say things like, "oh, just come eat and you'll be fine". Well, apparently I have to watch out for what my body can do, because others think it is a matter of will. I cannot "will" my body to do things, so I have learned to accept that. I have spent five years mostly in my home now, and it is EXTREMELY boring, but I have accepted that that is my situation FOR NOW. That doesn't mean that I think I'll always be like this, it's just that I'm like this until I find out my root problem or find a great doctor that can manage my symptoms.

[lgtaylor100]

Thanks so much Sue. I wasn't depressed either before I became ill but the boredom is causing depression. Like you, I am also anxious, particularly now since the outcome seems so uncertain.

I also don't attend events to please other people but sometimes really want to go for myself and many times find that I can't. That is what I am having difficulty accepting.

[sue1234]

And, BTW, I do some social things occasionally, but rarely. Like, my husband and I hosted a meal for my parents and his. My grown kids were there. It was an outside event, and when I felt hot, I went inside where the a/c was turned down low. When I cooled down well, I went back out to visit, even if it was just for 5 minutes until I got hot again.

But, it is hard to "scale" down life when we were used to doing so much. I used to be the family member that would host BOTH sides of our big families for Christmas, and I LOVED it!

[MamaTrain]

I started to see a counselor to deal with all the emotions this disorder has brought to my life. The counselor said it's very common for people to need to see someone when dealing with such issues. It really just ***** the life out of you if you let it! I am at a better place physically so it makes the emotional alot better as well but I still have many, many "moments" everyday that I know is my POTS saying Hi just wanted you to know I'm stil here! I just make it a point to keep pressing on so I dont feel like I'm letting it get the best of me. Keep your chin up....this too shall pass!

KC

[lieze]

Well over 24 hours later I have calmed down.

I am going to try to learn to control that anger and not to act out on it.

I really struggle with my relationship with my husband and his mother.

It has been a real challenge for me to deal with their personalities.

I had to just pray yesterday because my feelings were so bad and I know it is not right to feel that way about anyone.

I kept obsessing also on the events that took place and that has now turned off in my mind.

Not before I gave her an earful unfortunately so she knows how I feel.

Maybe it won't all be bad and we can both work on being more sensitive towards one another now that she knows how I feel to some extent.

She did two wonderful things for me this past Friday so I think the next time I talk to her I'll remember to thank her for both.

[caroline]

Chronic illness and all its limitations is bound to create some strong feelings. I found a really helpful book: HOW TO BE SICK: A. Buddhist Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers, by Toni Bernard. I am not a Buddhist but i think the book is terrific. Amazon.com has it in paperback or e-text. So does Barnes and Noble.

[MomtoGiuliana]

I agree that there is a lot of emotional pain that goes with chronic illness. It's normal to experience this emotion and have a need to express it. It can help to see a therapist and/or have close family and friends who can be sounding boards, depending on how difficult a time you are having. Honestly for me, being in touch w DINET and friends made through DINET who understand pretty closely what I am experiencing, also helps me.

[potsgirl]

I think going to a counselor has helped me a lot. Some of them deal with people who have chronic illnesses and are depressed/anxious/angry. I haven't been mad at my boyfriend for leaving me behind, instead I encourage him to get out with his friends once a week or so - that's all he'll do. I don't get angry when he wants to go out and night and I can't, but sometimes I get bummed that I can't go out to dinner or shows anymore. My main problem is anxiety, and I take an SSRI for that. Need to get back to my counselor, too. I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist for my drug control.

Good luck dealing with your anger. I'm sure you'll find the right path to overcome it!

[janiedelite]

When my POTS really flared up in 2008 (and I didn't know what was wrong with me yet) I saw a therapist weekly for a good part of a year. I was so anxious and scared and was starting to obsess about all of my symptoms to my family and really burning them out. I was also in a lot of pain and needed help to develop coping skills (relaxation breathing, distraction, etc). I still have her business card on my fridge just in case I feel overwhelmed like this again.

I've also learned that if I'm forced to stand up for too long that I can feel my emotions going out of control because of the extra adrenaline my body is releasing. If I go lie down for a minute and this feeling goes away, then I know it's just POTS and not an emotional issue that I need to work through.

[MomtoGiuliana]

That is a good point Thankful. With POTS symptoms it really can be hard to separate emotion from physical symptoms. racing heart, adrenaline release, etc can all be symptoms of anxiety. Even when we "know" a symptom is POTS-caused, it can be hard to make the mental separation and understand what is causing the symptom or the feeling.

[lieze]

Most of the time I don't get angry if he wants to go somewhere.

This day I needed help to get meat at a nearby town that sells Organics and grass fed lamb.

He never answered me just took off to do who knows what bombing around in his car.

I felt abandoned and like he really does not care much about me at all is just so self centered.

It's hard to cope with.

I tried to go on my own because I knew I could not count on him.

