The Wedding

[Dawg Tired]

It was Monday. One of the worst Mondays in memory. Hubby and I walked in the door at 6:30 PM and the light on the answering machine was blinking, I hit the button and as the machine whirred I picked up a pen and some paper to write down any info. The first message was from Hubby's brother-in-law, regarding a family funeral that was coming, there was a message from a friend of mine wanting an opinion of a job she was looking at, and then came "Hi, you don't know me, my name is Mary. A friend of mine gave me your name. We had a wedding planned here at 7 PM but our preacher had an emergency and had to cancel at the last minute; could you, by chance, come preform the ceremony for us? My number is ***-****." I wrote the number and Hubby yelled from the next room, "Did that lady REALLY call looking for someone to do a wedding?" I laughed and told him that he had, indeed, heard right. He popped his head around the corner from the bedroom, "Well, I guess so....."

I said maybe a wedding would be a happy way to end such a crappy day. So I called her back.

"Hello, this is Rick's wife, he said if you still need someone to do the wedding he would be happy to help you"

"REALLY??? Hey, everybody, GET DRESSED!!!!! We FOUND A PREACHER!!!! Oh, thank you, thank you!" I got directions to their home.

I got out Rick's tuxedo and a shirt and tie then went and changed into a dress. We were out of the house by 6:45.

Rick worried about the car being dirty - it has been sitting under the carport and it is dusty. We turned off of the highway and started watching for street numbers, this lady said she was next door to where one of our friends used to live so we had a general idea. We looked over each mailbox, she said they had a blue house with black trim.....

Finally, the street numbers told us we had passed it up, so Rick turned around. Then, in the tall weeds there was a rusty mailbox with the proper street number so we turned down a dirt track - so much for worrying about the dirty car.

There, about 1/4 mile off of the road, was a blue trailer. We pulled up at the end of a line of trucks and vans, the doors were open on one truck parked under a tree and Trace Atkins was loudly declaring he would put his boot.... well, you get the idea! At the back of the truck stood two men, one had long blonde hair and was wearing a shirt with the sleeves ripped out like Larry the Cable Guy. He came forward and introduced himself as James. Rick introduced us and James told us that everybody was inside. But there were about 7 or 8 assorted children running around outside - mostly playing with a pit bull that James introduced us to also.... her name was Dina.... (Don't forget James OR Dina...)

So we went through the gate in the chain-link fence - someone had parked a van much too close to the gate but that fact, too, will come back into the story at a later time. Rick and I climbed the rickety steps into the trailer - up on the deck that had no railings and, preceded by several of the children, went into the trailer.

There, in the kitchen, upon a barstool, sat the bride. In her white dress.... In her BIG white dress..... Her BIG white dress complete with crinoline underskirt and train.... sitting on a barstool and behind her was her friend, Mary, who had called us looking for a preacher. Mary, standing behind her friend in the big white dress with the crinoline underskirt and train, had a cigarette hanging off of her lips that bobbed dangerously every time she spoke, but she was not about to stop her task - she had a curling iron in her hand and she was carefully making banana curls in the long hair of her friend who was wearing the big white dress....

Rick almost immediately choked on the thick smoke in the room, but Mary cigarette still in place, was loudly thanking him. He spied the marriage license laying on the counter top and picked it up.

CMT was playing on the TV, they were playing videos. Several teenage girls were running all over the room, attired in what appeared to be prom gowns. Mary was also wearing a prom gown of uncertain vintage. The bride was on a cell phone telling someone that she was SO happy - that they were going to just go get married by a judge but then decided to have the BIG wedding she had always dreamed of.

Rick spoke to the bride for a few minutes then a man came out of a bedroom wearing a black suit that was a few sizes too big, a white shirt, no tie, and a pair of brown cowboy boots.

He also introduced himself as James.... Okay, now I will tell you that the bride's name was Gayla, too.

So Mary stood there, working on her friend's hair for a while longer then she picked up a small tiara from the counter and put it carefully on Gayla, too's head and then picked up a much-loved bridal veil (it had obviously been in the kid's toy box and had holes in it!) and put on her friend's head. Gayla, too immediately smiled and, getting up from the barstool ran into the bathroom to look at herself. Shania Twain came on CMT with the "Forever and Always" video... all activity ceased and the volume was turned up. Gayla, too was misty-eyed. Mary was talking to one of Gayla, too's sisters. "Oh yeah, that's my wedding dress. I got it out of the closet and it was YELLOW!!! So I thought what the **** and i put the **** thing in the washing machine on the gentle cycle and just look at how nice and white it is!!"

