Girls Night Out

[ethansmom]

Okay, so my girlfriends all wanted to take me out for one last "Girls Night" before we move...so we set up to meet at TGI Friday's for a late dinner and drinks last night. There were about 8 of us there, and everything was going great. Of course, I can't drink much at all anymore thanks to POTS, so I was nursing my Cosmopolitan and trying to have a good time. Then the girls ordered shooters and wanted everyone to take shot after shot, which obviously wasn't up my alley at this point...and so they teased me incessantly, in good fun, and it was no big deal until everyone decided they wanted to go to a dance club afterwards...which I would LOVE but haven't been able to do at all since I got sick. But these girls I've known since high school and they have known me WAY before I got sick, the person I was before I had Ethan and got POTS, and sometimes they seem to forget that its different now.

I agreed to go to this club, since this is truly my "last hoorah" with all my old friends and of course when we get there the line to get in was an hour long. By the time I stood there so long, it was already 1 am and I was feeling pretty woozy, and when we got in the lights and music were crazy and I couldn't deal with it at all. 10 minutes into our dancing I had to get outside, and once you're out then you can't come back in, so the girl I drove with had to leave too and it sucked. I was so mad...I just wished that I could have one night out and go dancing with my friends like a normal 22 year old...I feel like I am a mom all the time and I'd like to get out and have fun once in a while...but at this rate I'll never meet new friends when I move...its easy to meet other moms at playgroups and stuff, but very hard to meet other people my age who will take the chance on getting to know me since I am such a party pooper. I feel like people always want me to exceed my limits, even if I warn them otherwise (which I did last night) and when I fail then I disappoint myself and everyone involved.

I just needed to vent because it makes me so mad sometimes. I would've had so much fun if we could have stayed at the restaurant, we were having such a good time until the end there. I know a lot of people with POTS are older and don't really go out as much, and I think it'll be easier for me as time goes on, but being my age is tough because I can't keep up. Sigh....

[blackwolf]

I know just what you mean. We lost our home in a small town when it took so long for SSDI to get approved. We had to move to a big town and try to make new friends. It was really tough, one of the reasons we moaved here was because my folks and my brother live here. It's great being so close to my family, but I still miss my friends and the people we had to leave behind.

On a good note, we joined a new church that is very excepting of us and our health problems. The people there are kind, ask how we are and often offer to take the kids for a day if we need a break. In March we moved to a new house, on the opposite side of town, on hte edge of town. It's a ranch home with, wow, no steps, except to the basement. We have nice neighbors and some kids for ours to play with. Be patient, friends will come with time. Don't forget, we will be here for you too.

Blackwolf

[migraine]

I'm sorry about your dissappointing night out. Recently my husband got a free set of tickets to a TUBES concert. They were before both of our times but they sang a song called "She's A Beauty." They are probably in their 60s now, but we heard they still put on a great show. Anyway, for a couple of weeks my husband has been so excited to go. He just assumed I wanted to, but a crowded smokey bar, standing room only, does not sound appealing to a pregnant POTsy woman. I ended up trying to promote a boys night out so he and his brother could use the tickets. They had a great time and he was still able to go.

Unfortunately I have had to cop out on several events like free (Cleveland) Indians tickets, Shania Twain, camping, etc. I seem to have found ways of finding alternate activities or letting my family go without me. I think it must be harder for you still in your twenty's. I have also met many understanding people at church. Many of these women are much older than me, but seem to be more my pace and I enjoy talking to them. I have only a few close friends around my age and they are totally fine going to a dinner and a movie or just hanging out and watching the kids play. Yes, maybe our partying days are over, but we have other things to look forward to right

[MomtoGiuliana]

So sorry Jessica that you were disappointed that you couldn't do everything you wanted to on your night out. On the plus side, it sounds like you managed to do quite a lot, and everyone had a good time.

I have the same problem you do with loud, crowded, busy places now. I also find them difficult to manage.

Just a few thoughts...

I think as we get into our 20's, in general, POTS or not, we develop friendships with people of a variety of ages, and this is enriching to move beyond the friendships of age-mates we were accustomed to in school. In other words, it's a positive thing, and not unusual, to have older and younger friends.

True friends, of which I am sure these women are, are understanding, flexible, empathetic, and will enjoy you no matter what your limitations may be. It's hard with POTS b/c it is hard to help even those who care most about us to understand what it is that is wrong with us.

While POTS does limit us in some ways, it doesn't in others, as many have said on this forum before. We can still often even have fun! Just not necessarily do all the things we did in the past. It is frustrating at times, I know.

You may be having more POTS symptoms right now b/c of the stress of moving, etc. So perhaps you felt worse than usual for that reason.

Hope you are feeling better this week!

Katherine

[ethansmom]

Thanks for everyone's support

I agree that it's nice to be moving into my mid 20's because, especially as a mom, I can relate to people both younger and older than myself in different ways. A lot of my good friends are much older than me and we still have great conversations and fun times, especially with our kids. Then I have my peers who are great for the girls night out type of fun, although most of my younger friends are still moms, which has been great for me too. So, it is important to me to have a diverse group of people to associate with, because I feel more rounded that way And my POTS friends are of course the MOST understanding, although my other pals try to be empathetic, they just don't "get it". They were trying to get me to have fun, not understanding that what they were doing was hindering it

Anyhow, when I move I plan to find some playgroups for Ethan, and I do have lot of family (cousins) in FL to associate with, and I'll be going back to school next semester, so I will hopefully meet some new people there. Being social has helped my health considerably and I'm grateful for those who have been there for me through this mess! My friends became very important only because I did not have any family around to help when I got sick.