I got horribly lost and felt just overwhelmed.

On my way back into town I ran into him at the ice cream stand on the corner of our road and another.

He was flipping his head around at me very cocky like of he didn't get my calls or my emails.

I had asked him and he just took off and would not answer me.

I don't know how to deal with that.

My mother in law had been here the day before lecturing me giving me goals of what I should be doing and what I should do around the house.

I has trouble with this.

Does she want me to reach my own personal goals or her goals?

I do not get the kind of support from my husband never have.

He says I am a burden and a drain on him.

He calls her and complains that I eat all day and that he can't imagine our whole lives revolving around food.

She sticks up for her son and thinks she needs to fix the situation for him.

The whole thing just makes me feel sick-sick in a way of anger and resentment.

I'm sure that I am not the only case here where your ilness Has brought out the dysfunction in a marriage relationship or difficulty coping.

I don't know what to do at this point.

I'm not sure I am at a point to decide right now.

I think trying to raise the kids on my own might be more than I can handle right now.

So I am kind of stuck in a relationship with someone who routinely makes me feel worse about my situation and blows my needs off to just go drive around and try to look cool on his car.

I guess a place to start is personal responsibility.

I cannot control what they say or do only my own words and actions.

How do I even begin to give healthy feedback to this?

It's just humiliating and painful.0

[lieze]

Yes i just read the post above mine and I do think when these things happen I also experience extreme anxiety.

I was gonna try to just be happy I was able to make the trip and got the meat which I was...

When I saw him at the ice cream stand I should have just kept going...the kids wanted to pull in.

Yes I had three kids in the car with me that entire time who were acting up and yelling and fighting almost the entire trip.

[lieze]

This is also something I have always had trouble with...him just taking off and leaving me to deal with the kids on my own while he goes and entertains himself.

I have always struggled with it and it exhausted me for him to do this.

His parents encourage this behavior in him and try to tell me it's normal.

With me getting sick it just made everything 100 times worse.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

It just seems hopeless.

I do feel depression over this reality.

[teecee28]

I am so sorry that you do not have the support you need. My husband is wonderful and I still have moments of total rage. I see a psychologist and psychiatrist. My psychologist tells me that we have the right to be angry that our lives have been disrupted by this disease. She also encourages me to take 20 minutes every day to meditate. The meditation helps once you figure out what works for you. I live at the Beach so I love the sound of the ocean. I bought an Ocean Waves CD and listen to it on my IPOD. It is relaxing. I have had dysautonomia for 8 years and it is getting worse. I have had to quit my job as a Respiratory Therapist and now I have started fainting regularly. We are grieving the loss of our body control. I am in my pitty pot. I have to get out, but it is hard. I will pray for you. You are in control of your life, not your husband or his mother. It is your illness and your life. Take time for you to meditate and learn to let him eat a sandwich. I stopped cooking because I just can't anymore. My family is still alive and healthy. Let's put on our big girl panties and get emotionally better.

[lieze]

It's all good feedback teecee.

I am sorry for where you are at with your health and that you had to give up a profession that you loved.

Somehow this is a reality that I myself have been naive to prior to getting ill myself.

I knew people got hurt on the job or ended up with things like cancer but was not very well educated on autonomic disorders.

[lieze]

You know the thing I always come back to is I don't want to be a bad actor or not have peace in my heart over this entire thing.

It puts me in an awkward position to need help but then to feel angry and resentful if I don't get the help I feel like I want or if they are trying to help by pushing me to do things I'm not ready to or having expectations of me that only upset me.

I don't want to treat anyone badly just because I am obviously unhappy with the situation.

If something would happen and I would die I don't want that to be a whole barrier to me finding peace in the afterlife.

The whole big question is how does a person cope and let go of anger and expectations and what do you say I mean I can't just try to float through this.

Mother in law sits there and wants a response from me about what she wants to see me doing.

What is the correct response?

I feel like I have to constantly try to educate her.

Things like no going into a hospital and getting saline IV's is not preferable to me sitting and eating my safe foods all day......they just don't get it and it's so frustrating.

[sue1234]

Leize, I am sorry you have such an awful situation. I know when I posted earlier, I didn't understand how unsupportive your husband is. You really sound like you need your parents again, that support system that was there for you before.

I don't have any words of wisdom, any answers. Just know that there is always someone here to hear you out when you need to release.

[lieze]

Thanks Sue,

I guess I feel like it's all on me.

Like maybe God puts these people in our lives for a reason and I feel like I'm failing the test miserably.

That at the very end he will accept them for who they are and look at me and say and what is your problem?

Why were you so nasty and hateful and unforgiving?

I pray all the time and ask for forgiveness for my feelings...I just don't know what else to do.

[sue1234]

Maybe you should look at it in the reverse: Maybe they were put in your life to learn compassion and they are failing miserably....