Satisfied that she was the most beautiful bride ever, she turned her attention back to the cell phone. She was trying to reach her dad to walk her down the aisle. But apparently he was not able to be there. Her boss and his wife were there and her boss told her he would be honored to do it so that was settled. I went outside to wait for the big event. As I reached the bottom of the steps I was introduced to Samson... the rottweiler.... don't forget him, either!

I went through the gate out into the yard, Rick and James the groom were walking around trying to decided just where to hold the ceremony. There were now, about 25 people in all in the yard. One of the girls in a prom dress came out carrying a boom box. She sat in the only chair in the entire yard and told everyone that the wedding would start.....

So, she started playing the Shania Twain CD and the door of the trailed opened and out came another girl in an old prom dress... then Mary in her prom dress .... then Gayla, too .... in her BIG white dress with the crinoline underskirt and the train. Two of the girls in prom dresses walked behind her, carrying the train.

Remember the van that was parked too close to the gate? Well, there were also bags of trash, and apparently, James-not-the-groom had made a last-minute effort to clean up the yard in anticipation of the BIG wedding.... and on top of the trash bags was some rusty chicken wire. So, through the gate, threading her way between the van that was too close and the rusty chicken wire, came Gayla,too.... Over the strains of Shania singing "Forever and Always" came Mary's voice, "Don't drag the train through the oil spots on the driveway!!!" So, since it was on command, the girls -in-prom-dresses who were carrying the train lifted it up even higher than it was to begin with.... good thing the BIG white dress had a crinoline underskirt.

So, safely through the gate, the van parked too close, over the oil spots and past the rusty chicken wire, Gayla, too joined her boss and together they traversed the yard and arrived at the spot where Rick and James-the-groom waited for them. Along with Mary and James-in-the-ripped-off-sleeves. Apparently he was the Best Man.

Rick began the ceremony.... the couple exchanged vows then he paused for "their song".... Again we heard Shania sing "Forever and Always". During the song Dina and Samson decided to escape the yard and James-the Best-Man had to run catch the dogs and put them back in the yard. He got back in his place among the wedding party and the song was still playing. The couple were standing facing each other with a dreamy look in their eyes, but the sun was going down and it was hitting her full in the face. Rick leaned slightly forward and said, "If you love her you will lean a bit to your right and shade her face." James-the-groom obediently did. James-the-best-man said,"Man, how long does that song last, anyway?" Rick said, "Um, I think it's called "Forever and Always". They all laughed. Finally the song ended. One of the ladies in the yard, who was wearing a purple polyester pantsuit had her hands in the air, lips moving, saying a silent prayer.

The couple exchanged rings, he pronounced them husband and wife, then Gayla, too asked him, "Can I throw my bouquet now?" He told her she could do whatever she wanted so she turned around and tossed it. Two of the girls-in-prom-dresses had a brief tug-of-war.

One of the girls brought the marriage license out of the trailer and Rick filled out his part of it. He poses for a few photos. I tell him it is time to go hime.... he decides to stick around a while. Well, okay.....

30 minutes later - the cake has not been served yet, he has been mauled by 2 dogs an several children, and now James-the-groom accosts him with the story of Dalton, their 3 year old son.

It seems that between the 2 of them they have 7 kids.... Gayla, too had her tubes tied - but still got pregnant with Dalton.... so Rick was being regaled with detailed stories of Dalton's conception and delivery.... I let Rick squirm for a while since he didn't listen to me when I suggested we leave, so, he deserves it, right?

I finally said I was not feeling well so we left.... and laughed all the way home!

[nadine]

What a wonderful story!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are such a great writer.

THis really made my day------------thanks for sharing

[Tammy]

Thanks for the interestingly funny story! It almost sounded like it could have come right out of a humor movie scene!!!

-Tammy

[worththewords]

What a story! I'm sure you had quite the laugh on the way home. Thanks for sharing.

[AJVDK]

Wow that was a story all right! I bet you had a great laugh on the home. At least it will be somthing you always remeber!