Need Some Support

[delphicdragon]

Hey Everyone-

My father passed away April 30th of this year from Pancreatic Cancer. This is my first Christmas without him and it's been quite rough. I'm hoping you can all give me some advice on how to get through the holiday. Thanksgiving didn't go so well this year. I was supposed to visit with my family and my boyfriend's family but had such severe panic attacks before the dinner, I had to cancel going to the boyfriend's.

Christmas puts me in a bit of a quandary. I have church at 4:30, dinner with him at 6 and desserts with my family at 8:30. This is complicated for anyone without POTS. I had my saline today to try to augment anything that might happen (I was not on saline for Thanksgiving), but I'm scared!!

I want to be able to enjoy Christmas WITHOUT the panic attacks. Help!

Sara

[sue1234]

Sara,

I'm so sorry your Dad is not here. I am sure you miss him very much.

The only thing I can say is to do only what you CAN do. If you try to do more, your body will let you know. I know how you feel. I have gotten where I keep Christmas day with my husband and kids only. It is way too much hassle to try and please everyone. I HAVE to look out for myself, as others don't understand how POTS affects the body under psychological(holidays) and physical stress.

Have a great holiday doing whatever works for you!

[Guest tearose]

Hi Sara,

Well, when my dad passed the first of everything was very hard.

I suggest you allow yourself time alone before being with others and sit down and speak silently/meditatively to him. The tears will flow and you will feel the pain of his physical absence but then, if you are quiet and open to it, you should also feel his spirit again. He is only a breath away, Sara. I believe our energy, his energy continues. He would not want you to suffer his loss but understand you miss him. For his sake and yours, allow for your grief and then go about celebrating life again. He would want it that way I am sure.

Let your wonderful memories embrace you and carry you through these holidays.

Sending you support and love,

tearose

[pat57]

your father is well , you will miss him, but it is not "goodbye"............

IMO

Good luck

[dsdmom]

I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I lost my mom 7 years ago and I can attest to the fact that first of everything is the hardest - so this year's holidays are going to be very tough. Next year won't be easy by any means but it will be slightly better than this year. Each year it will get a bit easier although you're never going to stop missing him. But I do promise that it does get better!!

Very smart of you to get your saline...do you ever take ativan or xanax or something? Maybe take a super super low dose just to get by - not to knock you out but to take the edge off.

[firewatcher]

Sara,

As you celebrate this Christmas, remember that your father also celebrates this year, in the actual presence of He whose birth we celebrate! This is a sad and lonely time for you, but try to see your father's touch on your celebration and know that he is at peace. May you have some of that peace this year too! Do the best that you are able and know that it IS enough.

Perhaps a special memorial with your family celebrating your Dad's life and times with you could bring you all some peace. My husband's family always shows slides (now DVDs) of old family photos and laughs and cries and does the "auld lang syne." It has been a wonderful tradition that we now do with our boys.